A couple of days later when the boys aren’t around YongGuk notices Alex acting a little strange. It has been great having his wife back at his side and the little family have spent some quality time together but today is the first day it is just the two of them and YongGuk has a feeling there is something she isn’t telling him and that is never a good thing. He is currently watching her in the boy’s bedroom tidying up while humming to herself.

“I don’t know” she suddenly mumbles without looking up and YongGuk knows she isn’t alone and looks around the room even though he knows he will never see the one she is talking to. “Well I guess but… He is?” Alex suddenly turns and looks at YongGuk. She smiles and puts down the things in her hands before she walks over and slides her hands around his waist “Hey love, how long were you there?”

“You didn’t know I was here?” YongGuk frowns and looks her in the eyes. It would be strange if she wasn’t aware that he was there. She has Ali to tell her stuff like that but generally she is just scary like that and always seem to know a little too much about what goes on around her. YongGuk weren’t trying to be unseen so he can’t really believe that Alex wouldn’t at least have noticed him looking at her, he stood there for a while.

“No I guess not” Alex shrugs like it is no big deal but YongGuk gets worried “Are you sick?” He feels her forehead and then cups her cheek while looking her into the eyes like that would give him the answer. It can be dangerous if she is on a job and won’t be able to sense something like some standing so close. It could really mean life or death with the tasks she takes on. YongGuk is only just accepting that she still goes on jobs now and then but only because he knows Alex won’t let anyone ambush her “Alex how long has this been happening?”

“Guk relax” Alex chuckles and takes a hold of his hands “I was just thinking of something else”

“Normally that wouldn’t be a problem” YongGuk continues to look worried and he really wish she would explain herself a bit more “Have this been a problem before?”

“It’s not a big deal” Alex smirks and picks up  some clothes from the floor which she brings with her out the room.

“It is when you do what you do!” YongGuk follows her, frowning and kind of mad that she is taking it so lightly. Losing her focus on a job could mean terrible things and even though he knows she is home and doesn’t have her guards up he just can’t ever remember a time she wasn’t aware of everyone around her.

“Sorry boss. I’ll try harder” Alex rolls her eyes and keeps walking but it only makes YongGuk more upset and he grabs her arm and forces her to turn “Alex I’m not saying this as you boss! I’m saying this as your husband and there is no way I’m ever letting my wife out of this apartment if I think there is a chance she could get killed because she isn’t focused!” he can’t stop himself from raising his voice but Alex keeps calm and sighs while the corners of moves up in a smile.

“Don’t smile when I’m yelling at you!” YongGuk lets go of her arm and turns away. He hates when she does this. She has been so annoyingly good at keeping calm when he gets mad at her during the last years.

“Gukkie” Alex sneaks her arms around him from the side and tilts her head so she can look at him “Love, look at me”

“What?” YongGuk snarls and glares at her but she just keeps smiling

“I love you”

YongGuk groans and then looks down “Unfair Alex” he can’t be mad at her when she is like that and right now he doesn’t want her to think that this isn’t something they have to talk about.

“I don’t lose focus out there. You know I don’t” Alex reasons while sliding back in front of him without letting him go.

“I can’t remember a time where you haven’t known someone was watching you. Not until now…” YongGuk worriedly mumbles and moves his hands to her cheeks “I stood there for a while and I wasn’t trying to be quiet… what happened?”

“You really expect too much of me” Alex shakes her head at him “So I don’t have my guards up at home...”

“This has never happened before!” YongGuk lifts his shoulders and his voice gets a little louder again “This is second nature to you. What could you possibly have on your mind that could keep both you and Ali distracted that easily?!”

At this Alex hesitates but she smiles and looks down at his chest for a moment “It’s nothing really. Just… something” when she looks up again YongGuk’s worryline on his forehead is deeper than ever. “Alex you don’t have secrets for me” he mumbles skeptically

“I don’t. Guk I promise you that it isn’t important. Would you stop worrying so much” She pinches his side and smirks. YongGuk sighs but nods and leans in for a kiss “Sorry babe” he gives her a couple of more kisses and then hugs her tight “I’m glad you are home”

“I’m not leaving again you know” Alex cheekily responds “I’m gonna beat you up if you even suggest something like that again”

“Trust me I won’t” YongGuk smirks and pokes her nose with his own “These three months reminded me that I can’t be without you”

“You forgot that?” Alex slaps his as punishment for forgetting something like that and YongGuk chuckles “It was nice being reminded of how badly we need each other” Yongguk kisses her again this time a little deeper and starts slowly guiding her along with him. “Again Guk?” Alex chuckles between kisses and bites her lip.

“Three months Alex” YongGuk slides his hands down to her hips and keeps her close to him “We got three months to make up for”

Alex laughs and willingly lets YongGuk lead the way towards the bedroom but only a few meters before they are there YongGuk’s phone starts to ring interrupting a rather heated kiss.

YongGuk groans as he parts his lips from Alex and glares over towards the phone. He is really tempted to ignore it but being the CEO he really can’t have such luxury. It could be important. “Will you be mad if I throw that out the window?” Alex nibbles at YongGuk’s neck and for a second he is really tempted to say no but he knows he needs to pick up “Sorry” he mumbles and moves away from Alex to get his phone. Alex sighs and follows after him with her arms crossed.

“Bang here” YongGuk moves the phone to his ear and takes a seat on the couch.

“It’s Pong. I just had a call from the US. Remember those CIA types Fuji told us about?”

“Yea?” YongGuk frowns and rests one arm on his knee. Alex has taken a seat beside him but not in the conventional way. She has decided she hasn’t had enough of her husband yet and has one leg behind his back while the other is at draped over his thigh. She hugs him from the side and bites gently on his shoulder through his shirt. YongGuk gives her a look but can’t make himself push her away as she smirks at him so he just hopes she’ll behave.

“Well I just got a call from some Smith guy who wants to come by”

“Why? What do they want from us?” YongGuk tries to focus on the call but Alex is teasing him and is really enjoying it.

“Well… he wants to talk to Alex, he wasn’t very clear and I said Alex doesn’t talk to someone if she doesn’t feel like it but… he said he would come. I wanted to hear you out before I say anything”

YongGuk frowns a little harder and looks back at Alex who stops what she was doing and looks at him. He moves his free hand up and Alex’s cheeks while he tries to guess why this man is so set on talking to Alex. Alex hasn’t been in a charge at the firm since YongGuk took over. She is the strategic mind who can read a situation and make the right calls in pressed situations and she keeps an eye on the people to make sure they live up to the needed standard but she doesn’t make any calls when it comes to what jobs they take on or what people is put on different jobs and only offers advice and help if asked repeatedly.

“Sure… set it up” YongGuk looks back ahead and Alex rests her chin on his shoulder while observing his face “But try and find out what they want to talk to her about”

“Will do boss” Pong responds and then hangs up. YongGuk looks at his phone for a bit and then turns his head to look at Alex “You didn’t tell me you had been approached by the CIA”

“I was?” Alex frowns and thinks back “Oh was it that suit who wanted to talk to me? I didn’t really pay attention to what he said. I was preoccupied” she shrugs but YongGuk keeps frowning at her “You were preoccupied? Thinking about something?”

Alex narrows her head at him and shakes her head “I was planning my revenge on that idiotic lieutenant who said women with kids are too soft to do what needs to be done in tough situations”

“I’m not sure that would apply to you Alex” YongGuk smirks slightly and pats her on the leg. If Alex says she didn’t pay attention to that guy YongGuk is sure she didn’t and so instead of wondering about this he can’t do anything about right now he rather poke a little fun at Alex “Everyone who knows you know you’ll always make the needed decision. Kids haven’t changed that”

“Yea…” Alex mumbles and relaxes against YongGuk “I’m not like normal women am I… not even like military women…”

“You are you and I love you for that” YongGuk her arms lovingly and smiles. Alex smiles a little back at him and then breathes out “What would I do without you?”

“Don’t even think that” YongGuk leans in and gives her a kiss that becomes two and then three and little by little they end up lying on the couch in each other’s arms. No roaming hands or missing clothes but just two soul mates dwelling in the feeling of being whole. Foreheads gently touch and smiles and short kisses are exchanged without words as they left their time alone together pass in blissful peace.

A couple of hours later Alex has gone to pick up their sons after school. They really weren’t that happy about going this morning and only okayed it because Alex promised to pick them up. YongGuk has gone to the firm to talk to Pong about the upcoming meeting with the Americans. The boys are doing pretty well in school, a little rowdy and it wasn’t all that easy finding a school that was willing to take in the sons of the devil but they found a good respective place, the parents of the other kids are torn but no one really wants to get on the bad side of Alex. They knew their boys had a lot of energy so both have been signed up for soccer and Alex will go see them practice today.

Alex is there a little earlier than she said she would but she is actually pretty excited about picking up her kids like a normal parent which isn’t something she does a lot. She walks across the school grounds and hear the excited shouts from the kids. The closer she gets the louder it gets and there is quite a lot of kids running around but Alex can quickly spot her two precious boys running in matching shirts. They are so busy that they don’t even notice Alex showing up so she just stands there enjoying the sight. The boys are pretty fast and it may just be Alex’s motherly pride but she is convinced none of the other kids are even half as good as her boys. As Alex watch a few more moms show up to pick up their own kids and even though most keeps a certain distance to Alex a couple ends up standing right next to her.

“Mommy!” Yongho has suddenly spotted Alex and a huge grin spreads across his face but he doesn’t come running over and instead waves and sets after the ball with even more determination. Namsok does the same after seeing his mom and Alex proudly smiles back at them.

“They are quite energetic those two” the mom standing next to Alex says. Alex gives her a look and the woman quickly introduces herself as the mom of one of the other boys on the team and says she always comes and picks up her boy after practice. The twins haven’t been on the team that long so this is actually the first time Alex has the time to watch them. Both she and YongGuk are quite busy and even though she doesn’t officially have that much to do she spends a lot of time over looking practice and workouts at the firm. It is normally Kwan who picks them up after school and brings them to the firm.

“I don’t know if you remember we met before…” the mom smiles a little shyly “My son is in the same class as your twins”

“I remember” Alex nods and smiles back at her. As far as Alex can remember the woman had been acting a little strangely. Not that it worried Alex but it was just like he woman was a little awkward when they spoke. “You son is number 5 right?”

“Yes!” The woman lights up in a smile and then looks out at her son “That’s my baby”

Alex chuckles slightly at the enthusiasm in the woman’s voice and then looks at the boys as well “You always pick your son up after school?”

“Yea… I’m uhm… I’m a house wife… I know these days many moms work but my husband and I agreed that we would do it like this” The woman explains “I want to be here for my kids every step of the way so they always have my support… not that there is anything wrong with being a working mom!” she suddenly looks like she is sure she offended Alex and turns to her with her hands up like she needs to defend herself.

Alex does notice her reaction but hardly acknowledges it as she crosses her arms and sighs “I guess”

The other mom goes quiet and just looks at Alex for a bit before she speaks up again “I don’t want to sound like some idiot but… I read your book” 2 years ago Soohyun’s ex-girlfriend did finish her book on Alex and it was released for online purchase. It pretty much covers Alex’s life from the start, from running away with her best friends brother, the abuse and illegal weapon business, the time in Japan, the rather selfdestructive way of life she led and about her racing career, her friendship with Seungho was depicted but without giving too many details of the nature of their relationship. Seungho was interviewed for that part among other things and he gave his version of the person she was. The crash is a pretty central part of the book and the book includes pictures from the crash including the one Alex had shown YongGuk back when she brought him to her dump of an apartment after he was violated. Off course the book also covers what happened after the crash and contains pictures from her life. The period after the crash when she woke up from her coma, her life with Kei who ended up cheating on her, how she got to Korea and so on. YongGuk’s attack after the rap battle has been changed to just an attack where they left out what exactly happened to him, YongGuk’s first impression of her and his reaction to figure out she was a girl is one of the less heavy parts of the book as well as generally the way her friends, SooHyun and DooJoon, explained their friendships with her. Overall the book is quite detailed and some critics didn’t think it was appropriate for kids because it depicts someone who isn’t mentally stabile and a rather violent person who is basically a killer but all the other things, what she went through, her fight with herself, the split personality, the failing heart and the suicide of Sok are all changing her image and she has gotten letters from people who think she is a inspiration for those who are fighting battles that seem impossible to win. Alex has been brutally honest in the book and has been quoted for saying she herself thought that she shouldn’t be alive and that the if it hadn’t been for the people around her she wouldn’t be. She doesn’t approve of anyone going in her footsteps and a big part of her motives behind the book is for people to know that there is a consequence to every action. The book is called Scars that never go away and on the cover is Alex seen from the front in a sports bra showing off the scars on her body and in the book are more pictures depicting what her life has done to her body. The book ends around the time Alex had her mental breakdown and the fact that she can talk to her dead past is something they decide didn’t needed to be known.

The book is packed with violence and pain which has caused people to doubt how much of it is true but the sweet parts and the love story of YongGuk and Alex has made it a very popular book. Everyone always wanted to know about the devil, even if they wouldn’t admit to it and after the release of the book two things happened. She became a human who people who knows pain could relate to and she cemented her reputation as a mothering scary woman that you do not want to piss off. YongGuk’s mom read the book but according to his dad it took her a year to read it because it was so hard on her to know of the pain her son went through and the pain that is the core of Alex’s existence.

“Is everything…” the mom next to Alex bites her lip but Alex smiles at her sensing what she wants to know “You are wondering if it is true?”

The woman nods and Alex confirms with a nod herself and then looks back at her twins. She worries about when they will be able to read the book and what they will think of her but she won’t lie to them. They deserve to know who their mom is and what made her the way she is. Hopefully that will discourage them from going down the same path which is another fear of hers.

“Amazing” the woman mumbles and Alex frowns and looks back at her.

“Going through all that and then to end up like this” the woman smiles warmly and gestures at Alex “Maybe I shouldn’t say this but some of the other mothers were worried about how mannered your twins would be but truthfully…” she looks to the side and the moves a little closer and lowers her voice “You kids are some of the most well behaved kids in that class”

Alex isn’t really sure how to react, the awkward mom is suddenly not looking so awkward and happily chatters on about how much it made her think about how lucky she was after she had read the book about Alex “Tell me this, cause it seems like you have really accepted everything that happened in your life and has moved past it… would you do anything differently?”

Alex stays silent and looks down at her feet for a bit.

“You don’t have to answer off course” the woman shakes her hands in front of herself again seemingly a little worried about stepping on Alex’s toes.

“There are things that shouldn’t have happened….” Alex mumbles in a low voice and looks at her kids “If I could do things differently…” she shrugs and looks at the woman “I don’t know”.

The woman lets it go and they look back at the kids but Alex can’t keep her mind on the practice. Her life is pretty good right now but… honestly if she could change something in her past… she would made sure that crash had killed her, it just led to way too much pain for people who shouldn’t have gotten hurt and if YongGuk hadn’t met her he would have met another girl who would probably not cause him as much pain as she did. As she has gotten older Alex has thought a lot everything that happened to her. She isn’t proud of what she has done in the past and even though things are going great she still worries about what will come because of the choices she made in the past.

There is a break during practice and Alex forces a smile as her twins, despite having just been running on the field, comes running fast over to her to give her a hug. “You looked so good out there” Alex praises and ruffles their hair “Aren’t you tired?” she can’t help but chuckle at their excited looking faces moist with sweat but beaming with energy. “No” Yongho shakes his head and Namsok adds in “Mom will you play with us before we go home?”

“Practice isn’t even over, don’t you think you’ll be too tired” Alex frowns and looks from one twin to the other. The boys’ coach comes over and Alex straightens up as he introduces himself. “According to the gentleman who usually picks them up they aren’t worse than their mom when it comes to their energy level” the coach chuckles and looks down at the twins

“That’s uncle Kwan!” Namsok calls out and mimics Kwan’s stern facial expression. “He says mom would train for an entire day without taking a break” Yongho proudly explains to the coach making Alex frown “Kwan told you that?”

“She is really strong!” Namsok proudly adds and Yongho nods and continues “Dad is strong too and he always wins over mom but he says it is because he knows how to distract her”

“I think that’s enough of that” Alex glares slightly at Yongho who shuts up and gives her an innocent smile.

“I’ve met your husband but I thought I would introduce myself and tell you that you have a pair of very energetic young boys” the coach changes the subject with a smile “They listen well and are really a joy to coach”

Both boys look proudly up at Alex who places a hand of each of their heads “I don’t doubt that”

“I think break is over though so boys, back to the rest” the coach blows his whistle and the twin boys quickly runs back to the others with big grins on their faces. It is very hard to have regrets when she looks at those two faces but no matter how much she loves her life right now and how settled she is with her past there are something that she just can’t shake off her. No matter how good a mom she is now and how much she tries to be there for the twins she can never forget the first year of their life. The running out the same day they brought them home over some stupid argument with YongGuk’s mom. Exposing the twins to violence within 24 hours of that… she was so scared that would scar them for the rest of their lives but even worse than that was that she was absent for quite a significant period of their lives that year thanks to her mental breakdown and no matter what she can’t stop feeling like she messed up and she wishes she could go back and do it right. It wasn’t the start to motherhood that she wanted… everything about the pregnancy and birth just wasn’t right and it bothers her.

Alex looks to the side at the other mothers wondering if they think she is a good mom, she wish she could think they do but odds are they think what most people do… that she shouldn’t have had kids. The thought stays with her until practice ends and a couple of exhausted boys drags themselves over to her. They may have tried a little harder than normally because their mom were watching and hardly have any energy left. Alex can’t help but tease and ask if they still want to play but the twins are too tired to do anything but pout at her for being mean. Alex ends up carrying a half asleep Namsok to the car while Yongho holds onto her jacket and follows with eyes half open. “Maybe we should just get you two home for a nap huh?” Alex smirks as she places Namsok on the back seat of the car.

“We aren’t babies mom” Namsok mumbles with his head dropping “We don’t… need naps…”

“No?” Alex fastens his seatbelt and makes sure it is secure “Well then how about we go to the firm and gather up a team and practice some soccer?”

“Mooooom!” Yongho whines next to her and gives her a big pout “I don’t wanna practice”

“Why aren’t you in your seat?” Alex puts her hands in her sides and frowns at her boy.

“I’m too tired to open the door” he mumbles and looks down at his feet.

Alex laughs and walks him over to the other side and opens the door. She barely gets in the car herself before both boys are sleeping in the back. She looks back at them and smiles softly thinking that she couldn’t ask for more perfect kids.