August 18, 2013

8:18 pm

Dear to you know who,

Well, first of all. Hi. 안녕하세요, 저는 사라  입니다. Second of all, I don’t know what to call you. Do I have to call you 오빠? Or maybe GD because people call you that, or do you want me to call you Jiyong? Just Jiyong, Jiyong-ah? How about Kwon Leader? Mr. Kwon? I really don’t know how to address you so for now I’ll just call Yongie-ah. Is that okay with you?

So yeah, as of now I don’t know what to write anymore. I’m confused. I was determined to write you a letter earlier because I wanted to tell you some things that have been bugging me these days. You know what? I don’t understand myself anymore. I’ve been emotional these days I don’t know if it’s because I’m PMS-ing or what but it’s really annoying. You’re annoying. My mind is filled with thoughts of you. It’s really irritating. I think I’m going crazy a little too much. And it’s all because of you.

Yongie-ah. I have a lot of things to tell you. I have only known your existence for more or less 2 years but in that small amount of time, I think I’ve changed a lot. Because of you and the boys, I’ve learned to enjoy listening to Kpop. I gained new friends. I became someone I thought I’ll never be. I enjoyed life more. I mean, my life now became livelier ever since the day my friend introduced BIGBANG to me. And I’ll be eternally thanking her because of that. If it wasn’t for her, I’ll never know you, I’ll never know BIGBANG.

I really love your songs, not because of its sick beats or cool rhythm but because I can relate to it. I feel emotions in it. Language isn’t a barrier; you showed me that. Even if I don’t understand 99.9% of the lyrics, the feelings is there. I’m not an artist or musically inclined to say these things but you see it’s what I really felt about it. You inspired me. I mean really, you’re a genius. Where do you get those skills? I tried singing, rapping even writing things but I think I just really .

You know, Yongie-ah I’ve seen you once. At your Alive tour last October here in Philippines. I got beyond excited when they announced that BB is coming here. Did you like it here? How was it? Did you enjoy your stay here? I was really happy to see you guys. A lot of things happened that day and when I say things I mean bad things. Really bad. But we still end up watching your concert. I was in tears watching you guys perform. Yeah I know, it’s lame but I couldn’t stop the tears that time. I was so happy and I feel like I’m floating. I was really blessed because I get to see you that day. I’m blessed because I witnessed such amusing acts live. And to tell you the truth it’s the first time I’ve watched a concert. You lucky bastards, be proud of yourselves you made me spent money on things I never thought of wasting my money with. I’m still schooling you know! Tickets are so expensive. Nonetheless, you left me breathless that night from all the screaming, running and everything. Hmm. Yongie-ah I was watching you the whole night back then, but I never saw you smiled. Is it just me and my imagination? I was waiting for you to smile that famous billion megawatt smile of yours but it never came. Maybe I just missed it? Yeah maybe. I told myself that someday I’m not going to miss that beautiful smile of yours. I’m gonna capture it next time.

Days, weeks, months passed. News spread like fire, you had your world tour. I was waiting for you to come back here and have a concert, but you never came. I’m so pathetic. I felt really sad about it but it’s okay. I’ll catch you someday.

You know, I have this scenario in my head that when I saw you in person the first thing I’ll do is to slap myself. I’m gonna make sure that it’s not a dream. Why would I do that? Simple, it’s because I’m afraid. I’m afraid that you’re just a pigment of my imagination. I’m scared to believe right away that you’re there because it’s 1 in a million chances. And believe me when I say that, because people like me know that. A fangirl like me wishes to see their idols; their bias even just once. A girl can dream you know?

I want to ask you something, what it’s like to be an artist? I’m just curious. I’ve watched other artist’s interview online, they said it’s tiring they’re complaining that they have busy schedules but at the same time they also enjoy it and love it. I don’t understand, I couldn’t understand. How about you? Do you enjoy the photo shoots? What about the interviews? How about being in and out of the country all the time? There are always paparazzi following you. Sleepless nights. The never ending recordings and rehearsals. Meetings. Maybe I will never really understand you or the other artists but you know Yongie-ah maybe I just have to accept that that’s the life you chose. And just support you because that’s what I should do right? That’s the least I can do.

It’s already pass 10pm here; I can’t believe I’ve been writing for 2 hours already. I still have a lot of thing to say.

Yongie-ah hmm, how are you? Have you been eating well? You’re so skinny. Please eat more and if possible sleep more too. Don’t stress yourself too much. Take a break as much as possible. You should take care of yourself, if you can’t then maybe it’s time for you to go get a girl. After all you’re a grown up man. You need a woman. You’re Omma shouldn’t worry about you if you have a girl now. You really need one, man. A girl that could give you love. The girl that will stay with you, tolerate you and accept you completely. The kind of girl you really need. The one who can make you laugh. The girl who will cook for you. The girl who will understand and trust you. I wish I could be that girl, how ridiculous is that? But seriously you need some loving.

I only got 30 minutes before the clock strike 12 there in Korea. I wanted to be the last person to greet you. I’m not good at greetings but I’ll try my best, okay? You get lots of greetings for your birthday so I thought that I’ll greet you later. The clock is ticking. So here it goes.

From the bottom of my heart I want to thank your parents for bringing you to us. Jiyong thank you. Thank you for being you. Thank you for inspiring us. Thank you for the music you shared with us. Keep surprising us. I'll support you all the way Yongie-ah. 

I really can't say those three words to you right now, because after all maybe I'm just an obsessed fan to you. Or maybe I'm on the indenial stage, but I really admire you. I think you’re cute and funny. I’ll say this just once, Jiyong-ah Happy Birthday to you. Take care of yourself. You might not know it but fans like me really do care for you more than you think. Your fans love you. I’m sorry. Sorry to bother you with this letter. I know you won’t probably read this but it’s worth the try, I guess. I’m really hoping that someday, somehow I can tell you these things personally. Even if my hair turned grey, I'll wait for that day to come. Until then.

Your forever fan,

XXXSarah 

August 18, 2013

11:00 pm

Author's Note: This is only a simple letter.I do not know Kwon Jiyong personally. Again this is only a letter for the birthday boy. I do not intend to harm anybody. Any pictures that are used are not mine. Credits to the owner. (Not yet edited, you might see a lot of errors)