Chasing Pavements
Chasing Pavements
Walking along a thrift-shopping district in the metro with Changmin was something she never thought would happen. It was some spur of the moment trip, actually. They were art students, whose professors find it a waste of time to keep them in five-hour classes, letting them out of class after more or less an hour of lectures to develop their talents and techniques. Anyway, she just thought Changmin wouldn’t be the type to go with her to that sort of place.
They’ve been stuck with each other for two-years in the least. Somewhat close friends but not really, they know enough about each other to fit the description but so do the rest of their group of crazy asses who knock each other out with their exclusive humour.
Truth is, Sooyoung was avoiding being alone with the other student. She’d been annoyed by a part of her who always wanted to be stuck with him and she doesn’t need to get attached. It wasn’t good; at least she didn’t think so. It was, to her, something that could ruin something so stable as their friendship. But times like this, when they’re walking side by side, almost touching and their conversation flowing so smoothly about anything interesting and not, she begins to think that maybe Changmin wouldn’t mind giving her attention.
Saturday dusks meant cold beer, infinite pizza, chips, dips and a movie marathon until Sunday dawns over at Jaejoong’s studio-type apartment. Taking spots on the shag rug in front of the fairly huge telly, Sooyoung lies down and rests her head on Changmin’s lap whose back leans against the couch where Yunho and Kyuhyun are seated comfortably. The movie begins after much dissing on what is actually good enough to waste time on. Changmin’s fingers get lost in Sooyoung’s soft almost-black locks and the girl relaxes under the touch.
Sunday mornings, however, meant they’d go separate ways home – groggy and hung over.
Sooyoung was at the university one afternoon in July, getting copies of her transcripts for her thesis application the next semester. Walking through the old gothic building, as instructed, she doesn’t notice Changmin wave at her from across one of the hallways. The girl obliviously walks away into another office.
When she finishes her transactions, Changmin was outside the last door, startling her with a tight embrace upfront.
His phone vibrated in his polo pocket. A message alert was displayed on the screen, ‘Sooyoung’ it stated. He reads the message and goes out of the room and down to the lobby to see the zombie-looking girl just standing and looking afar. He nudges her when he gets close and they go out to the smoking area to catch up on each other over a cigarette or two, Changmin’s arm slung over Sooyoung’s shoulders as usual.
They go back to class after, feeling like they’ve just come from a secret rendezvous.
It was an ordinary full week of classes; her eyes were bloodshot and droopy. And her only hope for sleep lies in the hallways outside occupied classrooms. She slings her hoodie over her head and wears her vintage Rayban sunglasses before plugging her earbuds and blasting Unknown Pleasures on her iPod, she sits upright, arms crossed over her chest and falls asleep until her next class in a couple of hours.
She wakes up two hours later and finds Changmin seated beside her, sketching drafts, she assumes, are for Textile Design class.
A storm was about to hit the city and students were filing along the main entrance of the building, thinking how they’d escape the rain fast. With barely any luck, Sooyoung decided to stay in and wait until the people have gone before she thought up of how she’d get home herself.
Changmin found her minutes later, busying herself on her laptop, doing a digital painting for Graphic Design class. Asking why she hasn’t gone home yet and what she’s up to while everyone’s practically internally panicking because of the situation.
They haven’t seen each other in days and it seems like Sooyoung wanted to keep it that way. She was shortening her answers and she didn’t talk much, intent on making it seem that she shouldn’t be disturbed while she did work.
Changmin simply stayed, not pursuing a conversation with her.
Sooyoung had accepted the fact that she likes Changmin. Months passed, she tried to ignore every heart thump whenever Changmin did little things for her but the strength would shake her veins and would always overcome her will. She felt weak, vulnerable. She didn’t know how to deal with her emotions at this point.
Distance diminishes friendships, weak friendships. She wanted to know what kind she had with Changmin, wanted to discover what kind of sacrifice it deserved.
Sooyoung’s eccentric disposition had brought her not too far, at least not yet. She was alone, mostly. Shrinking into an invisible individual when she immersed herself in art. There were a lot who found her amazing but there were more who found her a tad conceited and pretentious. She never spoke up to anyone about herself, though.
Changmin was more of the out-going type who’d easily go along with different kinds of people. One can say he’s totally friendly, without malice. But of course, there’d be some who saw it as expanding connections to get more projects. Its not like he cared what they thought, anyway. But it gets to him sometimes.
She’d beaten down finals week and she was about to reward herself with alcohol over at Jaejoong’s apartment. Before she’d gone over, though, she passed by some art supply shops to sustain herself over the break with more canvas work.
Changmin followed her suit, knowing of her friend’s habits. He felt as if Sooyoung was avoiding him for over a month already, thinking to himself that it’s all because of all the finals work she had to do. He missed the busy girl, apparently, because no one would ever be there to bug him to smoke, go places, skip class for photwalks, go eat street food for the cheap thrill of it, and people-watch. He had thought that once the final days of the semester landed, he’d be getting a text from her to go out to who knows where, but he got none.
Sooyoung exited the shop to be greeted by an anxious Changmin who doesn’t know how to approach the girl anymore. He was lost, for some reason, they’ve got that gap between them now and he doesn’t know where it came from. Well, Sooyoung does. She acknowledges her friend’s presence in front of her and then walks away normally.
That night she doesn’t go to Jaejoong’s apartment. She stays home and ignores her phone all night.
Changmin doesn’t leave the campus until he knows Sooyoung’s already gone. If she isn’t, he’ll wait until the girl comes out of class. It’s been going for weeks since their thesis began. He’d wait outside Sooyoung’s classroom like its his job even if the other’s only gonna greet him and go the opposite way he goes. He’s fine, he thinks.
Sooyoung was beginning to hate the new routine. She was hoping for sensitivity.
Sooyoung finally sends Changmin a text message saying they’d meet when they get their class cards and that they should go out to look for the cheapest generic lenses for her camera. She wasn’t going to hold back any longer.
Changmin calls her and arranges everything for that day. Excited and almost overwhelmed by that peaceful beating of his heart when his friend finally talked to him again. Oblivious.
The day came and Sooyoung confesses how much she’d tried to avoid developing the like into something more. Changmin refused to believe her, and it felt like her efforts were all put in vain. Sooyoung insisted on being friends, that she’s fine, and that at least they’re still friends and its not going to change anything. It was a pretty way to put up with rejection – to hell with what’s-a-notch-higher-than-like?
Sooyoung was numbed down. She just said goodbye to her muse.
Sooyoung thinks, Changmin either never believed her confession or that he’s forgotten about it like some lame- inside joke. She thinks she should remind him so he’d stop being so good to her but at some point, she thinks that this is some kind of compensation for that rejection. That taking care of her without owning up to anything was some way to make her forget about emotions and be contented with being the way they are.
But what she hated the most about that deal was that it never let’s her erase what’s been said, what’s been felt and what’s been imprinted in her mind. In fact, it was a constant reminder similar to the way a fresh wound reacts to salt.
She figures out why people think she’s conceited, because she’s never taken seriously. She was an overrated person now, not just as an artist.
Sooyoung stops ignoring Changmin. She acts as she had said; as if she wasn’t in love with the boy, and continues being the so-called best friend. Everyday fell heavy on her shoulders, losing herself little by little unknowingly while she tried to get back to how it really was back then. It wasn’t some feeling you want to wake up to everyday, but she wasn’t about to give up on it either.
Graduation was looming above her head. The thought of it felt like her most legit escape. A month to go and it was all over. She’d be free to move on and she won’t have to keep up with him. She’d grown tired of trying to think nothing of everything, just wishing that one day he’d snap out of it and just leave her alone, or just go back to the teasing and so-called brotherhood, it would have been easier to forget.
She’d ride jokes about them being a lovely couple as if it didn’t affect her. She couldn’t blame anybody anyway because nobody knew. She just hoped that Changmin would be thoughtful of her enough to not press on it, trampling on her confession like it was really just a joke to him.
He’d walk her to the bus stop after class, looking for some trace of he didn’t know what to see if Sooyoung still had those feelings she’d bravely let him know over a year ago. He didn’t know, but he was sure that her smile doesn’t reach her eyes anymore, she doesn’t stand so tall above everybody else anymore, and that she doesn’t talk about anything but school and work all the time they had this walk.
He figures maybe everything Sooyoung said was really from her heart.
Sooyoung decided to skip her afternoon classes to go anywhere just to not stay in campus. Using some project she had as an excuse to have her professors let her off without the fuss. She sets off, walking around the different districts of the city central just thinking. Taking photos of whatever fancies her.
She decided to give the boy one last reminder of how real she’d meant it. Writing a letter wouldn’t be half bad, right? It would be simple and direct and it would simply say what she had in mind and in her heart. She wouldn’t care if he replied or not. It was just to let him know that she wanted her real friend back, and not the person who’s been around her and all weird and kind and too much of a gentleman.
She falls asleep one morning, her head resting on Changmin’s lap, in the hallways outside the Photography studio in their building. He was talking with a couple more friends they had and they were teasing him about getting him a girlfriend. She continues half-sleeping, slightly breathing heavier as she tries to drown out the sounds. She wasn’t supposed to hear any of it, who he actually liked and who else had their eyes on him. She didn’t want to know.
But when she finds out that the boy likes one of the girls she actually talks to, she somehow understood why as she pondered before waking up to the reality that she really doesn’t have a place of that sort in his heart.
He receives the letter the last time Sooyoung let him take her to the bus stop. There wasn’t teasing when she handed it because her eyes were getting glassy and her voice never came out. Changmin didn’t say goodbye and just looked at her as she got up the bus, not looking back.
She writes:
They’ve been stuck with each other for two-years in the least. Somewhat close friends but not really, they know enough about each other to fit the description but so do the rest of their group of crazy asses who knock each other out with their exclusive humour.
Truth is, Sooyoung was avoiding being alone with the other student. She’d been annoyed by a part of her who always wanted to be stuck with him and she doesn’t need to get attached. It wasn’t good; at least she didn’t think so. It was, to her, something that could ruin something so stable as their friendship. But times like this, when they’re walking side by side, almost touching and their conversation flowing so smoothly about anything interesting and not, she begins to think that maybe Changmin wouldn’t mind giving her attention.
Saturday dusks meant cold beer, infinite pizza, chips, dips and a movie marathon until Sunday dawns over at Jaejoong’s studio-type apartment. Taking spots on the shag rug in front of the fairly huge telly, Sooyoung lies down and rests her head on Changmin’s lap whose back leans against the couch where Yunho and Kyuhyun are seated comfortably. The movie begins after much dissing on what is actually good enough to waste time on. Changmin’s fingers get lost in Sooyoung’s soft almost-black locks and the girl relaxes under the touch.
Sunday mornings, however, meant they’d go separate ways home – groggy and hung over.
Sooyoung was at the university one afternoon in July, getting copies of her transcripts for her thesis application the next semester. Walking through the old gothic building, as instructed, she doesn’t notice Changmin wave at her from across one of the hallways. The girl obliviously walks away into another office.
When she finishes her transactions, Changmin was outside the last door, startling her with a tight embrace upfront.
His phone vibrated in his polo pocket. A message alert was displayed on the screen, ‘Sooyoung’ it stated. He reads the message and goes out of the room and down to the lobby to see the zombie-looking girl just standing and looking afar. He nudges her when he gets close and they go out to the smoking area to catch up on each other over a cigarette or two, Changmin’s arm slung over Sooyoung’s shoulders as usual.
They go back to class after, feeling like they’ve just come from a secret rendezvous.
It was an ordinary full week of classes; her eyes were bloodshot and droopy. And her only hope for sleep lies in the hallways outside occupied classrooms. She slings her hoodie over her head and wears her vintage Rayban sunglasses before plugging her earbuds and blasting Unknown Pleasures on her iPod, she sits upright, arms crossed over her chest and falls asleep until her next class in a couple of hours.
She wakes up two hours later and finds Changmin seated beside her, sketching drafts, she assumes, are for Textile Design class.
A storm was about to hit the city and students were filing along the main entrance of the building, thinking how they’d escape the rain fast. With barely any luck, Sooyoung decided to stay in and wait until the people have gone before she thought up of how she’d get home herself.
Changmin found her minutes later, busying herself on her laptop, doing a digital painting for Graphic Design class. Asking why she hasn’t gone home yet and what she’s up to while everyone’s practically internally panicking because of the situation.
They haven’t seen each other in days and it seems like Sooyoung wanted to keep it that way. She was shortening her answers and she didn’t talk much, intent on making it seem that she shouldn’t be disturbed while she did work.
Changmin simply stayed, not pursuing a conversation with her.
Sooyoung had accepted the fact that she likes Changmin. Months passed, she tried to ignore every heart thump whenever Changmin did little things for her but the strength would shake her veins and would always overcome her will. She felt weak, vulnerable. She didn’t know how to deal with her emotions at this point.
Distance diminishes friendships, weak friendships. She wanted to know what kind she had with Changmin, wanted to discover what kind of sacrifice it deserved.
Sooyoung’s eccentric disposition had brought her not too far, at least not yet. She was alone, mostly. Shrinking into an invisible individual when she immersed herself in art. There were a lot who found her amazing but there were more who found her a tad conceited and pretentious. She never spoke up to anyone about herself, though.
Changmin was more of the out-going type who’d easily go along with different kinds of people. One can say he’s totally friendly, without malice. But of course, there’d be some who saw it as expanding connections to get more projects. Its not like he cared what they thought, anyway. But it gets to him sometimes.
She’d beaten down finals week and she was about to reward herself with alcohol over at Jaejoong’s apartment. Before she’d gone over, though, she passed by some art supply shops to sustain herself over the break with more canvas work.
Changmin followed her suit, knowing of her friend’s habits. He felt as if Sooyoung was avoiding him for over a month already, thinking to himself that it’s all because of all the finals work she had to do. He missed the busy girl, apparently, because no one would ever be there to bug him to smoke, go places, skip class for photwalks, go eat street food for the cheap thrill of it, and people-watch. He had thought that once the final days of the semester landed, he’d be getting a text from her to go out to who knows where, but he got none.
Sooyoung exited the shop to be greeted by an anxious Changmin who doesn’t know how to approach the girl anymore. He was lost, for some reason, they’ve got that gap between them now and he doesn’t know where it came from. Well, Sooyoung does. She acknowledges her friend’s presence in front of her and then walks away normally.
That night she doesn’t go to Jaejoong’s apartment. She stays home and ignores her phone all night.
Changmin doesn’t leave the campus until he knows Sooyoung’s already gone. If she isn’t, he’ll wait until the girl comes out of class. It’s been going for weeks since their thesis began. He’d wait outside Sooyoung’s classroom like its his job even if the other’s only gonna greet him and go the opposite way he goes. He’s fine, he thinks.
Sooyoung was beginning to hate the new routine. She was hoping for sensitivity.
Sooyoung finally sends Changmin a text message saying they’d meet when they get their class cards and that they should go out to look for the cheapest generic lenses for her camera. She wasn’t going to hold back any longer.
Changmin calls her and arranges everything for that day. Excited and almost overwhelmed by that peaceful beating of his heart when his friend finally talked to him again. Oblivious.
The day came and Sooyoung confesses how much she’d tried to avoid developing the like into something more. Changmin refused to believe her, and it felt like her efforts were all put in vain. Sooyoung insisted on being friends, that she’s fine, and that at least they’re still friends and its not going to change anything. It was a pretty way to put up with rejection – to hell with what’s-a-notch-higher-than-like?
Sooyoung was numbed down. She just said goodbye to her muse.
Sooyoung thinks, Changmin either never believed her confession or that he’s forgotten about it like some lame- inside joke. She thinks she should remind him so he’d stop being so good to her but at some point, she thinks that this is some kind of compensation for that rejection. That taking care of her without owning up to anything was some way to make her forget about emotions and be contented with being the way they are.
But what she hated the most about that deal was that it never let’s her erase what’s been said, what’s been felt and what’s been imprinted in her mind. In fact, it was a constant reminder similar to the way a fresh wound reacts to salt.
She figures out why people think she’s conceited, because she’s never taken seriously. She was an overrated person now, not just as an artist.
Sooyoung stops ignoring Changmin. She acts as she had said; as if she wasn’t in love with the boy, and continues being the so-called best friend. Everyday fell heavy on her shoulders, losing herself little by little unknowingly while she tried to get back to how it really was back then. It wasn’t some feeling you want to wake up to everyday, but she wasn’t about to give up on it either.
Graduation was looming above her head. The thought of it felt like her most legit escape. A month to go and it was all over. She’d be free to move on and she won’t have to keep up with him. She’d grown tired of trying to think nothing of everything, just wishing that one day he’d snap out of it and just leave her alone, or just go back to the teasing and so-called brotherhood, it would have been easier to forget.
She’d ride jokes about them being a lovely couple as if it didn’t affect her. She couldn’t blame anybody anyway because nobody knew. She just hoped that Changmin would be thoughtful of her enough to not press on it, trampling on her confession like it was really just a joke to him.
He’d walk her to the bus stop after class, looking for some trace of he didn’t know what to see if Sooyoung still had those feelings she’d bravely let him know over a year ago. He didn’t know, but he was sure that her smile doesn’t reach her eyes anymore, she doesn’t stand so tall above everybody else anymore, and that she doesn’t talk about anything but school and work all the time they had this walk.
He figures maybe everything Sooyoung said was really from her heart.
Sooyoung decided to skip her afternoon classes to go anywhere just to not stay in campus. Using some project she had as an excuse to have her professors let her off without the fuss. She sets off, walking around the different districts of the city central just thinking. Taking photos of whatever fancies her.
She decided to give the boy one last reminder of how real she’d meant it. Writing a letter wouldn’t be half bad, right? It would be simple and direct and it would simply say what she had in mind and in her heart. She wouldn’t care if he replied or not. It was just to let him know that she wanted her real friend back, and not the person who’s been around her and all weird and kind and too much of a gentleman.
She falls asleep one morning, her head resting on Changmin’s lap, in the hallways outside the Photography studio in their building. He was talking with a couple more friends they had and they were teasing him about getting him a girlfriend. She continues half-sleeping, slightly breathing heavier as she tries to drown out the sounds. She wasn’t supposed to hear any of it, who he actually liked and who else had their eyes on him. She didn’t want to know.
But when she finds out that the boy likes one of the girls she actually talks to, she somehow understood why as she pondered before waking up to the reality that she really doesn’t have a place of that sort in his heart.
He receives the letter the last time Sooyoung let him take her to the bus stop. There wasn’t teasing when she handed it because her eyes were getting glassy and her voice never came out. Changmin didn’t say goodbye and just looked at her as she got up the bus, not looking back.
She writes:
Yeah, Minnie, hi. I guess you never took it seriously. Well, it hurt. I should’ve told you so you had an idea but I didn’t want to bother you with any of it, seeing you wanted to keep being friends. I’ve thought about it a long time, I can’t be with you as that anymore. It’s hard for me; you doing little things, it would have been better if you kept being that supposed twin brother I had when we started off in college. But you didn’t. Somehow I feel like I lost you more along the way when we started anew, it was worse than maybe losing you because of my feelings because I knew you wanted me to lose what I felt but its not that easy. I’m sorry I’m telling you this through some letter.
Today, you dropped me off at the bus stop I’m pretty sure you’re quite confused. I didn’t even talk much because I didn’t want to hold onto to anything anymore. I didn’t want more memories to lift my spirits up that one day you’re gonna wake up and tell me you like me that way, too. I’m sorry for imposing it on you, joking around how we should’ve been together instead of just laying off on the matter. I can’t tell you how sorry and hurt I am because there really aren’t any of those words I can put together to describe it to you exactly.
This is to tell you I don’t want anything to do with you anymore. I’m moving on and any trace of you would just put me back to square one. Last thing I’m hoping for is that you won’t look for me and ask me to be friends. I’m done with university. I’ve basically graduated and the next time you might come across my face is on graduation day, giving a speech on that podium while I soak under the sun and being glared at by people who think I’m some overrated artist. That’s it. By that time, you wouldn’t be able to get close to me. I will be gone as soon as I get my diploma and the ceremony is over.
I’m not some plotting person who’d revenge on you so don’t worry. I just hope you’d give me what I want because I’ve been living it hard for a long time already.
If I had you wrong then maybe it’s too late to fix things between us. I’ve been hurt badly and as I see it, you never tried to think of what I feel.
Maybe a few years from now, I’ll see you walking towards me obliviously in an unfamiliar sidewalk and I’ll be fine. I’d say hi to you and we’d talk and laugh about this matter like some childhood memory. Just, please. Please let me off because I’m tired of waiting for nothing.
- Sooyoung
Today, you dropped me off at the bus stop I’m pretty sure you’re quite confused. I didn’t even talk much because I didn’t want to hold onto to anything anymore. I didn’t want more memories to lift my spirits up that one day you’re gonna wake up and tell me you like me that way, too. I’m sorry for imposing it on you, joking around how we should’ve been together instead of just laying off on the matter. I can’t tell you how sorry and hurt I am because there really aren’t any of those words I can put together to describe it to you exactly.
This is to tell you I don’t want anything to do with you anymore. I’m moving on and any trace of you would just put me back to square one. Last thing I’m hoping for is that you won’t look for me and ask me to be friends. I’m done with university. I’ve basically graduated and the next time you might come across my face is on graduation day, giving a speech on that podium while I soak under the sun and being glared at by people who think I’m some overrated artist. That’s it. By that time, you wouldn’t be able to get close to me. I will be gone as soon as I get my diploma and the ceremony is over.
I’m not some plotting person who’d revenge on you so don’t worry. I just hope you’d give me what I want because I’ve been living it hard for a long time already.
If I had you wrong then maybe it’s too late to fix things between us. I’ve been hurt badly and as I see it, you never tried to think of what I feel.
Maybe a few years from now, I’ll see you walking towards me obliviously in an unfamiliar sidewalk and I’ll be fine. I’d say hi to you and we’d talk and laugh about this matter like some childhood memory. Just, please. Please let me off because I’m tired of waiting for nothing.
- Sooyoung
Changmin would be lying if he said he didn’t feel a huge loss. Sooyoung had been always there for him whether he needed her to be there or not. Sometimes she’d be there because he came to her asking questions that she’s pretty sure he’d asked long before. Her patience was to the extent of proving she really was in love with him.
Jaejoong rose from his seat on the couch while watching the sixth instalment of the Harry Potter series. (Yes, they watched everything from the first to warm them up for the last part coming soon.) He grabbed some more beer from the fridge and threw bags of chips over to Changmin as he came back.
He brought up why Sooyoung was never around anymore. What was she up to? He still sees her around the building but they don’t get to talk because she always seemed so busy all the time.
Changmin tells him she’s working already. After her internship being so successful and efficient to the international company, they took her in as a regular employee. He suddenly felt a hard slap on the back of his head. He turns to find Jaejoong glaring at him, piercing holes through his skull.
Later on he finds himself pondering on Jaejoong’s words.
Changmin had waited long enough for graduation day and he’s been anxious about what lay ahead of them separating lives now. He sat somewhere, lost in the sea of art students who had made it to graduate in time and those who are finally marching on the stage after more than four years of studying.
He’d been thinking a lot. Anticipating Sooyoung’s speech as his fingers clamped on a piece of paper in his pocket.
There she was, finally. Standing tall, glowing under the warm golden rays of the sun, smiling her brightest and speaking of much more sense than professors usually do. Her eyes never looking at anybody, afraid to stumble upon familiar ones she’d fallen in love with. And as her speech closes, thanking practically nobody for helping her reach what she had reached at present, Changmin opens the piece of paper and raises it so Sooyoung would notice his words. Written on the piece of paper was ‘Congratulations!’
Sooyoung’s eyes get lost for a moment, and then she bows the moment she feels her composure firm enough to stand up and go down from that awful stage.
Changmin follows her form with his eyes, standing up out of reflex. He knows she would cry. He knew that expression on her face so well. And it was only then that he began to think of how many times he had made her feel that pain.
Sooyoung runs to the elevators just in time, squeezing her thin form in as she asks the elevator lady to press in the eleventh floor. She was on for her big break as a designer, and if she gets this gig, she’d be sent to Europe for a competition, representing the company she’d been in internship for about half a year now.
She exits the building, hailing a cab and goes straight to Jaejoong’s apartment after he called her to check up on the results of her hard work.
Changmin waits for Sooyoung outside the gates of the school, his heart all heavy and thumping hard against his rib cage. If he never gets to apologize, knowing what he’d been supposed to be sorry for, then he’ll never be able to face the girl again.
She screams the moment Jaejoong closes the door to his apartment and he knows that Sooyoung had made it bigger this time. He holds her in his arms and they celebrate with more food and drinks than usual. He lets Sooyoung invite who ever she pleases and he ends up sitting with girls from the university paper and her cousins.
She apologizes for abusing his kindness but Jaejoong lets it off without a fuss, at least he knows Sooyoung was getting happier again.
He gets a hold of her when she hears a roar of laughter coming near. She was having a blast with her cousins who flew back to Korea for her graduation. She stops as her eyes land on his. He calls her and she fidgets, her cousins telling her they’ll wait in the car.
Changmin somehow figures out a way to this last chance and she’s glad they had this talk. At least he knows she’s leaving and that there’s no way they’ll ever meet again anytime soon. He tells her he’s sorry, he tells her he regrets being how he’d been, and he tells her he loves her.
She replies casually, that its not love but pity, remorse and guilt. He was taken off guard and now he was standing there alone, a letter in his hand, just watching the beautiful girl get in the car and leave.
Sooyoung goes back to Korea after half a year, not winning the gold but at least she got a spot. Her employer had made sure to set her up with different freelance jobs as well while she worked full-time in the publishing house as a layout artist and sometimes a creative director for editorial shoots.
Changmin was on his way to becoming an account assistant in an ad agency while freelancing events planning.
Jaejoong calls Changmin for drinks. He tells him everything Sooyoung had gone through when he goes over at her house just to check up on her. He had become the big brother she’d wanted and he took care of her well. He knew how much she loved Changmin and he also knew how Changmin could be so oblivious to all of it.
He tells him that his friendship with her is all or nothing. If he loves her, then go for all. If he doesn’t, then leave her alone. It was a sacrifice. Sooyoung was willing to make it, but Changmin had always played it safe to never come across these kinds of situations, of choosing and giving up on something.
Changmin figured things out the more Jaejoong talked to him, opened his eyes to what he’d missed out, to what he closed his doors on.
Sooyoung went farther and farther. Leaving Korea so often and going back only during holidays. It seemed to everyone else that she’d moved on, that she didn’t think of love to come around anytime. She was career-focused and she found her fun in it.
Jaejoong phoned her about coming home for a Christmas party like they used to. He didn’t get a definite answer but he was hopeful.
Sooyoung has bloomed into a full-blown artist in five years. She goes back home and settles in a pent house studio loft in Seoul. Keeping her self up and up.
She comes over to Jaejoong’s apartment unannounced and feels quite nostalgic all of a sudden. Changmin opens the door for her. She smiles and he does too.
Jaejoong rose from his seat on the couch while watching the sixth instalment of the Harry Potter series. (Yes, they watched everything from the first to warm them up for the last part coming soon.) He grabbed some more beer from the fridge and threw bags of chips over to Changmin as he came back.
He brought up why Sooyoung was never around anymore. What was she up to? He still sees her around the building but they don’t get to talk because she always seemed so busy all the time.
Changmin tells him she’s working already. After her internship being so successful and efficient to the international company, they took her in as a regular employee. He suddenly felt a hard slap on the back of his head. He turns to find Jaejoong glaring at him, piercing holes through his skull.
Later on he finds himself pondering on Jaejoong’s words.
Changmin had waited long enough for graduation day and he’s been anxious about what lay ahead of them separating lives now. He sat somewhere, lost in the sea of art students who had made it to graduate in time and those who are finally marching on the stage after more than four years of studying.
He’d been thinking a lot. Anticipating Sooyoung’s speech as his fingers clamped on a piece of paper in his pocket.
There she was, finally. Standing tall, glowing under the warm golden rays of the sun, smiling her brightest and speaking of much more sense than professors usually do. Her eyes never looking at anybody, afraid to stumble upon familiar ones she’d fallen in love with. And as her speech closes, thanking practically nobody for helping her reach what she had reached at present, Changmin opens the piece of paper and raises it so Sooyoung would notice his words. Written on the piece of paper was ‘Congratulations!’
Sooyoung’s eyes get lost for a moment, and then she bows the moment she feels her composure firm enough to stand up and go down from that awful stage.
Changmin follows her form with his eyes, standing up out of reflex. He knows she would cry. He knew that expression on her face so well. And it was only then that he began to think of how many times he had made her feel that pain.
Sooyoung runs to the elevators just in time, squeezing her thin form in as she asks the elevator lady to press in the eleventh floor. She was on for her big break as a designer, and if she gets this gig, she’d be sent to Europe for a competition, representing the company she’d been in internship for about half a year now.
She exits the building, hailing a cab and goes straight to Jaejoong’s apartment after he called her to check up on the results of her hard work.
Changmin waits for Sooyoung outside the gates of the school, his heart all heavy and thumping hard against his rib cage. If he never gets to apologize, knowing what he’d been supposed to be sorry for, then he’ll never be able to face the girl again.
She screams the moment Jaejoong closes the door to his apartment and he knows that Sooyoung had made it bigger this time. He holds her in his arms and they celebrate with more food and drinks than usual. He lets Sooyoung invite who ever she pleases and he ends up sitting with girls from the university paper and her cousins.
She apologizes for abusing his kindness but Jaejoong lets it off without a fuss, at least he knows Sooyoung was getting happier again.
He gets a hold of her when she hears a roar of laughter coming near. She was having a blast with her cousins who flew back to Korea for her graduation. She stops as her eyes land on his. He calls her and she fidgets, her cousins telling her they’ll wait in the car.
Changmin somehow figures out a way to this last chance and she’s glad they had this talk. At least he knows she’s leaving and that there’s no way they’ll ever meet again anytime soon. He tells her he’s sorry, he tells her he regrets being how he’d been, and he tells her he loves her.
She replies casually, that its not love but pity, remorse and guilt. He was taken off guard and now he was standing there alone, a letter in his hand, just watching the beautiful girl get in the car and leave.
Sooyoung goes back to Korea after half a year, not winning the gold but at least she got a spot. Her employer had made sure to set her up with different freelance jobs as well while she worked full-time in the publishing house as a layout artist and sometimes a creative director for editorial shoots.
Changmin was on his way to becoming an account assistant in an ad agency while freelancing events planning.
Jaejoong calls Changmin for drinks. He tells him everything Sooyoung had gone through when he goes over at her house just to check up on her. He had become the big brother she’d wanted and he took care of her well. He knew how much she loved Changmin and he also knew how Changmin could be so oblivious to all of it.
He tells him that his friendship with her is all or nothing. If he loves her, then go for all. If he doesn’t, then leave her alone. It was a sacrifice. Sooyoung was willing to make it, but Changmin had always played it safe to never come across these kinds of situations, of choosing and giving up on something.
Changmin figured things out the more Jaejoong talked to him, opened his eyes to what he’d missed out, to what he closed his doors on.
Sooyoung went farther and farther. Leaving Korea so often and going back only during holidays. It seemed to everyone else that she’d moved on, that she didn’t think of love to come around anytime. She was career-focused and she found her fun in it.
Jaejoong phoned her about coming home for a Christmas party like they used to. He didn’t get a definite answer but he was hopeful.
Sooyoung has bloomed into a full-blown artist in five years. She goes back home and settles in a pent house studio loft in Seoul. Keeping her self up and up.
She comes over to Jaejoong’s apartment unannounced and feels quite nostalgic all of a sudden. Changmin opens the door for her. She smiles and he does too.
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