letters to jongin|-heartfelt
reviews storage
infinite_k_pop.
letters to jongin!
_______________________________________________________________________________
» TITLE. the title is quite simple and easy to think of, but it fit the general idea and layout of your story nonetheless. letters to jongin. before i read the story i was really pondering what kind of story (genre) it would be, and to be honest i felt like it could have been a happy sounding story; kyungsoo cutely confessing his love in letters or something like that. but the title is very vague and gives no direct emotion that would be able to give away what genre or feeling the story will have, and thus leaves us readers wondering about it. that is a very good point to your title: it gives you a vague idea of what the plot will be, but leaves you wondering to exactly how the ambiance is set.
» FOREWORD&DESCRIPTION. well quite obviously you have no foreword, so i can't say anything about that except good job for remembering to credit the graphic shop. humor aside, a foreword is critical to a story just as much as a description is. a foreword is a piece of text from the story or written as a "teaser" to entice the readers into becoming even more interested with the story; it also gives a glimpse of your writing style, and because i know some people are picky about how their authors' write, this may draw in more readers now that they like how you write.
moving on to your description. the first, second, and third small box paragraph has grammatical errors which will be mentioned later; just to point that out now. the description seemed to be. . . a little overused? the style was definitely familiar, as it had that hopeless situation then transfer to a what-happens-now question. for a story like this i think the description could be imrpoved with replacing the short sentences with regular, fluid sounding descriptions (i know the short sentences are intentional). the content of it is great: gives the characters, shows the conflict, and doesn't reveal too much info. that much is enough to make a tempting story, but the style of it threw me off. i suggest going for the long sentences with minimum detail to really give the feel of the actual story, instead of writing in a style that is different ot the content of the story. this may be a bit hard to describe. . .
» ORIGINALITY. i've honestly never seen anything like this, and i've been through quite a few exo fics. the use of the 'letter' format was brilliant, and really keeps readers thinking 'omo! how is kyungsoo sending the letters?'; it really is a simple format using second person pov that isn't seen very often. i love the idea of the boys slowly discovering what power they have and what's "wrong with them", and the way you protrayed soo and yeol's feelings towards it was very well done. i have to say, writing a fantasy(supernatural?) fic is a bit hard trying to balance the realistic simplicity and the freaky fantasy content without getting too carried away. you managed to bring both into one and made scenes that were interesting and fresh to the mind. the way kyungsoo was captured was mysterious and quite vague and really leaves us wondering as to who exactly captured him and chanyeol. the plot is still developing so it was hard for me to see the difference between your writings and others, but what i thought would be cliche was very different; if i had more to read i'd have a bit more to say on the originality, but as of now, this has a familiar feeling with its own twist. that's not something i get everyday.
» CHARACTERIZATION. i loved how you didn't make all the characters' likable, and made them have points where you have that feeling of 'how could you?!'. in this case i'm referring to jongin, who quite literally called minseok fat and is hating on yixing for being so chinese in a korean world. i find many authors strive for all characters to be loved and fun and and their favorite, but that really cuts the realistic side of things; you found a way to make these characters have different feelings from the readers, instead of just 'loving them because they're cute'. kyungsoo would be pitied, but there's that shy cute side of him we all adore. chanyeol's natural dorkiness and curiosity is childish, but then there's that heavy feeling when he starts to get into his power. jongin was a character i disliked in the story, i just don't like rude people. now that is the diversity in characters that i saw that was amazing.
» GRAMMAR&SPELLING. the description is the first area where i found a few minor errors. the first box of the description is says " Kyungsoo is lonely. He has no friends. Barely any family, And a weak heart. " first, 'he has no friends' and 'barely any family' and 'and a weak heart' should have a comma between each other, and the 'barely' and 'and' should be lowercased when done. the second box says " Struggling to find his uality, He spends his days writing to JongIn, or at least, he thinks that's his name. But, likewise, he ( much as everyone ) doesn't even seem to notice the male. " The first 'he' should be capitalized, and the comma between 'writing to Jongin' and 'or at least' should be turned into a semi-colon. and last, the third box said " But what will happen when one day Kyungsoo is kidnapped and learns something about himself, JongIn, and another small group of individuals that will definately change their lives......forever " there's really nothing wrong with this, but the text whould be written as a question because it begins with 'what will happen' and that's obviously a question starter.
i found maybe only one or two spelling mistakes in most of your chapters, so definitely something not to worry about. but if you would like perfect spelling using spellcheck on word can fix that up.
» FLOW&READABILITY. the story starts out as kyungsoo is slowly developing himself, jongin, and the background and escalates into the capture of him in the third chapter. this is where i found it a bit confusing. there was no description of where he was or how it looked like around him when and after he woke up. i was kind of at a loss on how to picture chanyeol and kyungsoo hugging each other with no setting, and to be honest, the fourth chapter confused me as well as minor background details weren't mentioned. just those two chapters were what really bothered me, but the transition from one scene to the next wasn't too drastic nor were there any major ideas missing. it was smooth and easy to get into the mood of the story; good job!
reading your story was easy to the eye: nothing flashy or bright, anything that would yell 'crack'. but content wise, it was also easy to comprehend. you explained things clearly and easily from kyungsoo's point of view and had your sentences a good amount of words long for a letter format. usually when people write their story like a letter they use high vocabulary and long sentences that they would normally use when writing in a regular format; they often forget they are speaking in their character's point of view and write in a way that people wouldn't normally talk in. but in your case, you didn't bombard us with poetic artisticness, you made me feel like kyungsoo was talking to me face-to-face, so props to you on that. and one more little point i liked was your use of paragraphing; you made your paragraphs at least more than three sentences and didn't block everything up in one big piece of text. there was nothing i couldn't fault in this section.
Comments