Once upon a time, in a kingdom far far away, there was a maiden, who--

Okay, who are we kidding here.

So there was this guy. And this guy is named Shin Hyesung. He's just an ordinary guy going about with his ordinary life, when suddenly the all powerful queen of the land doth now seeketh a husband. Because this was so totally a civilized society where women could hold power. Yep, women rights were all the rage here, in this kingdom, because we want to create a modern fairytale here, and quite frankly, all-powerful kings don't sell to the little girls of this generation anymore.

Of course, with the queen being all beautiful and powerful, everyone in the land longed to be her husband. But alas, not just anyone can be the queen's husband. He had to be a man of honor… or at least be rich enough to buy her handbags and other stuff, really.

So Hyesung's father, much to his chagrin, traveled all the way to the castle with him in tow to seek the audience of the queen. And there, he presented his son, whose hair is as black as ebony (well, used to be, he dyed it light brown now, the little rascal) and skin as white as snow. Well, he got exposed to the sun, so his skin is as brown as… there's nothing really pleasant that could be compared with the color brown, so let's just leave it at that.

"And what do you do, you beautiful lad you?" The queen asked ever so daintily, already giggling like a sasaeng with a crush on oppa because he's totally going to be hers.

"I… uhh… sing… your majesty. I doth sing at the park, at the plaza, at the market everyday, my lovely voice reaching even the high heavens. Shall I demonstrate?" Hyesung replied, and without even waiting for the queen to reply, broke into song. Because all fairytales must have songs. Especially the ones that are to be adapted by Disney. "Wish I could be, part of that woooooorld~"

While the queen did love the ever elegantly handsome Hyesung and his handsome voice and did fell head over heels, what are looks and a beautiful voice if he had no money? Dare she say the kingdom was on a brink of collapse, due to her numerous shopping sprees. Not her fault, spring sales are always tempting. With a heavy heart, she refused him, beckoning the guards to throw them out, when out of sheer desperation his father shouted out, "But you don't understand, your majesty! My son can make you a hundred golden pairs of shoes out of straw in one night!" He totally just made that up, but women are really fond of shoes, right? He knew his wife was, that's the whole reason he's a shoemaker. Whoops, we didn't establish his role yet? Yeah, he's totally a shoemaker. Moving on.

And at that moment, the queen did beckon the guards to bring Hyesung to a room full of straw. "If you do not finish by daybreak, you will die!" With that, the doors were locked, and in the room, Hyesung stared out the window and pounded on the window pane. Because men don't cry, that would be out of character. He pounded and pounded on the window, willing it to break, when suddenly the door opened and in bounded a very tall, dark, and handsome man, a man far more fair than he. He has a face sculpted by the gods, which made even Hyesung stand in awe.

"Well, hellooooo, baby." The man did a wolf-whistle, eyeing Hyesung up and down. "Ain't you a fine lad. What can I do for you tonight?"

Hyesung chose to ignore the blatant gayness of such a character, and instead implored for his help. "Alas, I have to make but a hundred pairs of golden shoes from straw, and I don't know how to do it!"

The man rolled up his sleeves, giving him an energetic thumbs up as he winked. "So what would you give me? I don't do things for free, you know."

Hyesung contemplated for a moment. "I can give you my pocket watch, because I do not have a necklace and a pocket watch is manly."

The man took the pocket watch, sat himself in a corner, and one by one continued to make golden shoes out of straw, as Hyesung watched him in wonder and awe. Oh yeah that just totally rhymed.

And by a little bit after daybreak (the queen was a little late; she had to do her hair), sure enough the queen was present, giddy to try on her new golden shoes. When she entered the room she was amazed to find the room filled with golden shoes, and upon trying one pair on, they were the perfect size.

But she wasn't satisfied. She wanted a hundred handbags now, to match the shoes. She wanted to test Hyesung's abilities; after all, if he can make golden shoes out of straw, surely he can make handbags too? They ain't that hard to do, yo. So she locked Hyesung in yet another room full of straw, and with the same line, "If you do not finish by daybreak, you will die!", she bade him goodbye and locked the door shut. Hyesung once again pounded on the window, figuring it would call the man, and sure enough he appeared.

"Well, hellooooo, baby." The man did another wolf-whistle, eyeing Hyesung up and down, and this time, he gave him a wink. "Ain't you a finer lad than last night. What can I do for you tonight?"

Hyesung rolled his eyes, and opted instead to once again ignore the gayness of this character, when he relayed his plight. "Alas, I have to make but a hundred golden handbags from straw, and I don't know how to do it!"

"And what would you give me, Mr. Beautiful?" He winked again, much to the disgust of poor Hyesung.

"My Parker Pen. It is a much valued pen in the whole kingdom, much more than a little ring on a little finger." He replied.

The man took the pen, sat himself in a corner, and one by one continued to make golden handbags out of straw. Hyesung was thinking now of hiring him as royal designer if he ever became king.

And by a little bit after daybreak (again, the queen was a little late; she had trouble choosing from her golden shoes), sure enough the queen was present, giddy to try on her new handbags to match the shoes. When she entered the room she was amazed to find the room filled with golden handbags, and upon trying one, found it to be a perfect match for the shoes.

And yet, she still wasn't satisfied. She wanted a hundred golden pairs of earrings now, to match the shoes and the bags. So she locked Hyesung in yet another room full of straw, but she uttered a different line this time. "If you succeed, you shall become my husband!" With that, the queen bade goodbye and locked the door shut. Hyesung once again pounded on the window, knowing by now that it would call the man, and sure enough he appeared.

"Well, hello-oo-oooooo, baby." The man did a longer wolf-whistle, eyeing Hyesung up and down, and this time, he gave him a wink and clapped. "Ain't you looking even finer than your fine look last night! A lad I truly like! So what can I do for you tonight, beautiful?"

Hyesung was used to his antics by now, and ignoring his advances completely, once again requested his assistance. "Alas, I have to make but a hundred pairs of golden earrings from straw, and I don't know how to do it!"

"And what would you give me, Mr. Oh-so-fine?" He whistled again, which creeped Hyesung out very, very quickly.

"I do not have anything left to give you, oh my good man, as a man can only have so many unnecessary accessories. If I were a woman I would have given you my Prada bag, but alas, I am not."

"Then promise me, if you become king… You shall overthrow the queen and make me your king!"

Hyesung's jaw dropped, betraying his elegant appearance. "I beg your pardon, sir? Why would you want such a preposterous thing?"

"Because I have heard you sing in the plaza, I am in love with you and your voice and I want you to become my wife." The man simply answered. "Deal or no deal? You're running out of time, I can't turn this all into gold if you don't give me an answer now."

Psh, like I will become king anyway, better humor him. Hyesung thought, and desperate, thus promised such an outrageous proposal to the man, and he proceeded to work, barely succeeding.

And when the queen came a little bit after daybreak (she was busy coordinating her whole complete wardrobe around now), she found that Hyesung had succeeded, and thus conducted a dating and engagement ceremony, because woman rights or something.

A year later, they married and Hyesung became king, and he didn't think much of the man. Until suddenly, as he was enjoying the fresh air outside the balcony, he appeared beside the bed with a smile. "Now, you must overthrow her so I may become king and you may become my wife!"

Hyesung suddenly remembered, and he offered all the gold and riches that he now has to get him to go away, because he's not gay. But the man refused, saying that he loved him more than all the riches of the world (Aaaaw!). Hyesung began to cry, for he had come to adore the queen, and to overthrow her would be a cruel thing to do.

"Hmm. You could just, you know, marry me without the whole king thing. That way she'll still be queen, if you don't really want to overthrow her?" The man compromised, but Hyesung cried harder. The man sighed; he didn't like seeing his beloved cry, so he proposed a solution, a gamble of sorts.

"I shall give you three days, love. If you can find out my name by then, I'll let you go."

So Hyesung thought of all the names he knew, he even went to the local library to check out a baby names book and a dictionary, and he started with the most outrageous names. When the man came back, he recited all that he had learned. Xander, Zebra, Yolo, Wdatuyfd, Ibrahim, Muhammad, John, Steve. None of them, but it did give the man a hearty laugh. Hyesung groaned, and looked towards the simpler names. The man came back the second day, expecting him to know the answer, but he fired him with Japanese, Chinese, Korean names. Minwoo, Dongwan, Sunho, Choongjae ("What? Like pesticide?" The man made pesticide and anthelmintic jokes all night, much to Hyesung's annoyance), Yifan, Yixing, Xiumin, Hiroki, Toshihiko. None of them. Hyesung was getting desperate, so he hired a secret agent ninja samurai to scout the woods for names, and he set off.

Sure enough, when the secret agent ninja samurai (SANS for short) went into the woods, he could hear someone rapping to some sort of heroic song while dancing around the fireplace. The SANS peered closer, listening more closely to the rapping.

"1999, My dream it's comin' again, like a birdy, the birdy, a birdy, the birdy, BOOM BOOM TRACK!" The SANS was so frightened of the sudden scream that he ran away, leaving the man snickering.

Hyesung was disappointed to hear that the man didn't hear the name, so he looked up books and fairytales… and suddenly remembered the name! He grinned quite evilly, and waited for the man.

Sure enough, he showed up without fail a few hours later, with a smile on his face as he was certain that Hyesung didn't know his name.

So now Hyesung said, "Is your name… Madonna?"

"Do I look like a popstar, boy? Please, I'm much more fabulous." He then struck a pose, a background song sounding suspiciously like This Love suddenly playing out of nowhere. Because fairytales need background music. It stopped as soon as Hyesung was ready to guess again though.

"Is your name… by any chance… Ricky?"

"Nope, try again."

Hyesung grinned triumphantly, his eyes twinkling with mischief. "So, is your name... Rumpelstiltskin?"

The man was shocked as he made a distorted, gagging face. "The devil told you that! The devil told you that!"

Cue evil laugh from Hyesung, as he now expected the man to tear himself in half. But he didn't. He suddenly stopped screaming, and stared at Hyesung with a deadpan, 'not amused' expression. "Yeah, no. But who in the devil's name would give such a horrendous name to a child! Ew, that is SO not my name. My mom was way better than that, you know."

Hyesung's jaw dropped almost to the ground; he was fairly sure of the name, could it be that he had pronounced it wrong? "But... but... the Grimm Brothers fairytale said--"

The man rolled his eyes and tapped his feet impatiently. "Grimm WHO? Try again, boy. That so totally ain't my name."

But Hyesung had soon exhausted his list of names, and in the end, the man was triumphant. As promised, he whisked Hyesung away from the queen (who tried to chase them on her golden heels but failed) and lived happily ever after in a land farther, farther away. Oh, and Hyesung totally fell in love with the man too since this is a fairytale and in fairytales, people just randomly fall in love with each other even though they've never known each other. You know, like that red-haired mermaid and her human crush.

And Hyesung did eventually learn that the man's name is Eric, and they soon grew to be a band of six men, just because they can, and they pillaged and plundered the lands while singing Eusha Eusha! at the top of their lungs.

But that's another story entirely, my dear readers.

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A/N: Yeah, I don't know, guys. I'm like high on caffeine and sugar last night when I wrote this. I just… yeah. Just a little bit of a break between my serious fics. xD Hopefully you guys enjoyed it and it gave you guys a little laugh! :D This is all meant to be pure crack, so yeah. xDDD