She breaks hearts
Worth it
She has a smile that can break your heart, you know? You’ve seen it before, at least once in your life time, a smile that conveyed shattered hearts, viciously, and without the concern of the flow of tears or sorrow. And every time she looks at you with those deep brown eyes, you feel bits of your heart freeze, crack, and crumble, the pieces taking a ceaseless leap into an ocean of the shards of hearts of boys and girls she broke before you happened to come along and fall for her.
But this is quite alright for you. She is worth it. More than anything, you know that she is worth it. Being emptied of every last drop of emotion you possess in your body every day is worth even the tiniest amount of affection you may receive in return from her. That’s one of the funniest things you’ve learned about love ever since she caught your attention. All of the pain and suffering is worthwhile. Because when you are with her, the world has never felt so right before.
It’s like everything: the trouble you’re in, the massive amount of homework you need to finish when you get home, the lack of time you have for anything but school, disappears and gets lifted off of your shoulders when she’s standing by your side, and there’s nothing that can get you down other than the lack of her nestled in your life and tucked away safely in the depths of your heart. And then there’s the fear that spikes your heart rate, and catches your breath within your throat when you realize she’s not with you. And you think of who she might be with. Who she could be betraying you with. Who is replacing you when you’re not there for her and she’s not there for you.
You start thinking of the worst thought possible that could happen in a relationship, and it’s the anxiety that’s the culprit of the words that float inside of your head: what if she’s cheating on me? And then there’s the fights when she comes home, to you, again, with a grin on her face and her hands behind her back. Where you ask her from the couch as you sit with your arms across your chest and your legs crossed over each other where she’s been in a jabbing tone and who she was with.
She knows you’re angry at her, every cell of your body portrays the emotion, the smile slips off her face. She reaches out from behind her back and tosses a single blood red rose and a heart shaped box of chocolates onto the coffee table before you. “Happy Anniversary,” she says in a tired and disappointed voice before she tumbles up the stairs, leaving you alone to stare at the lovely flower and the expensive chocolates with widening eyes and guilt blooming inside of your heart. You want to apologize desperately, afraid that your actions have riled her or have done something to your relationship.
And as you creep up those stairs and peek your head into her room, she sits on our shared bed and stares at her phone screen, her thumb flicking over it. “Sulli?” You mumble weakly, scared of her reaction, and she looks up for half a second. “Yes?” You sigh and settle yourself in front of the girl you love, “Are you mad at me?” Sulli chuckles and shakes her head, “Baby, I’m not mad at you...I’m kind of just upset that you thought I was cheating on you when I wanted to buy you something nice for our anniversary.” Your eyes drop to the white sheets of the bed, and she tilts your chin up with a finger, eyes smiling, “Soojung, you’re different from everyone I’ve ever dated before.” You stare into those shining eyes and you know she’s worth it, again, that she is the perfect match for you, that she is your other half.
But you’re uncertain if she feels it, too, the way you both belong together, and as the words stain her lips, you feel a wave of relief flood you as she says, “You’re...better than them. You’ve lasted longer, especially when I’ve gone out and left you alone to do trainee workouts and vocal practice and dance lessons, and you’ve never thought until a second ago that I might be cheating on you.” She rolls her eyes, “Which I haven’t been. Anyways, you’re patient with me, waiting for me at the table with our food wrapped in tin foil so it’ll stay warm until I get back, and you wait for me in your car when you drive me to work. You’re caring, like the way you always pack my lunch for me and hold me tightly at night like you’re afraid I won’t be there in the morning.” She stares into your eyes and you look back into hers, “But I know I always will be...because I’ve fallen for you harder than I’ve ever fallen for someone before, and I’ll always be faithful to you, Soojung.”
And the moment her lips fall gently atop of yours, you know that this is right, and that the world has finally come together and blasted apart into millions of pieces in the sky: Sulli leans closer and kisses Soojung on the mouth, chastely at first, because she wants to treasure the moment, and then again, but this time with her flood gates open wide, and she pours herself into every kiss she showers onto Soojung.
“I love you,” she whispers into your ear as you lay your head on her freed s, the length of your , running her fingertips over the expanse of your arms as you hold onto her, the two of you both stark under the blankets, “I love you, don't forget that.”
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