Eric stood under the canopy of his black umbrella, his identity lost in the midst of the black crowd, silently listening to the song of the mourning raindrops that fell from the black sky. People around him were weeping, shedding tears from either genuine heartbreak or pretentious courtesy, but he found his eyes rather dry, his strange mind wondering if he had set foot into a monotone world. Even the grass dressing the serene graveyard seemed to have lost their color, a dull gray replacing their usual spirited green.

            So there he stood as the rain continued to pour and the strangers around him began to sing a familiar hymn. The voices were hoarse and flat, adding a strange, broken effect to the melody. He remembered the song as if it was a piece of a shattered, obscure memory, too distant to recollect.

            "Be still, my soul; the Lord is on your side;

            Bear patiently the cross of grief or pain;

            Leave to your God to order and provide;

            Be still, my soul; your best, your heavenly friend

            Through thorny ways leads to a joyful end."

            It was despondently beautiful, the lyrics uttered between the uneven rhythm of soft sobbing. Eric let himself drown in the perfection of sweet sorrow and desperate hope.

            "Be still, my soul; though dearest friends depart

            And all is darkened in the vale of tears;

            Then you will better know his love, his heart,

            Who comes to soothe your sorrows and your fears.

            Be still, my soul; your Jesus can repay

            From his own fullness all he takes away."

            Perhaps he had heard the tune when he had attended church as a child. Perhaps he had heard the same song at another interment. His mind drifted away from the memorial service as he tried to search for the reason why the hymn was so recognizable. Not knowing why did not bother him that particularly, but musing over it seemed like a much better alternative than falling asleep during the priest's dreary sermon about earthly death and eternal life in heaven.

            "Amen," Eric muttered in unison with the rest when they had prayed their last. He realized how stiff his body had become from hours of standing stationary. Some continued to weep, some murmured their respects to the affected family, but he was not one of them. He quickly walked away, detaching himself from the dejected populace without a second thought.

            When he reached the parking lot, there were only a few that had beat him there, one being a short man in his mid-thirties with reddish brown hair framing his casually handsome face.

            "Finally," the man whispered with a sigh. He was leaning against a black luxury car, holding an umbrella in one hand and a lit cigarette in the other. "I can't stand funerals. They're too damn sad."

           "They're peaceful," Eric said, although he didn't quite disagree with his friend's opinion. "And don't smoke in a cemetery."

            "Why not?" the man shrugged as he lifted the cigarette to his lips. He inhaled with a satisfying grin. "It's not like dead people can get cancer from secondhand smoking."

            Eric rolled his eyes at his friend's foul humor. "Just start the damn car, Minwoo. I want to get the hell out of here."

            Minwoo chuckled in amusement. "I thought you said it was 'peaceful'?"

            "It is," he claimed, unaffected by the mocking tone of his companion. He glanced back at the black crowd that had still not yet dispersed. The unceasing rain seemed to echo their woeful lament, filling him with guilt for not sharing their pain. Perhaps he had lost too many treasured souls in his life that his heart was numb to the ache of loss, his eyes tired of the overflow of bitter tears.

            Death was just death after all. Whether it be sad, peaceful, sweet, or painful, death was just death. It was unbeatable, unconquerable... It had left a very sour taste on Eric's tongue when he had foolishly struggled against it.

            He accepted it now. He embraced the fact that death would take away everything as if life had given him nothing. He no longer felt terrible or empty about waking up every morning with the knowledge that he had no father to share a can of beer with, or a mother who would cook him breakfast.

            Yes, death was just death. Nothing more, nothing less.

            "Eric?" Minwoo called, waking him from his trance. His friend frowned, noticing the hollow expression on his face. "You okay? Want a drag?" He extended his arm to offer his box of Marlboro.

            Eric quickly shook his head and forced a weak smile. "I'll pass. Let's just go. I want to get out of this rain."

            "Yeah, good thinking," Minwoo agreed in haste. He shivered unpleasantly and grimaced. "Cemeteries always gives me the creeps."

            A mischievous grin spread across Eric's face. "You know, I heard that there's a ghost that lives here... It only haunts midgets with a small chili--"

            "Shut the up!" the short man hissed angrily and stomped his way into his vehicle. He slammed the door shut behind him and ignited the engine.

            Eric threw his head back to laugh, bemused by his friend's reaction. He rushed to climb into the passenger seat, the mournful song of those dressed in black long forgotten.

***

            Eric stared out the window of his grand house, sipping a cup of hot coffee in his hand. In the background played the classics of Bach, the flowing notes on the piano inundating the empty mansion. The owner of the house continued to gaze into the dark night although there was nothing to see except the starlit sky.

            Why did you do it?

            He reached out for his phone on a nearby stand. As soon as he unlocked his screen, he was hit with a flood of missed calls and unopened messages. Almost all of them were from women with names he did not even recognize; they were probably hoping for a second date or a relationship exceeding a one-night stand. He ignored them, not giving them another glance, and accessed his phone book with a click of his fingernail.

            Why did you do it? What made you jump?

            He scrolled down the unending list of names, some familiar, some completely foreign. He didn't stop until he reached the one he had been looking for.

            Sujin, why did you take your life?

            For a moment, he hesitated, his index finger hovering over the letters. Kang Sujin, they read. Kang Sujin, the adorable girl who had smiled at him with a polite bow as he had walked to his office every morning. Kang Sujin, his secretary who had confessed her harboring feelings for her boss with the help of red wine. Kang Sujin, one of the countless women he had spent a night in bed with. Kang Sujin, someone Eric had never really gotten to know.

            Kang Sujin, who had woken up two days ago and decided to jump off her thirty-story apartment.

            What made you want to escape this world so desperately?

            Had reality been so harsh to the poor girl? He pressed the delete button next to her name, knowing he would never be able to contact her again. Not that he had ever called her in the first place. But now, even if he did decide to give his ex-secretary a ring on a whim, no one would pick up, at least not someone with her name, her voice.

            Why did you do it?

            The pitter-pattering of the rain outside had stopped. Just like her heart.

            Did you feel that there was no other way? Did you lose all hope for this world?

            Eric's eyes stared at the screen of his phone where her name had disappeared as if it had never existed.

            Was your pain really worth it? Was it really that terrible that you had to leave behind everyone who ever loved you to run away?

            He didn't understand it. And he realized he would never understand. His life had been painful, torturous even, but he had never even thought of committing suicide. Could someone else's life be that much more difficult and excruciating that the only conclusion they could draw is to end their life?

            Why did you do it, Mom?

            Was your life that hard?

            Was your pain that much greater than your love for me?

            Eric should've cried, remembering his late mother, the only woman he had ever loved. She had been the only one who had ever made him smile from the depths of his soul and she had been the only one to ever break his heart into an unfixable mess. She had been the one person who shouldn't have ever left him and yet still did.

            "Junghyuk, you must never cry. You must be tough. You must be a man who protects your mother when I'm no longer here."

            He had failed his father's last request. He had failed to protect her despite his desperate attempt at being a reliable son. He had lost her to the world. He had lost her, the one thing he ever really had.

            Sujin... His mother... They were both weak and repulsive. Eric no longer had the energy to shed any tears for souls who had made the selfish choice of taking their own lives.

            As he drenched himself in the bitterness his mother had left him with, his eyes caught the sight of his phone flashing, notifying an incoming call. He picked up when he recognized the name that shone.

            "Hello?" he said, shoving aside the beautiful face of his mother that had reluctantly resurfaced in his mind.

            "Hello? Eric hyung?"

            The familiar warm voice helped ease his restlessness. "Hey, Andy. What's up?"

            "Hyung! Are you alright? How come you didn't show up today?" his dongseng asked worriedly.

            Eric could hear the loud noise of his closest friends chattering in the background. "Sorry, just wanted to rest for today."

            "Oh, okay. I mean Minwoo hyung said that you were all bummed out after the funeral so I was just checking up." Eric couldn't help smiling at his friend's cute loyalty. "And you didn't answer my text message."

            "You texted? Sorry, my phone was on silent." He didn't mention the part about how he hadn't even bothered to go through his pile of messages.

            "Yeah. I was wondering if you were still up for that blind date I was telling you about."

            Eric resisted the urge to roll his eyes. "Andy, I already told you, I'm not interested in a relationship--"

            "I know, hyung," Andy quickly cut in. "But you're getting older now. You should really think about settling down."

            "Tell me that after you get yourself a girlfriend," Eric retorted.

            "Please, hyung." The boy was practically begging.

            He sighed, knowing he couldn't refuse his favorite dongseng. Besides, it quite amused him how concerned Andy was about his love life. "Okay, okay," Eric gave in, chuckling when he heard his friend give a little hurray on the other line.

            "I'll tell Minjung to meet up with you this Friday. She'll be thrilled!" he cried happily.

            "Minjung's a dentist, right?" Eric asked, trying to feign interest.

            "Yeah. And she's really pretty, too," Andy added urgently. "I think you guys will be a great match."

            "Uh huh," Eric mumbled halfheartedly. "Well, enjoy drinking with Minwoo and Wannie. Tell them I'm sorry for missing out."

            "Yeah, I'll definitely pass that along. They're kind of drunk at the moment so they might not remember though." Andy laughed, probably entertained by what his drunken hyungs were doing under the influence. "Rest up well, hyung!"

            "Yeah, I will. Good night, Andy."

            "Oh, wait!" Andy said before Eric could hang up. "Stay safe tonight."

            Eric raised an eyebrow although he knew Andy couldn't see that on the other line. "What do you mean?"

            "I--" the younger man hesitated before answering, making Eric even more curious about his strange words. "I just have a bad feeling. You know, like... an intuition."

            "Uh, okay?" Eric replied, unconvinced. He heard the sound of glass shattering on Andy's end. "I think you're the one who should stay safe. Minwoo and Wannie get pretty dangerous after a couple shots."

            "Ugh, you're right. I think I better go," Andy grunted. "Just please. Don't do anything rash, okay?"

            "Sure," Eric muttered, still confused about his dongseng's overprotective request. "Bye--"

            "Dongwannie hyung! Stop throwing the cups on the ground!" Andy shouted before hanging up. Eric found himself awkwardly listening to the dead silence on the phone.

            "Okay then..." He turned off his phone and gulped down the remaining coffee that had long gone cold. He wondered why Andy would tell him to stay safe then decided to dismiss the thought. Perhaps the guy had been drunk as well.

            "Another blind date, huh," he mumbled to himself, returning his gaze to his window. Andy had set him up with so many successful and attractive women that Eric had lost count. Where the younger man found all the ladies was a true mystery. But still, his efforts were fruitless since Eric didn't find himself falling for a single one.

            Andy was right in more ways than one. Eric was getting older. He was entering a point in his life where he should settle down and start a family of his own. But the thought of having a family scared him after not having one for so long. And he remembered how his so-called family members had left him one by one, leaving a deep scar on his once youthful heart.

            To Eric, having a family was the most frightening thing on earth. Because having people you loved so dearly that you would take a bullet for them only meant that you would one day lose them. Eric was sick of losing people he loved. That was why he had stopped giving his heart to people around him.

            Of course, there was Andy, Dongwan, and Minwoo, the trio of friends he treasured most. But meeting them had been unavoidable, as if destiny had placed them together. Minwoo had been his first friend when he had moved to the city from the countryside. He had met the three of them in high school and their friendship had still remained strong after all these years. He was really lucky to have such amazing people in his life.

            But then again, he knew he would lose them one day, too.

            Eric shuddered, just imagining death taking away one of them from him. If losing a friend would be that terrifying, he couldn't even imagine himself losing the person who held his heart in their hands, the chosen woman who Eric would love enough to place a diamond ring around her finger and vow to be by her side forever.

            He had seen his mother suffer after his father had passed away. With his young eyes, he had not understood the sadness rotting away her soul at the time. Truthfully, he still did not understand, nor did he want to.

            Is that why you did it, Mom? Because you missed Dad? Because you loved him so much that your life without him was meaningless?

            ... Even when you had me, your son, alive and well beside you...

            He dreaded falling in love. If it caused people a suffering great enough to lead to suicide, he hoped that he would die peacefully before he ever experienced this wretched thing called "love".

            Suddenly, the loud sound of something crashing rang through the air, making Eric jump out of his thoughts. Goosebumps rose on his skin when he realized it had come from his yard outside.

            Was it... a thief?

            There was no way, Eric tried to reason. He got up and quickly went to fetch his flashlight and baseball bat. Chances were, it had just been a wild animal that had made the sound.

            "Stay safe tonight."

            He shivered uncomfortably when he remembered Andy's odd words. It seemed as though they had been a foretelling of this very moment.

            Stop being a stupid coward, he told himself as he walked silently out the back door. He felt like an idiot traveling on his tippy toes, but the action seemed to calm his nerves. There was nothing he could see in the dark so he his flashlight and scanned the lawn. Something moved in the distance.

            . Eric could hear his heart thudding nervously against his chest. He crept deeper into the dark, his fingers tightening around his metal bat.

            He gasped, realizing that it was a human. "Who are you?!" he shouted, his voice sounding a lot braver than he actually was. Eric had no choice but to keep walking closer when there was no answer.

            "I said who are you!" he cried again. He desperately shone his flashlight at the intruder, his other arm ready to strike with his weapon. He narrowed his eyes to get a clearer view of the trespasser.

            What the ? The intruder, who was definitely a male, was completely and curled into a ball on the grass. The stranger groaned as if Eric had wronged him by stirring him from his sweet sleep.

            The man slowly stood up on his feet. Eric observed him, starting from his bare toes sullied with dirt. Eric's eyes gawked at the man's long, slender legs then moved up to a place that made his face burn like the summer sun. His chest was adorned with lean muscles and hairless. Everything about him was pale and colorless, like a statue made of cold marble.

            Then Eric saw his face. He saw the dark brown eyes, the tall small nose, the cute round cheeks. A strange sense of familiarity inundated him.

            He knew this person. Eric was sure of it. He had met this man before, in a faraway dream.

           Then he saw the thin pink lips curl into a pretty smile that made his heart pound faster. It was the same easygoing grin he had never thought he would see again.

            Was it really...?

            "J-Jung Pilkyo?" Eric rasped in disbelief.

            Their eyes met and something extraordinary and incredible passed between them. The man who resembled his childhood friend so much took a step closer to him. Eric stayed rooted to his spot as his mother's words came rushing back.

            "I promise, one day you will be reunited with your best friend."

            But there was no way. The Pilkyo he knew had died decades ago.

            "Junghyuk ah," the man whispered as he reached out to him. Chills ran down Eric's spine as he heard his old name being uttered. He continued to watch in shock as the person drew closer to him.

            "Are you really Pilkyo?" Eric heard himself asking the unclothed man with a shaking voice.

            The man, now only inches away from him, cocked his head adorably. "Who's Pilkyo?"

            Wait, what...?

            Before Eric could ask another question, the man's knees gave way and his eyes fluttered shut. Eric's body moved on its own accord when he saw the intruder fainting and slipping into unconsciousness.

            Suddenly, Eric found a man in his arms. A man, who just so happened to look exactly like the adult version of his dead childhood best friend.

[A/N]: Hey, guys! Sorry about the late update :( I'm running so low on sleep, I don't even know what I wrote T_T (also no edit, I didn't even look this over so sorry about all the mistakes). I tried to cram a lot of the backstory in... First chapters (well, excluding the prologue) are always so difficult to write >.< Thank you for all the support though! Sometimes you guys flatter me to the point that I feel like a decent writer lol. One day, I will improve enough to turn those awesome compliments into a reality~ (one can hope) Please keep commenting and upvoting, all the magical support you guys always do. Thank you again, I love youu~