Beautiful Name

"Beautiful Name"
Inspired by the song Utsukushii Namae by The Back horn

Everything was white, from the bed covers, till the same color painted walls and floor, the hospital room was blinding. The window was behind the bed, a cabinet was placed on the wall. But these details were unnoticed by Yang Yoseob, who only stared at the seemingly lifeless body in front of him. The beeping sounds that filled the room, Junhyung's shallow's breaths, were like the only things present. Bandages were wrapped around Junhyung's body, especially around his head, and small despicable tubes attached to his wrist and mouth. He just fell into the stairs really, but now it seemed like he wouldn't wake up anymore.

"Your entire body is attached with tubes, that's right, you are a little tired and are merely resting."

He too was lifeless, nothing seemed to make sense to him anymore. His eyes showed no life, no gleam, no hint that there was even that old bubbly self residing inside those eyes. He sat on the chair beside his lover's bed, his back slouched, as he stayed for that position for hours. His eyes never left his lover's state for a second.

"Junhyung-ah. Junhyung ah. Junhyung-ah. Junhyung ah. "

"I called your name in my scratchy voice, but it resounded in vain till it shivered and disappeared into nothingness."

There was no answer. He continued to whisper his lover's name in his hoarse voice, even if he knew that his lover won't wake up. Doctors said he hit his head very hard when he fell down the stairs, thus it can be possible for him to be in comma, and in most possible cases, amnesia.

"Wake up, Junnie-ah. Wake up. Wake........u-up. Ple-ase?"

"The tears don't come when I feel like crying,the night is devoid of colour as I bite on my lips."

How did it come to this? Junhyung falling to the stairs, and Yoseob waiting for him to wake up. For some reason, he didn't know.

He doesn't want to know at all. On why this was happening to him. Why Junhyung was mean to him, why he broke up with him, why..

did his world crumble, he doesn't want to know. Truly he shouldn't have been here, he was nothing to Junhyung now, but Junhyung means

the world to him, Junhyung makes him every breath worthwhile,...Junhyung was his life.

"The world continues spinning, for our sake,

so that the heartbeat within us can be heard by the world."

That's why he was here. He has already accepted that Junhyung broke up with him, or at least he thinks so. He wanted to at least be his lover before he wakes up, even if it's just imaginary. He wanted to wait, be on his side, and hopefully Junhyung will call his name first. He wanted to be the one Junhyung will see when he wakes up. Yoseob wanted to be selfish, even for just a short time. He wanted to think that Junhyung was still his, and Junhyung still loved him.

"You know, if there was such magic to turn back time,

I would cut down the useless pair of hands."

Yoseob thinks that everything that happened was his fault. He blamed everything to him. If he didn't meet Junhyung that day, if he didn't love Junhyung, if he didn't stop Junhyung from leaving their apartment during that time, Junhyung wouldn't be here, Junhyung wouldn't fall on the stairs, Junhyung... wouldn't get hurt.

"The fingertip that lightly traced your hand becomes sensitive to the slightest sign.

If only I had always listened this closely to the sound of your heart."

Yoseob observed every movement that Junhyung does, from the way his abdomen would rise and go down when he breathes, to

the way his mask would get moist when Junhyung breathes through his mouth. He waited. He waited for signs that would mark that

Junhyung would wake up, and Yoseob's stopped time would start again. He gazed at Junhyung's hand longingly, wondering when was the last time he touched that hand. He reaches for that hand gingerly and hesitantly, afraid that he's not qualified to do this kind of thing. He was already selfish enough to be here, what more if he touches his hand? So he pulls back, and one hand grasped the other hand, imagining that it was Junhyung's hand holding him. And it hurts him, knowing that it'll never be Junhyung, and Junhyung would never do this to him. Junhyung's pinky moves and Yoseob jumps slightly. A sense of relief rushes inside of him, and he sighs. Junhyung was not in comma, and that was enough. Tears trickled down on Yoseob's face as he held Junhyung's hand, forgetting his doubts awhile ago. He acted on impulse and yet still not have realized that he held Junhyung's hand. He rested Junhyung's hand on his forehead, as he cried silently.

"But I was clueless, that's why it became my punishment."

"I'm....sorry Junnie-ah. This is all my fault.."

"I'm sorry."

"So.."

"please,"

"wake..up?"

"No matter how many times I call your name.... So please, please wake up."

Yoseob's lips mouthed Junhyung's name. He never stopped calling his name. No matter how hoarse his voice was from crying, no matter how it ends on barely audible whispers, no matter how his throat burned and ached for water, he called Junhyung's name. In hopes that he would wake up and sees him first, also recognize him.

"Junhyung."

"Junhyung."'

"Yong.. Junhyung." Yoseob says his name lovingly. He has a small smile on his face, his tears have already dried awhile ago. He felt a warm feeling spreading across his chest to every part of his body.

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Beautiful Name

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