Jongin is afraid to speak.

He has so many things he wants to say to her. He wants to ask her how her marriage is going, if she has a kid yet, if Luhan is treating her right, where Baekhyun went, and above all, why he was never asked to come to her wedding.

But he doesn't know where to start because he doesn't even know if she recognizes him or if she cares about him anymore. Maybe, to her, he is just a distant memory of the past, one that she hasn't even thought to remember. 

Thankfully, she is the first one to break the silence.

"Jongin," She says, a small, sad smile on her face. "It's you."

And he awkwardly clears his throat, grateful that she recognizes him. "Yeah...it's been a long time, huh."

She chuckles softly, and it's a sound that Jongin realizes he's been missing. "Do you have time to talk for a little bit?"

His heartbeat races. "Yeah, I do."

They pick a seat in the far corner of the cafe, and as they sit down, Jongin takes the time to study her.

She's a lot skinnier now. Not necessarily in an unhealthy way, but she simply looks a lot more mature and sophisticated. She isn't a teenager anymore. And her smiles lack the innocent brightness she had when they were younger. But she's still beautiful. 

She always is.

"How's life?" She asks quietly. "You must be busy with the company work."

"It's manageable," He replies, averting his gaze from hers. "In fact, I kind of enjoy it. It takes my mind off of things."

"I can understand that," She murmurs, taking a sip of her hot chocolate. "It's better to be occupied than to be thinking. Because your mind wanders off to unhappy places when you're just aimlessly thinking."

He wants to ask her what she means, but decides against it. "You work as well?"

She smiles. "I'm a middle school teacher. Though, I guess I'm not 'working' as of now, since it's summer break."

A teacher. He vaguely remembers Baekhyun telling him that Joohyun had tutored kids in college. In any case, it's a job that suits her perfectly.

"What do you teach?"

"Math." Ah, her best subject.

"Do you know about...Baekhyun?" He inquires hesitantly because for some reason, the question makes him feel a little embarrassed.

She shakes her head. "All I know is that he became a photographer of some sort. I stopped talking to him two years ago."

Then, Jongin lets out the question that he's been dying to ask. 

"Did you get married?" He notes the way she stiffens at his question, her smile faltering. She sets her cup down and suddenly, she looks much more vulnerable and small.

"No." His head snaps up at her answer. "I didn't."

His eyes search hers, wondering if she's joking for a second. But then he realizes that there's no way she's joking, because there isn't a hint of a smile on her face.

"Why?" He blurts out the question before he can stop himself.

"Because," She pauses. "He was in too much pain."

"Joohyun, that doesn't make any sense," He sighs in exasperation. "Explain to me, why." He knows that he sounds awfully pushy, but he can't help it.

Nothing makes sense. They were in love. They should have been married by now.

"Before the wedding, I had a miscarriage," She explains bluntly, and his breath hitches at this. "Then, on the day of the wedding, he didn't show up."

A rush of anger surges through him. His fists clench so hard that his knuckles turn white and he can't begin to describe the rage that he feels. 

He was supposed to protect her, He thinks. He should have cherished her more than anyone.

Joohyun seems to pick up on his sudden anger. "I don't blame him, Jongin. So don't hate him. He was in a lot of pain."

"You were in pain too," He snaps. "You had a miscarriage. He should've been by your side, protecting you. He should've --"

"He was human," She interrupts. "He was only human, so he was in just as much pain as I was. He loved the baby more than anything and he was beyond excited to become a father. So rather than being angry at him, I feel sorry towards him."

Jongin doesn't mention the fact that she's never said his name once in their conversation.

"It's been two years," She continues. "I'm okay now. I really am."

But he knows that she is not. Because even after all these years, he is still her best friend. And he sees the way her hands tremble slightly, the way her voice wavers when she says she's okay, and how she cannot meet his gaze.

She isn't okay. Maybe she never will be.

"So Taeyeon-noona and Baekhyun knew all about this?"

She looks alarmed as she finally meets his eyes. "Please don't blame them. I asked for them not to tell you. I didn't want you to worry. It's not their fault..."

He sighs. He can't ever say no to her. "Fine."

When a sudden silence befalls them, she rises from her seat. "I have an appointment soon, so I'll be leaving first. It was nice talking to you, Jongin."

Before she can leave, he grabs her hand, trying to ignore the way his heart skips a beat.

"Wait. Let's meet here again tomorrow, the same time. Don't be late."

And before she can raise any words of protest, he walks out of the cafe before her, leaving her in a state of a bewilderment.

-----------------------------------

Joohyun cries the second she gets home after meeting Jongin.

Her eyes begin to get watery as she locks the door behind her, and in a matter of seconds, floods of tears stream down her face, quiet sobs escaping .

She looks ridiculous, crouched down on the floor, her bag still hanging off her shoulder and her heels still on her feet.

It's weird because she hasn't cried this much since her miscarriage. 

She didn't shed a single tear when her wedding was ruined. Because she could understand why he hadn't showed up. For a long time, perhaps, she had been fully aware of the fact that he was quietly suffering. That even as he tried to console her, he really needed consoling himself.

But then again, it didn't make any sense for her to be crying after seeing Jongin.

I missed my best friend, She thinks to herself. I really did.

After the ruined wedding, she cuts off contacts with everyone. Taeyeon, Baekhyun, Jinri, his old roommate Xiumin, and her old roommate Hyoyeon -- because she knows that she will be reminded of him if she stays close to them. She needs time to be alone, to recover, and be able to stand on her own again.

Just like the way that it was with her miscarriage, they would probably shower her with attention, trying to comfort her and at the end of everything, they would probably be the ones hurt the most. 

That's why, even now, she needs to stop meeting Jongin. Because knowing him, he will try to comfort her and get her to rely on him, but that's the last thing she wants.

She wants him to be free from her. She can only be a burden to someone like Jongin.

Two years have passed and somehow, she is still weak. 

After a long time, Joohyun lets out a shaky breath, wiping the tears from her face. She probably looks a mess right now, and is grateful for the fact that her roommate, Yoona, isn't home.

She kicks her heels off, not even bothering to set them up, and trudges into her room, sighing in appreciation as she falls onto her bed.

From the corner of her eye, she notices her wedding dress hanging out of her closet slightly.

It's the only trace of him that she has left.

All of their pictures, his gifts, his items from their apartment have been thrown away. Even the wedding ring.

But her wedding dress remains.

She remembers her roommate telling her to burn it, but she finds that to be a waste. It's such a beautiful dress, after all. Perhaps it can serve as a lovely memory for her. Maybe, in 20 years from now, she'll look at the dress and it won't hurt.

Instead, she'll remember the happy times they had together.

------------------------------

Choi Jinri is no longer a girl.

It's strange how two years can change a person so much. At 20, she was lanky and called "freakishly" tall, with wobbly knees, but now, she is elegant, beautiful, and commanding.

She uses her height to her advantage, by becoming a model.

It really is a glamorous job. Though there are hardships that come with it, Jinri is more thrilled by the flashing cameras, gorgeous outfits, and the way she feels prettier than she ever has.

But there's more than that.

Because Baekhyun is the one behind the camera lens. Byun Baekhyun. The man that completely owns her heart.

She remembers being introduced to him by Joohyun and Taeyeon. He's nice and funny, maybe one of the only guys that has ever showed her kindness. Throughout high school and college, she recalls the way all the boys called her, 'wobby knees' or 'giant baby', referring to the fact that while she was tall, she cried easily. 

But Baekhyun is different from them. He is nicer than anyone to her, and at age 18, when she first meets him, it makes her heart race. 

As time passes, she only falls deeper for him, even when she notices the way he is infatuated with Taeyeon. Taeyeon, who is a whole four years older than him and eight years older than her. Taeyeon is beautiful and charming, but Jinri thinks that she doesn't match with Baekhyun. 

"Turn a little more to the left, Jinri."

Her whole body shivers when he says her name. She peers at him, as she poses. His eyes are narrowed, sharp, and focused. His gaze remains solely on her and that fact in itself makes her heart guilty with pleasure.

After Joohyun's ruined wedding, Baekhyun drops hints as to the fact that he will be leaving. Leaving early for so called "appointments", not picking up phone calls, and being unusually quiet.

Of course, only Jinri notices this.

When you love someone, they're all you can pay attention to.

So, like an annoying little fangirl, Jinri follows Baekhyun around persistently and somehow, she ends up being the only person he's kept contact with. As shameless as it sounds, it makes her happy. She may not know why he left (because he doesn't want her to ask stupid questions), but she's glad enough to be by his side.

There are times when she misses Joohyun and Taeyeon, but the happiness she feels with him overcomes all of that.

When she learns he's interested in becoming a photographer, she asks if she should be the model.

"You, a model?" For a second, she is afraid that he's going to laugh at her. "Why not? You're tall and if you work on your posture, you'll be really good."

By now, she's made a name for herself in the modeling industry and she appears on the covers of several magazine covers. Baekhyun, too, is a famous photographer now.

"We'll go again after a 10 minute break!" Baekhyun calls out, and Jinri snaps out of her thoughts. 

"Sorry," She quickly apologizes, rushing up to him. "I was spacing out for a second."

He shakes his head. "It's fine. We all need a break by now anyway."

She smiles sheepishly. "Are you busy tonight? We can go out for dinner..."

And just as he's about to reply, one of the assistants, Sehun, interrupts them.

"Hyung!" The tall boy yells out. "There's  big news!"

Baekhyun raises an eyebrow. "Big news?"

"For Allure's next issue, they want to use Jinri as a model and you as the photographer," Sehun excitedly exclaims.

Baekhyun rolls his eyes. "Yah, why tell me something that I already knew? The Allure editor already contaced me a week ago, you --"

"That's not all!" Sehun cuts in. "Apparently, the clothes will be from the designer, Kim Taeyeon."

Jinri in a breath. Her stomach begins to churn and she feels sick all of a sudden. She shouldn't be feeling like this because it makes her a horrible person, but you can't control how you feel. And besides, she's never been a good liar anyway. She hesitantly turns to look at him because his reaction is what scares her the most.

He looks calm at first glance, but she knows better. Love does that to a person. It makes you memorize everything about a person.

His eyes soften the moment her name is mentioned and it's subtle, but he digs his nails into his skin, as if the physical pain would help to relieve himself emotionally.

It hurts. Not only because he's in pain himself, but because she's the one who's been by his side, becoming prettier and prettier for him, but he's never once looked at her with those eyes.

His eyes may always be on her in front of the camera, but what does that matter if his heart belongs to someone else anyway?

"Isn't this great, hyung!? Kim Taeyeon is a world-famous designer! I'm so excited to meet her!"

Jinri clenches her fists. She wants to curse at Taeyeon and resent her, but it aches knowing that she can't. Because Taeyeon is still Taeyeon, and she was nothing but kind and reliable to her. That, along with Joohyun, she was like her own older sister. And it isn't her fault. None of it is.

"Get back to work, Sehun," Baekhyun suddenly says, his tone forcefully light-hearted. "Not like it's your first time meeting a designer."

"Hyung, you party pooper," Sehun replies with a pout.

Baekhyun laughs at this, and Jinri forces herself to smile.

No matter how pretty she is, she is not Kim Taeyeon.

--------------------------------------------

"I'll call you tomorrow!"

He kisses her on the cheek before leaving, and Kim Taeyeon smiles and waves, before she steps into her apartment room. As soon as she comes in, she unceremoniously plops herself down on the couch and lets out a huff.

She's already 30 years old. 30 and still going through men like she goes through clothes.

Her father scolds her often for this -- "At 30, you should be married with a kid already!" -- and he tries to set her up with these serious, uptight businessman and she can't stand them. It only takes her a minute before she makes up an excuse and leaves. 

Before, she hated the idea of marriage entirely (she was young and she wanted to date all the men she could), but now, it's simply that she doesn't have anyone around her that seems suitable for marriage.

She's a bit tired of dating famous models and actors, that she'll only stay with for a week at most. This lifestyle is no longer"fun" and "exciting." They treat her well, and they're more than kind, but she knows that they're not at all serious about their relationships. That, more than their so-called "love" for her, their career matters most.

But she can't blame them. Because it's the same way for her. She loves her job as a fashion designer so much, that she wouldn't pick anything over it.

She tries to remember any guy who has been serious about her and her mind directs her to one name: Byun Baekhyun.

The boy was and probably still is earnest and kind, with a bright, innocent smile. When she had been a high schooler, he had come to the cafe everyday, blushing and stammering. She even remembers the way he confesses his love for her.

"Noona! Today, I want you to see me as a man, and not a kid!" He starts off strong, his eyes confident. "Today, is the day, I, Byun Baekhyun--"

Suddenly, a customer behind him bumps into him by accident, and mumbles an insincere, "Sorry."

He's flustered now and it's like he's forgotten everything he's planned.

"Noona...the thing is..." He gulps. "Noona, I really like you."

At the time, she had laughed it off as a joke, but looking back on it now, he may have been the only sincere guy she'd known. He would have been the guy that she wanted to marry now.

She bursts out laughing at that thought. Because she's four years older than him and there's no way he's in love with her anymore. It'd be ridiculous in any case for her to have a relationship with him. He was her brother's friend and now, probably interested in beautiful, cute ladies around his age.

"You're crazy, Kim Taeyeon," She says to herself loudly. "Really, really crazy." 

Maybe she's better off marrying those serious, old  businessmen after all. 

Actually, scratch that. There's no way that's true.

I should've been more like Joohyun, She thinks, remembering the innocent younger girl. 

In high school, she had dated all the guys she wanted, and while no one said anything to her face, she knows that they probably called her various, interesting names behind her back.

Her phone suddenly beeps, breaking her out of her memories. With a groan, she reluctantly gets up to read the text message.

Don't forget. There's a photoshoot for Allure tomorrow.

----------------------------

Jinri doesn't know what she expects when she sees Taeyeon.

She and Baekhyun may have changed, but Taeyeon has not. She never really does, does she? She's always the relaxed, mature, and kind sister to her.

"Unnie," The word slips out of before she can stop it. Baekhyun isn't here yet and neither are any of his assistants.

Taeyeon gives her a smile. "Jinri. It's been a long time, huh? You were pretty before, but you're even prettier now."

Jinri doesn't mention the fact that she made her make-up a little heavier today and that she wore high heels that were just a bit taller than her usual ones (though, she really doesn't need to be any taller).

She wants to look just as mature as Taeyeon today.

"Yah, you look two heads taller than me!" Taeyeon jokes. "You should've went with flats today!"

Jinri forces a chuckle. "Unnie, you're the same as ever, aren't you? Have you found a guy to settle down with yet?"

"Nope," Taeyeon sighs, throwing her hands up in the air. "There's no guy around me that seems to be suitable for marriage."

Jinri is about to suggest some of the famous celebrities and models that she's had history with, but before she can say anything, the door opens, and in walks Baekhyun and the rest of the crew.

Baekhyun's eyes linger a second too long on Taeyeon. The older girl simply smiles. "It's been a long time, huh, kiddo?"

At this, Sehun's eyes widen and he elbows Baekhyun in the ribs. "Hyung, you know Kim Taeyeon personally? Why didn't you tell me about it?"

Baekhyun doesn't say anything, so Jinri speaks in his place. "Taeyeon-unnie's someone Baekhyun-oppa and I knew when we were younger. She was like a close older sister."

"It's a honor, Miss Kim," He says stiffly, barely meeting her eyes. 

"Miss Kim? That sounds too formal!" Taeyeon jokes. "I'm older than everyone here, you should all just call me Taeyeon-noona. Address me comfortably."

Stop, Jinri screams inside her head. Don't do this to him.

However, it surprises her when she realizes that Baekhyun's pained expression and mannerisms are gone, and they are replaced with an odd kind of determination.

"If you want me to address you comfortably, please allow me to call you Taeyeon."

Jinri's eyes widen and Taeyeon even looks mildly stunned.

"Just Taeyeon?" Taeyeon asks, bewildered. "I'm a whole four years older than you."

He looks annoyed at her mention of age. "It's either just Taeyeon or Miss Kim."

This is when Jinri realizes with horror that Baekhyun still wants Taeyeon. That no matter how many times he gets hurt or rejected, he will go back to her.

Just like you'll go back to him.

Taeyeon narrows her eyes. "Fine. Call me Taeyeon, everyone."

"Not everyone, just me," Baekhyun replies, earning a look of disbelief from the older female. 

"How does that make any sense?"

He shrugs. "I'm the photographer. Don't you think that we are equals? I deserve to call you by your name, regardless of age."

Soon, Taeyeon looks like she's going to rip Baekhyun's head off, and while everyone else is laughing, Jinri can't bring herself to. She doesn't remember the last time she's seen such a variety of expressions on Baekhyun's face and his gaze remains solely on Taeyeon. 

It isn't fair. Taeyeon has men flocking around her, even at 30, so why does Baekhyun have to be one of those guys? Why isn't she allowed to have him at least?

She suddenly feels like a kid in her high heels with her darker make-up. 

She's grown so much already, but it isn't enough.

It isn't enough to claim Baekhyun's heart.

And it isn't enough to make her feel pretty anymore.

-------------------------

The next day, Jongin sees that Joohyun has arrived first at the cafe.

She's wearing a white blouse with simple blue jeans, but she still shines. She looks a little tired, but it's an improvement from how she looked yesterday.

"You're here," He states, taking a seat across from her.

She smiles gently. "Mhm. I ordered a drink for you already. It's a caramel latte, if you don't mind. Your tastes might have changed since high school."

"They stayed the same," He replies, taking a sip of it. "A lot of me stayed the same."

She laughs softly. "I wish I could say the same for myself."

He pauses for a second. "Do you still miss him?"

Her gaze falls to her lap, and when she looks up again, her eyes are slightly watery. 

"Sometimes."

A bitter laugh comes out of . "I can never lie to you, can I? I wanted to look strong for you yesterday, but it really isn't working anymore."

He isn't sure what hurts more. The fact that she still misses Luhan or the fact that she wanted to put up a strong front for him.

"I'm always here for you. I'm still your brother, Joohyun."

She shakes her head. "I can't depend on you. Do you know why I told Taeyeon-unni to never mention me to you? Because I know that you have your own path to follow. You play a huge part in your father's company and eventually, you'll have to get married and have kids. You have big places to go, and I'm just an obstacle in the way."

He grits his teeth. "You know that's not true--"

"It is," Joohyun interrupts, looking him dead in the eye. "The reason why I came here today was to tell you that we should not see each other again."

He swallows.

"Sometime, in the future, you'll end up leading your father's company. You're someone meant to do great things. You're smart, wealthy, and undoubtedly talented. You have no reason to keep sheltering me, after all this time," She says, her voice shaky. 

"So, what is this?" He can't find the strength to make himself sound stable. "We meet after all this time, and after a day, you want us to stop meeting each other?"

She smiles weakly. "Yes. This will be goodbye. Forever, this time."

The words break Jongin all over again and he almost wishes that he'd never seen again if it was going to be like this. But that thought quickly disappears because a part of him is still happy that he had the chance to see her, talk to her, and breathe in her scent again. 

He enters a state of desperation when he realizes, with fear, that he might never see her again. He doesn't want that to happen. He survived the past years because he was under the belief that she was happily married. He can't possibly let her go when she is still this broken and fragile.

No. It's moreso that he can't let her go because he will be broken and fragile.

And so, before he can even think about what he's saying, he whispers the words,

"I love you."

-----------------

A/N: I'm sorry, guys! D: I know I haven't updated this in forever, so FINALLY, here is chapter four. I had thoughts of deleting this story because I didn't have much motivation for it, but I decided to just keep it. I will try and update more often, but it'll be difficult because of school. 

In any case, thank you sososo much for reading this story and liking it!<3 All comments are much appreciated! :)