Being the submissive one has its disadvantage.

“So I can name him?”

“Yeah do whatever you want” Yoonjae answers Joonhee who’s staring at the white little puppy in his hand.

“He’s so cute” he says as he lifts the puppy up “Yoonjae-yah from now on I’ll take care of you” he says as he kisses the puppy on the lips, slightly imagining that he’s kissing Yoonjae. This kind of things does he realize it? Did he make it obvious? Nah, Guess Not. This puppy too, I think he bought it for Shiwon but why did he give it to me?

“What are you doing? How can you name him like that?” Yoonjae says with unbelievable look in his eyes

“You said I can name him. I want to name him like that. Aigoo so cute” This is the first gift he gave it to me. I’m not obvious of how happy I am right?

I have to get out of here… to avoid being noticed.

“Anyway, I’ll be get going. See you later” the puppy was so cute. I was instantly attached to him, Yoonjae at least let me keep this instead of you. I know who you bought this for but let’s just say this was for me, sincerely.

While I was playing with the dog, one little girl come up to me saying that it was her dog. I panicked inside. Her mom stopping her, scolding as she kept saying it isn’t hers and saying she’s sorry. Listening to the story it’s that she lost her dog at this playground and she really loved her dog. Hearing her mom say that I don’t know why I just felt overly generous and gave the puppy to her. She was so happy and that’s enough for me.

It was the first gift that Yoonjae gave it to me. But I say to myself that it’s ok and gave her the dog.

When I decided to crash into Shiwon’s house, all of sudden white puppy crashed onto me. I was so surprised, that the puppy I gave to the little girl was at my feet.

“Yoonjae-yah I said not to go the door, didn’t I?” she scolded the puppy.

I was dumb pounded.

“Where did you find this dog?”

“ah, I find this dog at the park, he was lost”

Then I saw the real Yoonjae at the sofa, he was kind of smiling no he was smiling. I was disappointed. I suddenly felt that it was meaningless; I was nothing that kind of feeling. But I tried to keep it quiet, put on poker face and acted like nothing happened but inside it was all mess.

I realize at that moment Yoonjae wasn’t for me there was no chance…

But then again who said Yoonjae would be gay anyway. He was the odd one, Kang Joonhee was the odd one.

So it’s better if I stay as a friend.

This thought of how I have to stay as friend always lingers in my mind that the fast beating of my heart started to slow down little by little.

Admitting was hard, but giving up was easy, because there was nothing to begin with.

What would happen if there was little bit of chance.

2003. Winter. Seoul

“Yoonjae, sometimes I wish there were something between us. Because whenever I saw you I feel empty. Sometimes it’s hard to breathe. If you take my confession more seriously that day, I wouldn’t have feel this empty when I see you. But then again if you took it seriously I wouldn’t be able to see you every day. I’m pathetic to see you every day I have to bear this empty feeling in my heart” He took a deep sigh. This night he was feeling lonely. One sided feeling was taking its monthly troll on him.

It was nearing February 14^th. He wished he was normal. He wants to start dating and begin romance. But there isn’t anyone who’s like Yoonjae or anyone who has the same uality as him.

What should he do?

“Yoonjae, I’m getting tired”

“please realize my feeling, or please date someone so I can move on” he said as his tears spill.

Submissive word meaning allowing people take priority of our own, thinking about that person first then thinking about yourself later. Giving all of you then getting nothing in return.

But this side of him is his disadvantage. His heart seems to be getting hurt everytime he decided to gave up. And Every time he realize he can’t have him.

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Don't know what i wrote but i think i understand Joonhee's character cause i'm now in a same position as him. i like someone but he likes someone else. We are close (?) friends. i know that he has someone else but i just keep my hopes up but then letting it down cause he doesn't like me. I don't grab onto him, want to let go and my heart too start to not beating faster, want to stay as good friend but don't know why i think of him. I gave up on him but sometimes i think he is the perfect one for me. but why?