Things have been different, to put it gently. Not in a bad way necessarily, but enough for me to notice.
Let’s be honest, how could you not notice random giggling whenever you’re in close proximity to your “friend”? Krystal hasn’t picked up on it yet, but it’s only a matter of time.
I approach Sulli three days after “the big revelation”, while Victoria has left to buy groceries and Luna is off to the gym. I find her hidden in the dark corners of her messy room, sitting at her desk scribbling something on a piece of paper. Normally, Victoria is very strict when it comes to tidying up and cleaning but it seems as if even she’s given up on lecturing Sulli.
I clear my throat, trying to get her attention.

“Sulli, we really need to talk about… the secret.”

I whisper the last part, for all I know Victoria could be marching right into the room any given second, or even worse, Krystal. Before it’s too late I lock the door. You can never be careful enough.
I turn back to Sulli, expecting some kind of response but she seems too engaged in whatever she’s doing to notice me. Whatever it is must be important, maybe a school assignment. After walking over to her I can only slap my forehead in frustration. I’m experiencing a severe panic attack while this brat is busy solving a Sudoku puzzle!
Fed up with this whole situation I grab her pen and throw it in a pile of clothes not far away.
“You can’t be for real, can you?”
“Well, the last time I checked I did exist. And that was my favorite pen.”

Who the hell even has favorite writing equipment? And holy when did she become such a smartass?

“You can fish it out of that rotten pile of clothing later, but first listen to my problem, okay?”

She glares at me, clearly not happy about me tossing away her precious pen, trying to intimidate me. But this brat could have a bloody knife in her hand and would look cute, so I just shrug unimpressed. Defeated she exhales and leans back in her chair.

“So, what’s your problem”
“You.”

With a huff she crosses her arms.

“But I didn’t do anything!”

She’s pouting and looking away from me, hurt because of the accusation. Maybe I’d feel sorry for her if it wasn’t her fault but it is, so I just raise my eyebrow in amusement. I poke her arm, trying to get her to pay attention to me.

“Look, just keep it down with the giggling. It really stresses me out. I’m kind of in a risky situation.”

Risky my . More like deadly.
I look up as I hear Sulli giggling. This exact behavior has brought me into this mess and all she can do is laugh even more about it.

“I really don’t get how this is funny to you? You’re risking my head here!”

She calms down for a few seconds, avoiding eye contact with me. I can see her lip quivering, like she’s holding in a hysteric laughing fit. I manage to look her in the eye and in the next instant she breaks into a grin which soon develops into her giggling like crazy.

“Y-you are such a dork! I can’t, I just can’t! Dig me a grave because I’m dying!”

Now she’s outright laughing in my face and from the red tint on her cheeks I can gather that breathing is getting harder by the moment.

“Yeah, yeah, my misery is so funny. I hope you choke on your tongue.”

I cross my arms over my chest and start sulking. Sulli doesn’t seem affected by this in the least and it takes her several minutes until she’s calmed down. She lets one of her hands rest on my shoulder and I notice an amused grin playing on her features.

“Hyung, you’re making a big deal out of nothing. I’ll keep it on the low from now on, promised. But you should go work out or something. You’re way too tense.”

She pats my shoulder reassuringly and just after the words left I can feel how rigid my whole posture was. I have been this way for the past few days, constantly worrying about anyone else finding out. I let out a big sigh, sit down on her bed and burry my head in my hands. I let my muscles loosen and think Sulli’s words through. Maybe I am overreacting, it’s not like she’s gonna grab the next megaphone and inform everyone in Seoul.

“I think Krystal is driving me mad.”

I sink into the cushions of Sulli’s bed end stare up at the ceiling. Maybe I can go to the gym with Luna tomorrow. From all girls in the group she’s the one that works the hardest. Her singing and dancing is flawless but she keeps going forward, always reaching higher. I squeeze my eyes shut, frustration settling in deep in my stomach. What the hell is wrong with me? Luna is always pushing herself to her limits while I’m losing my mind over… nothing at all.

“I’m overreacting, right?”
“Totally.”

This time there is no giggling, I only feel the mattress giving way because of additional pressure. Sulli settles down next to me and shortly after we both fall asleep.

...

Someone is knocking on the door.

With a jolt I’m in a sitting position. I glance to my right, seeing Sulli nearly falling out of bed while she’s still sleeping. I comb through my hair with my hand and make my way to the door.
Another hard knock.
, how long was I asleep? I hope I didn’t miss dinner… it’s probably Vic knocking anyway.

“What the are you doing in Sulli and Victoria’s room?”

Or not.
Maybe if I close the door really slowly she will forget that I ever opened it..? Probably not.
Her glare is sending daggers right through me and I can feel my blood running cold.

“We just… fell asleep?”

I try to smile but it only comes out as a shaky grin. Mental note to self: don’t make your explanations sound like questions.

“I see, and since when can you only sleep when the doors are firmly locked?”

Sweet Jesus, I’m so done for. Did I ever mention that Krystal was one of the most irrational jealous people on this planet? She was the queen of green eyed envy. She would never admit it of course because she likes to be in control of her emotions. I don’t care for the most part because jealous Krystal is really y. Unfortunately she can also be very scary.
My inner organs are having some weird fight because I don’t know if I should be scared less or .

“Are you going to answer anytime soon or did something get your tongue? Or someone?”

Scared, I’m definitely scared. 
I swallow the lump in my throat.

“We wanted to clean the room. As a surprise. For Victoria.”

Second mental note: learn to speak like a normal human being.

“And we didn’t want her to come in before we were finished. But we fell asleep because… the past week has been very stressful, you know?”
“Of course I know, we are in the same damn group!”

I flinch at the harsh words. Before I can make even a bigger idiot of myself she roughly grips my arm and pulls me towards my shared bedroom with Luna.
There’s a high percentage that she’ll kill me in said room or worse, force me to wear girly clothes and take pictures of me. She always loves to black-mail me into doing crazy like buying her that one expensive and ridiculous looking handbag. That thing could barely fit a bag of chips, so where’s the use in buying it?

To my surprise she refrains from chopping my head off on the spot and simply pushes me on the bed after locking the door behind her. I struggle to get into a sitting possession while she’s simply standing there starring me down.

“If you ever dare to cheat on me I’m going to impale your head on a stake and parade it around town. Understood?”
“Krystal… It’s Sulli. You can’t actually think I’d ever do anything to her that’s not platonic.”
“This isn’t about Sulli, Amber! Not only, at least.”

By now she has no bite left in her voice. At moments like this I’m reminded that she’s in fact the youngest in the group. Merely a teenage girl, even if she’s mature for her age.
Now I’m the one reaching for her arm, pulling her to me onto the bed. She’s sitting with her back turned to me.

“I would never hurt you. You’re too good for me, why should I throw that away?”
 “…You’re stupid.”
“I love you, too.”

I tug her closer so that her head is resting under my chin, circling her waist with my arms. I close my eyes, still a bit sleepy from before. I feel her head moving backwards, leaning closer into me. She plants a soft kiss on the underside of my jaw, putting a smile on my face. After leaving a trail of kisses down to my neck she halts in her movements and I can feel her eyes on me.

“Why’d you stop, I enjoyed that.”

I loosen my grip on her waist, letting her turn around so that we are facing each other. Without a word she gently pushes me down on my back and crawls on top of me. She gets like this sometimes, all quiet and serious. It’s a sure sign that she’s up to something.
She leans closer, her nose brushing against mine. Before I can rise up to meet her lips she shifts to the left, softly giggling into my ear. What a tease.

“Krys, you’re horrible.”

She responds with a light bite on my earlobe, sending shivers down my spine and making the hair on the back of my neck stand up. How is it possible to feel hot and cold at the same time? One of her hands is making its way up to the collar of my shirt, pulling it down a few inches and revealing the skin of my collarbone. My breathing is getting heavier, anticipating her next move.
I let out a strangled gasp as she bites down and sinks her teeth into the delicate flesh. She hard on the same spot, occasionally stopping to press a light kiss on the bruise that has with no doubt formed.
My hands are busy playing with her hair while I’m trying to control my breathing. Leaving any kind of marks was usually a big no go but I guess Krystal likes to bend her own rules. I clearly don’t mind.

A good minute later she seems to be satisfied with her handiwork and gives me a lingering kiss. On my cheek. Before I can stop her to finally get a real kiss she’s already up and out of the door. I let my head fall down on my pillow and let out a long sigh.

The next day I find myself in full training gear standing outside of the gym, accompanied by Luna. The girl was visibly ecstatic as I asked her if I could join her, saying that it had been too long since we had a good work-out together. I was glad to finally release my pent-up frustration and the presence of our main vocalist always put me in a good mood. Her laughter was addicting and she had a certain aura around her that just radiated joy.

We store our sports bags in the locker-room and she gives me a summary of her usual routine. There’s no way in hell I could keep up with her but she just laughs at me and instructs me to follow her to the treadmills. After our “short” warm-up I’m already drenched in sweat while Luna looks as flawless as ever. Instead of letting me catch my breath she pushes me towards the next instrument of torture.
This goes on for the next two hours, leaving me exhausted as hell but also strangely relieved. My mind is freed from worries and the tension in my body has left. I put my arm around Luna’s shoulder, grinning all the way back to the locker-rooms. She looks like she could easily run another mile and I shake my head, wondering from where she gets all the energy. God damn, my legs hurt.

Luckily there’s no one except for us in the changing rooms. Not that I’m ashamed of my body or anything, but getting mistaken for a boy wouldn’t be beneficial to my health, trust me. I can’t count how often I’ve been screamed at in public toilets. One day like that is going to leave me with permanent ear-damage. I take of my sweaty t-shirt and toss it into my bag, feeling the soreness in my back from the simple movement.

“Doing sports is the weirdest thing on earth. I feel like someone stabbed me, but in a good way.”

Wow, that analogy made zero sense. I take a quick glance at Luna, expecting her to be laughing at my Korean. But she’s just standing there staring at me.

“That mosquito bite looks… interesting.”

My hand rapidly shoots up to cover the hickey that Krystal left me yesterday. The strap of my sports bra is hiding part of it but it’s still clearly visible. Like, it’s right there in all its purple and red glory and I forgot about it! What idiot let me graduate high school?

“Err… Actually, I fell.”
“You fell and hit your collarbone? Really?”
“Precisely.”

She doesn’t look like she’s buying my lie but instead makes her way over to me, leans in and takes a closer look.  I don’t dare to open my mouth, too scared that I’ll make a total fool of myself. After the longest five seconds of my life she takes a step back and regards me with a raised eyebrow.

“Whatever you fell on gave you one hell of a hickey.”

And again I’m a step closer to death.

“Yeah… the floor of our apartment got a thing for me.”

‘Least one of us finds this amusing because Luna actually cracks a smile after my last retort. Sadly a second later she’s gone back to glaring at me.

“Very funny Amber. Just tell me who put that thing on you.”
“… I’d rather keep it to myself.”
“Are you asking for me to kick your ?”

I’m fidgeting on the spot, nervously playing with the hem of my shorts. She’s rarely angry at any of us.

“I don’t want you to get mad.”

I hear her coming closer again.
She surprises me by giving me a quick hug, afterwards looking more worried than angry. My DNA is so useless. How is being good at math going to help me when I can’t even come up with a plausible white lie? So I stand there, dressed only in a sports bra and shorts and decide to risk basically everything.

“Krystal.”
“Krystal?”
“The one in our group? You remember?”

At least I could be snarky one last time before she rips off my head. I close my eyes, awaiting the lecture of my life.
But instead of a cry of outrage she lets out an ear-piercing squeal and continuously slaps my right arm. I should start saving money for a hearing aid.

“I knew it! I totally knew it!”

Wow, I’m having a déjà-vu.

“You’re taking this really well.”

Not that I wasn’t thankful for that but it was… weird to say the least. Luna looks like a kid on Christmas Eve, pulling me in for a hug and jumping up and down. She lets go and grins at me while shaking her head.

“I like being right and you two aren’t as subtle as you might think.”

Great, bad at lying and even worse at being sneaky. Good to know that I’m too much of a saint to keep a secret safe. And if we’re so obvious, how long will it take until other people catch on? I can feel the dull throb of a headache starting to grow. Luna notices my uneasiness and quietens down. She pumps my shoulder with her fist.

“You worry too much, Amber.”
“I know, that’s what Sulli said as well… But could you not tell anyone for now?”
“What, why? This is like the first time that I’ve won a bet against my sister and I can’t tell her?! And why does Sulli know about this before me?”

I slap her over the head, messing up her hair-do with a cheeky grin.

“Because she doesn’t make stupid bets and torture me on treadmills.”
“Yeah, yeah, no need to get violent, you lazy llama.”
“And..?”
“And I’ll keep my mouth shut.”

This time it’s me who pulls her into an embrace.
Right now there are two people who know and I won’t let this escalate further.

Yeah, right…

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