The red, the color of desire, it attracts me, I want more, I want more red to coloring my dull life. I was addicted to this color, like everything is great with red. The red and the pain, the best feelings ever in this universe.

I was meet you that day, that day in the place where all red roses are bloom gracefully. I was being lost in my own world to care about your presence. I accidentally got hurt because the thorn of the rose, but it feels great. You suddenly come to me, asking if I’m okay, but I’m rudely just ignore you. Because, why would someone like you try to communicate with such a failure like me? 

Until one day the ghost inside me trying to control me, you try so hard to keep me feel safe. That day I thought I see a rainbow in your eyes, the other colors that I don't really appreciate at all, all I want is red, all I know is red, everything is just red.

"Everything gonna be alright." that was what you said, it's not the first time people said such things to me, but you, you slowly creeping on my whole system. I was weak for you, my brain system is just obliged to you, all because of this foreign feelings.

You, the typical prince who I believe just appear in those nonsense fiction appear right in front of me. Why would someone like you try to talk with me? I don't even get it. We might be the same human being, but you belong to another world that I can’t reach.

But you keep talk with me, the invisible barriers that I create for years is slowly melting because of you. You who always be there when my obsession towards the red is coming again, you said it such a waste for me to keeping up with my obsession.

Without i notice, you change me, to be more cheerful, to be more happy, you make me believe life was worth it, but what's most important, you make me feel more human again.

Each day you said that I'm beautiful, until that day, you want to be the part of my dull life, to brightens everything, "___ I know you think I was joking today, but believe me, I want to be with you, I feel so comfortable with you, would you like to be mine?" I still remember that day, you confess your feelings to me, at least that's what I think.

Just like I said before, I was a fool for you, I'm given in, I just nod, and see the same rainbow in my eyes due the tears keep falling from my eyes.

Being an affectionate lover, you shower me with everything you have but somehow I think I don't deserve all of this, "baby if you want, I will give the world to you." I just kiss you to reconnect and give you my love, because you are my world, you already give yourself to me, everything is perfect, I'm a happy person alive.

"Baby, would you like being Mrs. Kim Jongin?" I still remember everything, the way you kneel down to me with a ruby ring inside that velvet box, in front of the crowd in the busy street of Seoul city. Everyone was watching us and expecting a good answer from me, some people even record it. The color appears again, the color of my obsession, red, you surely know what I love, the rosy blush appears from my face just as I said yes to you.

We are happy, we are made for each other, we are one, nobody can ruin our relationship.

This three years was good, I'm giving myself to you that night in the red satin dress, I'm letting you to mark my innocence to prove my loyalty to you, because I have nothing, I just have you. I still can remember how you treat me as if I'm a fragile porcelain, but you still hold yourself because you don't want to hurt me, I'm letting you to violate my body, just let out all your needs from this past three years because you keep waiting.

After that night our relationship is getting stronger than before, as you said you want to keep me for yourself forever by claim me as your life partner, I’m so happy, it’s really nice to know someone actually wants to keep me in his life.

Our wedding is coming, I was really excited, I can't even wait anymore.

But the several days before our wedding, the terror is coming, and it's real.

Our distance is getting obvious, you are still with me, but just you are with me physically, mentally? That's a big question.

Did I do something wrong? Am I boring? Are you getting tired with me? Please don't do this to me.

We are living in the same roof, but it feels like our souls are gone to another place.

Is there another girl? Did someone take my place from your heart?

I was curious, but my curiosity just gives me a big slap, the most painful fact that I want to bury as deep as I can.

I see you with her, that red haired girl, in your office room, together. You embrace her just like how you treat me, you know, it’s too painful to watch it with my own eyes. I keep telling to myself that should be an explanation, but everything is too clear. I was a fool, I was a fool because I given in, but I can't hate you.

Instead, I hate myself. I hate how bad I'm too attached with you.

Our eyes meet, a shock was written all over your face, "baby I can explain-"

But I runaway, runaway as far as I can, I really want to be unknown again. Those moment…. how we are be together is unsustainably replayed inside my head, like an old film.

So everything is lie, everything is just delusion, how can I believe someone like you is belong to me? How can I easily believe that I matched to you.

I know, I must back, to my old obsession, the red-

CRASH!!

"____!!!!"

Suddenly I feel something heavy is just crashed to me, like I just fell off from a tower. Who am I? What am I? Where am I?

I can't feel anything, all I see is red all over the place and all over my body and the pain. The pain, both from my body and heart.

Jongin? Why is he here? Why his eyes look so red and puffy? Why tears keep flowing from his eyes?

"____ baby, please talk to me."

I can't feel my body, those red liquid keep coming out from my body, I don't have any energy left. But what's most important, I know it, I can feel it, I also have no enough time anymore. I try so hard to smile at him, at least that's all I can do for now.

"Ki...m... Jo...ng...in........" Why it’s really hard just to spell his name?

"Baby stay still, please don't leave me!" Your embrace is getting tighter, but I can't feel it.

Tears come down from my eyes as well, I can't hate you, I can't hate you despite you trick me and let me to believe in all these lies, and I hate myself as well to let those unnecessary tears come down from your eyes.

The red is getting bold, it will change to the darkness.

My time is up.

This's the last time.

"I love you Jongin, I really do love you."

Maybe, in another life we could meet again, maybe……

ah this's really bad

hmmm thank you for those who reading this fanfic

cheers!