Daisies

She slowly walked to the windowsill, letting her hands support her by leaning on the edge when she reached it. She stuck her head out and inhaled the cool fresh night breeze. She loved this time the most, when the moon was out, the stars twinkled at her and the breeze swept her hair away.

“Tonight, there’s a meteor shower.”

“Another ticket? Kim Jinah, you really waste your money on these kinds of things.” Jinah’s friend Sookyung shook her head pitifully. “Are you seriously serious about this?”

“Do I look like I’m not?” Jinah raised an eyebrow and huffing, shoved the crumpled ticket into her blazer pocket. Not that she crumpled it on purpose. It was just like that because of the many times she kept opening it from its folded state and staring at it. Sookyung shook her head again and laughed.

“I’m not arguing with you.”

“Yeah sure you won’t. I have some spare money, we’ll get ice-cream, c’mon.” Jinah grinned and tugged on Sookyung’s hand, the latter following more than willingly.

“Excited aren’t we? Even though is the millionth time you’re doing this.” Sookyung rolled her eyes, emphasizing on the word ‘millionth’. She folded her arms and sat on the concrete step feeling tired.

“But I feel excited every single time Sookyung-ah.” Jinah slowly said, waiting patiently standing far away from the enormous crowd that had formed in the area. Worried about the time, she glanced at the precious present she was carrying. She didn’t want it to get ruined before he arrived.

Finally the black car pulled up. She’d even grown to memorize the license plate number. A genuinely happy smile dawning on her face, she held on to the present more carefully as he got out, surrounded on all sides by bodyguards and walked ahead of her. Waving at the fans casually as if he saw them every day, smiling that warm smile at each and every single fan… it was one of the things she loved about him.

“It’s him.”

The words left her lips like a mere whisper.

Slowly, painstakingly slowly, the fan sign started. She stood in her place in the unbelievably long queue and Sookyung stood for her when her legs grew tired. No need to be surprised, she stood at the end of the line. On purpose. She stood last on purpose. She did that because she knew that if she was the last fan left, she could have a conversation with him more freely without anyone nagging at her to shut up and move on.

“Ah, you’re next.” Sookyung nudged her back as she found herself standing in front of the last fan. The sky had gotten dark, it was late and though the other fans were still there, getting all they could on their camera, people had milled out and the air felt fresher than it was before the fan sign started. Getting a warm tingle all over her, she took a deep breath and stepped forward.

“Annyeoung.” She greeted politely, followed by a warm smile. He looked up, his handsome features letting an expression of mild surprise and genuine happiness dawn over them.

“Annyeoung! You’re here. Again.” He laughed lightly, his eyes nearly disappearing. Jinah’s breath caught in but she shook it off and produced the present from behind her. “I’m sorry, they kind of wilted but… they don’t look too bad do they?”

Three daisies held together with some silver string and baby’s breath. The present she always remembered to prepare.

“Ah it’s perfect.” He brought the flowers to his nose and closing his eyes, smelled them.

She stared at him and laughed. “They don’t really have any fragrance!”

His eyes flew open and stared back at hers, surprised. “Eh? But they do, haven’t you ever noticed it?” She shook her head indicating she hadn’t. “Really?! Here, smell it!” He leaned forward from his chair and held the flowers in front of her.

Something about the pose was strange – no – it was funny. She was standing, he was sitting and therefore she was on a higher level than him. He was holding flowers in front of her. Fans would definitely take this in the wrong way. She burst out laughing.

“Sit down!” She gasped between fits of laughter and his mouth hung open, wondering why she was laughing so hard. “Don’t do that, the other fans will glare daggers at me!” He blinked vaguely, nothing sinking into his head. Then it did. He looked at her, amused.

“Ah that… well you don’t have to worry though.” He chuckled and resumed the pose again. “But I didn’t know you’ve never noticed the smell of daisies. C’mon, I want you to smell them.” He prodded the delicate looking flowers in the air, urging her to take a whiff.

She relented, inching her head forward and closing her eyes, willing herself to smell the flowers.

Fresh. Light. Pleasant. They smelled like fresh linen. Like the sun. How come she’d never noticed this before? After all the times she’d picked them off her neighbor’s garden – 2 years to be precise – she had never bothered to smell the flowers herself.

“I never… noticed…” She murmured as she opened her eyes and looked at the superstar grinning before her.

“See? I told you. You really are absent-minded.” He bonked her on the head.

“So how are you?” She clasped her hands behind her and asked him, tilting her head slightly. He chuckled.

“I’m already growing old, you see these?” He pointed at invisible creases on his forehead. “I’m getting wrinkles already!” He sighed and shook his head sadly.

“Ah that really is too sad.” She chewed on her words making the good-looking 24 year old idol gasp in shock. “You are looking old. But you’re 24 so I guess you can’t help it.” She said cheekily and faked a pitiful expression. He gasped again.

“How can you say that to me?!” He whined and then glared at her. She shrugged.

“You asked for it.”

“But y-“

“We need to get going!” A voice interrupted from behind him and he sighed, running a hand through his short black hair. She loved that hairstyle. It was the Break-Down hairstyle, as she liked to call it – because in all honesty, it gave her nervous breakdowns just watching the video playing on TV.

“I need to go.” He said apologetically, holding out his hand. “I’m sorry I’m so busy.”

She felt her heart sink a bit but brushed it off. “You’re an idol. You don’t have to apologize for something like this.” She placed her hand in his and felt him squeeze it warmly. “Eat well and take care of yourself okay?” She reassured him with a victory sign. As much as she didn’t want to, she had to pull her hand away and he let go of it without any haste – as if he was more than willing to. Hiding her disappointed face, she grinned cheekily and watched his retreating back, the sad expression becoming visible again.

“I’m a fan. And nothing more.”

When she was sure he wouldn’t turn around before getting into his car she started to walk off in the opposite direction. Before she could disappear around the bend, however, she heard her name being called.

“Jinah-ah!”

Freezing in her spot, she slowly turned around and looked at him standing with the car door open and waving at her.

“Come talk to me again!”

Her face broke into a smile and she waved back.

“Take care!” Then she watched until the car wheels spun into motion and disappeared around the corner.

“Does he know?” She murmured, standing on the windowsill, turning a single daisy over in her fingers.

“They symbolize relationships.”

Of course he wouldn’t know. If he did, he never let it show. For two years, she had been presenting him with daisies each time. She didn’t really have anything else to give him. And he acknowledged her presence every time. They’d become familiar with each other. To him, she was a friendly fan. A friendly ‘friend’, even.

To her, he was her everything. And no, not in the sense of being an idol.

In the sense of being a person.

She was not in love with the man she’d seen on TV all the time.

She was in love with him.

credits