let (me) go and breathe (him) in
Description
Sehun is scared. He doesn't want to let him go-- he never did. Every fiber of his being screams at him to go directly against the orders given, but he can't bring himself to. No. He's too terrified. Terrified of slipping up. Terrified of punishment. Terrified of loss. And at this point, he's terrified of breathing. He doesn't want to take in another breath in fear of continuing to live, to love.
So he just sits there and watches as he's left. Left alone, alone and desperate. Desperate for affection, desperate for shelter, and yearning for relief from his suffering.
More people will suffer than just him.
Because loneliness lusts for company. Sehun lusts for company. He finds himself in the arms of a man, a friend, who he never saw as anything more than another piece in the equation of his life. He finds that the ones who seem the least important are the fingers holding the strings to the puppets who seem of the greatest importance. He finds that help and refuge come from unexpected places.
the car is too stuffy. the air is so thick that sehun can barely breathe, oxygen heavy on his tongue as he inhales, immediately feeling a wave of nausea once a familiar scent tickles his senses. with the tinge of musk and green tea, he could practically see the mousy haired man, indent in his cheek as plump, pouted lips curl into a grin, dark orbs glittering with joy, standing several inches shorter than him, making his weight shift to the balls of his feet as he leaned up, palms pressed against sehun's chest, features getting sharper and more beautiful as he got closer, lips looming near sehun's, and-
"You're doing it again."
he wants to scream, to hit the gentle touch on his shoulder away and hide in a shell of loneliness and anguish that nobody could ever penetrate. but as he glances over after recovering from a violent start, the urges fade away.
"Breathe, Sehun-ah."
only then does he realize that he was holding his breath.
He finds that sometimes he forgets to breathe.
"Y-Yixing, I-"
"No, Sehun."
silence.
"I'm not risking the health and stability of EXO, of our family, over us. We can't keep doing this."
more silence.
"... I.... I understand."
Sehun wishes he could (understand) breathe.
Foreword
author's note.
i feel bad for not updating anything and only posting more things wHy am i doing this to mySELf
oh well.
have some angsty ing/chenhun bc why not??
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