14.6.2012:           

I’m tired. I think I need to stop writing diary for a while. My baby needs me more. Zi Tao is too busy

with his work. It makes me worried.

Tao skip several blank pages until another page with mess handwriting could be found.   

08.1.2013

I thought today will be filled with happiness…but it was disaster. I don’t mean to killed

Kai…NO!! He’s the one who run to the river…NO!! I’m the one who killed my baby! I’m such a bad

mom! I should fight my phobia but I just can’t…Forgive me baby…Please forgive me...Mommy don’t

mean to kill you…

15.1.2013

Tao still don’t wanna talk to me. He’s still mad about Kai death. Honey…can you please talk to me?

Will you please understand my feeling? Staying in this home alone is not helping me at all.

02.2.2013

“I thought loving you will make me happy! I thought believing in you to give birth my child will

make me happy! But you really disappoint me KIM SEOYEON…You killed my only and beloved son!

WHY YOU’RE SO CRUEL?” Why did you throw this word to me Tao? Why? I’m not the culprit of our

baby death. I’m really not!

20.2.2013

I don’t have anyone to share my story with. Why you must go Kai? Why you must run away from me,

baby? Mommy missed you.

27.2.2013

Zi Tao scolds me for keep on crying. Can you please understand me? I’m lonely honey.

 

Guilty…That is the only word that could describe Zi Tao feeling right now.

 

20.3.2013

I keep on staring his face every night. This is the only way for me to seeing his face for a long time

without being scolded. Those lips…When will I be able to hear “I love you” coming out from those lips

again? I just want he to know, I still love him. Baby, can you help mommy to tell that to daddy?

20.4.2013

Month has passed and I’ve been starting my old habit again. All this canvas is still not enough for

me to picture my beloved one. I’m stressed but it’s okay. Kai is here companying me..

 

Tao stop for a moment. How can this happen?

 

26.4.2013

I laugh! I can’t believe it that I’m laughing today… Kai appearance really makes my day.

16.5.2013

Kai said I look better when I smiled. Is it true? Zi Tao never smiled back when I smile at him. Is it

because I’m ugly? I don’t think so. Kai praise me for my beauties.

15.6.2013

I thought with Kai appearance everything will turn out more ok but it turn out otherwise.

My body become more and more weaker due to lack of sleeping. I’ve keep on doing something wrong

that makes Tao mad. I tried to stop talking with Kai because of all this stressed. Today my baby came

again and I can’t resist any longer when he said he missed me. I do too. Maybe this will be my last

day writhing diary. I’m tired to keep on missing Zi Tao when he’ve already hate me. I’m tired to keep

on missing my baby. So I thought staying by his side will be the best. My beloved Huang Zi Tao might

don’t feel anything to me but I just want he to now, all this entire time I never once stop on loving

him…

The entire world is like crushing Zi Tao into a thin atom. He can’t believe what he had read. He

doesn’t want this to end like this. Even he treats Seoyeon cruelly, that woman is the

only person he loves in this world. Losing her means losing his life!

 

 

“Yeonnie, please wake up. I’m sorry for being such a jerk all this time. I’ve failed being a good

husband for a wonderful creature like you. I know I shouldn’t release my temper to you due to my

stressed of work and our baby death. But…I just can’t control my emotion. Being a jerk makes me

blind from seeing you’re hurting more than I do. I don’t even spare some time to hear nor talk to

you. Your diary has waked me up from my dream. Please give me another chance to redeem my

wrong. I still love you and my feeling never change…So honey…please…wakes up…”

    Tao kiss the bandage on Seoyeon wrist. The love of his life still unconscious, lying on those

                        white bed sheet like a dead. Trying to wash away his bad imagination, Tao deepen his kiss on

those bandage with tears. He don’t want to imagine anything about losing his

Seoyeon. Suddenly, he could feel his lover palm touching his cheek.

“I thought…you hate me,” Seoyeon voice crack.

Tao burst his tears once more. He catches that woman lips to his. He keeps on mumbling words ‘I

love you’ ‘Don’t leave me’ and ‘Forgive me’ between this breath taking kiss.

Oh! How he wish he’ve done this earlier so none of them will get hurt. Tao vow to himself he’ll

never hurt his beloved once more. He vows to himself he’ll make Seoyeon happy. He

vows to himself he’ll give a new Kai for Seoyeon. And he vow to the world, Huang Zi

Tao’s love to Kim Seoyeon will never change, until he dies…

-END-