Fighting was not fun. This relationship wasn’t fun anymore. It felt like it was falling apart at the seams and struggling day by day to stay together while always yelling was not healthy, but you loved him. You loved him so much; almost as much as he loved you. You were no longer living together, it only strained the relationship more, and the had stopped months ago. You knew that everything was going to blow up soon.

Both of you had tried to get past all the disagreements and fights, but with him always gone, and you being miserable, half of the nights you would fall asleep crying so hard you didn’t get the rest you needed and the other half? Well you just didn’t sleep at all. Being with Key was deteriorating you. Neither one of you was the same person as before and you both knew it.

Today was the worst fight though; you really thought this was going to be it. As soon as he had told you that they were going to be promoting in Japan and that he was going to be gone for a long period of time, you didn’t feel sad or angry. You had felt relieved. The idea of him being gone and not fighting and not being stressed about fighting seemed so welcoming to you.

The problem was that that emotion was spread all over your face. Key noticed. He saw your relief and he lost it. he kept asking why you didn’t love him anymore, why you wouldn’t miss him when he was gone, and what happened to lead to this.

You didn’t have the words to express how much you did love him, but you couldn’t answer the other questions you just didn’t know. You saw him breaking. You knew at that moment his heart was breaking and you didn’t have the words to stop it.

A single tear rolled down his face as the yelling got worse and you knew that no matter what happened this would be it, you knew that the relationship was ending and the relief that you had felt earlier had left and was now replaced with fear an worry and you thought about your future without this man. The only man you truly loved. Would you be able to survive without key? Would you be okay? You didn’t think anymore, you just started yelling.

It all got to a head and you spoke without thinking, and as soon as you said it you clasped your hand over your mouth and wished you had never said it.

“All we ever do is fight!” you yelled “Just get out, were done.” you don’t know why you said those words. You didn’t know where they came from and regretted it instantly. But you were so shocked that they came out of your mouth that as he grew silent, as his eyes grew wide and he turned around and started to walk away from you. In that moment you felt your heart breaking. You were choking back tears and couldn’t form the words telling him to stay. He silently walked out the door without saying a word. He left the key behind though.

As soon as the door was closed you lost it. You fell to your knees and lost control of the tears as they now streamed down your face. You just couldn’t understand what had led you to say that. Was it the yelling, the constant fighting? Was it the truth? You knew it wasn’t because of the feeling that you had in your chest.

Your heart hurt so badly. It was completely broken now. You wished that you could take it out just so you didn’t have to feel this. You didn’t want to feel the pain, the regret of the words, or live with what you had just done.

You didn’t even bother to move from that spot on the floor that night. You just curled up into a little ball and cried all through the night. You watched as the rays of sunlight began to dance across the floor the next morning, you were in so much pain; you still didn’t want to move. You wished you had the strength to get up a meet him before he left, show him how much you loved him, but you couldn’t move. You were in such shock that you didn’t even notice as time passed you by.

You tried to put your life back together. You got back into rhythm, but that was it, just a rhythm. You didn’t have fun anymore. It was like the light of your life had been taken away and you only went through the motions now. You didn’t even try.

Soon 3 months had passed before you had even realized. Soon he would be back in town. Soon you would have to see him. Soon you were going to lose it. You were so desperately still in love with that man. But he had probably moved on. You definitely had it worse. You didn’t use your makeup anymore. You just didn’t have the motivation. You went to work in hoodies and sweatpants. Your clothes didn’t fit anymore; you had lost too much weight. You just couldn’t eat. You didn’t want to, you wanted to suffer.

It was finally the day they were to arrive back home. You skipped work that day. You couldn’t see them. You couldn’t face him. But you would have to eventually, just today be not the day. You were still in bed as usual; it had become your best friend since the breakup. You rarely left it anymore.

There was a knock on your door, but you didn’t want to answer it. You didn’t talk to anyone anymore, so whoever it was would just leave eventually. But they didn’t, 10 minutes later; they were still banging on your door. You struggled to get to the door; you hadn’t realized how weak you had become.

You opened the door to see him. You couldn’t handle it, tears came instantly and you tried to close the door, it still hurt too badly, but he managed to get in the door and pulled you close to him.

“Baby I’m so sorry” you could hear the worry dripping from his voice. You could only imagine what you looked like. You didn’t even look up at him all you could do was whisper it into his chest.

“I still love you”. You couldn’t stop sobbing but you heard him whisper,

“Me too” and he swiftly took you to your bed to take care of you.

For the first time in months a small smile appeared on your lips.