It didn’t surprise me to wake up alone. I haven’t woken to Tao’s company since I was ill, and there was no reason to expect that to change now. Even so, I felt an unclear nostalgia as I dressed myself in our empty room.

It’s been a long time since I’ve slept in another’s arms, and even longer since I awoke in them. I would have liked to spend a languorous morning with him, waking slowly with soft touches and gentle kisses, but I scolded myself for wanting anything more than what he has given me. I finished dressing quickly and went out to buy something to eat with the money Tao usually leaves on the nightstand.

He was gone all day, like he usually is routinely. I didn’t know what work he did or how he’s able to support the both of us, but that’s another topic he won’t discuss with me. The sky was dark and the stars just began to appear before he returned home. His gaze swept over me, appraising, as though afraid I’ll shatter like I did before, and whatever he saw in me seemed to have pacified him.

He walked past me and dropped to the bed with a weary sound that brought me to my feet from where I’ve been sitting, at the small table on one of the corners. It drew me to stand before him and gawk. His eyes were dark and unreadable. I moved closer to touch his face. “How are you?”

Before I could say more, he pulled back and looked away. His hands fumbled with something, and he took out a few papercash. “It’s not a lot,” he said, “but it’ll feed you for the week, at least.”

He was suddenly so awkward and uncertain. It bothered me a little, so I took the money from him and set them aside. I bent further down and my mouth skimmed his. I curled my hands around the back of his neck. Slowly, I felt his lips softening beneath mine, allowing me into his mouth. When he got warm and flexible, I pulled him close and swept my tongue against his. Heat flared between us as like the night before, and the money fell aside, forgotten.

I didn’t know why he was so hesitant with me, but he chased away my nightmares the night before and now I wanted to return the favor. Whatever it is that has unsettled him, I resolve on making him forget. I slid my hands down his chest and pulled his shirt off over his head. We must part to do so, and when he pulled my mouth back to his hungrily, I was pleased with the knowledge that I was perfectly succeeding.

This time, I was the one bearing him down onto the bed, and he allowed me to do so.

I straddled his hips and slid my fingers along the contours between his muscles. Gazing at him, I couldn’t help but wonder if I looked as beautiful to him last night as he does to me now.

He raised his arms to me, and I couldn’t resist his silent plea. I lowered myself to him, chest against chest, bringing my mouth back to his as he wrapped his arms around my neck, holding me close. I slid my arms beneath his back to embrace him fully.

I expected to feel the smoothness and heat of his flesh beneath my fingertips, but the skin I had touched was rippled and rough but breakable. I stiffened and tried to sit up but Tao tightened his arms around me harder. I struggled to push away and I succeeded.

“Tao, what’s—” I could hear the urgency in my voice.

“Shh,” he whispered against my mouth, trying to draw me back into the kiss, but I resisted his temptation and disentangled myself from his arms, sitting up, completely. He frowned up at me, irritated and impatient. “Leave it alone Jongin. It doesn’t matter much—”

“Doesn’t matter? Those are scars.” I nearly yelled, and he looked away.

“Yes.” Unhappiness deepened the lines in his face. I regreted bringing it up to him, but it was not in my power to stop what I’ve begun. “What happened?” He won’t look at me. “Tao, tell me what happened to you?”

“It doesn’t matter, Jongin!” He pushed me off and rose from the bed. “They are old and healed and do not bother me, except when others try for