Lonely Birthday

Taemin sighed and pouted, staring at the wall and wishing desperately that the day would just end. It was supposed to be a great day, a milestone day, the day that he turns eighteen internationally, a day when in many countries he would legally be considered an adult. But was it a great day? Was it something that he would remember for the rest of his life? No, it had amounted to quiet possibly be one of the worst days of his life.

Shoving himself violently away from the desk and causing the chair to grate loudly against the floor in protest, Taemin surged to his feet filled with a sense of frustration. He angrily pulled his shirt over his head and decided to take a shower to attempt to cool off.

He was truly angry in a way that he hadn’t felt in a very long time. He had celebrated his birthday with his family over the weekend. It was just the easiest way to get his whole family together. He had thought that he would spend his actual birthday with his hyungs. In fact, he had specifically asked their manager not to schedule anything that day months ago. But it appeared that his hyungs were forgetful. Seeing the free day in their schedule, they all made plans with other people and Taemin, being the respectful and kind dongsaeng that he was, didn’t say anything as they all, one by one, left the dorm that morning. All accept Key, who had left to go back to Daegu last night to see his grandmother.

He had thought that they would probably come back in the afternoon. Eat something, spend some time together – but no. No one came back. Taemin had spent the entire day moping around their dorm. His heart would race and jump every time he heard footsteps in the hallway outside, and then his hopes would come crashing down as they neared...and kept on going past their door.

He couldn’t get over that they hadn’t even acknowledged it. Taemin would admit to having forgotten to buy a present before, or even getting the date wrong (thinking that it was on Saturday when it was on Sunday), but he had never forgotten one of his hyung’s birthdays entirely before. He hadn’t even received a phone call – aside from one from his mother wishing him a happy birthday. He had invented all sorts of lies about what his hyungs had prepared for him to ease her worries, but the second he had hung up the phone he had found himself crying.

The only one he really couldn’t be mad at for not being there was Key; at least Taemin had known that Key was going to be in a different part of the country! But even Key hadn’t called or sent a text message or emailed or anything. It was killing him that out of all of the members, Key, whom Taemin wanted the acknowledgement from the most, didn’t notice him either.

He blasted the cold water and it felt like needles to his skin. He relished the pain momentarily because it distracted him from his emotional pain. The burst of cold did have the desired effect of cooling off his temper, but his anger had been the only thing holding back his tears. He fell into a crouch on the floor of the shower, cold water still pounding onto his back. The tears fell to the floor, mingling and becoming undistinguishable from the shower water.

They had all forgotten him. It was his birthday, but no one remembered. It wasn’t that he wanted a lot of presents or a big party or anything. That would have been nice, but he didn’t need it. He would have settled for them saying “Happy birthday Taemin!” That would have been enough, but no – nothing. Not even a text message wishing him well.

The tears had stopped at some point along the way, and he was left shivering in the stall, unable and unwilling to move at all. Numb now to both the water and the loneliness, Taemin finally dragged himself out of the shower and dressed himself. He wasn’t going to see anyone else tonight it seemed like, after all it was nearly eleven and many nights would find him already in bed by this time. He pulled on a set of what had once been sweatpants but the lower legs had been so torn and ripped that they had been sliced off at the knees to make shorts that continued to fray with each subsequent wear. He pulled on an overlarge t-shirt that had once been Shindong-hyung’s that he had stolen one time from the Super Junior dorm. It had been washed to the perfect sense of softness and comfort, but the design was long since worn away. It might have been yellow at one point or beige maybe…but there was really no way left to tell now.

Dragging his feet through the dorm, Taemin plopped himself on the couch and the TV. He flipped through the channels but there was nothing that caught his eyes. Suddenly something caught his eye – an old rerun of Taehee-Hyegyo-Jihyun, the show that he had first acted on. Ironically it was the episode where his character was celebrating his birthday.

“AAARRRRGGGGGHHHHH!” He let out a bellow of rage and frustration. He turned off the TV and threw the remote angrily to the other end of the sofa.

Were the fates against him too? Just having to be reminded of the fact that he wasn’t celebrating his birthday like he had thought he would be. He flipped and lay down on the coach, resting his head on the cushion on the arm. Looking at the ceiling he could see a spot where the paint had been removed – that had come off while taking down the decorations from Minho’s party last year. He looked over at the wall, just next to the TV – the dent in the wall that had come from Key accidentally throwing the Wii controller at the wall while playing against Jonghyun during the latter’s last birthday party. Everywhere he looked around their dorm, he could only be made to remember all the birthday celebrations of the past and it drove home the knowledge that he was being stiffed.

He didn’t think that they had done it intentionally. They had been working so hard getting ready for their Japanese debut that they hadn’t had a free day off in months. They were kept so busy that sometimes it was hard to remember what day of the week it was. There was so much rattling around their heads right now, from performance dates, Japanese lyrics, promotional events, etc. that it would be easy for something like this to slip out. They tended not to make big deals out of their birthdays anyway – but at least say it right? Is that too much to ask.

He remembered Key-hyung’s last birthday. Taemin had been preparing a confession for Key. He had harbored feelings for the lithe dancer for almost a year and never said anything. He wasn’t sure when his feelings turned from those of a dongsaeng to those of a potential lover (he hoped) but one day while Key and Taemin had been alone in their practice room it had hit him like a brick to the head. He wasn’t watching the man so closely to help his elder perfect his moves, or from admiration of his abilities, though it was in admiration that he was watching – admiration of his body, of his form and presence. Taemin hadn’t been able to tear his eyes away that day and he could only pray that Key hadn’t noticed.

Over the next few months he had tried to get closer to Key, to shift their relationship from Umma/son to something else, but his attempts seemed to have been in vein. Key still saw Taemin as someone he needed to take care of and shelter, and yes there was love there, but not of a romantic sort. And how it pained Taemin to know that it would likely never be there.

After a year, Taemin’s heart couldn’t take the strain anymore. The strain of pretending that everything was fine, normal, that he was okay being nothing more than a dongsaeng and would be fine with it remaining that way. He had planned an elaborate scenario, and had purchased dozens of roses and Key’s favorite chocolate, but in the end he had chickened out. So afraid of what would happen if Key rejected him, he decided that he would rather suffer as “just a friend” or “just a dongsaeng” rather than have to live with the knowledge that he wasn’t good enough for Key, for Kibum.

Taemin sat up on the couch and shoved his fingers roughly into his red hair. He still shocked himself sometimes when he saw his new appearance in the mirror. But he liked the look, he though that it helped him look more mature. “But here I am whining about my birthday…” he muttered to himself.

He looked up at the clock and saw that his birthday wish was almost true – the day was almost over. Twenty more minutes and it would no longer be his birthday. Twenty more minutes and it wouldn’t hurt quite so much to have to be alone right now. Twenty more minutes….

Nineteen more minutes…

Eighteen more minutes…

Seventeen more minutes…

Dimly in the back of his mind, Taemin became aware of the sound of footsteps pounding down the hallway. The odd sound of plastic bags swishing against themselves as the person ran. When the steps stopped in front of their door, he sat up, suddenly feeling the odd sensation of someone who was surprised into eating cold food. He could literally feel his saliva sliding down his throat he was so hyper aware.

He refused to let his hopes be raised again, refused to think that it was anything more than the rushed person readjusting their bags so that they would not fall.

Then he heard the code being punched in to their keypad on their handle – the numbers that they had picked solely because it sounded like the tune to ‘Replay.’

All Taemin wanted to do was go and hide. To run into his room and pretend that he hadn’t been sitting here, not admitting to himself that he had desperately wanted someone to come home, having suddenly remembered. He knew that he must look utterly pathetic. Sitting in his dingiest clothes, all alone in a silent dorm without even the TV or an MP3 Player for company. But he couldn’t seem to move, his body was not responding. It was as though his joints had all locked up and wouldn’t move.

The door opened and he heard someone fumbling with their shoes – trying to get them off. A blond head came into view and Taemin knew that Key had arrived home.

“Sorry I’m late!” Key said, head ducked down, looking at something in his bag. “I was going to be home earlier but the weather is awful in Daegu and the traffic was terrible and I missed my original train and…” Key suddenly caught off. He had looked up and seen Taemin, poor, pitiful Taemin, sitting alone on the coach, hands clutched tightly around his ankles, hunched over almost protectively over his legs and looking like a deer caught in the headlights.

Key moved slowly into the room, “Where is everybody?” He asked slowly, his eyes darting around the room and back to Taemin.

“Out,” Taemin said simply.

“But…it’s…what do you mean ‘out?’” Key said in exasperation, left hand planted on his sharp hips.

“I mean out, they went out this morning and I haven’t seen them all day.”

Key placed the plastic bags in his right hand on the floor and walked to stand in front of Taemin. “They have been out all day. And you’ve been…?”

Taemin looked down at his feet, unable to take the stare from his hyung any longer, especially this hyung. “I’ve been around…”

“You’ve been here, alone, all day haven’t you?!” There was an edge of anger in his voice that made Taemin cringe, but he still didn’t look up.

“It’s alright sometimes it’s nice to be alone…”

“Not on your birthday!”

Taemin’s head snapped up. Key had remembered, someone had remembered him today! He quickly stole a glance at the clock ad saw that there was still twelve minutes left – it was still his birthday and someone was acknowledging it. It made him cheer up a bit.

Key on the other hand was ranting away. “And here I thought that I would be coming in at the end of celebrations and I would have to smack Jonghyun for eating my share of cake.” He huffed and sat down neck to Taemin on the couch, crossing him arms and glaring at the wall in front of him. “Ya! Did they even wish you a happy birthday before they took off?!” he demanded angrily.

Taemin found himself not wanting to tell Key, because an angry Key was a scary Key and he didn’t want to send that Key to anyone, but he could also never lie to Key. No matter what he did, or didn’t do, he had never been able to lie to the SHINee-Umma.

Instead he glanced away and just jerked his head a little from left to right.

“They didn’t! Those bastards! Just because I wasn’t around they don’t remember anything! I have to do everything around here!”

Key jumped up, pulling Taemin with him and pulled them both to the kitchen, grabbing his discarded bags along the way. From within one of them he pulled out a container full of cupcakes, covered in green frosting. He pulled on of them out and placed it on the counter, and quickly grabbing some candles and matches from a cabinet, he pushed one candle into the cupcake and lit it up.

Smiling almost sadly at Taemin, Key said, “I know it’s not a real cake, but we’ve still got a few minutes left of your birthday.” Key reached out and grabbed Taemin’s hand on the table. “We’ll have a real day tomorrow, I promise. And I don’t care what the others have planned, they will be taking part in it. After I chew them a new one.” He added with that scary smile of his and Taemin knew that his other hyungs were going to feel properly chastised come tomorrow.

Taemin felt tears in his eyes as he looked at the lone candle in a cupcake. To many it would be a sad expression of care on one’s birthday, but to Taemin it meant everything. That someone cared about him enough to try and make it right, and that it was Key that did it.

Fighting them back, he joked, “Well, are you going to sing then?”

He knew that Key knew that he was fighting off tears and he couldn’t bring himself to look at the older male, but he somehow knew that Key was giving him that smile again – that pity-filled smile – but it didn’t care, because he knew that it meant that Key cared about him!

He felt Key’s arm go around his back and he gently grabbed Taemin’s right shoulder. Squeezing it for a moment, he quietly sang the birthday song to Taemin, holding him close and it seemed like time stopped right then. It was perfect, not in anyway that would have made sense to anyone else – but for him, it was just right.

“Now make a wish and blow out your candle.” Key murmured quietly, pulling the maknae closer to his side for a moment.

Taemin leaned forward and pursed his lips, and wished for the opposite of what he had been asking for not ten minutes earlier, I wish that this birthday never had to end, and he blew out his candle on his perfect birthday cake.

He suddenly found himself engulfed in the surprisingly strong arms of Key as Key had turned him and hugged him close. He was momentarily shocked but he soon brought his own arms up to return the gesture. He felt so safe and secure in those arms and he never wanted to let go.

Maintaining the hug, Key spoke, “I’m so sorry Taemin. I didn’t think that this would happen, it’s not fair or right. We’ll all make it up to you I promise. I can’t believe that you were stuck here alone all day, no one should be alone on their birthday.”

Key sounded truly distressed, like he was going to burst into tears at any moment. Taemin tightened his arms a bit to try and pass his reassurance to Key.

They stood there, in the kitchen, with their arms enfolding each other for a long time. Taemin knew that he should disengage from his hyung, but he didn’t know when he would get the chance to be this close to his hyung again and he couldn’t bring himself to end his happiness so soon.

Suddenly Key barked out a laugh and pulled away. “There are only a few minutes left and I still need to give you your present.”

He reached into the other bag and said, “I know it’s not much but I worked really hard on it.” And he gave the large blue gift bag the birthday boy.

Taemin removed a large rectangle wrapped in yellow tissue paper. He gently tore the paper free and found a framed painting. It was an evolution of Taemin on a landscape layout. The top left corner showed Taemin as he had appeared before their debut, actually wearing the outfit that he had first had on when he had met all of SHINee for the first time. No one else knew this, but Taemin had kept the clothes safely within a box as a memento of the occasion. As the figure danced across the canvas it grew up. Taemin saw himself growing up over the last three years, appearance changing as images updates. He recognized some of the dance steps his figure took – the solo from Replay, the S-line from Juliette, the gear-shift from Ring Ding Dong, even his favorite part of Lucifer (not the ending move like most thought but the part during Minho’s rap where the other four are bent half over and moving their arms stiffly). He felt himself tearing up at the amazing memories that this gift had managed to incorporate.

He felt Key shifting uneasily next to him but he couldn’t speak anything in thanks. He knew that if he tried he would only start crying.

“I think that gifts are so much more meaningful when someone makes it, and I wanted you to see yourself and how much you’ve changed and grown over the years. To see what had brought you to where you are today and how much you have to be proud of.”

Taemin had finally looked up at his hyung and noticed just how nervous the other looked. It wasn’t an expression that Key usually wore and Taemin didn’t think that he liked it on the other’s face. It seemed out of place, like it should be on the face of another person, but never on his beloved Key.

Key was shifting his weight subconsciously from one foot to the other and ringing his hands together in front of his body. He also wasn’t looking at Taemin or the gift, but rather was starting at the cupcake on the table as though it would jump up and start dancing a jig any moment now.

Key continued babbling, “I even made the frame, my Uncle had to help me though. He’s a carpenter – that’s why I had to go to Daegu last night, there hasn’t been any time lately to be able to go see him until then and…”

“Key,” the maknae said suddenly, reaching out and stilling the over-active hands, “I love it.” He ducked his head down and moved in front of Key, still not letting go of the other’s hands, and made sure that they were looking each other in the eyes, “I really, really love it. I don’t think that I have ever received a better gift than this one. It’s amazing, so really, thank you!”

Key seemed to go weak with relief and started giggling a bit, “Good! Good! Really good, whew. I don’t know why I was so nervous.” His eyes kept darting around the room, but they kept seeming to circling back round to the maknae. He had an uncertain air about him, his usual confidence was sorely lacking and Taemin found himself concerned. Then all at once, Key squared his shoulders and took a deep breath, “Actually, that’s not all I have for you.”

Taemin’s eyebrows shot up, “Oh?”

“Yeah…” Key acknowledged with a shaking voice. The elder his lips and then the next thing Taemin knew they were kissing. Key had pressed his thin lips to Taemin’s full ones. The young dancer marveled at the soft feel of the other’s lips, slightly tacky from the Chap Stick the other uses whenever they don’t have to wear full make-up.

Key began hesitantly, as though he was waiting to be punched, but when he realized that Taemin wasn’t fighting him off, but rather encouraging him on, the kiss became more fervent. Somewhere along the way Taemin had placed the painting on the table and had buried one hand in the soft blond hair in front of him and the other curled slightly at the base of Key’s back, just above his belt line. Key had one hand on Taemin’s shoulder and the other gently clasping Taemin’s jaw, his long fingers almost tickling the dancer’s ears.

For several moments the two of the fumbled through the kiss, sometimes it was fine and other times they were bumping noses or hip checking the table, but Taemin did not notice, and would never remember the mishaps. Key had kissed him. Key hadkissedhim!!

In the back of his mind he noticed the clock in their living room chime the hour – it was midnight, his birthday was over. He slowly started to end the kiss. He pulled away, not much and his hands never moved, but enough so that he could see Key’s face. The other was panting slightly and his parted lips look puffy and swollen. There was a slight blush painting his high cheekbones and a questioning look in his eyes.

Taemin smiled gently and just said, “Best birthday ever…” and leaned in for another kiss.

I might continue this story (like what happens when Key confronts the other members), but for now I am calling this a complete one-shot. I just had to write some keytae (since my other keytae story The Showdown doesn't have a whole lot of it going on right now). BTW, I'm having issues with the next chapter of The Showdown because I need to write Lee Sooman as a character and it's driving me crazy so if any of you have any tips please PM me and let me know.

I hope you enjoyed the story and please comment!