There you are again. Always going to the same café to get the same coffee every morning. Always going to the one across the street from my workplace. You know it, I know you do, but you still go there every morning. You look beautiful, like usual, and though I really think it, I never told you. The only words you would get from me would be those you wanted to hear, nothing else. Every single thing going through my mind that could have made you hate me never crossed my lips. Not before our last time together. I wasn't able to hold it in anymore. It was burning me inside, killing me slowly. I had to. Even if I knew you would despise me afterward.

You look happy today. Like everyday you go get your coffee. A black one, with one sugar. You like it strong, you wold me when we first met. I was going to get some coffee for my boss, an excuse to take some fresh air. I had accidentally bump into you, making you drop your coffee. I told you I would pay for it. You said it was okay, but since I insisted, you told me how you liked it. We talked a little before I left. The next time I went there, you came to me and started to talk with me. You said you thought I was interesting, so you didn't mind befriending me.

I thought you were impossibly beautiful. I thought it was impossible for you to be human and be this beautiful. I didn't say it, though.

We met outside a few times, making me meet some of your friends. They are nice, I agree with you, but I like to see you present me, like if I was someone worth being known. Only a few of them are still in touch with me and knows why I cut all contact with you after our little fight. I know they want me to tell you everything, to make you realize that you were wrong, that you always were, but I can't bring myself to face you anymore.

I hate you so much, and yet, I love you so much.

You leave the café, not knowing I'm looking your way. I wonder if you really know how much you hurt me. I wonder if you even know how much you affected me. You never had a girlfriend in the two years I hang around with you. You told me the few girls you dated before always left you because of your habits. You said it was easier having friends since they didn't care about what you were doing at home. I didn't mind any of it, I loved it. The way you would lay half on the couch late at night while watching a movie, the way you would laugh with me because you would have dropped something on your chest, the way you would fall asleep in the middle of the movie. I also loved waking up and seeing you walk around your apartment, a pillow under my head even if I didn't remember having one. I couldn't get my eyes from you where you were smiling and asking me if the floor was comfortable. You were a little messy, yes, and you had a tendency to think more about yourself than the others, but it was you.

You are out of my sight and I sigh. You affect me so much, it's making me a mess inside.

I hate you so much, Kyuhyun.
But I love you so much.

Why did you have to hate men like me? I knew so much about you, and yet, you seemed to know so little about me. You never wondered why I wasn't looking at the girls, you never stopped yourself thinking why I was blushing. You assumed it was because of that girl you presented me, you never thought it was because you had grabbed my neck to pull me closer, calling me your close friend. You told me, a few weeks before our fight, when you saw those two guys holding hands, that it was disgusting. Did you know I had sleep with a man the day before? You liked to brag about the fact you had sleep with more girls than me, only to tease me. You did, but I slept with more men than you slept with girls, almost double. You slept with five, I slept with so much, trying to forget you, I don't remember how much.

You think I snapped at you because I don't really know what those men are doing, that I'm taking their side to be politically correct. You said that if I was faced to it, I would think the same thing.

How I wish I could have told you what it truly is.

Some of your friends wished I did.

I never had the courage to tell you I liked men, even less that I love you. You tried to talk to me again, but I can't deal with it anymore. I need to forget you. I need you out of my mind. You told a few of your friends that you kind of regretted fighting with me. I'm such a good friend, aren't I? Did you know I only lied from the beginning?

I never had a crush on that girl.

I wasn't working that night. I heard you call.

I don't hate parties. I hate girls being all over you without you noticing.

I wish I could hate you. I wish I never met you. Now, I hate you.

But I know when I'll see you again tomorrow morning, I'll fall for you again.

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I know it's short >3<

Hope you like it anyway~