When Nichkhun finally finished his seemingly endless tale, Chansung was quiet for a while, staring into space. “If there's something I've learned over the years, it's that one should always follow his heart. Do you love her?” Chansung asked, he had such a straightforward manner. It took some getting used to, but Nichkhun found it refreshing. It made him wonder why people were constantly playing games with each other, hiding their true feelings under a heap of bull, expecting you to dig through it. Only, Nichkhun had never found a good enough shovel for the job, so he never really managed to genuinely get to know anyone. It was not like he wasn't guilty of the exact same thing. He too was hiding, only showing what he wanted people to see. Nichkhun hesitated. “I care for her a great deal. I don't really know how much you have to care for a person for it to be called love.” Nichkhun decided on total honesty. He had nothing to lose. Odds were he would never see this strange boy ever again after this weekend was over and it felt good to open up a little bit.

“Does she make your world tremble?” Chansung tilted his head, watching Nichkhun's reaction with curious eyes. “Huh? What do you mean by that?” Nichkhun wasn't sure where this was going or whether Chansung even knew what he was talking about. He didn't look like someone who was well versed in the art of love, his knowledge on the subject probably consisting of a collection of fairytales. “I don't mean here.” Chansung pointed at his head. “I mean here.” Chansung moved his hand over his heart. “Does she make your heart beat a million times faster, does she make your tummy tickle and cause all your senses to sharpen but yet you sense nothing but her?” Chansung was getting a bit hyped up, getting carried away by his own explanation.

“Mmm nooo, I wouldn't exactly describe it that way.. but I think what you're talking about only exists in storybooks.” Nichkhun said softly, his earlier suspicions being confirmed. Chansung's idea of love was childish, beautiful no doubt, but childish nonetheless. Chansung shook his head vigorously, strongly disagreeing. “Have you.. have you ever experienced anything like that?” Nichkhun asked rather surprised. “Yep.” Chansung answered honestly, but Nichkhun could see a slight crack forming in his happy-go-lucky attitude. “Once. A very long time ago.” Chansung's vision became blurred by past memories, his pupils out of focus. “I was quite young and he was the tallest, most handsome guy in my class.” Chansung's voice trembled slightly. “Guy?!” Nichkhun repeated, shocked. “Yeah.” Chansung replied simply. Nichkhun was taken aback, Chansung was acting like it was the most natural thing in the world, like there was nothing remotely noteworthy in the fact that he had been in love with a guy. He had clearly not received a normal upbringing, not even making the slightest effort to conceal that he was gay.

Nichkhun didn't know how to react to that. When Nichkhun didn't say anything, Chansung continued his story, deeply immersed in his own thoughts. “Taec. That was what we all called him. He was incredibly smart, easily the smartest kid in our class, there weren't even any other contenders for the title. Sometimes after school, he'd try to teach me chess... I was never any good though. I always lost, even though I'm pretty sure he was taking it easy on me, trying to let me win.” Chansung chuckled gingerly, a sparkle in his eyes. Nichkhun got the feeling Chansung had been transported to that very moment, seeing it as if it was happening right before his eyes.

“I was so madly in love with him that I decided to show him my tiger form. I know, I was young and innocent. Nobody outside of my family knew my secret. The kids in my class just thought I had extra strict parents and that was why I always had to be home by sunset, and why I never attended any birthday parties or class gatherings. I told Taec to meet me in the park at sunset. He wasn't that thrilled by the idea so seeing him walk towards me, actually having showed up, made me the happiest teenager alive. I worried I'd physically burst from happiness, like really. My lungs constricted, making it near impossible to breathe and I had the world's biggest knot in my stomach. My heart would've won a horse race, it was beating so fast.” Chansung took a deep breath, experiencing the ghost of the reactions he was describing.

“Taec didn't even stop to say hey, his eyes were fierce and he came at me with intent. When he didn't slow down as he drew closer, I started timidly backing up, not stopping until I was cornered up against a tree. I barely managed to utter 'I have something to tell you' before he robbed me of my first kiss. Well, it isn't technically robbery if you are an accessory to the crime.” Chansung giggled to himself, looking dreamily into the void. “He pressed hard up against me, my whole body reacting to him, silently begging him to continue. His lips were warm, their touch delicate but passionate. I felt like I was lifted up from the ground, floating in mid air. A woozy sensation took over my whole body. It was kind of like being drunk, but I didn't recognize the similarity at the time, since I had yet to try that trickster of liquids. I would soon tell that trickster my sorrows though, begging it to use its power of trickery to relieve me of my aching pain. But not yet.” A shadow glided over Chansung's face, Nichkhun could guess how the story would end.

Chansung was so genuine and honest in his storytelling that Nichkhun had completely forgotten about how shocked and appalled he was, instead being swept away by the story, hoping his hunch about its ending would be proven incorrect. “Only, I lost track of time..” Chansung was struggling to fight the tears. “..when the last rays of sun disappeared, my transformation started.” Chansung was silent for a while, like he didn't want to continue. Nichkhun was about to tell him it was alright to stop there, even though Nichkhun was dying of curiosity, when Chansung picked up where he left off.

“Taec staggered back. Horrified, he screamed and ran away. The next day he didn't show up for class. I wanted to explain to him what had happened but he wouldn't take my calls. A week later the teacher told us he had transferred to another school and I never saw him again.” Chansung sighed. Nichkhun thought he saw relief on his face after having finished the story, being freed from those hurtful memories. What a compelling story, Nichkhun had hung on Chansung's every word. He had to admit, he was a bit surprised since he had kind of made a rash judgment based on Chansung's childlike demeanor. He thought he was a bit of a simpleton, perhaps caused by his tiger-condition. Who knew what riches were hiding under his childish exterior! Nichkhun's newfound admiration for that boy was growing every minute. Knowing his hurtful past made his cheerful approach to life even more amazing. Nichkhun found himself wishing he could be more like him.

Rather than dwelling on the gay thing, Nichkhun surprised himself as he got increasingly angry at Taec. How could he be so cold to not even take Chansung's calls and just disappear forever without as much as a single word? Surely he must have known Chansung was head over heals in love with him, judging by how open Chansung was with his feelings at least, wearing them on his sleeves for the world to see. Sure it must have been terrifying when he suddenly began transforming into a tiger, but couldn't Taec have thought for one second about how terrifying it had been for Chansung to show him his innermost darkest of secrets only to be so brutally rejected.

“I've never felt that intensely since.. Maybe just as well.” Chansung added, still a bit shaken. Nichkhun was speechless, he had a million and one question but he didn't know where to start or how Chansung would react to them. “What happens when you transform?” Nichkhun asked as softly as he could, not sure whether he was crossing some invisible line. “Mm, I don't know exactly, I've never seen it myself, cuz I'm always busy transforming, you know.” Chansung laughed brightly. It was incredible how fast he had regained his former cheerful self. “My body turns scolding hot, I'm talking boiling hot, but then I don't remember anything further.” Chansung added dramatically. “So.. you don't remember what happens while you are the tiger?” Nichkhun asked intrigued. “No.. or I can kind of remember the feeling of it, if that makes sense. And my emotions towards people I meet in either form remain the same. So if I really like a person I meet as the tiger, I still like them as a human.. like this morning when I woke up, I felt like we were lifelong friends even though I had never seen you before. It's like only my core is shared between the two, more the heart, my soul and my instincts rather than the brain.” Chansung had a hard time explaining himself, but Nichkhun thought he got what he was trying to say.

“But.. then.. have you never had a crush on a girl?” Nichkhun was carefully treading closer to the question that burned the brightest in his chest. “Nope!” Chansung didn't even have to think about it. “...but how... like... how did you know you were interested in boys? How did you know that you were in love with Taec, that they weren't just feelings of friendship?” Nichkhun held his breath while he waited for the answer. “Ehm.. you just know.” Chansung didn't elaborate any further.

“But how?!” Nichkhun asked again, a little too desperately. Chansung pondered for a while, then he stood up and walked towards Nichkhun, who backed away from the stove, not stopping until he reached the cupboard behind him. Chansung had him cornered. “Wh.. what.. are you doing?” Nichkhun's voice was shaking. Chansung pressed his body up against Nichkhun's. “I'm showing you..” Chansung whispered enticingly. Nichkhun's blood froze in his veins, he could barely breathe. Chansung was looking straight into his eyes, making his heart flutter uncomfortably. He was so beautiful, so perfect. His skin had this vibrant glow about it, his eyes melting Nichkhun with their sincerity. Nichkhun felt as if his lips were calling for him, putting him under their spell, pulling him towards them. What was Chansung's plan? Was he going to take him right then and there? Nichkhun got a pang in his stomach. He wanted to surrender himself to the moment, but at the same time he also wanted to run away. He was scared of what he would find out, scared that if he took this step he would never be able to turn back. Nichkhun's stomach tingled, it was as if a bunch of butterflies had been released inside of him and they were all flying around, trying to find a way out.