Courage and Cruelty
Bittersweet
“M-Miyoung?” The girl watched as Sehun mumbled her name, eyes widening in shock at the sight of her standing a few meters in front of him, next to his car. He didn’t even bother to ask her why or how she ended up here. He had to think that she must have followed him, must have left the forest trip earlier than the others.
Honestly, Miyoung was pretty uncomfortable as to how she had to come across right now: a spoiled drama queen not getting the boy she wanted, now throwing a tantrum. But one couldn't really just say that. That wasn't true, not entirely at least.
She had actually still continued the trip after some minute of just sitting in her tent, registering what had happened, thinking that the whole time she spent worrying about him had been so meaningless, since he seemed to have had a great time with that Ara. Thinking that she had grown to like a boy who already loved another girl. That she had actually immersed herself into the feelings she'd had for him, intensifying them even. That she had basically worked on a trap for herself.
It was depressing at first, but the longer Miyoung thought about it, the lesser the anger and frustration became. It had been fun, the weeks she'd spent with him and willingly falling in love with the kind hearted boy. No matter what, her feelings had been real -- were still real -- and the time she spent was real as well. It was all real, not just a book or something; it deserved some respect. Which was why she was here.
After half fainting by the end of the day, she had decided to leave the trip earlier. Well, with all her thoughts going on she couldn't exactly enjoy nature anyway. The intern had given her quite a suspicious look when she'd gone to another teacher to excuse herself, but she didn't care, and she was honestly glad that it wasn't the intern whom she had to excuse herself from. He was far too perceptive, and she felt uneasy being read so easily by another person, used to it being the other way around.
Standing here, though, Miyoung felt some of her determination fade. Why was she here actually? She couldn't quite say it. She probably just needed some clear facts, so she could ... move on? The last part wasn't really right. She couldn't just snap her finger and forget everything she had felt and wanted to feel during these weeks. Truthfully, it wasn't just that she couldn't, she didn't want to do that either. It would be insulting to what she called the respect towards her own feelings. Be it platonic feelings or romantic ones.
“O-Oppa,” Miyoung whispered hoarsely after gathering some courage. In the night, her whisper could still be clearly heard, even with the distance between her and Sehun at the moment. This was such a weird and new situation that Miyoung could hear her heart hammer with her own ears. She paused before she finally continued, recalling the first time she had
met him.
“Is this why you told me not to fall for you?” She breathed out deeply. Although it may not look like it, but asking this took a lot courage for Miyoung, the girl who had learned to avoid any uncomfortable roads in life, the girl who'd been taught to lie and leave instead of to stay and hear the truth. To be able to go against what she'd always tried to learn from her father, she knew it was thanks to the new self she'd developed in these weeks.
And a big factor for her "transformation" was Sehun, or the Sehun she thought he was. The one who would possibly be her fiancé: the boy with a cold expression but warm eyes, the one who'd go out of his way to help others, who was so thoughtful, the one she had willingly developed romantic feelings for. With his "role" changing, that factor would be gone.
The person in front of whom she always used the carefree and funny character would no longer be available. And Miyoung knew that her new self would slowly fade when there was no opportunity to use it. So what she was doing now was both for the respect towards her feelings and Sehun and the desperate clinging onto her new self. She didn't want to go back, not yet. If her life was to be as monotone and lonely as it had been before ... at the thought of the big sterile room in Japan with one call from her father per week, her eyes began to burn.
“Because you already had someone you love? That Ara girl?” She continued, her voice louder now. The thought of Sehun liking Ara hurt in the way it would hurt to know that your first love would be a pointless one, but the squeezing when she thought of her old life, her prison, was the straw to break the camel's back.
“Yes.” Sehun's voice was quiet.
“But I'm your fiancé,” Miyoung mumbled, telling herself to just not give a single and live out her new self at this very moment. Live out the life of the girl who had fallen in love for the first time, who had, for the first time, been absolutely supportive of her father's decision. The girl who now had all the good things dissolve right before her eyes. She could, perhaps, suppress all of this if she wanted to, as the well behaved heiress, but something told her she shouldn't do it. Not now. So, not bothering to hide the hot tears that made their way down her cheeks, Miyoung took a deep breath and just stared at Sehun.
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