17^th June, 2010

Dear ByungHee,

I saw you again today. You were walking away from me and I kept calling for you to come back but you didn't. It made me cry. Why do you keep coming?

You were wearing the same clothes as the day you left me – I haven't been able to forget anything about you. I remember how you were so excited about having children. I wish I hadn't shouted at you for that. I know it was wrong even though I wasn't ready for a family. I didn't have a chance to apologize to you about it. Maybe you will listen to me if I do when I next see you.

Love you forever,

SangHee Willow.

P.S. I know in my past letters I called you Oppa but I've been thinking, now that I'm living in England, I'm not sure if I should. Knowing you, you don't really care as long as we're together. That's what you said when I asked you the first time if I should call you Oppa. I was really happy then.

28^th June, 2010

Dear ByungHee,

My Mum called me today. I haven't spoken to her since I moved – apparently things with her and my father haven't been sorted out yet after the disaster at the wedding. Knowing Greg, he's probably waiting patiently for Mum to sort everything out – that's the kind of guy he is.

I guess me and Greg are similar. He asks everyone to call him Greg even though that's not his real name – I don't know why the name 'Greg' but it sort of does suit him since he's one of those passive guys.

Oh, you never met Greg, did you? Him and Mum were going to get married. They couldn't find a venue on a date that was soon enough. I hope you don't mind but I gave them ours. You probably won't, but I still feel guilty about it. We were so close to getting married, then that drunk driver hit you. I won't ever forgive that bastard for taking you away from me so quickly. Sorry, I know you told me to never hate someone so badly.

Mum was lying again. She keeps telling me that the doctors insure that it was actually you who was the one drunk but I know you wouldn't do anything so stupid. It was his car that hit your motorbike! I'm sure about it!

I haven't seen you today but I still hear you talking to me. You keep saying the same thing but I can't work out what it is. I try talking to you back but you never reply. Sometimes I wonder if you can even hear me.

I still miss you,

Willow.

9^th September, 2010

ByungHee,

Sorry I haven't written to you for a while. I've been trying to take my mind off you since you haven't been visiting me much lately.

I dreamt about us last night. We had a baby girl and called her Stacie, I'm not sure why. She looked exactly like you. It made me smile.

Also I have been feeling ill lately. I was sick this morning. Maybe it was all the birthday cake I had yesterday – my neighbours baked a big one for me, it was nice. It must have taken a while to put 25 candles on it.

I did think I heard you yesterday when I came home from the party. You were in the kitchen and I heard you laughing as you sang “Happy Birthday”. You told me, “I'm baking a cake for you, silly. What do you think I'm doing?”

You heard me talk to you, didn't you? When I said I'd already had a cake. I think it kinda came out like more of a whisper though. You must have heard me because you said, “But I've taken so much time making this for you.” You kept on laughing after that and I kept hearing clanging from the kitchen.

I guess that's why I ran to the kitchen to see you but you weren't there. Nothing had even been moved, so I wondered where all the noise of utensils came from. When I stood in that room it was silent, but I kept hearing your light laugh for ages after.

How can you be here?! I try so hard to move on, but you keep coming back and making it harder.

I'm sorry, I shouldn't be mad at you. You're here for a reason, aren't you?

Always Yours,

Willow.

27^th September, 2010

Jungie,

Do you remember when I used to call you that? I'd say, “One day I'm going to be called Mrs. Jung SangHee”. I saw you smile when I said that.

It started to snow today. Snow is really pretty over here, it's all white and crispy. I guess I never saw the beauty of it back in Korea.

Tomorrow's our anniversary. It would have been four years.

Sometime I'll have to get over you. Maybe that's why you're here, to help me. But to be honest I don't think it is, you keep reminding me of you – it makes it worse.

By the way, I don't think it was the cake that made me ill. I'm thinking of taking a pregnancy test – maybe that's what you were telling me through that dream? If It's a girl, I know what I'm going to call her. I promise I'll look after our baby, like you'd want me to. It's a present from you.

I hope to see you soon,

Willow.

3^rd October, 2010

Dear ByungHee,

I finally heard what you were trying to say to me. I truly understand now. Everytime I've seen you it must have been my memories of you. I know you've been looking over me.

I never want to forget you, ByungHee.

I promise to look after our son or daughter.

Love you forever,

SangHee.

P.S. The thing you kept saying to me was “Let's get married!” -  the words you said to be when you proposed. It's my most precious memory of you.

17^th April, 2011

Dear ByungHee,

You are probably wondering why SangHee's mother is writing to you.

When they sent me her belongings and the letters she had been writing to you were with them, I thought I would have to send you one final one.

I wanted to ask if you can tell her I love her. I know she didn't exactly get along with me because I told her it was your fault that you died. I'm sorry, but I wanted you to know she always believed you.

I hope she is happy up there with you. As you probably know, she past away last month when she gave birth to your son, ByungHee jr.

My grandson is beautiful, thank you for him.

I know my daughter always treasured you and you will look after her, won't you, now that she is with you in heaven? She always loved you so much and kept telling me that. You made her the happiest girl alive.

I will always consider you my son.

Always,

Your Second Mother.