2: Suho

I reminded myself to stop staring at her—and I repeated those words like a mantra. She’ll find me weird, she’ll find me disturbing and I must stop acting like this. But there was this something that allured me to get to know her better. I saw her a few times at school before but never did I really focus on her. I was talking to my friends the other day at my locker and she happened to walk to our direction.

Her dark wavy hair seemed a bit messy but I kinda like it that way. Her eyes were covered with frowns as she glided her way along the crowd. She seemed so small compared to the other students. I found her just adorable. And then she tugged her long sleeves that it appeared too big for her. That’s when I noticed it—why was she wearing such clothes on a hot summer day?

Kyungsoo nudged me and I looked at him. “We’re heading to Bio lab now. You’re not coming?” I nodded my head and gathered my book from the locker. I was looking for her at that moment but she wasn’t around anymore. I sighed—yup, why would I suddenly be interested in someone I just saw? It was a long hallway though and she could still be there somewhere—nevermind, Suho.

I walked in silence as I thought of her. With that pale lips, those worn-out sneakers and long sleeves—ah! It seemed that I had knocked on someone. When I finally figure that she was the one I had been staring at, a smile bloomed on my face. I crouched down as well to help her get her books and she looked at me. We stared at each other eyes and I could see no emotions displayed on hers.

“I’m sorry.” I smiled. She shook her head and gathered all her other stuff. After we got up, I handed her something like a small note book. Her eyes widened for a bit and she took it right away. I was surprised but I don’t blame her—maybe it’s something personal. She mumbled a small apologize and thanked me. Before I could say anything further, she had walked away.

“Hey, you’re okay?” Kai asked me. I turned around to see my friends and they seemed as if they were waiting for me. I nodded my head and trailed behind them. Just to cool my heart a bit, I took a final glimpse at her. She looked so icy and I couldn’t get my eyes off her. I laughed at myself and shook my head. You cannot be like that, Suho. No!

Somehow, I was waiting for someone at Sehun’s locker. As soon as we finished out Biology lesson, my feet weirdly brought me to this place. I guess I still wanted to catch another view of her. I didn’t even get to concentrate in class just now because all I could think of is that vacant eyes of her. I made a mental note to myself to know her name. That’s the least I could do for myself now.

Oh—she’s with a friend now. That’s good. I saw her chatting with them but the looks on her face. She wasn’t happy was she? Her two friends asked her something and she answered it with a shook. She was declining something and at that moment I realized that I had stalked someone. That was unreal—for the student council president to actually lose his guard like that? I almost chuckled at my pathetic side when suddenly I saw her distancing away from her friends.

She pressed her wrists and looked at them as if they’re the only thing that mattered. I watched stains of blood coming out. I was at loss of words. She happened to be as surprised as me because she hid her hands behind her back. I couldn’t think straight but when her eyes met mine, I knew her stories. Without any words exchanged, we had each other’s attention. I watched her as she disappeared into the girls’ toilet. And blood was all I could think of.

“Where were you?” Baekhyun asked, slinging his bag on his shoulder and nodded up at me. I my lips for no reason and shook my head. I noticed that everyone was there too. Did they just arrive here? I made way for Sehun to access into his locker and leaned against one. My head was focusing on the toilet—only the toilet.

“Was it because of nature call just now?” Chanyeol asked. I nodded my head but they boys cringed at my words. Kai even joked whether I washed my hands or not. I swatted them away. When her friends walked out of the toilet, my posture straightened up. But she was not seen exiting the toilet with them, even after a few minutes.
 

“Do you still need to go to the toilet?” Kyungsoo asked politely. I looked at him and shook my head. As they dragged me to the closest bubble tea parlor, I kept on glancing back. She wasn’t going to kill herself inside, right? She wasn’t doing any funny business with herself, won’t she? Well, I hoped so—because if she lets me, I’d be glad to help her.

Apparently, I kept thinking of her since yesterday. She looked just as pretty in my dreams. But it wasn’t actually a nice dream. She was walking by the beach and I was again watching her. Time passed and she was still getting closer to the sea. I smiled—was she going to play in the sea water? Her long skirt was drenched as she trudged the strong waves. Something was a bit off so I walked closer to her.

She was still walking in the water and the water level was now her waist-length. I gulped and the panic attacks started. I tried to run into the water but the more I ran, the further she gets. And at last, her whole head was submerged—I woke up. I shook my head off the dream because it is just a dream—sleeping’s game.

She wore black today and I got myself comfortable to watch her. I noticed it—her locker was nothing unusual but the look on her face gave it away. She glared at the photos pasted on her locker and shut the door roughly. She was hurt—I know her pain and it would be a sin to know what she was currently going through and not doing anything about it.

So I gathered my whole courage and stormed to just confront her. She turned around and saw me. I flashed her a smile before anything and breathed in. “I—”

She looked at me weirdly. Well, after all this would mark our first conversation together. I was alarmed by her beauty—she didn’t wear any makeup and the old jeans and worn-out sneakers still rock. But the moment I laid my eyes on her arms, and saw them hidden, I felt pang banging on my heart. I didn’t know what to say but I didn’t want to waste this opportunity as well. It’s weird—I’ve done many speeches before but I have never been as nervous as I was at that moment.

“I—um,” I wanted to know her name—right—so I looked down to her name tag. Shim Hanhee—her name itself is very pretty and one of a kind. Hanhee…it suits her. I bit my lips to suppress myself from smiling and looked at her face. She was looking back at me and I found it very difficult to stare at her this closely. “You’re Shim Hanhee.”

She nodded her head at me and was waiting for my next move. Even me, myself didn’t know what I was going to do. I nodded my head and my lips—preparing to say at least a thing to her. “I—”

And the bell rang. I clacked my tongue and hissed in frustration. I just blew a golden chance to talk to her. Sighing and as disappointment ran all over my body, I shook my head. “Um, nevermind, I’ll talk to you some other time.” I waved. She replied me with a nod and walked away too soon.

Shim Hanhee—I touched her locker and yes—I could feel that she needs someone by her side right now. She’ll be fine. I’d make sure of that.