Siwon sat them all down formally in the living room. Fourteen faces stared back at him with various expressions. 

Yesung spoke first, with a nervous tone. "Siwon, are you dying?"

"What? No! Don't be so morbid!"

"Sorry, but why else would you call us all here so formally?"

"I'll tell you now. What day is it today?"

Hae scrunched his face up. "Umm tuesday?"

"Tuesday?!" Kangin exclaimed. "I'm missing my programme!"

Siwon sighed deeply. "Today is the day before Lent begins."

"Oh no..." Ryeowook put his head in his hands.

"Oh yes! I will be asking every one of you to give something up for Lent. If you can't choose, then I will pick for you. I will be carefully monitoring you for the next forty days to make sure that you don't break the rules."

"What if we don't believe in God?!" 

"Too bad Heechul, you'll just have to abide by the rules. If it makes you feel better, you can call it a detox."

Heechul muttered under his breath and shared an angry glance with Kangin. 

 

"Can I give up washing the dishes?" Yesung asked hopefully.

"No. It has to be something you enjoy. No-one else has anything they want to suggest? Alright I'll choose. My word goes. No buts."

"No butts?!" Eunhyuk looked mortified. "Siwon!"

"For goodness sake, I meant no arguing. Alright here is the list!"

The members all crowded around to see what valuable item they had to give up.

 

"Starcraft..." muttered Kyuhyun. 

"Cup ramen?!" shouted Shindong.

"Twitter? Really Siwon?" whined Yesung.

 

And the list continued. "What's mine Hae?" called Eunhyuk. 

""

"What? So it is 'no butts'.. Urgh Siwon why?"

"All of the things I have put on that list are things that are bad for you. You need to be more healthy, in mind and body. I have given up chocolate."

 

As they settled into their seats, they glared at the religious man. The next forty days were going to be hell, and in no way worth the heaven that they would earn.

 

Later, Yesung walked into his room and saw Ryeowook sitting on their shared bed. "Hey Wook. Are you okay?"

The boy shook his head. "He took Kiki away..." he whispered sadly.

Yesung's face was red with anger, Siwon had gone too far.

 

"Siwon!!" he shouted as he stormed down the corridor to the man's room. "You can't take Kiki!"

"He shouldn't need to rely on a toy. I'm just trying to help."

"He needs Kiki, she's important. Can't you give Wook another item to lose for Lent?"

"I said 'no buts'. And why is the giraffe important?"

As Wook listened to the conversation, he remembered when Yesung had bought him the soft plushie. It was the day when they had first dated, the younger boy shy and blushing as Yesung took his hand. He remembered the moment when he had told the older boy about his abusive past relationships and his fears. Yesung had taken him to a shop and asked him to pick a giraffe. When the giraffe was his, Yesung had held it tightly, and pressed a kiss to the soft plush. "Don't be afraid Wook, I'm always here for you. And I've placed my love inside this plush for when I'm away." Ryeowook had hugged the plush for the first time and felt the warmth and devotion of the older boy. He had felt safe that day, and for the first time in many months he wasn't afraid.

But Siwon had taken the toy, his Kiki. He felt tears well up in his eyes and his arms ached with emptiness as he longed to hold the toy close. Kiki always wiped his tears away.

 

Siwon entered the room, "Ryeowook, do you really need Kiki?"

"No, hyung. I'll follow the rules. I'll be okay."

But his face said otherwise and Yesung glared at the taller man. 

"I'm going away soon for a few days. Kiki needs to be with Ryeowook. You have to give her back."

Siwon sighed. "What would you be willing to give up instead?"

"Anything hyung, anything. But please give Kiki back.."

"What about television? Or music? Or chocolate?"

"Anything." The tears fell from his cheeks.

Siwon carefully wiped them away. "Don't cry Wook, I'm doing you a favour. You can't rely on Kiki forever."

"Yes he can. If he wants that giraffe forever then he can have her!" Yesung was almost crying in frustration. "Just bring her back!"

Siwon collected the plushie and Ryeowook pulled her into his arms and soothed the soft plush. His tears slowed as he held her, his sobs turning to small tremors and then stopping completely.

Yesung wrapped his arms around the boy, and Siwon felt guilty for taking Kiki in the first place. He watched as Yesung kissed Wook and whispered soft comforts in his ear and Wook hugged the plush and kissed Yesung gently.

"I need Kiki Siwon, I really do. What should I give up instead?" 

"Umm chocolate, you can give up chocolate." Siwon sounded disappointed as he left the room.

 

As they were left alone again, Yesung cuddled Ryeowook. "Wook I have a long schedule tonight, but you have Kiki, so don't worry."

"Okay, thank you for getting her back hyung." He snuggled into his boyfriend's chest and kissed the soft skin that was exposed by his shirt.

"You're welcome, he doesn't know why you need her, but he knows that you need her to feel safe. He shouldn't have taken something so precious."

 

Later that night, Ryeowook cuddled the soft plushie close to his chest as he slept. He missed the warmth of Yesung next to him, but he didn't feel scared when Kiki was there with him. Only Yesung and Kiki knew of his past and his fears of being alone, that's why the older boy and the plushie were so important to him. He wasn't alone when they were there.

Breathing deeply in sleep, he didn't notice Siwon creep into the room and steal the soft plush.

 

When he woke up at midnight, dizzy and scared from the nightmare, he went to hug Kiki. His heart stopped when his arms closed around nothing. Searching all around the bed for her, he could feel his heart racing in his chest. He could see the flashbacks vividly, scenes he hoped that he would never have to repeat. Scenes that Kiki and Yesung always removed. But neither of them were here to protect him now.

 

Sobbing, he picked up his phone and hid under the covers, dialling Yesung's number. The boy picked up almost immediately. "Wook, are you okay?"

"She's not here! She's not here!"

"Wait what? Kiki? Are you sure she's not just fallen?"

"I checked everywhere.. I don't know what to do, hyung." His voice was small and pitiful and Yesung's heart broke to hear it. He knew which memories were flowing through his boyfriend's head at that moment, and he hated them. How could anyone be so cruel to someone who was so sweet and fragile? Determined not to be another failed boyfriend he picked up his keys and ran from the set. The photographer shouted after him, but he didn't care.

 

Entering the dorm and running through the corridor he burst through the bedroom door and wrapped his arms around Wook. The small boy was sobbing violently and his eyes were wide with fear. He slowly relaxed in Yesung's arms as the older boy caressed his younger boyfriend and held him close. 

"I'm sorry hyung. You didn't have to come here, I just wanted to hear your voice."

"I don't mind, I couldn't have stayed there knowing that you're upset. Now, you just relax and I'll get Kiki, okay?"

"Hyung? Please don't leave me.."

"Come with me then Wook" He held out his hand to his boyfriend and they walked together to Siwon's room.

Yesung ripped the covers from Siwon and threw the pillow at him. "Siwon! Where is Kiki?" 

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"Yes you do, you've obviously taken her. Now. Where. Is. Kiki?"

Siwon sighed heavily. "It's unhealthy to rely on a giraffe, why can't you just hug someone else? Do you not trust us?!"

"I do trust you hyung, but I just.. I can't.." Ryeowook collapsed in sobs, Yesung put his arms around the boy. 

"For God's sake Siwon, why are you doing this? It's only Lent! You do it if you want but don't force everyone else to."

 

"Hear hear" called Kyuhyun from his room, and Sungmin mumbled an agreement. Calls of agreement and hatred of Lent came from every room in the house. 

"Fine then, Lent is cancelled!"

 

Everyone laughed and cheered as the sounds of Starcraft and loud music filled the dorm. Going to the kitchen, there were midnight snacks all around and everyone was talking and giggling. Yesung and Ryeowook were called into the kitchen, where there were 15 cup noodles cooking away. Feeling a tap on his shoulder, Ryeowook turned around to see Siwon holding out Kiki and smiling apologetically. "I'm sorry Wook, I thought I was doing good. I didn't mean to hurt you all."

"It's okay Siwon, have a cup noodle. And thank you for Kiki."

As they all sat together at the table to eat, Siwon spoke again. "Can I at least say a prayer before we eat?" 

Heechul sighed deeply. "Alright, but only because you've cancelled Lent."

 

And as they heard the prayer, each member smiled. "Dear God, please forgive me. I have used your name and Lent to bring pain to my loved ones, my family. Please help me to stay strong, and to care for them in a better way. Amen."

Ryeowook hugged Kiki close and smiled at Yesung. They were all sinning, but it was okay.

Siwon finished his prayer, and took a big bite of his forbidden chocolate.