BONUS CHAPTER

Kyuhyun’s Painful Love

Kyuhyun was always a little awkward with people. He preferred to be alone rather than with the bustling loud and slightly obnoxious students of his college. But then there was his assignment partner, who just wouldn’t leave him alone, dragging him out to coffee, movies, college gatherings, soccer games and his own dance recitals - long after that particular assignment was done and over with.

And just like that Kyuhyun got used to having him around. His gummy smiles, his gentle slaps on his shoulder and his tight hugs whenever he felt that Kyuhyun needed it, but it was mostly because he himself needed it.

Fighting over the cup of noodles, scoffing over his love for monkey plushies and cute heart shaped bedspreads and mocking his obsession for strawberries, but then it made Kyuhyun unconsciously love those things too, to the extent that he had a pack of fresh strawberries in his little bar fridge in his room all the time, for himself mind you. Every time he walked around town, his eyes would automatically pick out soft toys in monkey shapes, be it plushies, jewelry, phone straps, cookies or posters. He would smile at it for a few seconds before moving on, not realizing that yes he had actually spent a few minutes of his precious life ogling at primates.

And just like that, unknowingly, unsuspectingly, unconsciously, Kyuhyun had also fallen in love.

It wasn’t that he hadn’t fallen in love before. Of course he had. There was that cute little guy in preschool and then that girl with curly pigtails that bounced around her head in middle school and all through high school he was in love with an anime character who he had discovered though his fanatic gaming.

But no one, alive or fictional, made his heart beat the way Eunhyuk did.

It made his heart race with a rhythm from the ancient tales of love and desire. It felt like he had never loved before. It was euphoric, it was exhilarating, it was heaven on earth.

...it was hell.

Because then there was the day that Eunhyuk had walked up to him, blushing lightly, holding hands with the college kingka, called Siwon or something and Kyuhyun had never felt pain so deep, so excruciating, so overpowering because he felt himself getting light headed and for a moment, he had forgotten how to breath.

But with a smile he had hidden his shattering heart, and with that same smile he had hugged Eunhyuk and congratulated him.

He wasn’t passive. He wasn’t an idiot either. He was just in love. And the one he was in love with loved another. What could Kyuhyun do? What else could he do? Was there anything? So he decided that best thing would be to be the second most important guy in Eunhyuks life.

He became his best friend.

It hurt to stay by his side. It ached to see those blushes when random people brought flowers into their lecture hall while loudly proclaiming that it was from Siwon. He would die a little inside when he would see the shy smiles when the said man would hug Eunhyuk.

Kyuhyun would cry into his pillow every night. And every morning he would tell himself that same things, that he was happy because Eunhyuk was happy, in the process, thanking his gaming addiction that he had an excuse for his ugly puffy red eyes.

He still smiled. He still laughed. It still hurt.

And then Siwon did something that Kyuhyun had actually expected of him, given his history with dating but had hoped wouldn’t happen with Eunhyuk. Siwon did something that Kyuhyun would never forgive him for. Siwon stood there in the middle of the damn college entrance, kissing that girl from the Designs Department like nobody’s business.

The scene created raw wounds in Kyuhyun

Because it killed Eunhyuk to see that kiss

Kyuhyun didn’t know what to do anymore after that day. Eunhyuk wasn’t smiling. Eunhyuk wasn’t laughing. Eunhyuk wasn’t eating. Eunhyuk wasn’t talking, or dancing that he loved so much. Eunhyuk wasn’t even living. The beautiful eyes that he loved were always red and swollen like his had been and probably still were except it pained him more to see that on Eunhyuk. He was losing weight and would refuse to eat no matter how much Kyuhyun tried to coax into it.

He was but just an empty shell. One that Siwon had hollowed out and left to rot…

The bright and beautiful Eunhyuk was lost somewhere inside.

****

It irked Kyuhyun to the extent that he actually wanted to punch something, or better yet, punch Siwon when he realized of the mental torture that Siwon was putting Eunhyuk through. He begged the dorm advisor to change their rooms but no one else wanted to exchange, already settled into their own shared or single rooms. He had threatened Sungmin, Eunhyuk’s old roommate, but Sungmin had started dating his new roommate and didn’t want to move either.

Kyuhyun had asked Eunhyuk to come to his own room but Eunhyuk would always say no and that he was okay. But then why was he here in class, so frail, like a shadow of his true self? Why was he on the verge of tears every time Kyuhyun saw him? Why was he hurting so much? And why couldn’t he take that pain away?

Why couldn’t it be him? Why couldn’t he be the one?

Why couldn’t Eunhyuk love him? Was it impossible for them?

Hugging Eunhyuk tightly after class had Kyuhyun tearing a bit too. Crying wasn’t something new to him, but to do it here, in the middle of college, was definitely new. But he couldn’t help it…because Eunhyuk was crying in his arms and the despair in his haltering sobs and faltering breaths were enough to cut him inside and pull him down in the depressing spiral of despair too.

And then Eunhyuk had asked that question, “Am I ugly Kyuhyun?”

How could he tell him what he really was? Would Eunhyuk believe him? Was he even ready for it?

You are so beautiful that it’s breathtaking. Do you know that every time you smile at me, my heart skips a beat? Do you know that every time you hug me I feel like I am floating on clouds? Do you know that every time you look at me with those eyes of yours, I feel more and more alive? Never has my name sounded more perfect than when you utter it from your lips. Do you know what you mean to me? Can I tell you? Should I tell you?

No.

You’re not ready for it. No yet…not for me. You’re heart isn’t ready for me yet.

Swallowing his feelings Kyuhyun hugged Eunhyuk tighter, letting the unshed tears fall free down his cheek.

“No. No Eunhyukkie…you…you are perfect.”

‘So so perfect. So perfect that it hard to believe that you really exist. So perfect.’

“You are beautiful.”

‘I can’t even describe how beautiful you are to me.’

“…so beautiful.”

‘and I wouldn’t change a single thing…you’re that wonderful.’

“Then…w-why does he-” and Kyuhyun knew…he immediately knew that that bastard Siwon was the one that made Eunhyuk doubt himself like this. Kyuhyun didn’t know what Siwon had said but it burned him with fury. He wanted nothing more than to punch Siwon and to just keep hitting him until he turns into a bloody pulp of self righteous, kingka goo that he thought he was.

And as much as Kyuhyun wanted to carry out his furious fantasy, the heart wrenching sobs coming from the little man in his arms stopped him. Kyuhyun held on to the trembling man and satisfied himself instead by repeating his true thoughts, telling Eunhyuk how beautiful he thinks he is.

Over and over again

And after an hour of muttering and stuttering the words ‘you are beautiful,’ he was rewarded with a small smile, not the gummy one that Kyuhyun had come to love but a real smile nonetheless, and a pair of swollen and teary yet wrinkled eyes.

It was the first real smile in weeks.

And just like that, Kyuhyun’s own pain, his yearning, and the wonderful image of Siwon in a bloody pile of pudding were all forgotten.

Because the most beautiful boy in the planet had smiled and it was worth everything Kyuhyun was suffering through.

*****

Kyuhyun made Eunhyuk believe in himself again…believe in life again. Eunhyuk spent more and more time outside of that accursed room and instead spent that time learning to smile again.

With Kyuhyun by his side, everything felt a little bit better…he felt a little bit stronger. He was grateful to Kyuhyun because no one else had stood by him like he had. He had silently been next to him, comforting him for hours when he cried, making a fool of himself just to make Eunhyuk smile, even if it was just for a second, and burning his fingers trying to cook in his small single room so that he could force Eunhyuk to eat something by guilt-tripping him.

This was supposed to be the cold Kyuhyun, the same Kyuhyun who never befriended anyone. The boy who would stare unemotionally at anyone trying to hit on him because he had the looks for the kingka position as well. This was the Kyuhyun who never cared. But here he was…being just the opposite.

Kyuhyun was perfect…just like he believed Eunhyuk to be.

And it was high time that Eunhyuk realized that.

But then…maybe he was realizing it

***

Kyuhyun saw Eunhyuk happily take the bag of pastries from his hands and divide the goodies inside, placing one in front of Kyuhyun before hording the rest of the strawberry filled éclairs to himself with a gleeful smile.

“Do you have any idea what I went through to get that?” Kyuhyun whined playfully while smiling softly at the goofy smile on Eunhyuks face.

Eunhyuk laughed to Kyuhyun’s complains about being sent to buy strawberry éclairs and waiting in line for almost half an hour before being served and now was being given just a measly pbagiece when there was supposed to be six in the brown paper, the same éclairs that Eunhyuk himself was munching on happily as they walked slowly down the hall, tip of pink tongue sliding out to the strawberry crème that had burst out when Eunhyuk had bit into the éclair. Eunhyuk started giggling even more when Kyuhyun made to grab the bad he he