I let myself into the villa quietly.  The air is still except for the soft sounds of the television in the living room.  We’d all had such a late night after the final concert in town, and I was glad that there was no one here, no managers, housekeeping ahjummas, even family.  That hopefully meant Hyung was enjoying the increasingly rare solitude.  I feel guilty for coming over right then, I was definitely breaking the peace he so seldom has, but always craves.  He still hadn’t made any noise to acknowledge someone else in the house, so I make up my mind to see what he’s up to, despite my hesitation.  Maybe he’s reading or sipping a glass of wine or even zoning out to a random show on the tv.  If he’s busy, I can always come back later. 

I follow the noise of the commercial and round the corner into the living room.  I can see Hyung is on the couch, his head tilted in a weird way, as if he’s examining something in his lap.  He still hasn’t noticed me, that’s odd.  As I go around the couch, I can see why.  He’s fallen asleep, with his head crooked at an odd angle and his phone in his hands.  He’s still in his pajamas, even though it’s past noon.  I chuckle to myself and decide to take advantage of the opportunity to observe him further.  His mint green hair is fluffy, partially hiding his forehead, but I can still see the strong structure of his brow, for once completely free from any stress or tension.  His mouth is also slack, no evidence of a good or bad dream on his lips.  His jawline is jutting out, his face thinner than usual from the non-stop schedule of the past couple of weeks.  He looks like the kid we all are, completely free of any of the responsibility and craziness that comes with this idol life.  I think to myself that I’m so happy I came in, just for this moment alone. 

Hyung’s head starts to worry me.  It’s hanging in such a way that he’s going to wake up with a major pain in his neck.  And then, he’ll become an even bigger pain in the neck for everyone else.  I sit on the side of the couch and slowly guide his head into my lap with my left hand.  I worried that his back would be at a weird angle, but the move is enough to cause Hyung to try to snuggle into my thighs and turn onto his stomach without waking up.  Thank goodness, I couldn’t bear to steal even a second of this hard-earned nap.  I grab the remote and turn the tv off.  Who needs that incessant noise when I can listen to his soft breathing and just appreciate the weight and warmth of him.  It’s a near perfect afternoon, and I just sit for who knows how long just taking it all in.

Before I realize it, my hands have moved to his hair, it off his forehead, away from his ears and down the middle of his head before my fingertips just graze the back of his neck.  Stop and repeat, on an endless loop.  I’ve seen him do the same action so many times, and I must have subconsciously wanted to know what it felt like.  I hope that I don’t wake him up but I can’t seem to stop-

“You’re here?”  Eyes still closed, mouth upturned, he sleepily asks me in a voice even huskier than normal.  I don’t answer but my hands halt their motion.