Kangin sighed heavily as he cleaned out Sungmin's room. Ryeowook was out with Sungmin, and so the chores were his responsibility. Looking under the bed for socks to be washed, he saw a small book. He pulled it out excitedly, and saw the cover. It was a diary, and obviously one that Sungmin used regularly. The pages were filled with the tiny writing, and small pictures. Sitting against the wall, he wondered whether to read it or not.

Glancing around to make sure that he was alone, he opened up to a random page. It was full of thoughts and worries about practice and performances, worries that he wasn't doing well enough. Kangin's heart hurt knowing that the younger boy felt this way. As it got more and more unhappy, and the ghosts of tear drops appeared on it, Kangin went to close it, feeling like he was intruding.

But just as he was about to close the page, he saw his name.

 

He looked at the full sentence. 'Practice went badly today, and I hurt my knee. Kangin helped me though, and he held me all the way home. I wanted to hug him back, but I was too shy..' Kangin smiled as he remembered that day, how he had looked after the boy all the way home and comforted him gently.

 

He began to look through the diary more, searching for his name. There were many little lines and pages about him, and the more Kangin read the more happy he began to feel. Sungmin had written about everytime he had helped him, times that Kangin had just put his arm around him. He read a passage where Sungmin really sounded hurt and pained, and it ended with Sungmin writing about how Kangin had found him crying and hugged him close, promising that everything would be okay.

He had never realised how much those little touches and comforts meant to Sungmin, and vowed to look after him more. He was shocked at how such a small kind act could make such a difference. Reading through the diary, it was filled with the hugs and comforts. There were four pages about the time when Kangin had found the boy shaking from a nightmare, and had slept next to him all night.

 

There were wishes and longings written there too, wishes that Kangin would comfort him more, that he could hug into him freely. His cheeks heated up as he realised about Sungmin's hidden feelings for him, and how the boy had told no one about the crush. 

Turning over the page, he read about how hard it was to keep everything hidden, to not tell anyone about him being gay. He didn't want to tell the others, and he was scared of Kangin rejecting him and not even caring for him as a friend.

He wanted nothing more than to phone Min and tell him everything, that he felt the same way and would never ever reject him. He wanted to hug the smaller man close and let him rest in his arms. But he didn't want Min to know that he had read the diary, he had to be more subtle.

He found the latest entry was a wish. 'I wish that Kangin and I could spend some time together, just the two of us. But I don't know if he would want to spend time with me.."

 

Closing the diary and placing it back under the bed exactly how he had found it, Kangin was determined to make Min's wishes come true.

 

Ryeowook walked through the door to the dorm, ready to start nagging Kangin about not doing any of the chores or helping out. Instead he gasped as he found the living room clean and tidy, and all of the dishes were washed and put away. The clothes were drying in the dryer and the older boy was sitting in the clean sofa and watching television. 

"You thought I would have just gone back to sleep" he teased from the sofa. "Is this good enough?"

"It's lovely, thank you Kangin. That makes my day easier." Ryeowook headed off to his room to put down his new clothes, and Kangin looked at Sungmin. 

"Come and sit with me Min" he called, patting the cushion next to him. As he looked at the boy, he wondered how he had never noticed the crush before. Sungmin's eyes were wide and bright as Kangin spoke to him, and he was looking at Kangin as though he was the most wonderful man on the planet. He sat nervously next to him, unsure of how much room to leave between them. Kangin put an arm round his shoulders and pulled him to lean against his chest. He could feel Sungmin's heart racing, and the heat from his blushing cheeks. But he could tell that Min was trying to hide it, and so he pretended not to notice anything.

 

He handed Min the remote control, and let the boy pick a show to watch. He could feel the excitement from the boy, and wished that he had found out about the crush earlier. If he had known that it would take only a hug to make the boy feel this happy, he would have hugged him all the time. He held Min closer, and began to softly his hair. The next day, he would see how Min felt about it, the diary would contain all of the things he needed to do to make sure that Sungmin would always love him.

 

He heard the breathing slow and felt the boy go limp. Realising that Min had fallen asleep, he moved him so that his head was in his lap, and softly caressed his hair. The volume from the tv was lowered, and he was sitting as still as he could, trying not to wake him. He let his eyes roam over the boy's slender frame, how perfect he was. He was curled up on the sofa, the position making him look young and innocent. Kangin stretched out his hand, gently tracing the boy's full lips and wondering how many times Sungmin had dreamed of pressing them against Kangin's.

 

When Ryeowook entered the room, dressed in his new shirt, he smiled at Sungmin. "He's so cute when he's asleep isn't he?"

"Yes" Kangin answered softly, with a to Min's hair. "Your shirt looks nice."

When Wook blushed and smiled happily before thanking him, Kangin realised just how much happiness a simple compliment or hug could give someone.

He was brought back from his thoughts by Ryeowook speaking again. "I'm going out for lunch with Kyuhyun, so you have the dorm to yourselves. Kyuhyun and I will be back soon."

 

He left them together, and closed the door behind him. At the sound of the door, Sungmin shuffled in Kangin's lap and opened his eyes tiredly. Then he seemed to realise where he was and sat up quickly. 

"Sorry Kangin, I didn't mean to sleep on you" he said, with a nervous glance at the older boy. 

"Don't be sorry, it's okay. Wook's gone out for lunch so it's just us two here in the dorm. Shall I make us some lunch?" As he said the words, he remembered that being alone with him was the wish in the diary. He decided to prepare a perfect lunch, so that they could spend some time together.

Walking to the kitchen, he heard Min's soft footsteps behind him. As he began to make some sandwiches and salad, he heard a tiny yawn. 

"Sungmin, why don't you go and have a nap? I'll bring you your lunch in a minute." The smaller boy sat on a chair though, reluctant to leave. 

"Why don't we have lunch later?" the younger boy whispered tinily.

 

Kangin put his head up and put away the sandwich ingredients. He pulled two milk cartons out of the fridge and handed one to Sungmin. "Okay, we'll eat later." He took the boys hand and led him to the living room, an action that made Min hold his other hand to his face to hide his blush. They sat together and drank, the warm room and creamy milk making them both feel sleepy. Sungmin felt his eyelids closing, although he fought to stay awake, desperate to enjoy the little amount of time that he had together with Kangin.

The older boy lay down on the sofa, and gently pulled Min to lie next to him. Putting his arm around the smaller boy, he fell asleep.

Sungmin just lay there, blushing scarlet as he tried not to jump up and down with joy. He nuzzled into Kangin's chest and slept.

 

When Kyu and Wook came back from lunch, they saw the pair still sleeping on the sofa. Kyuhyun leaned over, getting a pen from his pocket to draw moustaches on them, but Wook pushed his hand away.

"Let them sleep" he whispered. "It's been a long day for them both."

"How?"

"Kangin cleaned the entire dorm, and Min, well.." Ryeowook coughed gently. "I can't tell you about Min, but it's been an emotional day for him." He looked at Kyu. "We'll let them sleep a while longer."

 

As Ryeowook was going into the kitchen, he remembered the morning he had spent with Sungmin. The boy had been quiet and nervous, his knees shaking as he drove them to the store.

He had asked him what was wrong, but it was only after shopping when they were in the coffee shop that Min had finally told him. His voice had been small and broken as he whispered to Wook. "I'm gay."

He had kept his head down, tiny tears appearing as he spoke, unsure of how Wook would react. The boy had put his arm around the shaking shoulders, and held him close. "How do you know?" he had whispered. "Is there someone you like?" 

Sungmin had shook his head. "No, no one like that. I just know.."

Wook had looked after him, able to see in the boy's face that it had taken all of his strength to say those two small words.

They had gone home soon after that, as Wook could see how tired he was. "Did you get any sleep last night?" he had asked, worried about his friend.

"Not a lot, I was so nervous about how you would react.."

"I'll always love you Min, you don't need to worry about that. I won't say anything to the others." 

 

But seeing Min lying together with Kangin, and the way the younger boy's hands were resting on Kangin's back, he knew that Sungmin had lied to him. There was someone he liked. 

Smiling to himself, he covered the pair with a blanket and left them to sleep. 

 

Sungmin woke up first, and just lay warmly in Kangin's arms. The older boy was breathing deeply, his heartbeat strong and steady as he slept.

He felt the blanket around them, and pulled it a little closer to cover more of the other boy. He wanted Kangin to be warm and happy with him.

 

Waking up next to Kangin had felt wonderful, to have the taller man so close to him, his arms wrapped protectively around his body. But he knew that he had to get up, what if Kangin woke up and was angry that he was there? He reluctantly stood up and covered the man in further blankets to make sure that he was comfortable before leaving to go to his own room. 

Sitting on the cold bed, he found himself longing for Kangin's tight embrace, the warm arms that circled around him to make him feel completely safe. But he didn't want to make the older boy feel awkward around him. So, like every other night, he lay alone on his bed and wished that Kangin was there. Pulling the diary from beneath the bed, he began to write his new entry.

 

At practice the next morning, he kept getting the steps wrong, and the manager was getting a little impatient. Knowing that he was disappointing people, he tried harder, but the dance was very difficult and he got it wrong again. He stopped and felt Kangin's arm around his waist, leading him to the bench. His fingers brushed away tears that Sungmin didn't even know had fallen, and he hugged him close.

"Don't cry Min" he whispered. "You'll learn the steps soon." 

The smaller boy had really cried then, and had rested his head on Kangin's chest. 

 

Wook watched Kangin soothe Min gently, and he felt happy for his friend. After hiding his uality for so long, he wanted Min to have a happy relationship. Seeing the way Min looked at Kangin made him wonder how he hadn't suspected a crush earlier. The boy was staring at him lovingly and blushing. He was trying not to be obvious about his crush, but it was clear on his face how much he loved Kangin. Wook thought that if he was silly for not noticing the crush, then Kangin must be an idiot. He just hoped that the older boy wasn't playing around with Min and trying to break his heart. 

 

After a terrible day of practice, Sungmin slowly climbed into the car unhappily, his muscles stiff from dancing. He remembered the way that Kangin had held him, the gentle fingers that had carefully brushed away his tears. He rested his head against the window and allowed himself a small daydream about their future life together, with the happy children and the beautiful house in the countryside. He normally stopped himself from dreaming, because it just made reality harder to face, but today he couldn't help it. He allowed himself to plan the perfect wedding, and then let out a sigh as the car doors opened and he was dropped back into the real world. 

Climbing carefully out of the car, he went silently to his room and sat quietly on the bed for a while. Picking up his diary again, he began to write about the practice, how he would try harder, how he would never see those disappointed and angry faces again. Tiny tears stained the page as he curled up into a ball pitifully.

 

Meanwhile, Kangin had been dragged to the gym by an overly enthusiastic Ryeowook. He couldn't be more confused, the smaller boy was the last person he would expect for a gym buddy. Wook sat down on the mat next to him, and started to ask questions.

"Kangin, how are you?"

"I'm fine, but a little confused. Why do you want to go to the gym with me? You never normally do.."

"I just want to train a little more, and to talk to you."

Ryeowook showed no signs of moving from the mat, and so Kangin suspected that he just wanted to talk to him alone. Sitting crosslegged next to the boy, he played along.

"What do you want to ask me Wook?"

The boy hesitated a little. "What do you think of relationships?"

Kangin opened his mouth, and then closed it again. "Umm, they're great?"

"No, I mean, if you thought that someone had a crush on you, what would you do?"

"I would ask them, or wait for them to ask me. Why are you asking me this?"

Ryeowook ignored the question. "You wouldn't play with their heart would you? You wouldn't tease them and then turn them down?"

Kangin felt hurt, and he frowned a little. "Of course not.. Do you really think that I would do that to someone? That would just be cruel.." He felt his heart clench thinking about Sungmin feeling hurt and brokenhearted because of him. The image of the cute boy's tearful face was too painful to imagine.

 

Nodding happily and hugging him, Ryeowook stood up. "I just wanted to know" he said happily, before leaving the gym to go to the car. Kangin left with a heavy heart, was he playing with Min's feelings by pretending to not know about the crush? Feeling guiltier and guiltier, he leaned against the window as the car headed home. He had to see Min.

 

Going into the dorm and pushing the boy's door open, he saw Min asleep on the bed. The boy's cheeks were red raw with tears, and his diary lay open on the blanket next to him. The boy had obviously fallen asleep after writing his entry.

 

Covering the small frame with a blanket, he picked up the diary and began to read. Sungmin had written about every detail of the previous day, his tearful confession to Wook, and the time that he had spent asleep with Kangin. The entry was long and happy, with little doodles of stars around the corners of the page. Kangin smiled as he read it, and made a mental note of the wish to sleep with him again. He knew that that was one wish he wouldn't mind granting, lying on the sofa with the small boy in his arms had been one of the best sleeps he had ever had. When he had woken up alone, he had felt confused and worried, had he accidentally kicked him in his sleep? But reading further, he realised that the boy had left incase Kangin woke up and regretted lying next to him, regretted spending the afternoon together. 

The next entry was about the practice, tearful sentences about how he had danced the steps wrong and about the disappointed faces watching. There was a tiny heart next to the sentence about Kangin comforting him, and the writing grew almost invisibly small as the younger boy wrote about how close Kangin's lips were.

The end of the entry was a wish for him to learn the dance properly. And Kangin seized his opportunity.

 

The next morning, very early, Kangin woke Sungmin up and drove to the practice room. Falling asleep in the car, Sungmin was cuddled cutely, hugging his coat warmly in his arms like a teddy bear. Kangin almost gave in and let him sleep, but the boy had wished to learn the choreography.

So he gently shook his shoulder and led him out of the car to practice.

 

After they had practicing for almost an hour, Kangin patiently coaching Sungmin as he learned the moves, the two boys sat happily on the bench.

Wiping his sweaty forehead, Sungmin smiled brightly. "I learned it" he whispered, his eyes shining with pride and gratitude. He leaned his head back against the wall, and sighed happily.

"You taught me, thank you so much Kangin. I love you." The last three words were out of his mouth before he even realised that he had said it. He blushed scarlet and hid his face, afraid of the boy might react.

Kangin gently lifted Sungmin's face up, so that he could look him in the eyes. 

"I love you too Sungmin." He gently leaned down and pressed his lips against the boy's, noting the shock on his face.

Just when he was starting to feel nervous, he felt a small pressure against his lips as Sungmin tenderly kissed him back. There was no lust, no desperation, although Kangin could feel how much Min wanted this. After kissing for almost a minute, they pulled away with a soft sound. 

 

The younger boy kept staring at Kangin, as though he was trying to work out whether it was imagination or real. Kangin reached out a hand to his face. "It really happened Min." He leaned in closer with a teasing expression. "Was I as good as in your diary?"

The smaller boy gasped and looked horrified. "You read my diary?! That's private!" But he was too overwhelmingly happy to be angry at Kangin for peeking.

He rested his head on Kangin's shoulder, and closed his eyes in ecstasy. 

 

"I'm glad that I could make your wishes come true Min."

"You did, all of them." Sungmin shyly reached up and pressed another kiss to Kangin's lips, hugging him tightly. He never wanted to let go.

After all of the daydreams and diaries, Sungmin finally had his wish.