"Kai...?" Kyungsoo says with concern, noticing Kai's reaction.  The rest of the guys turn round, looking at him with confusion.

"The hotel," Kai says hoarsely. He sounds almost as if he's holding back to the urge to be sick, "The hotel, that email I saw. It wasn't... It wasn't because..."

I look at him helplessly. I almost want to lie to him and say it wasn't to do with the surprise because I know how much it will tear him apart when he finds out it was. Suho's eyes suddenly widen as he realises.

Even if I want to lie I don't get the chance.

"Yes Kai," Kris says quietly, looking steadily at him, "The email was because her friend was recommending accommodation she could reserve for us Kai. Not for her and that guy but for us."

"No," Kai is repeating, "No no no."

He turns away and leans against the wall for a second, scrunching his eyes closed as if he's waiting to wake up from this nightmare. He pushes himself off the wall and comes towards me. There's so much horror and fear in his eyes.

"Ara," he grabs my arms, "Ara please tell me that it's not true. Please please tell me that it's not true."

"Kai I think that's enough." Suho says quietly.

"NO!" Kai shouts. Tears are streaming down his face and he's gasping for breath, already so caught up."Have you any idea what I've done? What I did to her? What I did to the girl I'm meant to love!"

I've never seen him so utterly distraught. He quickly wipes the tears from his face and faces me again, struggling to breathe calmly.

"Ara, just tell me," He says, attempting for a smile and failing horribly, "Just tell me that it's not the case. Tell me that the email wasn't to do with this surprise."

"I don't want to lie to you Kai." I say helplessly, starting to cry, "I can't lie to you I'm sorry. I'm sorry Kai. But Kris is right."

Kai pushes himself away from me and flings himself against the wall.

"WHY!" It's the most grief, chocked distressed sound I've ever heard him utter before in my life.

"Kai," Kyungsoo hurries to try and lay a hand on his shoulder but Kai reels away from him. "Don't touch me. I'm disgusting, I'm sick, I'm worthless-"

"Don't say these things about yourself!" I beg, attempting to advance towards him but he quickly moves away.

"Why Ara?" He cries, "How could you let me treat you like that? How could you endure it so silently, all those disgusting things I said to you and you stood there and took it like you deserved it? I accused you of cheating, when the whole time you were trying to reunite the twelve of us. Why didn't you punch me in the face? How could you let me say those things all the while knowing the good thing you were doing?"

"Kai calm down," Jongdae attempts.

"While you were carrying out an act of true love I was...I was..." Kai seems too disgusted in himself to continue and he pulls his hair so hard I think he's going to tear it out.

"Stop it!" I desperately grab his hands and manage to get to him before he pulls away. He twists from side to side trying to loosen my grip.

"No Ara I won't-let you touch something-like me. Stop. Let go."

"Will you just stop talking about yourself like that," I say firmly, hanging on to his twisting limbs for dear life. I narrowly miss his hand connecting with my face as he tries to get away.

"Kai be careful or you'll hurt her," Chanyeol says worriedly.

Kai stops moving and hangs limp in my grip, I can feel him shaking, his body jolting like he's got electricity running through his veins.

"I love you Kai." I say pouring so much meaning in to the words. I cup his cheeks and hurriedly try and wipe his face. He flinches at my touch. His eyes are looking at mine, still with that element of shock but mostly filled with pain and self disgust. He looks tortured, completely tortured. "So don't treat yourself like this okay?" I continue, "Because it will make me upset. And you said you would never make me upset again, remember you said that, remember you promised."

"And look, I've upset you again." Kai says, fresh tears spilling over his eyelids as he realises.

I hastily wipe the tears from my cheeks and sniff hard.

"I'm not upset Kai," I try and say with a smile, "See I'm not sad. So you can't be sad either okay."

But Kai is shaking his head and loosening my arms from his body.

"No Ara I can't," He says, "I can't do this to you anymore. I can't."

I feel like my stomach has turned to sludge, and it feels like a weight has been attached to my heart. It feels too much, these words have too much feeling and I'm scared.

"What do you mean? What are you saying?"

Kai leans in and his shaky lips press a kiss to my forehead.

"I'm saying I'm letting you go." Kai says. "I'm stepping away so you can find someone better."

"Don't give me that Kai." I shout viciously, "That macho hero incredible bull, I don't want to hear it. Do you guys think it's cute when you let the girl go 'so she can find someone better'? Because it's not. It's ing stupid. Don't say those words again."

He's still shaking his head, looking at me sadly, looking all over at me, as if he's gazing at all the scars and hurt he has caused.

"I'm sorry Ara. But if I stay and hurt you again, I think it really would kill me."

"This isn't about you it's about me!" I say desperately, "If you leave you'll kill me. Do you want to kill me Kai?"

"I'm already killing you Ara!" He bursts out, "Look what I've done to you; I've got you trying to pretend you're not upset just to comfort me. I've brought so much unhappiness in to your life, continually because I selfishly refused to live without you. But now I am forcing myself to."

He starts slowly backing away at first, tears still coursing down his face and I think at any moment that he’s going to stop and run to me and pull me towards him, apologising and telling me he’ll never leave me. I’m so sure it’s going to happen. But then in one forced movement, Kai compels himself to turn away from me and stumbles towards the door, wrenching it open.

This is far too much to handle. Any moment now I'm sure I'm going to pass out.

"Kai where are you going?" Tao says, putting out an arm to stop him but Kai ignores it.

I run and grab the front of Kai's shirt.

"Do you think I'm going to let you go again? So you can leave me again?"

But Jongin has always been stronger than me, faster than me, and in as much time as it takes me to blink, he's out of my grasp and out the door.

For a moment all I can do is stand there in shock and stare at the place where he was only milliseconds before, my hand holding nothing but air. Then I'm wrenching the door open, ignoring the cries of "Ara wait! Ara!" And I'm running out on to the street screaming, "Kai! Kai! Jongin! Kim Jongin!". I sprint down the street and turn the corner. At the end of the long dark road I'm sure I see a figure round the corner. A Kai shaped figure.

I start off running after him. I can't even run properly through my tears and I keep stumbling and running too close to walls and have to push myself off and keep running. My hair escapes its pony tail and comes crashing around my face. The figure ahead of me walks quickly, hands in pockets and head bent.

"Jongin! Wait! Jongin please." I scream, my breaths coming out in gasps. I reach the figure and grab his arm, forcing him to turn around and face me.

"Jongin I-"

But it's not Jongin. The hood falls away and instead a stranger is staring at me in confusion and faint annoyance. In his ear I can hear the tinny sound of music being played at full volume through headphones.

He looks down at my hand, still grabbing his arm and then back towards me, obviously wondering why I haven't let go yet.

"Uh can I help you?" He says, plucking a headphone bud out of his ear.

"Jongin..." Is all I can say, not quite believing that the stranger I have chased is not him.

"My name's not Jongin." The stranger says. His hair is shades of blonde and chestnut, wavy across his forehead and his eyes are dark and intense under straight eyebrows. "It's Jaejoong."

"Jaejoong," I repeat. He nods slowly, his eyes narrowing slightly as if he's wondering if my mental state is not what it should be.

Jaejoong. Not Jongin.

I let go of the strangers arm.

"Sorry," I say. My voice sounds distant and slow even to my own ears. "Sorry I thought you were someone else."

"That's okay," The stranger Jaejoong says with a small smile. Even though the smile is slight, it immediately creates warmth in his eyes.

He puts his ear bud back in his ear and turns away to continue down the street. After a few paces he stops and turns around. For a moment he just looks at me with his head cocked to the side and a small frown. I'm barely even seeing him, my mind is just rotating over the fact that Jongin isn't here. Jongin has left. Again. Here I am looking for Jongin. Again. Jongin has left. He-

"Are you okay?" Jaejoong is back and peering at my face. "Only I noticed you were crying and I thought I better check what's up."

"I'm fine," I wipe my cheeks and try for a smile. "I'm fine but thanks."

Jaejoong digs around in his pocket and pulls out a crumpled tissue.

"Here, it hasn't been used. Promise."

"Why do guys always produce crumpled tissues," I half laugh, wiping my cheeks and feeling crazy. My hands are shaking so much it's clearly visible, and Jaejoong eyes my hands with concern.

"Did something happen to you?" He tries gently, "You weren't assaulted or anything right?"

"No," I shake my head quickly, "No I'm fine honestly. You go on. I'm sorry to bother you."

"Nah it's cool, you just made me jump that's all."

"Yeah sorry about that," I say listlessly.

"Well I guess I'll be going." Jaejoong raises a hand and smiles and I attempt something like a smile in return but I'm sure is a grimace instead.

I turn away and walk down the street in the direction I came in. I walk like a zombie, like I lose a little bit more life with each step I take. My heart becomes heavier and heavier until I feel like it's swinging like a pendulum in my body. I eventually round the corner on to the street of the jazz club. The boys are dotted about on the empty road, looking up and down. Yixing spots me first and comes running over.

He grabs my shoulder, peers carefully at my face as if assessing my psychological state and then pulls me in to a hug. He doesn't even ask if I'm okay, it's as if he knows exactly what is going on inside me. I can see the other boys have spotted us and they stand back, allowing Yixing to comfort me.

Eventually Yixing stands back, gazes at my face again and seems to deem it safe to gently steer back towards the jazz club.

"Oh Ara," Suho says. He seems to be saying it a lot these days. Before he pulls me in for a hug I catch sight of my appearance in the window. My hair is wild and falling in to my face, cheeks streaked with black liner and my eyes look huge and mournful.

I'm a mess.

Then my head is against Suho's shoulder and his arms encircle my back, my hair. His familiar scent is comforting and I feel his chest rise as he sighs, "Oh Ara."

Finally he let's go as Chanyeol comes with some tissue to carefully wipe my face, his teeth nipping the corner of his lip in concentration.

"Don't cry Ara." Jongdae says, taking both of my hands.

"Don't worry," I say, sniffing hard, "I'm not going to cry anymore."

As I say those words, something seems to change within me. A sense of finality settles in my chest.

"If you need to cry my shoulder is always available." Minseok offers with a smile.

"Thanks Minseok. I appreciate it." I say.

"Everything will be okay Ara," Baekhyun says, squeezing my hand and I nod. Everyone's receiving my calm answers with concern, as if they're waiting for the bomb to detonate.

"Did you manage to find him?" Sujin asks. Her cheeks are flushed; she reminds me of an angry cat. I wordlessly shake my head.

"Why does he keep doing this," She throws her hands up in the air. "Is he some sort of magician to be doing this disappearing act like every damn day?"

"I didn't realise Kai was like this," Tao says sadly. "He never used to be this out of control of his emotions.

"I hardly recognise him." Luhan says, simply, staring in to space.

In the corner the two leaders are talking intently. Suho looks stressed and keeps shaking his head and rubbing the back of his hair. Kris looks faintly annoyed and he keeps taking out his phone.

Finally they come over and Kris rubs my shoulder.

"We're going to go and talk to Kai." Suho sighs.

"What he's doing is unacceptable." Kris says. “We have to make him see sense. Sort out whatever it is that’s made him start acting this way.”

"If you're going to him for my sake then you don't have to," I say.

"What do you mean?" Kyungsoo says worriedly.

"I'm tired." I say simply, "He said he would never leave and he's left again. I'm done."

"I think you're just fed up at the moment maybe in the morning-"

"No Sehun I'm serious. I can't with all of this anymore I have to think of the stress this is causing, not just to me but to all of you guys. Suho looks so stressed-"

"Hey don't worry about me," Suho says softly.

"-and it's not fair." I continue. "So I'm taking the advice that was given to me. I know we were meant to be on some sort of break but screw that. I'm completely letting go and stepping back. Me and Kai are done. Forever."

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Hey guys! Hope you enjoyed this chapter!!

No doubt you've all heard the news regarding Kris and EXO. Not going to say much on the sitatuion here but even if Kris does leave EXO, he'll still definitely be a part of this story.

Let's stay strong and stick together guys! <3

How about I give you guys a bit of a teaser?

Something big and shocking is going to happen while EXO M are here that will put a life in jeopardy.

Now you can sit tight with this added suspense ;D

Take care everybody and thank you for your kind comments and messages!