23-- Explanations

Who Are You?

"No oh Dear God no," I whisper. The shock has caused me to fall into my seat and I sit slumped as if just receiving the news of a death.

"What's wrong? What's happened?" Changmin's insistent questions buzz at my ears.

"They're my friends," I say hoarsley, "I haven't told them I'm rich and yet here they are."

The murmmur of the crowd begins to hush as the lights dim and spotlights focus on the stage.

"That doesn't sound good," Changmin grimances.

That's an understatement. My palms are slick with the sweat of shock and I feel like I'm fighting to breath around the queasiness in my stomach. All I can do is stare at the boys on the stage, still not quite belivieving that this has happened, not believing that coincidence and unluckiness have actually combined in this way.

Golden notes on a guitar strum through the air. My eyes swivel to Chanyeol who's holding a guitar and the smile on his face is so bright and excited. Looking at all the boys, their expressions range from nervousness to excitment. Suho looks around the room his eyebrows furrowed with determination but his eyes calm and peaceful as they look around the room, his gaze washing over everyone. Jongin's looking down at his microphone nibbling his lip but when he looks up, his dark eyes are powerful and captivating, stealing everyone's attention just like how he always takes mine.

It's him who begins to sing first. His voice is wonderfully low and full and I find my body wanting to sit back and relax and let his voice wash over me.

Listen, can you feel it? My heart is racing.

I'll listen to you Jongin, I'll listen to you forever but after this performance is over I just hope you'll listen to me.

The song is beautiful and even under the circumstances I am just so proud of them all, proud of all their harmonies. Chanyeol doesn't let his excitment overtake him and he doesn't falter with the guitar at all, not one note shivers out of place.

All the boys are dressed formally in black trousers and white shirts with skinny black ties. They all look devestatingly handsome and I can see Sujin practically falling out of her seat as she gazes up at Sehun. Baekhyun and Kyungsoo’s harmonies give me goose bumps it’s so effortless. Suho's facial expressions when he sings are so passionate and intense I wouldn't be surprised if he burst into tears.

I stay glued to their performance as if I've turned to stone. As they move smoothly into other songs I watch and listen to every single note, my heart swelling and it feels as if I'm being taken on a cloud far above this place, far above who I am, and instead I'm just listening to them as a normal girl, a normal fan, as the Ara they know.

But all too soon my cloud wish shatters and the performance draws to a close. I'm up on my feet clapping as hard as I can, watching as the boys bask in the applause, bowing several times. The smile on Jongin's face is breath taking; Kyungsoo's looking around at the others as if dazed. Chanyeol's grin goes from ear to ear and he nudges Baekhyun, who returns the smile. Suho looks around at them all, at all his friends so proud and with a small gesture, he makes the boys stand straight and face the audience.

"EXO, we are one! Thank you!"

“We describe ourselves as being ‘one’; all our different personalities are linked through our love for each other to make up one person, one being.”

It's almost as if they're calling out to their boys in China.

My Father gets on to the stage and I sink back into my chair. It's time to start coming up with a plan, time to start getting my explanations together. I decide I'll tell them tonight, when it's quietened down. All I need to do is say it right, choose the right words make them understand that it wasn't because I didn't trust them it was because I was scared.

"...thank you to the lovely talented EXO," My Father is saying, "I knew that when I passed by the jazz club and heard them singing, I had to have them here performing. I think it's important that we look after people like these, that we give them a chance to rise to higher heights,"

I hate how he's talking about them, as if they're poor people and he's their saviour. I see Jongin's smile falter for a second before it's back in place,

"I have no doubt that these boys will be successful in the future, and I will continue to support you the whole way. I especially asked you to perform for the benefit of my daughter; I have no doubt that she also enjoyed the performance."

And with a grand sweep of his arm to point in the direction of the balcony, my Father directs the boy’s attention, and all the guests attention, right on to me.

It seems to happen in slow motion. I have this deep sense of complete horror that comes over me as I see the sweep of my Fathers arm. I see the boys heads turn, smiles bright on their faces as they get ready to greet the daughter of the man who has given them this chance. Ready to bestown smiles and bows and appreciation to this girl.

One by one I see their faces drop. Smiles fall to the ground, eyes fall wide, mouths fall open with shock. Because even in my expensive green dress with jewellrey shining at my throat and curls in my hair, I am recognisible as the girl they all hang around with.

Their eyes are all wide with utter confusion and disbelief, Chanyeol even rubs his eyes. Suho manages to half regain composure and nudge the other members to bow. I hate it, I really hate to seem them all lower themselves for me, a person who has decieved them

Jongin's staring at me, no emotion on his face but his eyes are pulsing emotions to me. Disbelief, betryal, hurt all flash through his eyes, but just like the rest, he slowly lowers himself to a bow and when he stands up right, his eyes are dead.

I feel like someones stabbed me in the heart. I leap to my feet and run across the balcony. My Father turns away from the stage and Jongin immediately turns on his heel and strides from the hall.

My feet clatter down the stairs, I'm aware Changmin's calling my name, I even hear Sujin say 'Ara?' In tones of disbelief, but I'm sick of disbelief; the tone of disbelief, the look of disbelief on everyone's faces. I run across the hall and out into the hallway. Jongin's walking fast but I sprint after him and grab his arm.

He doesn't even shake me off; he just turns to stone at my touch which I find even worse then if he'd thrown me off.

"Jongin please let me explain," I say shakily.

"Kai," He says at once, "There's no Jongin here."

"What do you mean?" I ask, dread coursing through my veins.

"You're not dealing with Jongin anymore," he begins in a low voice that rises with each second, "Jongin doesn't deal with people like you, Jongin doesn't listen to people who lie to him-"

"I never lied!" I exclaim, I place my hands on his shoulders and make him face me. If I can just get him to look at me. "Jongin listen I was scared to tell you, scared that you'd think of me any differently..."

"Is that the type of person you think I am?" Jongin says, "That the money in your bank account would change the thoughts in my head?"

"No! It's not like that please just let me explain," Tears are threatening to spill from my eyes. There are footsteps and then the rest of the guys appear.

"Is it true?" Baekhyun asks.

"Are you really his daughter?" Kyungsoo says.

I nod, I can't even bring myself to say the word yes.

There’s silence.

"Who are you?" Chanyeol whispers.

The looks on all there faces, as if they're all seeing me for the first time, as if I'm some sort of stranger.

"I'm me guys," I whisper brokenly the tears falling as I point to myself, my heart. "I'm Ara."

"Don't cry," Kyungsoo says at once; his instinct is still to comfort.

"Look I'm sure there's some explanation as to why she didn't tell us," Suho begins, speaking directly to Jongin.

"Isn't it obvious," Jongin gives a hollow laugh, "She didn't trust us enough. She thought we'd change and start using her for her money, or maybe she just wanted a chance at playing around with the poor kids-"

"Stop it!" I cry, tugging at my hair as I shake my head, "It wasn't like that!"

"Well then what was it like?" Jongin shouts, his eyes dark with anger. "Because I would really like to know."

"Kai just calm down," Sehun begins to lay an arm on his shoulder but he shakes it off.

"Don't tell me to calm down," He snarls. He turns back to me and advances his eyes actually hurting me with their intensity, "What were you playing at Ara? After I told you how important you were to me and you didn't think to mention something like this? Christ you got attacked in your apartment only a couple of weeks ago why the  are you living there? Why are you making me worry about you, worry about protecting you when all this time you could have been living here? Why Ara tell me why?"

I shrink away from the onslaught of vicious words tearing out of his mouth. This isn't sweet caring understanding Jongin this is hurt angry betrayed Jongin that makes me forget every word I wanted to use to explain.

"Tell me why I had to come and save you when you shouldn't have even been in that situation in the first place, tell me why I," he bangs a fist on his chest, "Don't know a single thing about you."

"I was scared," I whisper.

"Scared of what!" Jongin shouts.

"That's enough." Suho pulls him away from me, "You need to calm down."

Jongin paces up and down the hallway running a hand through his hair.

"I'm going home," He says shortly.

"No wait Jongin please let me explain," I call.

"You keep saying this but I haven't heard any explanation yet," He snaps

"I keep telling you I was scared to tell you guys! I was scared that you would all treat me differently; scared you'd see me as some posh rich girl when that's not what I am! You guys are the best friends I've ever met and you Jongin" I look directly at him, begging him to see, "You know what you mean to me. I was so scared of losing what we had. All I've ever been is scared I don't want money and clothes and cars and jewls I don't want it I don't want any of it!" I'm shouting at the top of my voice now. All the emotions from my Mother’s death that have been just below the surface since that outburst with my father earlier now make an appearance, overwhelming my body with all these feelings I don't want to feel, I just want to go back to singing and dancing with my friends, my boys in the jazz club I want to go back to lying in Jongin's bed, waking up to the sight of his golden skin. “I don’t want any of this . I just wanted to be a normal girl for once.”

“Why do you feel like you can’t be normal if you have money?” Jongin says, “It doesn’t make you some alien you know.”

“You don’t understand people look at you differently when they know you don’t have to struggle for money, or I just end up feeling awkward when they have to work and I don’t. You say that I should have told you, that money isn’t a big deal, but if that’s true you wouldn’t be acting like this now. Maybe it was selfish of me to hide away my money so I could act like I was an average teenage girl but I was always going to tell you.”

“Liar,” Jongin says simply.

“I’m not!” I gasp through my tears. I’m fighting to breathe properly through all of this stress. “I’m not lying, Jongin you have to believe me you know me, whether you want to admit or not you know me.”

“I don’t know who you are,” Jongin shrugs, his face hard. “You’re just a stranger to me.”

“No,” I whisper, “How can you even…”

I have to turn away from him at the sound of his words. All I can do is put my head into my hands and sob. I know crying isn’t ideal in the situation but tell that to my heart.

“Hey Ara don’t cry,” Says Chanyeol anxiously, putting an arm around me.

“Don’t touch her,” Jongin’s voice is harsh.

“Why? Are you going to comfort her Kai?” Chanyeol demands.

Silence.

“Or is that no one else can touch her if you can’t.”

“Yes that’s exactly it,” Jongin snaps.

“You’re a joke Kai,” Chanyeol laughs softly.

“Really? I’m glad you’re finding this funny.” And reaching over, Kai physically pulls Chanyeol away from me.

“Kai-?”

“What the hell is wrong with you?”

“Do you still think this is hilarious?” Jongin pushes Chanyeol once, “Do you still think I’m a joke? Even though I wouldn’t be surprised since she’s ed me over.”

He jabs his head towards me.

That’s the last straw. I stumble away from everyone, bent over gasping for breaths. I feel like my throat is constricting and all I can feel are emotions washing over me in relentless waves.

"Breathe, take deep breaths Ara,"

Sujin's hands are on my shoulders; her comforting eyes are trying to search me out through this cloud of emotions that keep me hidden.

"I can't," I gasp, "I just really need you to listen to me. Jongin I need you to listen."

"He can listen later, first of all you need to breathe properly, do you want to have another panic attack like before?" Sujin scolds.

Jongin's looking at me, his fight with Chanyeol forgotten, his eyes flicking over Sujin fussing over me.

"Whats- What's wrong with her?" He says to Sujin roughly, even though I'm sure, I'm almosty certain I detect concern in his voice.

"She gets like this sometimes," Sujin says, her eyes still on me while I focus on breathe, just breathe, inhale and exhale, "Her emotions pile up and she gets into a state."

The rest of the boys crowd round me.

"Don't work yourself into a state," Sehun says anxiously,

"Yeah everything will be okay; we weren’t really going to fight." Chanyeol rubs my shoulder.

"You can just explain another time," Baekhyun tries for a light smile and Kyungsoo nods.

Suho's talking to Jongin who still looks tense, a muscle clicking in his jaw.

"Why were you getting yourself into a state anyway," Sujin's eyebrows are furrowed. "It hasn't happened for ages."

"I was just trying to explain," I mumble. “I was trying to… tell them,”

"Enough of that keep breathing" Sujin dismisses it.

Thanks to her I manage to come out from the depths of panic attack. I thought I had gotten over having attacks but it seems they were just lying in wait. I need to start doing my breathing exercises again- But that's for later, that's for after I explain everything to Jongin, after I make him see that he means everything to me.

I step out Sujin's grasp and out of the crowd that Baekhyun, Kyungsoo, Chanyeol and Sehun have formed around me.

"Jongin I-" I begin.

But there's no one standing beside Suho.

Suho gives me a helpless shrug but I'm already pushing past him, running down the hallway, the colours on the walls turn to blurs as I rush by looking for him.

"Jongin!" I call, "Jongin!"

I run up stairs even though I know he won't be on the second floor

"Jongin!" I'm screaming, "Wait please wait don't leave me!"

I clatter back down the stairs on the other side and run through the kitchens, steam billowing in my face from the various pots on the fire. Then I'm dashing out through the entrance way, the door already open, and out into the night where the rain mixes with the tears on my face.

I run right to the end of the driveway and throw my head left and right desperately.

But he's nowhere to be seen.

Or if he is, the darkness keeps him hidden from me.

 

{1:31pm}Sent to: Jongin

I'm so bored already man, I'd give anything to be hanging out with you guys. Make sure you all rest as well so you're in your best state to perform! Thinking of you, are you thinking of me too?

{2:50pm} Sent to: Ara

On our way to perform. Really really nervous. I could do with one of your kisses. Or hugs. Or just you in general.

{5:45} Sent to: Ara

Just about to go on stage. Don't go to sleep without me, I want to finish one of the happiest days of my life by looking at the girl who motivates me to do my best. This performance is for you.

 

--------------

A/N: Just to clear up any potential confusion, the text messages above are before the performance, so Jongin hasn't found out that she's rich yet! I'm quite proud of this chapter, I enjoyed writing it! I hope you guys felt the intensity of the situation :) I would be super duper grateful if you guys could upvote this story if you enjoy it, it would mean so much to me if this was featured as I work so hard on it and I'm very proud of it This story is my baby -sob

Anyhoo, thanks for commenting, subscribing, reading and upvoting, you guys motivate me to do my best.

Like this story? Give it an Upvote!
Thank you!
Jeojadu
10/07/14 In the process of writing the next update! Don't worry guys I will be back soon

Comments

You must be logged in to comment
katieboice
#1
Chapter 45: it’s been yrs and I come back to this site for this story sometimes HAHA I loved this sm yrs ago and I still love it now hahahha
shipwreckedeva
#2
Chapter 5: He's so caring jsnsk
shipwreckedeva
#3
Chapter 4: Lol up all nite
shipwreckedeva
#4
Chapter 3: Naurrrr theyre flirting to each other
shipwreckedeva
#5
Chapter 2: Lmao these two
shipwreckedeva
#6
Chapter 1: Oh cmon man its only 1st meeting yet u already screwed her up
shipwreckedeva
#7
Yassshhh baek sumin ma it gal
brigitapw
#8
I really hope i could finish this story somedayy:(
justmydailyrant #9
I am still hanging around waiting for this story to be updated some day
exospirit93 #10
Chapter 44: I think I’ve read this last chapter about a hundred times. It’s THAT good. Your writing and your words are so so so good at making the reader feel every emotion so vividly T_T I know this was last updated years ago and whether you finish this story ultimately is really up to you but I sincerely hope you never stop writing. You are seriously so talented!!