17 years has passed and I still couldn't find him. I looked for him everywhere but I still haven’t found him. Maybe we are not soulmate like I thought we were. I was thinking that we were not meant for each other and I will never saw him again. Maybe god gave me second chance so I could fall in love with someone else. I should stop finding him. I cannot waste my life on him. I better give up and get on with my life. He must be already forgotten about me, you know how forgetful Lay could be.

I combed my hair. My hair reached the middle of my back and I didn't dye it because I love my black hair. My face was still the same old Junmyeon except my face feature was more feminine, my skin was smoother, my lips plumper and more pinkish. Majority of my friends were boys so my height was quite short among my friends. I placed the comb at the end table beside my bed.

I haven’t told you how’s my life going after I reborn, right? Back then, I am a seven years old boy who trapped in baby’s body so my growing progress was really fast. How many babies could talk, memorize and write fluently at a very young age? I considered as a genius, I even got a scholarship.

I lied down on my bed. My phone rang. It was my friend Jongin.

"What's up?" I answered his call lazily.

"Eunmyeon-ah let’s hangout together!" He sounded very excited.

"I'm too lazy~" I yawned.

Kyungsoo suddenly took the phone from Jongin. "Eun you have to come! Today you'll meet our other friends."

"I'm not in mood to hangout. I wanna continue my beauty sleep." I mumbled.

"You need to get out from that cave, sleeping beauty. Don't make me drag you here." Kyungsoo threatened me.

I sighed. "Where?" I would never win arguing with him.

 "We are at the usual coffee shop a few blocks from your house. Wear something nice and girly. And put some make up." Kyungsoo said and gave Jongin his phone back.

"See you Eun!" Jongin said.

“I'll be there in a few minutes." I hung up.

Those were my friends. I used to hangout with Kyungsoo, Jongin, Sehun, Chanyeol, Baekhyun. They are my classmate and my buddies. I was once a boy so I still felt more comfortable hanging out with boys.

I walked to my closet and put some comfy jeans, cool t-shirt, and took my sneakers. I put some bb cream, eyeliner, mascara and a tinted lip balm. I asked permission from my mom. I took my bag and wore my headphone. After that, I walked to my usual hangout place. It was sunny and a little bit windy. The wind was blowing my untied hair. I swept my bangs and keep walking.  I arrived at a little coffee shop. I saw that my buddies were with other guys.  

“Eun! Right here!” Baekhyun called me.

“Eunmyeon-nuna!” Sehun waved his hands to me and I walked to them.

Kyungsoo looked at me and frowned. “I love your t-shirt Eun, but what happen with the dress code I told you?”

“There’s a dress code?” I lifted my eyebrows. 

“Yes, there is. Your dress code was nice and girly.” He pouted.

“I prefer nice and comfort.” I shrugged.

“Whatever.” Kyungsoo rolled his eyes.

“Sit down shortie.” Chanyeol patted the empty chair next to him.

“I’m not short. I’m just as tall as Kyungsoo.” I defended myself.

“You are as tall as me with the platform heels woman.” Kyungsoo corrected me.

Of course I’m short, I’m physically a woman. I frowned and sat down near Chanyeol. “Eunmyeon-ah this are our friends Kris, Tao, Luhan, Minseok. They were our friends from the dancing course.” Chanyeol explained.

“Hi I’m Kim Eunmyeon, nice to meet you guys.” I bowed slightly.

“We gather in here because will form a dance group with 11 members called EXO for a dance competition.” A tall handsome guy called Kris explained to me.

Wait. Eleven members? There are only ten people (including me) in this table. “Where are the other members? You guys missing two people, right?” I asked.

“Hyungs are going to the toilet. They’ll be back soon.” Tao answered me.

“The competition will start next week. You will came and cheer for us right Eun?” Jongin asked.

“Of course, I would love to.” I replied and smiled at him.

We chatted happily and talked about many things. I found out many things like Kris was a magazine editor, Luhan and Xiumin were a college student and Tao was on the same grade as me but he still called me nuna.

Suddenly two boys came. “Hi you must be Eunmyeon. I’m Kim Jongdae and this is Yixing.” A tall and little bit skinny guy said to me. He also introduce a frowning blonde guy next to him.

“I’m Zhang Yixing.” He swiftly said. “Kyungsoo you said today will be all boys hangout” He said. He looked at me.   

I cannot believe my ears. Zhang Yixing? I turned my head to him. It is him... That blonde guy is Lay! My Lay.

“Well she is special.” Kyungsoo grinned.

Lay finally recognized me. “S-suho?!” He whispered but I still could hear him.

“Oh my god you are not so forgetful like I thought you would be Lay!” I laughed softly.

Everyone at the table stared at us. “Who is Suho?” Jongin asked him.

“I never knew that you would tell a girl your nickname Lay hyung.” Tao stared suspiciously at Lay and me.

“Whoa... Whoa... Wait a sec! You guys knew each other?” Chanyeol stared at me.

“Yes we are. Could you guys give us a sec? We need to catch up about many things.” I looked at them.

Lay just stared at me like he saw a ghost. Everyone hesitantly nodded. I grabbed Lay's shirt and dragged him to the street. As we walked, he just stared at me.

“I can’t believe this! I found you!” I laughed. I couldn't hide my excitement.

“Suho is that really you?” He looked directly at my eyes.

“Yes it's me...” I smiled softly.

“Your smile doesn’t change and I missed your smile. Ah... Could you do me a favor?” He smiled back. Oh... his dimples.

“S-sure.” My heart skips a beat at his smile.

“Pinch my hand.” He asked.

“This is not a dream Lay.” I laughed and pinched him.

“But how could this happen? I mean you are dead and you are here with me as a girl.” He asked.

“Come here!” I sat on a bench nearby and made him sat next to me.

 I told him everything. About how I reborn as a girl and I tried to find him, but I haven’t told him about my feelings. I thought Lay wasn’t going to believe me but I was wrong. He believed in second chance. I barely remember Lay always believe in fairytales, unicorns even reincarnation. He also told me he is 24 years old now and he is an English teacher at Tao school and he refused to be take over his grandpa business.

“I still can’t believe this! You were dead and now you are alive. I still have our picture in my wallet. ” He took out his wallet and showed a photo of us at his home garden. “You still look the same Suho except you are a girl now.” He said softly.

“Hold my hand...” I asked him but it sounded more like an offer.

He took my hand and he stared at me. “Still as warm as it used to be.” He smiled brightly. My heartbeat increased, I hope he wouldn't notice. My body temperature was naturally high. Lay always refused to hold my hand because my hand was too warm.

“I still remember we used to walk while hooking our pinkies because your hand was too hot so I refused to hold it.” He said and laughed.

“Yeah, but you always hold my hand during winter.” I replied and laughed with him.

He squeezed my hand.  "Your hand is so small." He commented.

"Of course, I'm a woman now." I shrugged.

"Wanna buy an Ice cream?" Lay suggested.

 "Sure..." I answered. He stood up and he still holding my hand.

"Lay...” I laughed. “Your wallet." I pointed at the bench. He paused and took it.

We arrived at an Ice cream booth. "Two chocolate single cup please." He said.

 "You've changed Lay. You usually asked me before buying." I .

 "That's because I still remember every time we buy an ice cream, chocolate or bubble tea when I asked you to pick a flavor you always say 'pick for me' or 'I want mine to same as yours Lay'. I'm not that forgetful Suho." He teased me back.

Well that’s true, I have difficulties choosing flavor. "I really thought you already forgot about that." I honestly thought he already forgot about small details about me. It's been 17 years.

"How could I forget about you?" He said. My cheeks was hot, I hope I'm not blushing. Luckily our ice cream came and he averted his gaze to the ice cream counter. He gave my ice cream cup.

 I wanted to take the plastic spoon and start eating but Lay still held my hand.  "Lay... My hand."

"Of course, I'm sorry." He let go my hand.

We ate our ice cream at nearby park and we talked all day long. He surprisingly still remembered many things about me and my habits. It's already dusk. He insisted to walk me home. He held my hand again. We walked hand in hand. He just kept silent but the type of silence is a comforting silence. His mere presence already made me feel safe and sound. The wind blew my hair, I tucked my hair and suddenly he put his jacket at my shoulder. When I tried to give it back to him he refused. I didn’t really need his jacket, my body was warm enough.

“We’re here...” He turned his head to me.

I nodded and looked at him. He let go of my hand and walked away. I held the back of his shirt. He stopped walking and turned his head.

“C-can I hug y-you?” Great. I’m stuttering.

“Alright, come here.” He chuckled and opened his arms.

I hugged him as he ran his hands comfortingly on my back and he buried his head into my hair. "I missed you" I spoke softly.

"I missed you too" He replied.

“I need to tell you something...” I mumbled at his chest.

“Hm...?” He responded.

“I love you” I finally said to him.

“I love you more...” He chuckled so his chest vibrating. “You are my best friend ever.”   

My heart constricted painfully. I put my hand at my chest. Best friend? “T-thank you for loving and remembering me through all this years.” I faked my laugh.

 “Thanks god for bringing you back.” He let me go. I quickly kissed his left cheek and ran to my home.

I closed the door and ran into my room. I opened my room lazily and stomped into my bed. I took a pillow and buried my face into the pillow. Slowly tears ran down my cheeks. I didn’t want to cry but I can’t help it. How stupid I am. Of course he would never see me as a woman...

His jacket fell from my shoulder and I took it. I hugged his jacket and inhaled deeply. His body smells lingered in the jacket, a mixture of exotic spices and fresh woods. I should have known that he just see me as his best friend. Even when the situation has changed, our position will always be the same. One sided love. Scratch that! I will always be the one who trapped in a painful and miserable one sided love. I used to imagining that he would fall in love with me and we will become a couple. I guess I was wrong. Sooner or later everything would go back to normal. I will stand by him again as his best friend... And that’s better than nothing. As long as I could stay with him everythings gonna be alright.

Lay P.O.V

I'm still standing in front of her house. I was overwhelmed by the fact Suho was still alive. My 24 years of life couldn't be more complete than now. I always knew she is alive. I just knew.

Everytime I visit Suho grave I can feel that she wasn't resting in peace. I still dreamt of her. In a dream we couldn't feel hurt, warm or another feeling. I was afraid today was a dream so I kept holding her hand, in case I'm awaken I could take her from the dream world with me to the real world. I use to hate holding her hand because it was too warm but now I love her warm hand. Her warmth reminding me that everything's was real.

She seemed very surprised when I told her that I still remember her habits. I cherished our memories and moments too much that I would never forget it. Suho changed a bit. She is a girl now. She has grown into a beautiful young lady but her face still made me recognize her. Even if she changed there's something that will never change, our bonds still there. I can feel myself getting comfortable easily with her. I feel like I could be my true self when I’m with her. Back to usual warm, sweet and innocent Lay.

After her dead 17 years ago I became cold and distant. I could never forgive myself for causing her dead. The only people I treated nice were Kris, Luhan, Xiumin. After I could be friendlier I met Tao and Chen but I still couldn't warm up with girls because Suho last argument with me before he got into accident was 'how annoying woman could be'. I’ve become disgusted with girls and distance myself. Even my so-called fiancée can't stand me and broke our engagement.

I touched my cheek. That was the first time a girl kissed me. I still remember how her soft lips landed on my cheeks. Somehow there's a warm feeling on my chest when I remembered about the kiss, her smile and how beautiful she is now. I walked away from her house...

 I'm still thinking about why I feel like everything was so right when she hugged me and told me she loves me. When she said she loves me my heartbeat increased and my body suddenly feel so light like a feather that I could fly right away. I replied her spontaneously that I love her too. Then I realized something, I bet she just think of me as a brother now so I added 'best friend term' to made her knew I'm not misunderstand her love for me. I feel a slight disappointment. Wait... Was I hoping she would love me more than that? Or was I'm the one is in love? No... No... No...

 I'm not in love with her. This is just a side effect for not seeing each other for years.... Yes, that's must be it. She is my long lost best friend. How could I love her more than friend? Impossible... Right?

That's it... It's not a happy ending but at least Suho found his Lay.

#sorry if my grammar or typo confuse you