"Seohyun." I heard my manager call my name fondly as I saw him walk over to the exit of the training room.

I ceased my movements from practicing and perfecting the choreography for our next song and our approaching comeback stage. I took the flimsy earphones out of my ears and looked confusingly towards him. "Yes Manager?" I respectfully asked.

A gentle expression appeared on his face. "Are you still going to be using this room to practice?"

I nodded my head in response, my hair bun bouncing in sync with my movements. "Yes, I will still be practicing in this room. Would you like me to clean up here after when I am finished?"

The manager shook his head and waved his hands towards me. "It's okay Seohyun." he disagreed with my offer. "You're working hard enough," he chuckled, "just don't practice for too long. You need to rest as well."

I turned my body and bowed to him. "Thank you Manager for your concern, but I think I will be fine. I will clean up here when I am finished."

He ran his hand through his short, black hair and exhaled a long, drawn-out sigh. Did I do something wrong? 

"Okay Seohyun." The manager groaned as he walked towards me. He raised his hand and patted me on the head, my bun imitating a spring. I raised my eyes to see his warm smile which comforted me. I returned the gesture as he said, "Do what you want as long as you clean up after yourself. You got that?"

I nodded to him and bowed again. "Thank you Manager! Have a wonderful night." I shouted as I saw him walk out of the training room. After I heard the door completely shut close I inserted the earphones back into my ears letting the meaning of the lyrics, the tempo of the song, and the character of the choreography manifest within me.

I stared at the forms and the angles that I positioned my body in through the countless mirrors that surrounded the training room. I fixed the mistakes that I made within my dancing and nitpicked at the tiny errors that could have been a tremendous, negative blunder to the fluidity of our team. I wanted the dance to look fresh and clean-cut, something close to complete perfection. I wished every dance that we did together was in-sync, but I know that I can only ask the other members to do their best in what they do.

I just wished for more effort from my fellow members, because I know we can do better than what we have shown in the past. However, I do understand that we are all busy with our own activities and schedules, but when we come together as "Girls' Generation", as "So Nyuh Shi Dae", as "Shoujo Jidae", we must always put on our best face on, please our fans to not disappoint them, and motivate ourselves to achieve what we are truly passionate about.

Even though my expectations are set at a very high standard for our group, I still wanted to enjoy the fun and exhilarating times we would all spend together. I can only hope for the best for us.

I could feel the beads of sweat forming on my skin as I almost finished perfecting the choreography. I congratulated myself for my hard work. I removed the earphones and wrapped the long, tangled wire around my music player while I proceeded to pack other personal items into my bag. I looked at the clock and noticed that it was getting late. I needed to head back to the dorm before trouble ensued.

I checked the room one last time before I decided to leave. The windows, mirrors, and floor: Clean. The lights: Off. Everything had been put back in its place. I closed the door to the training room as I headed towards the dorm.

It was about a thirty-minute walk from the S.M. training area from to the apartment that all the girls and I lived in. As I approached the door it suddenly opened from the other side. I was shocked to see that the person on the other side was our manager. I bowed to him as I permitted myself to enter through the door way. "Seohyun." I heard him say. I turned around to look at him, seeing a disappointed look on his face.

"Manager, what are you doing here so late at night?" I questioned.

"Well, I was going to talk to all of you about the group's promotions and new schedules, but I couldn't because you stayed late again." I lowered my head in embarrassment. He continued, "I was worried sick about you. Your members were worried about you. They were wondering where you were. They almost stayed up for you again, but I told them to all get some rest for this week's upcoming event."

"I'm sorry Manager, it won't happen again." I looked at him and bowed again.

"All right Seohyun." He sympathetically smiled at me as he proceeded to leave our dorm. "I know you're a hard worker. You study like crazy and work to perfection, but please take the time to take a break or you'll burn yourself out."

I sadly smiled at his consideration. "Thank you for worrying about me Manager. I won't do it again." I bowed to him again. "Good night Manager."

"Good night to you too Seohyun," he waved goodbye as he closed the door. I sighed and walked over to my room that I shared with one of the members. I placed my hand on the doorknob and opened it slowly so I wouldn't wake up my roommate; I walked around the room and grabbed some items to help me wash up. When I finished I walked back over to my room and situated myself into my bed, my body unwinding into a comfortable slumber.

~~~~~~~~

"Seohyun! Wake up!"

I could feel someone aggressively shaking me back and forth in their grasp. I heard excessive and unnecessary yelling which woke me up. I rose from my bed and slowly opened my eyes to find some of my members surrounding me. It was kind of intimidating to see them staring me down with disappointed looks on their faces as they were hovering over me. I felt small, tiny, and insignificant as they were asserting their dominance.

"Good morning Tiffany, Hyoyeon, Jessica, Yuri, and Sooyoung." I hesitatingly greeted them as I cautiously got out of my bed. "What are you all doing here? Shouldn't we be getting ready for our schedules today?"

"The question is Seohyun, what were you doing last night?" Tiffany asked.

I looked over to Tiffany and proceeded to explain myself, "I was ju-"

"Seohyun, you have staying out late for this past week." Jessica interjected. "It's scary to us that you're out by yourself at that time of night. It's dangerous."

"Have you been seeing someone?" Yuri jumped in.

"Yuri, why would Seohyun do that? She's not even interested in boys yet." Sooyoung told Yuri, then turned her head towards my direction. "Seohyun. do you know how long we stayed up for you?"

"We were all worried sick!" Hyoyeon stated, the whole room agreeing with her.

"We waited for you to return so our Manager could talk to us about the group's new itinerary, but since you weren't here we couldn't." Tiffany sighed, irritation building up in her.

"You know for this past week," Yuri said, "you've been kind of distant from us. What's happening with you?"

"What is happening to you Seohyun? During our events you stray away from us like we don't mean anything to you. It's like you're off in your own little world." Jessica said sadly.

I scanned all of their faces, seeing looks of frustration and other mixed emotions emitting from their eyes. I bowed to them apologetically and said, "I'm sorry for worrying you all. It was very irresponsible of me to have kept you all awake at such a late hour. I should have told you what I have been doing for the past week. To clear up any misunderstanding, I haven't been seeing anyone; I've only been working hard for our next album."

"That doesn't mean you can leave us in the dust!" Tiffany shouted, infuriated with my explanation. "Those days when we were debuting, they don't mean anything to you?"

I shook my head, defiant in their accusations. "You all mean something to me. I cherish every moment that we shared, even from when we debuted. Each and every one of you have helped me grow in some way or another. I'm sorry if I have been cold towards you all, I've just been preoccupied with other things. Now if you please excuse me, I have to get ready for the day." I bowed apologetically to them, picked up my things, and walked out of the tense atmosphere, leaving the other members flabbergasted.

I walked over to the bathroom and cleaned myself up for the events ahead of me. I changed into my outfit and exited the dorm room. As I shut the door I heard someone's footsteps and couple more walk towards my direction. I turned around to see Taeyeon, Sunny, and Yoona carrying various bags of groceries. "Good morning Taeyeon, Sunny, and Yoona." I bowed and greeted them with a smile. They placed their bags down and sent me a look of confusion.

"Where are you going?" Yoona questioned.

"I'm going out." I stated the obvious.

"Where?" Sunny asked.

"I don't have time to explain. I have to go or I'll be late. I have a busy schedule to attend to. So if you can excuse me please, I have to go." I frustratingly said as I tried to calmly walk pass them, making my way out of the building.

As I made my way into the city I could hear someone calling my name in the distance. "Who is it now?" I sighed quietly, feeling annoyed, but I kept my cool and turned around with a forced smile on my face.

"Seohyun!" The figure yelled. "Wait up!"

As the person became closer I realized that the running figure was none other than the kid-like leader Taeyeon. I bowed to her and said, "Taeyeon, what are you doing here?"

Taeyeon came up to me and placed her hand on her chest, trying to catch her breath. "You seemed..." she panted, "… off today. Like something is bothering you. I just wanted to see if you're okay."

I nodded to her and stated, "I am just fine. Thank you for checking up on me. I think I'll be fine for the rest of the day."

Taeyeon smirked at me and wrapped an arm around my neck. I laughed at the awkward height difference between us. "Something is bugging you Seohyun and I don't like it." She said looking at me with a worried expression on her face. "Do you have some free time right now in your busy schedule?"

I nodded my head and asked, "I have some free time. Why? Do you have something in mind?"

The short girl smiled at me and grabbed my wrist, pulling me in her direction. "Come on. I know the just the right thing that can make you feel a lot better."

"Okay..." I said skeptically, worried of what the leader had planned for me.

As we walked through the city, Taeyeon kept looking back at me to see if I was okay. I looked at her and sent her a warm smile. She gave a happy expression in return and we kept on walking. During our walk I was wondering as to what compelled her to drag me out of my schedule, but it was a nice change of pace from the amount of anger that built up when I was confronted by the other members.

Taeyeon abruptly stopped which caused me to run into her. I immediately wrapped her in my embrace and said, "I'm sorry Taeyeon. I should have watched where I was going."

"It's okay Seohyun." The kid leader smiled at me. "We're almost there, but for this part you have to close your eyes and trust me okay?"

I did as I was told and covered my eyes with my free hand as I entrusted my sense of direction in the hands of Taeyeon. After a few twists, turns, sudden stops, and awkward elevator rides later I felt the leader let go of my wrist. "No peeking." Taeyeon whispered as I heard her shuffle around the room. I started to feel anxious.

"Taeyeon," I said with a hint of nervousness in my voice, "may I look now?"

"Not yet." Taeyeon struggled to say.

I could hear something rolling on the floor and the leader muttering to herself. What was she doing? I knew that Taeyeon was strange, but it was something I was comfortable with. Today, her strangeness was far from pleasant.

"And just... Right over... Ah ha! Okay, I got it." Taeyeon exclaimed. Her loud voice shocked me out of my trance. "You can look now Seohyun." She said.

I took my hand off of my eyes and saw a beautiful, black, grand piano in my midst. I looked over to Taeyeon with an expression of shock and bewilderment. She looked back at me with fervor and signaled me with her hand to sit down on the piano bench. "Play Seohyun!" She smiled at me. "Please?"

I walked over to the musical instrument in front of me and lowered myself on to the bench. I looked at the condition of the piano and I was surprised at the quality. "Someone has been taking good care of this."  I smiled.

"Seohyun, play!" Taeyeon directed me. I looked over to the leader, asking for guidance.

"I don't know what to play." I told her, disappointed in myself. "It's been a while since I've touched a piano. I haven't played in a while because of our schedule. My fingers are kind of stiff."

Taeyeon scoffed. "It doesn't matter. Play to your heart's content.  Just relax, let go, and your fingers will follow."

"But..."

"Seohyun stop being so uptight," Taeyeon placed her hand on my shoulder. I tensed up at the contact, which the leader noticed. I looked at her, my brows furred in annoyance. The kid-leader shook her head.  "I know why you have been late for the past week. You're working hard for our next album. I wish the other members had your mentality, but sometimes you should take a break you know? I know you're busy but, we are too. We shouldn't overwork ourselves or else we can't perform to our best ability. I want everyone, including you, to always show their best in everything you do, but you also need some time for yourself to relax and to spend time with the other members."

"I try to spend time with them." I stated, holding back the feelings of frustration at the truth Taeyeon spoke.

The leader nodded. "I know you're trying, but I also have noticed that you've been kind of distant from us lately. I understand that, believe me I do. It's the others that need your help so they can understand you."

"They never understand me." I said sternly. "They only see me as the baby, the maknae of the group and nothing else. They treat me like I'm still a little kid. I'm not that innocent looking fifteen year old girl anymore when we debuted. They think that they know what's best for me, but I'm nearing twenty and I'm becoming a mature adult. I'm at the age where I am developing a mind of my own and I'm able to form my own opinions. I have as much say as everyone else." Taeyeon nodded at me, her expression giving the respect I've always wanted from the other members. "You're the only one that treats me or at least attempts to treat me as an equal. The others just spoil me and baby me. It's upsetting."

"We may joke around from time to time with you, but you know that we still love you." Taeyeon said.

I nodded. "I know you all do and I love you all too. I just wish that I was treated with more respect from the other members. That's all."

"Alright," Taeyeon agreed. "I will start treating you with more respect Seohyun, but you have to tell the other members how you feel when we get back to the dorm. I don't want any more misconceptions and random spurts of animosity between us, okay?"

I looked over to her and nodded. "Okay, when?"

"Well, I was wondering if you could play something on the piano before we go." The leader pleaded.

"Okay." I chuckled at her request.

I looked over to the piano and brushed my hands against the smooth ivory keys. The memories and emotions that were locked away in my mind from past, previous and present events were unleashed and projected through my stiff, yet nimble fingers. I have not played for a very long time since we debuted, but somehow here in this room, with the help of our leader Taeyeon, I was flawlessly playing an intricate piece like I have played it for years. Just like the powerful and overwhelming beginning of the song, the beginning of my life into stardom commenced.

As I came to the end of the song, that's when I noticed what I missed throughout my growth and experience as a person. The song had emotional depth, versatility, major successes, and its minor hardships. All of this culminated into the fact that I missed out on the pivotal experiences in my life. Not as Seohyun the maknae of Girls' Generation, but as Seo Joohyun, my true self. As this sudden realization hit me, I felt a couple of tears trailing down my face. I wiped them away with my trembling hands, but the tears would not stop flowing.

I did not know if I was crying because of excessive sadness or extreme happiness. Maybe it was a little of both. Either way, I needed this release. Playing the piano made me realize how much I missed out on my life and how much I missed the instrument itself. I don't know what prevented me from growing as Seo Joohyun and from playing this life-giving instrument, but I am grateful that fate has given me the opportunity to re-encounter the instrument and re-evaluate myself.

"Why did you bring out the piano?" I questioned, smiling through my tears.

"I knew it was the only instrument that could bring that smile back to your face." I could hear Taeyeon's happiness through her voice. She sat next to me on the bench and rested her head on my shoulder. "Do you feel better Seohyun?"

I nodded my head, still trying to fight through my tears. "Yes Taeyeon. I feel a lot better. Thank you for this. I really needed it."

"You love the piano very much don't you?" The leader asked.

"I love it." I earnestly responded.

Taeyeon happily chuckled. "I can tell that this instrument has always been here for you through thick and thin. You used to play it all the time when we were training and even more during our debut. You were so lively back then."

I looked over to Taeyeon, surprised that she remembered such details about me. "What about now?" I hesitantly asked.

"Well, ever since our schedules became full and now we're all busy, we have forgotten the things that helped us formed who we are and how we got to where we are. Without the people or objects that we used to cherish in the past, we wouldn't be where we are today." The leader stated. 

I nodded in response, still listening to what she was saying. She stared off into the distance and said, "It's nice to re-visit them because it reminds us of who we once were, helps us see the growth that took place within us, and who we have become now. You just needed to find yourself, your voice, and the missing notes in your melody." 

She looked towards me and flashed a smile. "When you played the piano, I felt like that was the moment you found the missing piece within the music and within yourself. You found who you are, and that's all it takes to stay in tune."

A warm feeling rushed over me. I was overwhelmed and amazed at Taeyeon's words of encouragement. I smiled at her and pulled her into my embrace. 

"Take a moment away from life and give yourself the chance to channel yourself, like the inner workings of this piano." Taeyeon said as she held me in her embrace. "In that moment, you'll realize that people or in this case an instrument, are more than what they appear to be."

She pulled away from our embrace and placed her hands on my shoulders, creating some distance. I looked over to her and felt her intimidating stare pierce through my hesitant eyes. "How much do you cherish the piano Seohyun?" Taeyeon questioned.

"To infinity and beyond." I nodded.

The kid-leader giggled. "Good. Then can you do me a favor?"

Curiosity took over me. "What is it?" 

"Make sure that you don't forget your beloved companion. It has a precious gift to share to the world, but no one will know unless someone motivates and supports them to help reach their full potential." Taeyeon warmly smiled. "Without you, the piano can't create that special melody, those harmonious notes, and the occasional dissonance to evoke the hidden emotions, unveil the realism within the music, and convey the passion to keep and stay in tune; just like you Seohyun."

I smiled as I looked at Taeyeon, my vision clouded by happy tears. I pulled her into my embrace and said, "I won't forget that. I promise." 

The kid-leader tightened her arms around me and I couldn't help but expel more tears. Words of appreciation left my lips, but they came out as muffled cries. Taeyeon lightly chuckled and said, "It’s okay Seohyun. Everything is going to be alright." 

Time passed and we stayed in that position until a loud ring blasted throughout the room, causing me to pull away from her and look around for the noise. Taeyeon pulled a phone out of her pocket, looked at it, and sighed. "I have to go Seohyun. I'll see you back at the dorm?" 

"Wait," I grabbed her wrist as she got up from the piano bench. "Don't go."

"What?" She warmly chuckled.

"Stay a bit longer." I smiled. "Let me play you something on the piano before you go."

“Okay Seohyun.” She lightly chuckled, found her way towards the piano, and stood next to me.

Letting Taeyeon's meaningful words slowly manifest in my mind, I turned back to the grand instrument before me. My hands graze the melodic keys while I played the piano, releasing my inner frustrations and emotions that I always bottled up inside. As I played, I remember how much I loved this instrument. I would dedicate my time and painstakingly work hard to show my appreciation towards the gifts that it gave me.

I loved it.

I loved what I did and I did what I loved.

When I played the piano, it brought me the utmost joy. I hoped to continue this unconditional love to this instrument that helped me get through life. I hoped that my appreciation for the piano would transfer throughout the many years to come as Seohyun and as Seo Joohyun, because in order for me to have gotten where I am now, I had to get help from someone, something, or somewhere to push it through.

Without the piano guiding me through the tunnels of uncertainty, I wouldn't have reached the shining light of stardom to become who I am today.

Without it, I would have missed it all.