“He wanted me to go home?” asked Yoona as she took a seat next to me at a 24-hour convenience store. A hot dog was on one hand; a cup of hot coffee on the other.

 

After I showed them the photo, silence was in the air for a few seconds before Jongin stated that ‘it had been a confusing evening and we should all go home’. Weird thing is, he didn’t mention anything about tomorrow (or should I say tonight, since it’s already 2 AM?)—which probably meant we’ll have nothing to do for the next night.

 

On our way home, Yoona said she was hungry and wanted to grab something to eat before going home. Jongin, surprisingly, showed no intention of accompanying her, whilst Seohyun obviously showed her disinterest. That left me having to stay with her.

 

I nodded, sipping the coffee I had ordered. “Minseok told me your mom’s been looking for you.” I gazed softly at her, whose focus is currently on the hot dog. “She missed you.”

 

A scoff came out of Yoona’s lips. But this time, it was a softer scoff. “You’ll never know what you have until it’s gone, hm?” Her tone was sarcastic, yet sad. “I… don’t know if I can go home now. Can you please tell Minseok that?”

 

I nodded at Yoona. Then, another thing popped in my mind.

 

“You said things with you and your mom had gotten sour. What happened—“

 

“Things had gotten sour with my mom even before my dad’s death. It started when I disobeyed her wishes to go to a boarding school, a few years ago.” Her eyes were glassy as she continued, “My mom acted like she was okay with it, but she was pretty angry at me. Often, I heard her say ‘insubordinate child’ or ‘I thought a daughter was supposed to make her mother happy’ under her breath.”

 

“We argued, but the boys in the family—my dad and my brother—always played mediator. ‘We are family, and families don’t hurt one another,’ they always reminded us. Then… came the day my father died. Jaebum was too devastated—he looked up to his father a lot. So he ran off, the day of my father’s funeral—a day after his death. Surprisingly, Mom didn’t say anything about Jaebum’s departure.”

 

“We argued again, but since neither Dad nor Jaebum were there to stop us, we fought severely, like cat and mouse. I said hurtful things to my mom—she did the exact same thing. When we come to family functions, it was obvious that things with my mom weren’t good. Most of my cousins took my mom’s side—my mom played the ‘favorite aunt’ role in the family, so they couldn’t see how I could break my mother’s heart. The only person that stood by me is my mom’s younger brother and his entire family—Minseok’s family.”

 

“Though the three of them were there to listen to my woes, I decided I couldn’t take it anymore. Sure, I had everything a teenage girl wished for… except one thing. A person to love.” She sighed, and now the beads of tears forming in her eyes turned to rivers flowing down her cheeks. “So, with the help of Yeol, I left for Paris. I was hoping to find people to care for there. And I guess I did.”

 

As she said it, her eyes were trained on mine. I raised an eyebrow, perplexed by what she meant.

 

“Paris is completely the polar opposite of Korea. I lived in a small apartment, not a huge home, and there were no relatives here. But here in Paris… I meet people who I really love. People who care for me… and in turn, I started caring for them. I didn’t know it would be this quick before I started caring again.”

 

This time, she put her hotdog on the plate, and she slipped her wiry fingers into mine. The long brown hair framed her face, and despite being tear-stained, her face looked soft and pure, with the moonlight shining on her face. Her eyes were red, but it still looked wonderful.

 

“Thanks so much, Lu,” she said. There was a warm feeling in my veins as she held my hand. Her gaze was sincere, and her voice sounded soft and pleasant.

 

“For what?” I asked. My face was showing a hybrid expression of confusion and pity, particularly because Yoona was being ambiguous about things. Involuntarily, my free thumb wiped her tears, because I couldn’t stand to see her cry.

 

As I wiped her tears, she answered my question.

 

“Thank you for helping me find a way to love someone again.”

***

The trip home was silent, with us only looking at each other’s shadows. My hand and Yoona’s were still linked, and every time I looked at her, she was smiling at our shadows.

 

At first, when we held hands, it felt awkward and sweaty, and how I longed to let go of her hand for a while! But then, we started to become comfortable with it. In fact, we felt awkward again in front of the hotel, when we finally let go.

 

As we bid each other farewell, I realized the hotel concierge was staring at me. So I asked her, “Is something wrong,Mademoiselle?”

 

The concierge smiled as she asked back, “Is that your girlfriend, Monsieur?”

 

“Huh?!” I squawked. “Non, of course not! We’re just friends…” I laughed nervously. Then, I started replaying everything back in my mind. How she reacted when I told her Seohyun was cute at Jardin de Tuileries. How she gave me the flowers like it was the first thing on her mind. How she was so reserved when the four of us were together, but she told me almost everything when we are alone. How she initiated our holding hands and never let go of it.

 

Yoona isn’t in love with me… right?

 

***

The first thing I did when I entered my room was sleep—fully clothed. The sun was already up by the time I got up. I sat up on my bed and looked over the streets of Paris, now sunkissed. It’s hard to believe that a few hours ago; the four of us were walking in the pitch-black darkness of Paris, with only the city lights and the stars guiding our way.

 

Just as I enjoyed staring at the window, my phone rang. Oddly, the person who called me wasn’t my parents. Nor was it Minseok. Nor was it my boss. 

 

But it was indeed, a girl I knew.

 

I picked it up and greeted her warmly. “Hello?”

 

The girl on the receiving end laughed. “You’re still the same sleepy person I remember, Lu. I guess the sun already rose there, right?”

 

I chuckled softly. She knew me too well.

 

“Yep.” I now looked at the sea of cars. “So I overslept. Big deal. You’ve probably witnessed a lot of the moments, hm?”

 

She burst into laughter again. “See, this is why we take a bus when we’re on dates. I won’t let you drive. What if you slept?”

 

I laughed with her. Then, there was silence in the air again.

 

“So… how’s your sister? Is she okay?”

 

“Mm-hmm,” she answered. She still had the same voice she had two years ago. “I mean, things are now hard for her. The divorce was a horrible thing to get through. I’m surprised she took it well.” She sighed before continuing, “My brothers, on the other hand… not so much.”

 

“I’m sorry I couldn’t be there for you guys,” I replied.

 

I heard her chuckle softly. “Don’t apologize. You don’t have to apologize for anything. Not even our break-up.”

 

I smiled at the other end. Yes, we both have been dating for a long time. That was, until I stopped having feelings for her. No, she did nothing wrong. But I just stopped. Call me heartless or whatever—but there is nothing to blame when the heart stopped feeling.

 

“You?” She awoke me from my daydreaming. “How’s Paris? I heard you’re there?”

 

“Oh, yeah,” I said. “I forgot to tell you my boss sent me to Paris. I suppose you want me to send your love to your brother?” (She told me very often that her brother was studying in Paris).

 

She chuckled again. “I’m sure Sunyoung and Jinyoung would love to say hi to him. But me?” She laughed. “Just… tell Chanyeol to eat well.”

 

For some reason, listening to the name Chanyeol tugged a memory in mind. But I decided to ignore it and focus on the call.

 

“I’m not sure we’d even run into one another. It’s Paris, you know. It’s waaay bigger than Seoul,” I said, half-jokingly.

 

“Then text him~” she said coyly.

 

We were silent again.

 

“Alright, so I guess you have plenty to do today,” she finally spoke.

 

“Wait!” I said, suddenly remembering what I wanted to say to her. “Chorong, don’t hang up!”

 

“Hm?” There was a note of confusion in her voice. “What’s wrong?”

 

I took a deep breath before I asked her the question.

 

“How do you know if a person’s in love with you?”

 

She giggled softly, but she didn’t ask if I had any ulterior motives. That’s what I liked about Chorong. She doesn’t suspect people, which makes her a great person to talk you. You can talk anything with her, and she doesn’t question everything.

 

“Well, you can read the signs. When she acts nicer to you than anyone else, when she feels comfortable around you, when she looks happier everytime you’re around… but you know what, Lu?”

 

“What?”

 

“You don’t really know if a person’s in love with you until she says so herself.”

I chuckled in agreement. She’s an amazing girl, and I’m sure any guy in the world was lucky to have her. Even when we broke up, she took it well and we remained friends ever since.

 

“Really, Lu. I have to go—I don’t want to disturb you. Say hi to Chanyeol for me.”

 

“Alrighty then. Goodbye,” I said as I hung up.

 

Just as I was about to text Chanyeol that I was, indeed, in Paris, and that his older sister said hi, something clicked in my mind.

 

Wasn’t Chanyeol the name of the kid Yoona used to get to Paris? Another horrid thought clicked inside. Was the kid Yoona used—Chorong’s brother?!

 

And that was how my brain, which was Yoona-free the entire morning, was filled with thoughts of Yoona and whether she, indeed, had a crush on me.

 

 

***

I took a shower and was ready to go downstairs for breakfast until I checked the clock. It was already 10 AM and the breakfast buffet was closed for now. So I decided to watch TV for a while and go to Seohyun’s café for brunch.

 

 

To no surprise, the news station was covering the case of the painted Arc de Triomphe. What was a surprise was that the camera kept focusing on Yoona’s painting and mine, side-by-side to each other. I really couldn’t understand a thing of what the anchor was saying, so I turned off the TV and lied down on my bed.

 

Just then, my phone rang again. As I looked at the screen, I realized it was Jongin.

 

“Oh, hey,” I said as I picked up. “You have plans for tonight?”

 

“Actually,”Jongin answered—his voice surprisingly low and not… menacing. “I was wondering if you need help with your article. In the photograph section, of course.”

 

“Oh?” I said as my eyebrow rose. “You seriously want to help?”

 

Surprisingly, he chortled as he answered, “I really do. Nobody forced me to do this. To be honest…” He sighed before continuing, “there’s something I want to talk to you about. So… I’ll pick you up at 12? We could grab something for lunch on the way.”

 

“Sure,” I said. “12 o’clock it is.”

 

***

Two hours later, I was dressed in a red-colored T-shirt and a pair of cargo shorts. Jongin’s Buick was parked at the hotel lobby by the time I got there, so I immediately went inside, said hello to Jongin, and the two of us began photo hunting.

 

We’d stop at different parts of Paris—at Montmarte, where we saw painters of all kind; at different cafés, where the waitresses were more than happy to strike a few poses; and at a seemingly vacant street, which Jongin said ‘comes alive at night’.

 

We bickered during the trip. We even shared a few laughs. The aura was in contrast to the first time we met—a cold, unfriendly aura.

 

We stopped in front of a rundown building. To my surprise, Jongin got out of the car and climbed on top of the roof. At first, I was afraid that the Buick might break—but it didn’t. So I joined him on the roof.

 

We faced the rundown building. On one hand, he had his camera. On the other, he was holding something small and white, the size of a credit-card. It wasn’t until he unfolded the other hand that I really saw what it was; a Polaroid photograph.

 

Jongin took a deep breath before he said, “Take a look at my photographs, please. I seriously need an expert’s opinion.”

 

I wanted to refuse and say I’m no expert, but he handed me the camera before I could say anything. So the only thing I could do was look at the photos he took. He was precise, had perfect timing, and every picture he took had a story. There was something special about Jongin’s pictures, though. They were all taken in sepia filter. There was no color. Instead, the color was reddish, giving each photo a vintage feel.

 

“I like taking pictures in sepia,” said Jongin. “It’s like travelling back in time, when life wasn’t as complicated as it is now…” His voice trailed off for a while before he continued, “Do you miss the past sometimes, Lu?”

 

I was surprised by the random question at first, but I smiled as I answered, “Of course, I miss the times when I’m still innocent and I don’t know the perils of the world. But, as my dad once told me, there is no rewind button in life.”

 

Jongin smiled at my answer. “You’re one wise guy.” He sighed, his gaze now on the crumbled building. “Listen… if at first, I was unfriendly to you, I’m—“

 

“It’s okay,” I said. “You don’t have to apologize for anything.”

 

Jongin smiled. “You should know that behind the tough guy act, I’m a vulnerable person.” Unlike Yoona, his eyes weren’t tearful. But his voice sounded sad, completely unlike himself. “I’m afraid of caring for people, fearing they’ll hurt me one day by leaving.”

 

“Leaving?” I asked confusingly.

 

Jongin sighed. “I mean… leaving this world. Dying. People die—it’s the unwritten law of life that everyone knows. I’m just afraid of loving—caring for people because I’m afraid that when they die, the pain would be too great for me to handle.” He chuckled softly, but still sounding sadder than ever. “I know it sounds selfish, but that’s how I feel.”

 

I nodded, completely understanding his point of view. “Were you… always like this before?” I asked.

 

He shook his head. “That was before I met these two.” He finally showed the Polaroid photograph in his hand.

 

The photograph was in color, and it was a group photo. I saw Jongin, basking in his high school glory in the middle of the group. His arms were around two people. On his left was a boy, slightly taller than him, and to my surprise; his hair color was identical to mine—a dirty blonde. If I looked at that picture from a faraway place, I’d mistake the boy for my own self. On his right, a girl shyly smiled as I saw both of her arms wrapped around Jongin. There was something strange about her too; with her brown hair and the sweet smile, she looks surprisingly similar to Yoona.

 

“Those are the people that made my high school life heavenlike,” explained Jongin. “My best friend, Sehun… and my girlfriend. Soojung.”

 

I suddenly remembered that Jongin mentioned the name ‘Sehun’ on the night of the Four’s first dinner.

 

“I cared for them a lot.” He smiled at the photograph. “We made this vow—you know, childish stuff—that we’d stay together until the day when the sun cease to rise. A vow they broke.” He sighed heavily, and blinked back the tears, now forming in his eyes. “After our graduation, we had this small party at my place. A bunch of people showed up, yet it would only matter to me if they were both there. Yet they never arrived.”

 

“I was confused at first. That was, until Soojung’s older sister called me frantically, asking if Soojung was at the party. I said no.Then, my confusion turned to fear. Where were they—what were they doing? I thought the only thing to get rid of the fear was to turn on the TV. I was wrong.”

 

He sighed heavily again, closing his eyes. Silence was in the air for a while. I tried patting his shoulder to comfort him.

 

“I’m fine,” he said. His voice was surprisingly stable for a man overwhelmed with emotions.

 

“The TV… showed a car crash… turns out a drunk truck driver had gone the wrong way and rammed a sedan…a sedan that I knew well. What was worse was… I saw the bodybags. The bodybags that contained the lifeless bodies of…” He stopped. It was obvious he didn’t want to continue.

 

“I guess my brother didn’t tell you I turned to be a difficult person after that, hm?” Jongin said. “At home, I was hard to talk to… and at campus, I was a quiet kid. Sure, I handed my studies. I was also a good student. But I wasn’t very open. I mean, it’s hard for a person, losing not one person he loved, but two, to become who he really was, right?”

 

“During summer breaks, I’d rather go to Paris than spend my time off with my family. Mostly because Paris is one of the places in the world where I could be the Jongin I was years ago—the Jongin untouched by pain. But partially because… these two—“ he pointed at Sehun and Soojung, “so wanted to go to Paris.”

 

“I gotta admit, seeing you at that airport was a shocking experience. From a distance, you look like Sehun.” He sighed. “I actually thought Sehun had stepped foot at Paris. Then, I saw you up-close and I was faced with the fact that Sehun was dead.”

 

“Then Yoona showed up. She reminded me too much of Soojung, to be honest.” He smiled. “She looks a lot like Soojung, and… her actions resemble Soojung’s. Sometimes, I have to pinch myself and wake up from the fantasy that Soojung was the girl going with me on midnight adventures.”

 

“Yet despite being a resemblance of Soojung, Yoona was unique in her own way. She and Soojung had the same traits—earnest, supportive, cheery, optimistic, kind. Yet, Yoona is more mature than Soojung. Obviously.” He sighed again, but not as heavy as before, then continued to say the last thing I had expected him to say.

 

“Maybe that’s why I fell for her.”

 

This sentence shocked me a bit.

 

“You’re in love with Yoona?!” I said, trying my best to not look surprised.

 

Jongin nodded. “I know—it was hard to register at first. I tried saying to myself, ‘It’s just a crush, Jongin, you can’t fall in love with a person that quick’ or ‘she might not love you back’. But that night, at the Arc de Triomphe, being with her and talking about life—we both talked about losing people we love—it confirmed that my feelings for her were more than me crushing on her. It was love.”

 

“There’s a reason why I’ve been acting unfriendly to you. First, because you gave me the false hope that Sehun was alive.”

 

“That’s childish,” I critiqued. Surprisingly, that slip out of my mouth easily.

 

“I know,” said Jongin, chuckling. “Second, because I saw you as a rival. I’m scared she might pick you than me.”

 

“Dude.” I answered. I wanted to assure Jongin that I had no feelings for Yoona. “I actually saw you as a rival.”

 

This time, it was me who was blurting out what my heart had kept.

 

“I have a thing for your best friend, actually. But she’s so clingy around you that…” My voice trailed off. “I was scared that she’ll pick you instead of me.”

 

He laughed. “We were so scared of each other, weren’t we?”

 

I nodded.

 

It’s weird how the pain we felt for years could disappear with laughter that lasted for a few seconds.

 

“Hey,” I said to Jongin, my hand holding his camera tight. “These photographs are wonderful. My boss would hire you right away if he saw this.”

 

Jongin smiled. “Thanks for the heads up,” he joked.

 

“And dude,” I continued, “you don’t have to see me as a rival anymore. Matter of fact, I’m going to help you get the girl of your dreams.”

 

“Wait—you’d do that for me?” He seemed surprised by my offer.

 

“Yeah… I would. Hearing your story, I realized that I was fortunate to be surrounded by people I love and who loves me back. I took that love for granted. But hearing your story… it made me realize that we should really cherish those we love in life. We’ll never know when it would be taken from us.” I smiled brightly. “So, to thank you for opening my eyes about love, I’m going to help you find love.”

 

What I didn’t expect was Jongin’s arms were suddenly wrapped around me.

 

“No one has ever done that for me. Well, nobody except Sehun.” He laughed.

 

I hugged him back, a bit taken aback.

 

“Well, guess what? I’ll do it for you,” I said. Under my breath, I muttered, “You’re the closest thing to a brother I’ll ever have.”

 

***

The drive home was quiet, except we listened to a few indie songs Jongin likes. We’d often sing at the top of our lungs. It had been a long time since I sang. And it felt good.

 

After we finished singing to Coldplay’s “Paradise” (one of Jongin’s favorites, and now mine too), Jongin turned to me and said, “I’ve been thinking about you wanting to help me get Yoona… and I thought it would be unfair if I didn’t return the favor.”

 

“What do you mean?” I asked, again, perplexed.

 

“I could say a good thing or two about you to Seohyun. As a matter of fact, remember when Seohyun said she’s gonna have a private concert?” exclaimed Jongin, a mischievious twinkle in his eyes.

 

“Yeah, I do. Why?” I said, squirming at the thought of Seohyun. It was weird—I had barely remembered Seohyun. The girl I had a crush on. Or maybe I loved. I don’t know—I’m still torn between the two feelings.

 

“Well, I’ll make up an excuse for Yoona and me to bail. So that leaves the two of you. Who knows?” He was grinning from ear to ear. “After the concert, maybe you two can go on a date…”

 

I punched his arm playfully, but I couldn’t hide the color on my face; a pinkish red.

 

“Thanks for the help, dude. I really appreciate it,” I said, thanking him. He was no longer the menacing boy I feared. Instead, he is now one of my best friends.

 

It wasn’t Jongin if he didn’t say the unexpected.

 

“That’s what brothers are for, right Lu?”

 

***

A/N: Damn, this is the longest chapter I have ever written! Most of my chapters have an average of 2,5k words—this one is a near 4k!

 

This chapter isn’t as adventurous as the previous chapters, as you guys can see. It’s a trip inside the souls of Yoona and Jongin. Personally, my favorite part in writing this was making the storyline of Jongin and Luhan’s bromance. Although, my heart fluttered a bit while writing the Yoona/Luhan part.

 

Okay, I have to admit, this chapter is fluffier than the others. And if you guys don’t have a thing for fluff, that’s okay. (Honestly, most of my stories are pretty fluffy to be honest. Is that a bad thing?)

 

Also, a new character is hereee~! Don’t worry, Chorong’s an important addition in the story. You’ll see what she does in the next few chapters.

 

 

Alrighty, I should probably end this author’s note, for fear of adding a lot more words. See you guys soon :3