Taecyeon

We embark the plane. Yumi has been cringing and twitching since we left home. She isn't accustomed to new things as I am told by Mrs. Carcax who cried her eyeballs out when I told her that we're moving. She told me that Yumi is afraid of alien things, things she isn't used to or exposed to everyday. I am not sure what are the strange objects that she has no knowledge of.

…

Yumi is sitting on the bed, her legs are sprawled on it, her hair falling on the sides so as to cover the front of her arms. In her hand rests an accumulation of chewed tissues, her nose is the color of crimson and her eyes look like she has applied red shadow over her eyelids. She sniffs occasionally as I slowly pleat her clothes and set them in bag.

"You'll love it in Korea," I encourage, not knowing what to say to alleviate the severe silence.

She nods wearily as if her mind is wandering somewhere else. Her lips are swollen from the constant biting and sometimes they bleed. I halt and stare at her, she looks far worse than yesterday. Oddly though, she senses my stillness and responds with an eye flicker but soon, her gaze is directed at the floor once again.

To my surprise, she clears , "Don't worry about me," she says and I wonder if she can read me, if such a thing is even possible.

A smile canopies my face; a weak and a coward movement, I declare to myself. I have never dealt with a disabled person, not for this long anyhow and I was beginning to doubt my skills, will I really be able to take care of her? How did mother treat her? I think about asking Mrs. Carcax, I'm sure she'd know something or have an advice in that well of hers.

I return to stacking her garments and I'm not sure how to fold a dress, she has a lot of those. In fact, I've never seen her wear pants even when we were little. I itch my head as I fold and unfold the piece and then sigh.

Simultaneously, a light knock on the door that is left ajar distracts me from my thoughts and I look up to a health-ridden Mrs. Carcax. She smiles at me jadedly although it doesn't reach her eyes and puts a hand over my shoulder, "I'll do the rest. Are you done with your things?"

Not only do I shake my head but I also explain, "It's fine. We have time and I don't want to tire you more than I have, Mrs. Carcax,"

The edges of her lips gain power and they're lifted more so as to create a more lively smile, "I'm sure you wouldn't want to pack your sister's under garments, would you now?"

I shoot a glance at Yumi who seems to dislocate her hearing, she still fumbles with her tissues. I blush involuntarily and Mrs. Carcax pats my cheek, "Go now. Your friends are in the living room, I've brought cookies and milk," she's talking about Nanba and Kanda who were left in utter ignorance when I first returned to the house after mother passed away.

I smile at her thankfully as I nod my head. Hesitantly, I place my hand over Yumi's head, her eyes drag upwards. They look abnormal, perhaps more outlandish than the size of my hand over her small head, her gray irises are rimmed with a tired feverish skin, her eyelids are heavy and they droop over her eyes. They keep moving in various directions, like she's searching for something and they're never focused.

I can't help but blink back tears, my sister ages in such a short notice is beyond belief; I swallow, ruffle her hair and leave the room.

…

She flinches as her fingers touch the radio controller installed in the chair. Contagiously, I jump out of my seat, "What?"

Her breath stutters as she puts her hand on her forehead and sighs. Shaking her head, she turns her face away from me and I suspect she does that to hide her tears-clotted face. I press my lips in a firm line and fling air through my nostrils. To my unacquainted astonishment, I feel myself getting tired from her constant recoiling. The never-ending exploration is just a little bit annoying, then I find myself reminding me that she is blind ever since she was born, of course she'll be fearful to new things.

I shut my eyes close, ashamed that I was irritated even if it is just a small account of vexation. I glance over at Nanba and Kanda, both asleep and drooling. Turning my head towards Yumi again, I find her staring at the window, the beauty of the clouds resting in the hands of the sky like white snowy mountains is nothing but a dark, black and colorless reflection in her eyes and I clench my fists.

"Yumi?" I call her and she doesn't answer, her shoulders are slightly dandling and I figure she's crying.

Not finding anything more entertaining, I reach for the headphones in front of her and fix them on her ears, tucking her hair behind them first. All the while, her eyes bloat and she in that resembles a frightened prey in the grip of a monster. The music flows through her and she shakes her head but I urge, "It's a song by 2PM,"

She shows the signs of acknowledgment as she puts her hand on the headphones, pressing them to her ears but my efforts are still fruitless, a smile doesn't glow on her face and tears merely stop.

…

"… she banged her head as she tried to catch up to me," mother laughs.

I chuckle as I try to visualize a thirteen-year-old Yumi falling to the floor from the bang.

"She's a nice person, Taec. Very kind," she allocates her.

I smile at her and she slowly closes her eyes, sighing wearily, "I love you both, very much," her voice is soothing and I near her hand to my forehead as I bend it close to her. My eyes also close and I breathe in calmly.

A thought crosses my mind and I look up to ask my mother about it, "Ma-," yet I stop short. My heart starts race, my breath is tightened by fear and I look from her to the heart monitor screen and back to her. "Ma?" my voice gains a higher octave, slowly shaking her hand that lightly limped between my fingers. "Ma?"

Tears stream down my face, the machine has a thin line cutting the black square into perfect rectangles. I know what that means yet I struggle to my feet and hold her shoulders, nudging her gently, "Ma?" I call her, expecting she would answer.

My ears burn me, my stomach is turned upside down, I feel like vomiting. I open my mouth widely, taking in mouthful of air yet Oxygen seems to be at the enemy's side and prevents itself from getting into my lungs. My chest hurts and aches, I want to tear my rip cage apart and expose my lungs to air, perhaps then, they would be less shriveled.

I wail and I can't stop myself from shouting, "Ma? Wake up! Please, Ma!"

The world starts to warp, my eyes roll up in their sockets then troops of nurses come from the door and I am pushed to sit on a chair, white coats fill my vision and one sentence keeps resonating from every direction, like the very walls are bleeding it, "Time of death…,"

Then something more excruciating happens, Yumi and Mrs. Carcax appear at the door and I want to find my voice, warn Mrs. Carcax, tell her to leave before Yumi finds out but I hear my little sister asks, "Taecyeon? Taecyeon, what's going on?"

"Ma," I whisper and I'm astonished she hears me.

"Momma?" her voice is high pitched, becoming more hysterical as she asks again, "Momma?"

Mrs. Carcax's tears shimmer on her face and she holds Yumi, her arms looping my sister's small body, "I'm sorry, sweetheart,"

"What?"

Her sobbing is reaching levels of resonance that I'm not sure anyone could reach, "No! No!". Mrs. Carcax's voice mitigating my sister with no prevail and she breaks free from her palliating embrace, exclaiming, "I want to see her. I want to see her,"

I'm confused, I stare at her in absolute perplexity but Mrs. Carcax's face shows the complete opposite of my feelings. She holds Yumi's shoulders and drives her through the maze of nurses moving the tubes from my mother's body and then when they stood before my mother, Mrs. Carcax takes both Yumi's hands and rests them on mother's face.

Everything seems to stop, the nurses, Mrs. Carcax, my breath and I wouldn't be surprised to know that the hands of the clock halted, Yumi was slowly caressing mother's face. Her tears running down her cheeks. She carefully starts with her chin, moving closely to her cheeks and lips, smiling tenderly as she feels mother's face. Then her fingers are our mother's nose then eyes, cautiously brushing her eyelashes with the tip of her finger. Moving even duller, she touches her eyebrows and then forehead.

"Momma, I love you. Please wake up," she mumbles. "You're so beautiful," bubbles inflate at the tips of her lips as she barely utters.

Mrs. Carcax reaches for Yumi's hands and nods agreeably, "She is very beautiful," then leaves them on mother's hair; Yumi slowly pushes her hair backwards, so careful so as not to bother her.

The nurses watch as Yumi discovers mother's features and looks, two of them complaining that they should hurry and lead the body to the morgue, the other two are at the edge of tears, emotions mounting their hearts and one of them caresses Yumi's hair, "I'm sorry," she whispers.

…

The song ends in my ears and I peek a glimpse at Yumi to find her eyes finally closed, her breathing slightly uneven but nonetheless better. Her face looks so peaceful yet tired. Strenuous incidents fell upon her and now she's taking a little bit of gratitude for holding a shield against a lightning. I understand she's infirm but I also believe, she's outrageously strong.

Resting assured she's asleep, I plunge myself in the luxury of sleep.

…

"… No," dim and vague her voice reaches my ears as I absentmindedly push open my drooping eyelids.

A manly voice is talking to her and I recognize Kanda's voice. He's speaking Japanese and I realize that Yumi is also talking in her native tongue.

"Hontoni?" she asks limply, though her voice sounds more natural in Japanese.

Kanda's eyes abruptly bore into mine and he smiles awkwardly, "Good morning," he says in a thick English language.

Yumi's eyebrows elevate for a second then she puts her fingers on her lips and turns her face away. I knit my eyebrows and crane my neck towards her, "What's wrong?" I ask her, perplexed at the sudden change of heart.

Kanda glances sideways then excuses himself, Yumi faintly apologizes in Japanese to him. Apparently him and his twin moved to sit in front of us rather at my side.

 Flickering my eyes from his moving body to my sister's face, I ask, "What were you guys talking about?" curiosity injected in my tone.

"He was telling me about Korea," she answers, giving me the side of her face as she turns to answer me.

"You could've just asked me," I elaborate.

Suddenly, she links her index fingers together and place them on her lap, her hands somewhat shaking, "Taecyeon," she begins and I turn my full attention towards her.

"I'm sorry," her voice is chocking. "I don't know how to say this really," she grits her teeth and swallow. "I don't know how to express myself but ever since you came, you've been helping me,"

I shake my head, "Mrs. Carcax-,"

Yet she interrupts, "You were helping all the time and taking care of me since the moment you arrived. I want you to understand that momma isn't just my mother," tears force themselves to flood, it gets harder for her to speak about mother and she emphasizes the present tense, "She's my best friend, my teacher and my guide as well," her lower lip unconsciously pouts, "I don't want to be a burden upon your shoulders," she blurts.

"Hold on, if I didn't take care of you, who's going to?" I begin to ask.

But she continues, "I'm not asking you to be all that, I don't want you to be that," she quickly says, "I want to be your support and I promise, I will not be a burden to you, I'm not going to hinder your path. I'll learn things and do things on my own, I promise," she reiterates. "There are some things that I'll need your help in, I'm not going to deny that," she shakes her head as she stares at the back of the chair in front of her, "So please, bear with me, it will only be a thing or two, nothing more, I swear,"

I stare at her, dumbfounded by the thoughts that lingered in her mind and motivated her to say those things then I grin at her, however it soon falls as I am wistful that she can't see it, I put my arm around her instead and push her by the neck to my chest, "You're not a burden," I start lamely. "We'll do fine, you and I," I rest my chin on her head as she nods thankfully.

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By the way, "Hontoni?" means "Really?"