Sungmin was worried about Kangin. The taller man had been so quiet since his return from the army, and although he had been with the group for a couple of weeks he had yet to laugh like he used to. Instead, he would just smile and nod his head.

 

Sungmin was upset at the extreme change in his friend. Everytime they would watch a sad show, or talk about upsetting things in interviews, Kangin wouldn't cry. Not a single tear would fall, but Sungmin was sure that it wasn't due to lack of sadness. Min could see the pain in his eyes, and the tiny tremble of his lip, but Kangin's eyes would never fill with the tears that were present in everyone else's.

 

He decided to talk to him about it, and get the man to talk to him about any problems. Sungmin was sure that his friend must be having problems with the haters after the incident, but he had yet to ask for help or comfort.

 

So the next night, he made sure that everyone else would be busy and then it would only be him and Kangin in the dorm. He was hoping that the older boy would be more open to talking if it was just the two of them.

After the other members had left, Sungmin started to prepare dinner and waited for Kangin to get back from the gym.

 

The door opened and Sungmin smiled. He called happily from the kitchen "Kangin, are you hungry?"

"Yes, thank you. It smells so nice. Sorry for making you wait."

Sungmin frowned. That was another thing. Before, Kangin would tease the members and hit them playfully. But now he was polite, respectful and apologetic about everything. He had accidentally walked into Leeteuk the other day, making the leader fall over. The old Kangin would have laughed and made a silly joke, but the new Kangin had helped Leeteuk to his feet and then sat him down on the sofa with a glass of water. He had apologised so many times.

 

Sungmin was desperate to help him, and so when the boy came into the kitchen wearing his pajamas he started talking right away.

"Kangin, how was your day?"

"It was fine, maybe a little tiring. How was yours?"

Sungmin just raised an eyebrow at him. He knew for a fact that Kangin's day had been more than just a little tiring. The older man had started his day with a few letters. Sungmin had watched him reading them, nodding every so often as he scanned his eyes along the page. When Min had checked the letter later, he had realised that it was a hate letter. There were horrible things written on the paper, wishing death to Kangin for what he had done.

It had brought Min to tears, how could Kangin have nodded along with the points they were making? Did he believe them to be true?

 

Kangin buckled under Sungmin's strong gaze. "Alright, I guess it was a tough day.."

"Was that your first hate letter since you got back?"

There was a small pause, but then the taller boy shook his head.

"Kangin, why haven't you told anyone about the hate? Hasn't it affected you?"

"Of course it has, I'm not a rock.." The boy's eyes were starting to grow moist, and he coughed harshly to stop himself from crying.

Sungmin took his hand gently. "Why didn't you tell us about the letters? We can help you Kangin."

"I don't deserve your help..."

Sungmin's eyes widened. "Of course you do. We're always here for you."

"Look at what I've done Min! I could have killed people, I could have ended their lives by being an idiot! I deserve to be locked up, never to be seen again."

Min shuffled around the table so that he was sitting next to Kangin. Putting his arms around him and rubbing his back comfortingly, he whispered softly into the pink shell of his ear. 

"Yes, it wasn't the cleverest thing to have done, but you're not an idiot. You've already taken responsibility Kangin, so don't keep punishing yourself. You don't deserve to be locked up, you're perfectly safe to be around. Don't keep focusing on the past."

"How? People remind me of it everywhere I go, with little looks and remarks. I saw a fan walk up to the group happily and then turn away when she saw me. I'm scaring people Min.."

"You're not scary, not at all. Maybe she was just nervous, but she'll see how nice you are and then she'll come back. Don't blame yourself Kangin, if she really didn't like us because of you then she wasn't a real fan anyway."

 

Sitting the older boy down on the sofa and rubbing his arm softly, Sungmin held him close and whispered sweet words into his ear. He could see that the older boy was trying desperately to stop his tears, to keep his face emotionless, and he hugged him tighter.

"It's okay to cry in front of me."

 

At those words, Kangin broke down and sobbed. He felt the tears sting his eyes as he clung to Sungmin. The younger boy just sat quietly with him as he let out all of the tears that he had been holding since his return.

When the sobs had finally stopped, Kangin raised his head from Min's shoulder and looked at him nervously. The smaller boy smiled warmly, and his hair gently. 

"Does that feel better?"

Kangin nodded. "Sorry about that.. I've ruined your shirt.."

"Don't worry, it'll dry soon." 

 

As they sat together, Sungmin just held the boy close and rubbed his back comfortingly before pulling away and looking him in the eye.

"Kangin, please come to us if you need to cry. Don't suffer alone and hold it all inside."

The taller boy shook his head. "I can't just come and bother you all."

"Come to me then, you never need to worry about bothering me. If you need to cry or vent then just come and find me, I'll always listen."

"Thank you Sungmin." He coughed nervously. "Could-could I have another hug?" His voice was small and anxious, as though he didn't feel as though he deserved to be comforted. As though he was expecting Sungmin to say no.

 

Sungmin wrapped his arms around him, and they went together to the sofa. Still safe in Sungmin's embrace, Kangin sat on the soft cushions and they watched a few shows together, laughing at old haircuts and silly jokes.

Kangin felt anxious about making Sungmin hold him for such a long time, and he got up to go to the bathroom, to give the boy a rest from comforting him for all that time.

 

When he returned, Sungmin opened his arms wide and motioned for the taller boy to sit down with him and for them cuddle together. His smile was warm and welcoming as he hugged the broad chest and nuzzled into Kangin's shoulder before relaxing fully.

 

The smaller man leaned into his chest and closed his eyes still hugging Kangin tightly. The older boy felt eternally grateful to Min for listening to him and letting him cry. He vowed to always protect and care for Sungmin too, as the younger boy lay sleeping against his chest.

 Kangin felt small tears reappear in his eyes, but this time they were tears of happiness, tears of love. 

And he didn't need to hide them anymore.