The following days after that rough night were okay. My relationship with Sunny got better each day. We've leveled up our meetings from lunch only to lunch and dinner. And you know what? She's so damn rich! I guess having that position in her department really gives her many benefits. She has splendid salary which is about two to three times more than my salary. I'm sure I've told you that she's so independent and hard worker, right? She bought her car with her own salary and by now she has bought herself a new apartment located near our office building. Well at least her hard work paid off nicely.

 

How about Jessica? Errmm.. I know it may sound unbelievable but I don't pay attention to her any longer since the night Sunny took my lips-ity away and the night since I literally ditched Tiffany off of my life. Sigh.. It's been 2 weeks and my longing for her keeps increasing. At first it was so hard to adapt with the bitter situation that Tiffany and I are no longer in good term. My fingers were and still are so itchy to type her messages or random words, saying how I miss her and that I apology for my rude words. My mind always fails to get rid of her. It seems that my brain automatically can only think about her and her only. Unfortunately, my pride won't let me approach her nor do anything related to her.

 

The only ways not to think about her is by reverting my concentration to Sunny or my job. That's one of the reasons why I've leveled up my relationship with Sunny. She's of course more than happy to know that she can spend more time with me. And I just knew recently that she's actually a ert too like me. Every time we kiss, she would have difficulties to keep her hands off of me. Her hands would immediately slip inside my shirt and roam my flat abs whenever the kissing proccess was getting intense. It's not that I don't like it, it's just. I think it's too fast but I really try hard to adjust with her. Aside from that, I think we're okay, or are we?

 

Learning to love or to change my love from Jessica to Sunny isn't as hard as I first thought. I mean, love can appear by itself and I guess it can disappear by itself too, no? How can I retain my endless love for Jessica when she doesn't even want to meet me anymore? Her hatred to me is too much and it makes me always wonder, what's wrong with me actually? Aside from my unrequited love for her, I think I'm good enough as a friend. I can listen to her stories attentively, give her useful advices, treat her nicely, pay her attention more than she can even imagine, defend her when she's insulted by other employees, and such.

 

The more she ignores me, the more I realize how low my value is in her eyes. She treats me like I'm never there, like I don't even exist in this world. What is the biggest sin I've ever committed until she has heart to punish me like this? Slowly but sure, my eyes are opened and my wound is healed. If she can be like this toward me, then why can't I? Enough with me being desperate of her attention, say goodbye to the days I'm praying to God to make her forgive me, and let's pretend that I never confessed my love to her. Obviously she treats me like a trash which she would dump once she found me useless. I know she's selfish but I never thought she could be this selfish.

 

So here I am preparing myself to go to office like any other day. The birds are chirping and the sky is bright. It makes my mood better and I really feel energized to go to work. I opened my picture application and stared at Tiffany's photograph which I successfully captured some weeks ago. That's me who always manage to spend a minute or two to talk to Tiffany's photograph. You may call me stupid but for me it's called uhm.. A phase. A phase where I'm trying to let go but still unable to.

 

I caressed her picture on my phone while enchanting some words full of regrets and apologies. I really want to talk to her but I still remembered my own saying that I would erase her contact number and that I've made a stupid vow not to contact her anymore no matter what might happen. I feel like I want to slam my head on the wall whenever I remember that. How could I say such a thing to Tiffany? Well, regretting won't change a thing anyway. It's not like she will use her sixth sense to watch after me and acknowledge my regret toward her, right?

 

Sometimes I think that I have double personality, especially when it comes to Tiffany Hwang. At times like this, I would succumb in my own grief, remembering the good times I've passed with her; knowing that we indirectly had exchanged promises to always be there for each other even not physically. She never failed to cheer me up using her not so common ways, like as what you've seen; she would tease instead of calm me down, she would insult instead of appraise me for what I've achieved, she would mock instead of entertain me, but all of them combined made my mood better. She's my mood booster and now she's gone and out of my life.

 

Another time, when my sanity leaves and it left me with my insanity only, I would be angry to Tiffany, particularly when I was in my gloomy mode. I would blame her for everything bad which had happened to me when I knew it wasn't even her fault at the first place. I always thought, if only she was here to tell me what bad fortune would happen then maybe I wouldn't have to experience the bad things. Ridiculous, right? Maybe that's how much I missed her that I subconsciously became crazy and being lunatic for something illogical.

 

I went out of my musing and got up from my bed. I brushed my hair and checked on my appearance for the last time before I went out from my bedroom. I descended the stairs and headed to the dining room.

 

"Morning, Noona!!" My younger brother greeted me.

 

"Morning, Jinwoon. Why so early in the morning?" I ruffled his hair and sat on my usual chair.

 

"Where are the others??" I asked him who's busy munching his bread. He looks like a 5 year old boy instead of a college student.

 

"Uhm.. Firstly, I have a class in the morning and secondly, mom is going to get grocery with dad." Jinwon answered. He wiped out the stain on his face and gulped his milk in one go.

 

"Slow down a bit, kiddo. You'll be choked." I chuckled and started to apply the jam on my bread.

 

"Ah! Noona, can I come with you to the nearest bus station? I don't want to be late on my first day.." Jinwon held back his burp and smiled so sweetly afterward. He has the same dimple as me which will be revealed everytime he smiles.

 

"Sure. What time will your class begin?" I parted the bread into two parts and slowly ate it.

 

"At 8 am. It's still 6 am by now. Do you think I can make it in less than 2 hours?" Jinwoon innocently asked. Ooh he's so cute and I'm proud to be his older sister.

 

"Of course. I'll just finish this in a moment. Anyway, have you thought about our parent's offer?" I asked while reading the new magazine which was just arrived the day before while my other hand held the bread.

 

"Ah, the car? I don't know, Noona. I don't want to trouble our parents. I mean if I still can take public transportation then I don't think buying me a new car will be necessary. What do you think?" Jinwon waited for me to answer.

 

"According to me, I think you should reconsider your decision. Mom and Dad would never offer you such a luxury thing if they haven't planned it well before, right? Besides, it will come in handy too." I closed the magazine and advised my brother.

 

"You're right, but I don't think it will be fair to you." Jinwoon paused.

 

"And why is that?" I furrowed my eyebrows in anticipation.

 

"You are a girl, Noona yet you use a motorbike while me; I'm a healthy guy yet I will use car. Don't you think it's kind of unfair? Ah I know! What if I use your motorbike and you will use the car Mom and Dad will buy? Sounds like a plan, no?" Jinwoon grinned. He really looks like Dad when he smiles like now.

 

"Uhm.. No? Hahaha.. Let's talk about this later, shall we? You don't want to be late, right? Then you better start preparing your bag and books while I'm cleaning this up." I gestured him to hurry and started to gather the dirty dishes into the sink.

 

"Ah yes! Okay, Noona. Wait for me! I'll be back in 5 minutes." He abruptly stood up and I nodded at him as my answer.

----------------------------

 

"Jinwoon-ah, hurry up!" I yelled at my brother while trying to put on my shoes.

 

I prefer using heels actually thanks' to my height but I always wear my sneakers on my way to the office because it's difficult to wear heels while riding motorbike. My balance will be disturbed and I will just end up being unstable and the worst, I can always fall down from my bike like what had happened a year ago. And no, I don't even want to remember that event. So yeah back to the story. I was trying to tighten up my shoestring when the door's bell rang.

 

*DING DONG*

 

"Wait for a moment." I spoke loudly to whoever it is behind the door. I got up and unlocked my door to see who could be the guest at this hour.

 

"Hi, babe!" If you follow this story carefully then you'd know the only person who's capable to call me like that.

 

"What are you doing here?" I quickly pushed her to the front of the door and closed the door behind so we practically are outside of the house.

 

"I miss you. Can't I visit you?" Sunny pouted and in reflex, she entangled her arms around my neck.

 

"It's not that, babe. But what if my family see you, see us? You know very well that they don't know about us yet." I reasoned out and gently unwrapped her arms from my neck.

 

"Oops! I forgot! Hehhee.. Mian. So I guess I should call you Taeyeon when I'm in front of your family, eh?" Sunny led her hand to pinch my cheek playfully.

 

"Please do and I will call you Unnie. I'm sorry but I haven't got enough courage to tell my family just yet." I let her play with me a little more, knowing Jinwoon will usually take a long time to dress himself.

 

"That's okay. But at least I can get my morning kiss, right?" Sunny said and jutted her lips forward. I chuckled and was unable to resist so I moved my lips too and kissed her plump lips. The kiss lingered for few seconds before I decided to pull away, feeling nervous if Jinwoon went out all of sudden.

 

"So, why are you here? You don't only want to get your morning kiss, do you?" I raised one of my eyebrows and she smiled.

 

"Aww.. Smart hubby. Oops, I mean Taeyeon. I want to pick you up so you don't have to trouble yourself by driving your motorbike anymore." Sunny said.

 

"And why is that? I'm fine using my motorbike, Unnie. Besides, I have my bike serviced regularly and it isn't too old also." I argued.

 

"I know, babe. I don't mean to offend you but remember the last time you forgot to bring your raincoat on your way to office? It was terrible. You got soaked, drenched and ended up being sick for 2 days. The worst part of that is the fact that I couldn't meet you for 2 days." Sunny was being exaggerated but it made me kind of happy.

 

"Oh come on. It was days ago and I'm healthy by now. I also have brought the raincoat inside my baggage. Nothing to worry. And just Taeyeon, please." I reminded her again.

 

"I won't take no as an answer. I want to have you completely today! Besides, do you have heart to ditch me when I have come all the way here?" Sunny asked me cutely.

 

"Sigh.. Why do you have to be so cute, Unnie? And knowing that you're 29 already. Tsk!" I shook my head.

 

"Noona!! I'm ready to go!!" I heard my brother yelling and soon after he came.

 

"Eh? Who's this?" Jinwoon turned his head to ask me.

 

"Oh yes.. Jinwoon-ah, this is Sunny, my friend from work and Sunny this is Jinwoon my dongsaeng." I introduced them to each other.

 

"Sorry for being impolite before. My name is Jinwoon. Nice to meet you, Noona." My brother politely bowed.

 

"Oh my, such a cutie. Hello Jinwoon-ah, I'm Sunny and nice to meet you too!" Sunny pinched Jinwoon's cheek just like what she did to me moments ago.

 

"Okay, enough with the introduction. I'm sorry, Unnie but I have to take my brother to nearby bus station so maybe next time I'll come with you." I slipped a hint of jealousy in hope Sunny could notice it.

 

"Oh well, both of you can come with me. We can drop your brother first at his campus and go directly to office. How about that?" Sunny proposed another idea. She looked at me and mouthed sorry word. It seemed that she knew that I'm jealous.

 

"Uhm.. It's up to Taeyeon Noona.." Jinwoon stared at me with full of hope and yeah I knew what h he wanted by that.

 

"Okay okay. I gave up. I'll let you drive me today, Unnie. Let's go." I let out a sigh and locked my house and gate. Then I followed Sunny to her car. I'm sitting beside Sunny while Jinwoon is sitting behind us.

---------------------------------

 

"I'll see you at lunch, babe." Sunny had done parking her car and by now she was busy unbuckling her seatbelt.

 

"Yeah, sure. We'll meet at the lobby as usual, right?" I took my purse from the backseat and waited for her.

 

"Yep! Now can I have an injection of energy to work?" Sunny blinked her eyes repetitively in a teasing manner.

 

"Why not?" I giggled and leaned in. I captured her lips and almost immediately she reacted to my kiss. She bit my lower lips and quickly shoved in her tongue once I parted my lips. We kissed quite intensely for some minutes until we're out of breath. She leaned back with a plop sound when she released my lips.

 

"Have a nice day okay? Don't stress out yourself." I told her and touched her sharp yet small nose.

 

"It goes the same with you. Text me when you're bored." She replied with a smile.

 

We went out of her car and walked to the company building. We deliberately didn't walk hand in hand to avoid any suspiciousness coming from other employees. We bid our goodbye and I let her entered the first elevator that came. I wait a little longer for the next elevator to arrive. I was alone until I feel another presence coming from the person beside me. The perfume which I know very well makes me want to turn my head around. I did what my heart told me too and I immediately regret it.

 

Yes it is no one but her, Jessica. The fact that we are alone makes me feel more uhm.. How can I say it,, err.. Nervous? Yeah, I'm nervous as hell. Should I greet her? Or should I pretend that I don't see her? But it will be too cruel, no? I braced myself and decided to greet her. What's the worst thing can happen anyway, right?

 

"Morning, Jessi." I smiled genuinely at her.

 

".............." She didn't greet me back. Way to go, Taeyeon. What do you expect anyway, she says good morning to you too? Tsk!

 

"You may go first." The elevator's door slide open and I allowed her by stepping aside. She didn't even take a glance at me when she entered the elevator.

 

"Jessica, I think we need to talk." I composed myself and dared to see her when I said those words. Fortunately there's no one inside the elevator so I can be freely talk to her.

 

"There's nothing to talk about." She replied. Did I hear it rightly? It feels like years since the last time she talked to me. Exaggerating? Nope. It's an honest answer.

 

"Oh yes there is. Trust me there's more than just one thing that I want to say to you." I exhaled and waited.

 

"But I don't have anything to say to you. If possible, I would appreciate it if you stop talking to me, stop stalking me and stop doing anything that involves me. We are nothing but strangers now." With that the elevator dinged and she hurriedly left me in dazed.

 

Those hurtful words still echo inside my ears. I can still remember it, each and every word clearly. She finally stated and did the thing that I fear the most. She cut any possible relationship between us and she wanted us to be nothing, absolutely nothing, not even as company colleagues. I woke up from my nightmare and made myself out from the elevator to my cubicle. I at first thought that maybe I could explain to her that my confession was nothing but a careless decision that I've made, that I know have found myself a lover so she could rest assure because I could give her guarantee that I would never scare her away with my absurd feelings anymore. At the end of it, I hoped she would understand and we could be friends again. But hey, not everything can end up just like we wish for, right? Right yet still it hurts.

--------------------------------

 

"Hey, what's wrong with you?" Sunny waved her hand in front of my face.

 

"Eh? Sorry, what did you say again about your meeting?" I blinked my eyes, trying to act normal.

 

"I was telling you about my boss, not about the meeting. That story has ended minutes ago." Sunny huffed. Her face elaborated how annoyed she's with me.

 

"What's wrong, babe? You look like you're not you. Is there something bothering you? Care to share it with me?" She asked me worriedly.

 

"Not really. I'm fine. There's just too much work for today and I don't think I will have adequate time to finish it all." I lied. I quickly averted my gaze from her and ate my rice.

 

"Nice try, Taeyeon. Nice try, but maybe you should try again another time. You texted me at 10 am saying that there's nothing much to do and now you tell me that there's too much work. Tsk!" Sunny shook her head and scoffed at me.

 

"Did I say that? Sigh.. Fine, it's her." I admitted. I reached out my hand and placed it on top of her. I rubbed Sunny's hand to dissipate her anger.

 

"Jessica?" Yep! I've told her about Jessica but not completely.

 

"Yeah. I met her this morning and I greeted her yet she ignored me. I told her that I wanted to talk to her yet she asked me not to do anything to her anymore. In short, we're strangers now." I explained.

 

"Hey,, don't be sad. You still have me, babe. Jessica is the stupid one for missing out a very valuable opportunity to have you. She should be the one to grief, not you." Sunny took my hand and held it on the table. A sincere smile appeared on her face.

 

"Thanks'. You make me feel better. I just at least hoped we still could be friends. I thought I could introduce you to her to make her feel relieved because I will no longer chase her now that I have you. There goes my hope.." I muttered with a sad face.

 

"Well stop hoping then. Be more realistic, babe. Not everything you wish for can be granted. She's the one who's losing, not you and we don't need to tell anyone about us. As long as we both know we're happy, what else do we need, huh?" Sunny retrieved her hand and leaned back on her chair.

 

"Yeah, I guess you're right." I nodded at her. I pushed my half eaten food away and played with the straw on my glass.

 

"Stop guessing. You do know I'm right. I'm always right! Hahaha..." Sunny laughed and I have to smile at that.

 

Her laughter is addicting. Am I already falling in love with her? Now that I think again, we never say I love you to each other. What we did and do is just a gesture to convey how we care for each other, how we want each other. Lust maybe but love? I don't know about it. She never asks me about it and me too don't have enough faith to ask her. I mean, how can I ask her about love when I'm not even sure what I'm feeling for her? Is it love? If so, what kind of love then? Sisterly love? Friendly love? Tell me again why there are so many different definitions of love? Errr..

 

I like kissing her, I like how she treats me, I like the fact that she's a jealous and possessive person when it comes to me, I like how she's mad at me whenever I forget to tell her about things that occurred to me no matter how unimportant it was for me, I like how she makes me feel special, uhm to conclude it all, I like her as her, wholly, completely, and explicitly. So does it mean that I love her already? I don't think my feelings are that deep. And to know she never says she loves me, I'm sure she too is still confuse with her own feelings. The most important thing is that we both enjoy what we have now, screw the future. I just want to live to the fullest for now with Sunny as my special one. Silly, right?

 

"Okay okay, I give up! My bunny is always right. There I've said it, happy?" I raised up my hands and acted like I've surrendered to her.

 

"Very happy! Now say aaah.." Sunny took my plate and spooned rice. She then brought it to the front of my mouth.

 

"Aaaa..." I made my mouth widely opened and let Sunny feed me.

 

"I think someone is jealous or maybe she hates you that much until she's trying to scare me with her deadly glare." Sunny exclaimed all of sudden.

 

"Who?" I asked while chewing the food.

 

"Uhm.. Look at to your 9 am direction." Sunny made a hint using her eyes and I followed her command.

 

"Jessica?" I mumbled the blonde's name. She looked so angry with her eyebrows furrowed so deeply and her forehead wrinkled for frowning too serious. She looked like she wanted to eat me and Sunny alive now.

 

"Yes, her. If she really doesn't care about you anymore then why she still pays attention to what you're doing or whom you're with now. Correct me if I'm wrong." Sunny stated confidently.

 

"I don't know. Perhaps she hates me so much that even my well-being bothers her a lot. Let's go, babe. I don't want her feeling suffocated by us." I grabbed Sunny's hand but Sunny detached it.

 

"Na ah.. It's public place so we have the same right as her to eat here. Let's just continue eating. You haven't finished your food anyway. Open up your mouth, baby." Sunny tried to feed me again.

 

"But, baby.." I whined yet let her feed me.

 

"What? Let her see what she had lost. Let her regret her decision. And who's that guy in front of her, is it that Donghae guy you told me?" Sunny glimpsed at the couple sneakily.

 

"Yeah, that is Donghae. The one who has successfully got the chance to conquer Jessica's heart instead of me." I bluntly stated, forgot how possessive Sunny could be.

 

"Yah! So you were saying that you feel bad for having me instead of Jessica?! You little!!" Sunny dropped the spoon and fork with a clang sound, making some people including Jessica and Donghae to look at us.

 

"Ouch! Yaaa.. I'm sorry I'm sorry, I didn't mean it." Sunny tweaked my ear and gave a scary expression.

 

"You better didn't, Kim Taeyeon! Now pay the meal and let's get out of here!" Sunny stood up and left me alone.

 

I went to the cashier and tried to catch up with her. I finally could walk beside Sunny and cooed her. I felt someone staring at me so I turned around and I saw Jessica's eyes glued at me for a second because in the next second, she avoided my gaze and returned to look at her current boyfriend, yes! That jerk Donghae.

------------------------------------

 

"Thanks' for the ride, babe." I unfastened my seatbeld.

 

"You're most welcome. Now pay the fare!" Sunny turned off the car engine.

 

"With pleasure." I responded almost immediately. I knew what she wanted and I’m more than willing to give her. I grasped her chin with my left hand and located my right hand on her waist. I pulled her closer to my face and immediately seized her lips with mine. I kissed her and as usual, she roamed her hands wildly, started from my waist upward to my belly. She caressed the inside of my shirt and it made me shivered in excitement. Once I felt her was too much, I stopped kissing her and pulled away.

 

“Why did you stop it?” Sunny pouted cutely.

 

“It’s late already, babe. I don’t want you to drive in midnight hour. We’ll still have tomorrow and please don’t appear out of nowhere again. I’m planning to use my bike to office tomorrow and I tend to stick with my plan.” I patted  her cheek and warned her not so strictly.

 

“But what if I already miss you when the morning comes?” Sunny made an unreasonable excuse, yet I can’t say that I don’t like it.

 

“Then I will make time to go to your floor to give you your morning kiss.” I guaranteed her.

 

“Okay! It’s a deal then! Goodnight, babe. Don’t forget to dream of me~” Sunny pecked me for the last time.

 

“Sure! Text me when you’re at home, alright?” I opened the door and got down from her car. I watched her car leaving me and once I was sure she’s gone, I turned around and walked to my house.

 

I was thinking that the door was locked. I was trying to find out the key inside my bag when the door was unlocked by itself. Soon enough, I could see the person behind the door. It was no one but my brother, Jinwoon.

 

“Hello, brother!!” I cheerfully greeted him and walked inside.

 

“Hey, what’s with the gloomy face?” I asked him when he didn’t reply my greeting.

 

“Is that Taeyeon??! Tell her to come here immediately!!” I heard my father yelled from the living room. Judging from his voice, it seemed like he’s angry, but why is he angry? What did I do?

 

“Noona, I’m so sorry~” Jinwoon grievously said to me. He didn’t even dare to look at my eyes when he said it. What happened actually? I remember I didn’t even meet either my mother or father this morning, so why?

 

“What did you do? Why Dad sounds so angry?” I asked him while removing my shoes.

 

“I swear to God, I didn’t mean to do it. I didn’t know that-“

 

“Kim Taeyeon!!!” Dad ferociously called my name. I quickly ignored my brother and ran a little to the living room. There are my father who has his hands on his waist and my mother who is just sitting quietly with her hands crossed over her chest, staring at nothingness on the TV’s black screen.

 

“Did you call me, Dad?” I asked him hesitantly. I really don’t know what really has happened.

 

“Take a sit there! On the single couch!” My father pointed at the vacant seat and I followed his order in an instant. I clutched my purse on my lap tightly, shutting my eyes, anticipating what is about to come next.

 

“Dad, please don’t be angry at Noona~ Who knows that it wasn’t her doing. I’m sure it’s just purely misunderstanding.” Jinwon came in and interrupted. He didn’t reluctant to go kneeling in front of my father and begged him. So far, I still couldn’t understand what really had happened. Did I do something terrible?

 

“Don’t interfere, Jinwoon. This isn’t your business. Go sit beside your mother. I need to clarify something with your Noona.” My father strictly commanded my brother. The poor boy weakly stood up and sat beside my mother.

 

“Listen, Kim Taeyeon. I’m sure you don’t understand the whole events so I will explain it to you briefly.” My father approached me. He took a single chair and sat on it in front of me. I was too afraid to reply so I just nodded my head.

 

“This afternoon, your mother was trying to communicate with your other brother through Skype but since she didn’t understand how, she asked Jinwoon to help her. Fortunately, you didn’t bring your laptop with you today so she could use your laptop. Jinwoon didn’t do anything wrong in this. He’s purely innocent. He put your mother on the line using Jinwoon’s Skype account. Once your mother finished, she didn’t know how to turn it off. Jinwoon was outside while I was sleeping at that time.” My father tried hard not to burst out. I can see his flaming breath coming out from his nostril. I don’t know but my guts are telling me that whatever it is, it will bring bad impact for me, yep a really bad one it is.

 

“So she clicked whatever she could click on. And that’s where she found this!” My father took the laptop from the coffee table and showed the supposedly hidden folder which contained my collections of videos. Now I think I know why my parents rage at me. It will be a quite fortune if my parents won’t curse me into a stone once they have found out, or have they?

 

“I don’t really care if you watch ! Hell, me and your mother would probably be proud knowing that you’ve grown mature and is more than ready to build your own family, BUT! What makes us shocked and your mother fainted is the fact that you have lesbian videos instead of normal one!!!!” My father yelled from the top of his lung. He shoved out my laptop to me harshly.

 

“Take a good look at it and tell me that it’s not yours!!” My father exasperatedly told me. He tried to control his anger by rubbing his own chest.

 

Oh Lord, how could this happen? I was very affirmative that I have hidden the folder and everything inside it too. And why now? I am not ready to face it. Should I lie? But if I lie, what reasons I can give them to make them believe in me? And then again, if I lie now, until when I can hide my real identity; the truth that I’m gay? In one side, I really want to protect my family’s feelings by not telling them but on another side, I also want to come out clean, to be proud of my preference no matter how ashamed it is, no matter what worst possibility I should face. I know that I will taint my family’s name but.. sigh, Fany-ah, if you were me, what would you do?

 

“Answer him, Taeyeon-ah~ Tell your father that it’s not yours~ Tell him that it’s your friend’s folder who accidentally dropped her folder there and forgot to retrieve it back.” My mother now decided to talk. She pleaded me desperately and it made me feel much guiltier. How could I be different and make my parents so disappointed with me?

 

“It’s mine, Dad.” I discarded every possibility out of my head and determined to be honest with myself, and now with my family.

 

*SLAP*

 

I was taken aback. I never thought there would be a day come where my own biological parents had heart to beat up on me, no matter where the spot could be. 23 years I’ve lived and never before my parents ever lay a hand on me until now. My face whipped sideways and the sting pain followed after. The blow on my cheek is nothing compares to the ache I feel inside my heart. Tears surged up and in seconds, it fell down from the corner of my eyes, dampened my cheeks.

 

“YAH! What have you done!! That’s enough!!” My mother jumped from her seat and hugged me. I was immobile, too startled and hurt to do anything.

 

“I didn’t raise her and waste my money away just to have a gay daughter!!! What will people say about our family’s reputation?! What will your grandma say if she knows your real preference?! You’re the eldest yet you have failed to be a good example for your dongsaeng! I’m so disappointed in you, Kim Taeyeon!!!” My father continued to abuse me by saying those hurtful words. I couldn’t react and just busy burying my face on my mother’s chest, crying myself a river after hearing those words.

 

“Stop it right there, Kim Jaesuk!!” My mother dared to yell back at my father. She tightened her hold on my body and brought me closer, protecting me from whatever bad things my father can do.

 

“Tell him that you’re just curious, Taeyeon-ah~ Tell him that you’re still perfectly normal and prefer guys instead of women. Tell him that it was just a mistake, that it was nothing but childish experiment that you’ve done and regretted it soon afterward~ Please, Taeyeon-ah~” My mother begged me. She gently took my chin and wiped away my tears. It was a futile attempt though because it made my tears streamed out more rapidly.

 

“Explain yourself, Taeyeon!” My father grabbed me and detached me from my mother. She made me stand up and faced him.

 

“I’m sorry, Dad.” I hung up my head lowly, trying to avoid their intense gaze, especially my mother’s because I knew, my mom’s gaze would be different from others. It would only make me feel guiltier than I already am now.

 

“Why you little-“

 

“Don’t you dare to land another slap on her!” My mother stood in front of me and caught my father’s hand which was already on the air, ready to slap me for the second time if it weren’t for my mother.

 

“No matter what mistake she has done, she is still our daughter! You have to accept that fact! So what if she’s gay? It won’t change the reality that I have carried her inside my belly for 9 months and she has brought us joy when she was born into this world!” My mother attacked back.

 

“Oh don’t even remind me about that! If I knew she would end up being lesbian, I would have told you to do abortion!!” My father rudely said it to me while glaring at me. My father’s last words made my legs went weak that I fell down on my knees.

 

“Taeyeon-ah!!” My mother diverted her attention and squatted to hold me.

 

“Even if we accept her, I don’t think the society of our nation can handle this lesbian thing easily. I don’t want to live and have my family in shame just because this ungrateful daughter. My great grandparents, my grandparents, and my parents never even once had an abnormal child like her and to know that one of my descendants isn’t normal pains me. Probably it will be better if the definition of abnormal is physically disabled rather than gay or lesbian like her.” My father continued. His words were twinge. It made me my body tremble and my tears rained out.

 

“Shoosh~ Taeyeon-ah, don’t listen to him okay? Everything is gonna be alright. I’m sure you can be healed and be normal again, loving a guy and having a decent man as your husband in the near future.” My mother tenderly ran her fingers through my hair to soothe me. Even my mother thinks that gay is some kind of infectious sickness? It saddened me more that I don’t even know whether I can stop crying soon or not.

 

“Tell her to pack up once she has done with crying.” My father firmly stated and walked away.

 

“Jinwoon-ah, go to bed.” He told my brother who was about to come after me. Just like me, my brother was too afraid to rebel. He mouthed sorry word and left. I could only nod and smiled weakly at him.

 

I gathered my strength and pushed myself to stand up. I helped my mother to stand up also and hugged her tightly, like my life depended on it, like tomorrow was a doomsday and I would regret if God didn’t give me second chance to make up with my mother. My mother looked so confused with my treatment yet she let me hug her.

 

“Thank you for defending me, Mom. Thank you for not feeling ashamed of my wrongdoings.” I told her honestly while still holding her close to my body.

 

“What are you saying, Taeyeon-ah? The moment you came out from my womb, you are already destined to be my daughter and no matter what has happened or can happen in the future, it still can’t change the fact that you are forever my daughter and I will always still love you together with your flaw.” My mother rubbed my back so lovingly. Her shirt was dampened by my tears yet she didn’t mind.

 

“I’m sorry I can’t be a good daughter for you. Daddy is right; I can bring nothing but bad name to family. I can’t be a good example for my brothers.” My mother gestured me to sit and I did. She sat beside me and offered her shoulder. I rested my head on her warm shoulder.

 

“You maybe are not the best daughter out there but for me, you’re still the best one God can give. Everything happens for a reason, child. I don’t know how and why you can swing that way but I believe God has a plan for you and He will still treat you the same. It will be better if you can change though but I will not force you. If you are gay then be it. I don’t care about family’s reputation. The reputation is earned by hard work not by the fact whether we are gay or not.” My mother calmed me down with her loving words.

 

“And regarding the other matters. Jinwoon has seen the scene alive so I think he can learn a thing or two from your experience. I’m sure he will grow up as a fine normal man. Besides, aside from your preference, you are the best sister alive for him. I know it because he always told his friends how he felt proud of you. I heard it once when his friends came over. He will always be proud of you even if you are gay. Different people have different flaws, Tae and that is understandable.” My mother continued.

 

“If only I wasn’t so freaked out and yelled loudly, maybe your father wouldn’t find out the real thing.” My mother sadly said it.

 

“It’s okay, Mom. Sooner or later all of you would find out anyway. I was planning to confess about my preference too but I didn’t expect all of you would precede it before me. I also never thought that Dad would be this angry. Well, what did I expect anyway? What’s the use of crying over spilled milk, right?” I chuckled bitterly.

 

“Don’t overthink about your father. I’m sure he was just too shocked and emotional. He didn’t mean to go berserk like that. He will feel better tomorrow and if he isn’t, then I will try and calm him down, persuade him slowly to accept your preference. Time heals everything, Tae.” My mother smiled at me sincerely. I could see the tears trickling down her face and it pained me to know that I was the one who made her like this, who made a riot over my family.

 

“I can always see you when I miss you, right mother?” I have decided and didn’t have any plan to go back. I made this on my own and I had to deal with the punishment.

 

“What do you mean? Of course you can! We live in the same-“

 

“Wait! What do you have in mind?? Don’t tell me that you-“

 

“Yes, Mom. I will do as Dad wants me to. I will leave this house tonight. I will not bring the things you’ve bought me because I know I don’t have right to do that. Thank you for raising me and be patient with me and my bad habit. I’m sorry again for disappointing you.” I kissed my mother’s cheek for some seconds, knowing this could be the last time I did this in the place I used to call my own house.

 

“No, Taeyeon-ah~ Please don’t do that~ Ignore your father’s remark and continue living here~” My mother begged me exasperatedly. More tears came out from her already red and swollen eyes.

 

“Please don’t leave me, Tae~” My mother begged me more when she saw I could only shook my head, rejecting her request.

 

“I can’t do that, Mom. I’m too ashamed to show myself to Jinwoon tomorrow and I know how much trouble I’ve caused to my own family. I hate seeing you and Dad fighting because of me, moreover when I knew very well that I’m the one at fault here. The least thing I can do to repent my sin to Dad is by leaving, Mom. Please understand me.” My voice was shaking and soon tears filled in my eyes, forcing to be out.

 

“Taeyeon-ah~” My mother reached out her hands when she saw me standing up.

 

“I’m so sorry, Mom. I love you so much. Tell Daddy and Jinwoon that I’m so sorry and that I love them more than my own life.” With that I ran to my room and quickly locked the door behind. I could hear my mother knocking my door desperately and soon I heard my father’s voice. The voice dissipated not long after. Perhaps my father brought my mother to their sharing bedroom.

 

I ignored my unstoppable tears and hurriedly prepared my luggage. I threw in whatever I could find inside the luggage and zipped it. I checked around the hallway by slipping out my head from the space between my opened door. Once I was sure that there’s no one, I stepped out from my room and descended the stairs with my luggage within my hands. I didn’t even have time to write them a letter because I was in a hurry. I managed to get out from my house yet I was still standing outside, staring attentively at my house or used to be my house. I tried to remember every single detail of the building before me, knowing it would be some time before I could visit this place again. I cried again on the same spot while recalling happy memories I’ve past with my family member.

 

I’ve lived here for more than twenty years and not a single day passed with regret. I still remember how I used to play with my brothers on the narrow park behind this house and would only stop when mother called us to have dinner. I was taught to ride my bike by my father in front of this house. I received the letter of acceptance from my university from that blue mailbox. I often helped my mother cooking in the kitchen inside this house. I used to hang the washed clothes every morning before going to campus since the class would only start at 9 am. Each and every event makes my tears fall more heavily. The tears are uncontrollable and I don’t have intention to make it stop since this could be the last time I could see my own house.

 

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First of all, I'm so sorry for taking too much time to update this and secondly, sorry for postponing my promise. I haven't answered whether Tiffany's premonition was true or not in this chapter T.T

This time I'm trying to evoke a family drama instead of drama between lovers~ I'm trying to do this because in my opinion, family is much more sensitive and I always end up crying badly whenever I watch movie about family, how about you? Do you feel the same?

And again, I want to apology for my readers for making you wait too long. I hope this chapter can satisfy you T.T

Tell me your opinion and thoughts regarding this chapter through the comment box below owkay!! ^^

SCARLETHWANG! Don't you dare to order me to update yet you rarely leave comment for me! I swear I will punish you real bad if you do it again~ Comment please? :(

I'm sure you do realize that Tiffany isn't appear in this chapter. She will be here soon though~ Don't worry okay! XD

Thank you for reading, liking, subscribing, voting, commenting, and waiting for this story patiently~

I love you guys and see you soon!! :*