Siwon smiled brightly as he paid for the roses, holding the beautiful flowers in his hand as he walked to his car. He was going to surprise Ryeowook at the photoshoot, the boy never had a day off and so Siwon had come to collect him just for a few hours. Looking at the backseat of the car, he felt his heart swell at the picnic basket resting there. He wasn't as good a cook as Ryeowook was, but he had spent hours making the cakes and sandwiches, and he hoped that his boyfriend would appreciate the effort.

 

Pulling up to the building, he got out quickly, and went to the photoshoot. He knew that they should be finished, and so he headed to the room. He slipped in quietly through the door, not wanting Wook to see him until the last minute. But, scanning the room, he couldn't see Wook anywhere. Eventually he spotted the boy in the corner of the room.

 

He felt his heart clench at the sight. His boyfriend was sitting on Sungmin's lap, the older boy running his hands down his back whilst they kissed passionately. Sungmin was squeezing Wook's hips and sliding his hands under his shirt as they made out in the secluded corner.

Siwon hid out of sight, and peeked through a gap so that he could still see the pair. Taking his phone out of his pocket, he dialled Wook's number and watched for the reaction. He saw the younger boy stop the kiss and take out his phone before sighing heavily as he saw the number. Putting the phone to his ear, he spoke.

"Hello Siwon, how are you?"

Keeping his voice steady, Siwon played along. "Fine, how are you?"

"I'm okay, but I'm really busy.. We're just in the middle of the photoshoot now."

"Are you free soon?"

He watched in disgust as he watched Min shake his head dramatically, and Ryeowook smirk. "No sorry, I have to do some more schedules."

"Oh okay. I'll see you soon."

"Bye Siwon."

 

They hung up, and Siwon saw Sungmin laugh loudly. 

"He's believed that for ages."

They began to kiss again, and Siwon left his hiding place. Fighting to keep his tears away, he was almost shaking with anger as he reached the dorm.

 

He walked into the living room, expecting it to be empty. But Zhoumi was sitting curled up on the sofa, blanket around his legs and a book in his hands. 

"Siwon?" he asked. 

The gentle tone broke Siwon's strength and the first tear fell from his eyes. He began to walk out of the room, desperate to hide his tears, but he felt a gentle hand squeeze his arm.

"What's wrong Siwon?" 

"Nothing, I-I just need to think.." It was clear in his voice that something was very wrong, but Zhoumi decided to let Siwon sort through things in his mind before he questioned him.

"Okay. If you need to talk then I'm here for you."

Nodding gratefully, Siwon went to his room.

 

He could see Wook's side of the bed, perfectly neat and tidy. Letting out more tears, and muffling his sobs with his hand, he began to take out Wook's makeup bottles from the cupboard. He gathered them all in his hands, before throwing them down on the floor. There was a loud smashing noise as the glass bottles broke on the hard surface. Running into the room, Zhoumi gasped as he saw the mess.

He looked at Siwon, who was standing above it, squeezing the expensive moisturiser onto the floor.

He grabbed his arm and took the products away. 

"Siwon, what are you doing?"

The younger man looked at him sadly, his eyes filling with tears.

 

Zhoumi led him to the living room and sat him down carefully on the sofa. "Siwon, do you want to talk about anything?" His tone was gentle, not pressuring the man.

He watched in horror as Siwon crumbled under his gaze. The man curled up and began to shake violently as he nodded.

Mi placed the blanket around him, hugging him tightly as he whispered gently. "Siwon, you can tell me anything. I'm ready to listen."

He had to bite his lip to keep in his anger as he listened to Siwon talk. He held the shaking boy and rubbed his back, but there was nothing he could say to make it better.

"What should I do Mi?" 

"Break up with Wook. You deserve better than this, you deserve someone who will be loyal and loving."

Siwon listened to Zhoumi's words, and smiled tearfully. "Thank you Zhoumi" he whispered, before reaching out to kiss him. He pressed his lips passionately against the taller boy's, taking him by surprise. The kiss was almost rough, his desperation clear in the action.

"Woh! Siwon!" Mi gently pushed the boy away firmly, breaking the kiss. 

"Don't you love me Zhoumi? I love you." His voice was desperate and pleading, broken by sobs.

"I love you Siwon, but as your friend. You don't love me romantically, your heart's just mixed up because of the shock of today. Get some rest, and then you'll feel a bit better."

He led the boy to the bed, and tucked him in tightly. 

 

As he was leaving the room, he heard Siwon whisper quietly. "Could you sleep with me?" 

He turned around to see the boy's pleading face, and he slid under the covers next to him. Facing the boy, he gave him a warm hug. "I'm just here to sleep, okay? No more kissing."

Siwon nodded, before hugging back and closing his eyes.

 

Zhoumi lay on Wook's side of the bed, the faint smell of the younger boy lingering on the pillow. Even though he was just there to comfort Siwon, not to be with him like a lover, he felt like he was cheating and felt the stomach-clenching pressure of guilt. He wondered how Ryeowook was able to live with that horrible feeling, and realised with a sad thought that the boy probably didn't feel guilty.

 

Siwon shuffled a little in sleep, nuzzling closer to Mi. The boy hugged him closer, pressing a tiny kiss to his hair before falling asleep himself.

 

He awoke abruptly at the slap to his face.

 

"Zhoumi!" shouted Heechul, his expression a mixture of anger and betrayal as he stared wide eyed at the pair cuddled up together. "How could you?" his voice sounded broken, and he pulled the boy from the bed roughly, yanking him harshly by the wrist so that he fell on the floor.

"Oh.." he said, when he saw that Zhoumi was fully clothed, and not as he had anticipated.

"We weren't doing anything Heechul, just sleeping. It's been a long day."

"Sorry, I just thought that.."

"...That we were cheating."

Heechul rubbed Zhoumi's wrists gently, biting his lip as he saw the red marks he had made. 

"It's okay Heechul, don't worry. It's good that you were looking out for Ryeowook. Cheating is terrible, but I promise that we were just sleeping."

The older boy smiled gently, and Mi's cheek guiltily where a red handprint was forming. 

He helped Mi to stand up, and led him back into the bed. Siwon mumbled something in his sleep before hugging onto the taller man, and pulling him close.

"Where's Wook?" asked Heechul with a confused frown. "Normally Siwon only sleeps with him." 

Zhoumi put his arms around Siwon protectively. "Maybe you should ask Sungmin."

Heechul gasped slightly as he realised what had happened. "Oh no.." he whispered. "Wook wouldn't do that, would he?" He looked at Siwon with a soft expression, and saw the tear tracks on the man's face. Nodding at Zhoumi, he patted his shoulder and Siwon's hair. "You'll look after him won't you?"

 

After tucking them in warmly, the boy left them to sleep. At the sound of the door closing, Siwon woke up and opened his eyes sleepily. "Zhoumi, you're still here."

"Yes. Did you want me to go away and give you space to think?"

The boy shook his head, and pulled Zhoumi back to him. "Please stay with me, I don't want to be alone.."

So they stayed cuddled together, their arms around each other.

 

When the rest of the members arrived from their schedules and gathered in the living room, they noticed that Zhoumi and Siwon were absent. Heechul said that they were just tired from the day, and had gone to sleep.

At dinner, the pair woke up and took their places at the table. Siwon hadn't said anything to Wook or Sungmin, and so Zhoumi and Heechul stayed quiet too. When Ryeowook handed Siwon his food, he leaned down to press a kiss to his cheek but the older boy moved his head away. Ryeowook looked slightly panicked, and Leeteuk frowned in confusion. 

Sitting next to Siwon, Ryeowook put his arm around the boy like usual, and hugged into his side. Usually, Siwon would pull the boy close and kiss him. But this time he moved away from the touches, shuffling onto Zhoumi's seat. Although the boy kept his expression blank to hide his emotions from the rest of the members, he was squeezing Mi's hand almost painfully under the table. Zhoumi squeezed back gently, to comfort him.

Sungmin was turning white as Siwon rejected Ryeowook's touches. He looked as though he was about to faint.

 

"Min, are you alright?" asked Leeteuk concernedly. The younger boy nodded, and smiled gently.

"Yes, I think I'm okay. Just a bit hot." 

Ryeowook looked at him across the table, and wiggled his eyebrows to show Min that he thought the boy was a different kind of hot.

Siwon couldn't take it anymore. Pulling Zhoumi by the hand, he went quickly to the bathroom and locked the door. 

 

Sitting the boy down on the edge of the bath, Zhoumi hugged him gently. "You'll be okay Siwon, really you will."

"How can they sit there, and pretend that nothing happened? How can he try to kiss and hug me, after making out with Sungmin all afternoon? I don't know how long this has gone on for. Did I treat him badly? Did I do something wrong?" His voice was a tiny whisper in Zhoumi's ear, and the boy patted his shaking shoulders in response.

"You haven't done anything wrong Siwon. You treated Wook wonderfully, and everyone could see how much you loved him." He took a breath before asking his question. "Do you want to talk to them about it?"

Siwon looked at him in horror. 

"Okay, what if I talked to them then? Like a lawyer."

Siwon nodded gratefully. "Would you do that?"

Before Zhoumi could respond, there was a sharp knock on the door. 

"It's Leeteuk, please can I come in?"

 

Zhoumi opened the door and saw the leader looking frantic. When he saw Siwon sitting with his head in his hands, he went to the boy and put a hand on his shoulder.

"Siwon, can you explain what happened? Why aren't you sitting with Wook? He doesn't know what's happened.."

"Maybe Sungmin's tongue down his throat helped him to forget what happened. He certainly forgot about me." Siwon's tone was pained and disgusted. He squeezed Mi's hand and looked at the floor.

Leeteuk sat next to him, and hugged him wordlessly. 

"Zhoumi said that he could talk to Wook for me. I don't want to see them."

"I think it would be best if you were there too. You wouldn't need to say anything, just be there."

Siwon nodded reluctantly, and Zhoumi put an arm around his shoulders to lead him to the living room. 

 

Upon Leeteuk's request, all the rest of the members left the room, leaving just Ryeowook and Sungmin sitting on the sofa. Zhoumi had never seen two people look so panicked and guilty before.

Sitting down, he watched Siwon settle next to him, and rubbed his back reassuringly.

The leader looked at the two pairs, each on opposite sofas.

"Ryeowook you told me that you don't know why Siwon's upset. Is that the honest truth?"

The smaller boy looked at Leeteuk pitifully and cried crocodile tears. "No. But we never meant for him to find out!"

"Would that be okay? If he never found out, would your cheating be justified?"

"No. But it wouldn't be hurting anyone then."

"Have you two had ?"

There was a pause. 

"Yes" whispered Wook into the silent room. "Siwon wanted to wait until marriage, but I didn't."

"Why didn't you just break up?"

"Because it was more fun this way." Ryeowook looked slightly ashamed of his actions, but Sungmin was smirking as he sat on the sofa.

"Siwon, do you want to say anything?" Leeteuk's voice was gentle and soothing, and he nodded in understanding when the boy shook his head.

"Ryeowook, Sungmin, I want to talk to you both. Zhoumi, can you look after Siwon?"

The boy nodded and left the room with Siwon, feeling his hand almost break under the squeezing.

They were met by Heechul, who stood in the corridor and held out his arms. Wrapping Siwon in a hug, he whispered sweet comforts into his ear.

The taller boy was fighting back tears, and Heechul was too. Moving to the bedroom, Heechul waited until they were both lying in bed before tucking them in carefully and kissing them goodnight.

"Try and relax now, don't cry anymore. Zhoumi's with you, but if you need anything I'm just next door, okay?" He left the room quietly, leaving the pair in silence.

 

Zhoumi put his arm around Siwon, but the boy struggled away. 

"Sorry Mi, I don't think we should be doing this. It doesn't seem right."

"I understand. Goodnight Siwon."

As the boy turned over to go to sleep, Siwon felt a tinge of guilt. He gently reached out and put a hand on Zhoumi's shoulder. He felt the boy relax into the touch, and he pressed his body into Zhoumi's back. 

"I'm sorry Mi." He pushed his face against his back and Zhoumi felt the wet spots of tears seeping though his pajama top.

"Don't be sorry, I understand. Today's been really emotional for you, and you need time to rest and sort through everything in your mind."

"Will-will you hold me? Just for tonight.."

Zhoumi turned to face him, and pulled him into his arms. Snuggling against each other, they fell asleep together.

 

Meanwhile, in the next room, Sungmin and Ryeowook were sitting awkwardly on the bed. 

"I feel really bad now.. He's probably blaming himself.." Wook was close to tears, realising that he had completely ruined his relationship with Siwon, and his friendship with the other members. Heechul had been cold to the pair of them, and even Leeteuk had glared at them before turning out the light. As the lights were turned off, and goodnights were whispered, no one smiled at them or wished them sweet dreams. 

"I think we should sleep separately tonight."

"Okay.."

They got into the beds on either side of the room, and lay down. Lying unhappily, Wook cried himself into a light sleep.

 

The next morning, everyone at the table was laughing and talking happily until Ryeowook arrived at the table. Then the conversation stopped, and everyone glared at him or made an excuse to leave.

Siwon, however, handed Ryeowook a plate of breakfast with sad eyes but he had a small smile on his face.

"Eat up, the dance is hard today."

Ryeowook felt grateful to the man, and reached out his arms to hug him. But Siwon moved away from the touches. 

"Please don't hug me. Not after what you've done with Sungmin."

Closing his eyes against the stinging tears, he felt alone and helpless. 

"I'm sorry Siwon, I'm so so sorry. I feel so bad.."

He felt a warm hand on his shoulder, and looked up into the boy's eyes.

"If you really felt bad about doing it, you wouldn't have cheated in the first place." 

 

Unable to come up with a response to the words, Ryeowook just sat silently on the chair.

"So you're only sorry that you got caught.." Siwon whispered his last sentence before leaving the kitchen to find Zhoumi.

Kangin found Wook still sitting on the chair when it was time to leave.

"Come on" he said abruptly, his tone harsh and uncaring. "Time to go." 

The rest of the members climbed into the car and rested against each other, Donghae falling asleep before the car had even started. 

But when Sungmin and Ryeowook climbed in, they sat next to Kangin who ignored them. 

 

After a night of fitful sleep, Ryeowook could feel his eyelids closing against his will, and he eventually fell asleep on Kangin's shoulder. He was immediately woken up by Kangin pushing him away. 

"Don't sleep on me!"

Glancing at Hae who was resting warmly against Kangin's chest, Wook felt tears prickle in his eyes. They may as well be outcasts, the group didn't want them anywhere near them. 

 

Feeling his stomach clench, Ryeowook ran to the toilets as soon as they got into the building, and vomited. He choked terribly, feeling his throat and mouth burn. As his body shuddered and the tears fell, he felt a warm hand on his back. The person knelt next to him and rubbed his back softly, trying to help calm him down. When the vomiting had stopped, Wook turned around and saw Siwon sitting there with him. The taller boy reached for some paper, and wiped Wook's mouth tenderly.

 

"Why did you help me Siwon?"

"You're ill.."

"Don't you hate me?"

"I hate what you did, but not you. You should love the sinner and hate the sin."

Wook looked down at the floor, feeling more tears come to his eyes. "I don't deserve your forgiveness.."

"Of course you do, everyone does."

Siwon put a gentle arm around Wook's shoulders and held him close.

 

Ryeowook felt a little better physically, although he was crushed with guilt and despair. He had ruined his relationship with Siwon through greed. He put his head in his hands and began to sob loudly.

Siwon may have forgiven him, but he would never forgive himself.