REQUESTED SEQUEL! hope you like
Nothing To LoseREQUESTED SEQUEL TO NOTHING TO LOSE
Jonghyun wandered aimlessly through the city, ignorant of the rain cascading down on him. The now fully grown man paused in front of the entrance to the graveyard, his dark eyes studying the area. The brunette man walked towards the Memorial Stone of the one he loved so long ago, when he reached it, he reached forward with a shaking hand and traced the name of the person who was the only one able to get hold of his heart and who was once the most important person in his life... They had not been friends, but he had grown an attachment to the other boy that he had never felt before. He looked at the name as he dropped to his knees. He had said horrible things to him. Tried to push him away after his father's suicide, so he wouldn't grieve if he died... Some plan that turned out to be. He had managed to worm his way into his carefully guarded heart with his surprising warmth and his small smiles, and then latched on, no matter how hard he shoved him away. And then he had been violently torn away, leaving a hole in his heart. He wanted to let him go, to stop the pain. But he couldn't, the memories haunted his sleep...
Kim Kibum. Key, suicide in front of his eyes... Right before confessing his love for the other male.
Jonghyun shivered. Red... Oh how he hated that colour. The colour of blood, of death, of the fancy ring on Key's hand he had taken after his death. He had been a teenager when he was torn away from him, but no matter how hard he argued it, he was really only a child. They say time heals all wounds, that was a lie. It had been years since Key died, and he was still in pain. It is useless for him to describe how terrible he felt in the time that followed.
If you had ever lost someone very important to you, then you already know how it felt, and if you haven't, you cannot possibly imagine it. The loneliness ate you from the inside until only a shell remained. But grief makes a monster out of us sometimes . . . and sometimes you say and do things to the people you love that you can't forgive yourself for. Jonghyun remembered being so horrible to everyone after losing his father, and when he finally started caring again, the world had to just tear it all away.
I'm crying, The 25 year old thought, looking from the Memorial Stone, to the grey sky as the rain poured down around him, I feel like crying, so I must be crying... But he wasn't crying. Curiously, he felt too depressed to cry. Too hurt. Too shattered. Too angry. He was angry at everything; them for dying, the world for taking them away, but mostly himself, for not saving them. In days that had followed Keys' death, he discovered that anger was easier to handle than grief, so he decided to be angry.
He had been told to move on, by many. But where was he to move on too? He had nowhere left to go, no one to go too.
"Jonghyun?" Jonghyun turned his head to see Key's younger brother Taemin standing behind him, and he was struck speechless once again at how much the boy looked different than his older brother, with his unruly mess of golden-brown locks, and his bright, wide eyes.
"What are you doing out in the rain, Taemin?" The boy's eyes narrowed,
"I should be asking you the same thing, Jonghyun. What are you doing out in the rain?" Jonghyun paused, before swinging his gaze back over to the Memorial Stone,
"Running from the shadows and all the regrets." Taemin's head tilted to the side,
"Y'know, Jonghyun... Grieving doesn't make you weak. It makes you human." Jonghyun almost snorted, the kid was more in tune with other's then he let on. Taemin walked up beside him and Jonghyun studied him. There was too much black... It clashed with the boy's usually sunny personality. Taemin looked at his brothers' love, his bright eyes glowing with his own grief.
"How do you bear it?" The boy looked close to tears, much too close to tears for Jonghyun's comfort, so the older man turned his attention to the stone.
"I don't. I drag myself out of nightmares each morning to find there's no relief in waking. We're not strong enough to stand up against all the grief in our lives." He paused, "When someone dies, it tears a hole in your heart." The brunette man looked down at the golden-brown haired boy who reminded him of all the things he'd lost, "But, the hole in your heart is something other people can fill." He was such a hypocrite. He was giving this advice to the 16-year-old boy beside him, yet he couldn't even follow it himself... He-
"You're such a hypocrite, Jonghyun." Jonghyun's thoughts stalled as Taemin stared at him with hard brown eyes, "You should learn to follow your own advice." The older man smiled gently,
"You're right..." He turned to face the boy and pulled him into a tight hug, "And maybe it's about time I start." Taemin's arms came up hesitantly, before wrapping around his torso. The boy started to sob into Jonghyun's shoulders as he held him securely in his arms. Taemin cried until he fell asleep and Jonghyun continued to hold him. Standing up, Jonghyun re-arranged the boy in his arms, and nodding a goodbye to the Memorial Stone, Jonghyun walked away. It was about time he started letting others in, and he'd start with the golden-brown haired boy who needed him most.
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