` review | DobuOnew | Title: The Cupcakes of Love

Title: The Cupcakes of Love (Oneshot)

Reviewer: Lucille

Title

3/5

The title gave the readers somewhat an overview of what probably is going to happen in the story, and you wouldn't want that. Going for the cliche is a no-no, but going for a title that somehow triggers the curiosity of the reader is a BIG yes. It adds up to the amusement of the reader. A catchy title is essential to stories, especially for oneshots, like yours.

Appearance

4/5

The poster was quite attractive. The font used was definitely suitable for the story title. But, the next time you ask for a poster request (I'm pretty sure they ask which colours you would like to use), try to go for colours that would greatly sympathize the story. The pink was a little too pale. I'd like to commend that you only sticked with one font and one colour once you started your story. Some authors make their story way too creative, so good job.

Originality

3/5

The idea was very predictable. I say you should go a little slow (considering this is a oneshot, so make your fast forwards a bit on level 2). The originality of the story (although really predictable), is a thumbs-up.

Foreword/Description

7/10

The foreword is another big thing. It's what the readers first read before they start reading the whole story. The foreword was nicely done, really. One thing you have to improve is to use words that really, really explains your point. "In the end, working on the project was funnier than Yi Xing had expected." Did he really find it funny in the last part? Or did he, rather, enjoyed it instead? Words, specifically adjectives, are strong points when writing a story. If you had wanted it to have Lay thinking in the end that the whole waiting-with-Suho's-sister thing funny, you could use another ending instead that would be alike to the idea of your foreword.

Character and Character Development

15/15

To the requirements of a oneshot, the character's were shaped well. Feelings, emotions, points were made clear very well. Character and reader relationship was a great job by using a 3rd person point of view.

Overall Plot

13/15

The plot was greatly expressed and it really remarks on your foreword. It stays the same, and the POVs did not try changing the plot. I believe the audience did not get confuse with the main idea of the story. You just need to profound more with your words so that the plot will be grasped by your readers very well that their interests just keeps leveling up by the moment. Bravo!

Flow

10/10

The story never lost its track. Sometimes, I guess, some authors just tend to think of scenarios that gets away to the plotline. Yours did not.

Grammar & Spelling

10/15

I'll only be pointing out what's most dominant errors in the grammar and spelling.

PUNCTUATIONS:

I am aware that English is not your native language, but you asked for a review, and I'm going to give you it.

1.) Proper use of commas ( , )

1a We all know we use commas when a character says a dialog, but you only use those commas in the BEFORE the quotation marks IF the speaker will be saying another part of the sentence.

Take for example: "I don't really know," Baekhyun responded, "I don't quite know which colour to pick. I'm new at this."

1b If there is a period ( . ) , question mark ( ? ) or an explanation point ( ! ) after finishing the dialog, do NOT place a comma.

Take fore example (this was taken from your story): "I can't do this alone.", he said and grabbed his phone. It should be: "I can't do this alone." He said and grabbed his phone. Notice the difference?

1c Do not use the comma even after several periods.

Tae for example: "Oh...", it was all that could escape from his mouth. It shoud be: "Oh..." it was all that could escape from his mouth.

2.) Proper use of necessary punctuation marks will make the feeling or mood of the character more understandable.

Take for example: "To finish, we just need to put the cream in them and voila." Voila is supposed to be used in a happy and thrilled expression in your sentence, so you should use the explanation point ( ! ). It should be: "To finish, we just need to put the cream in them nad voila!"

Another example: "Hum. It's delicious." He praised. Did it look like he really praised the cupcake? No. So, it shou;d be like this: "Hum. It's delicious!" Remember though that it's either you use a period for "hum" or a comma. Do not overuse your exclamation points.

CAPITALIZATIONS:

1.) Capitalizing your words is very essential to grammar, it makes sentences easier to comprehend without confusion. Use capitalization for proper nouns and after your periods ( . ), exclamation points ( ! ), question marks ( ? ) or your semi-colons ( ; ).

Take for example: "I guess You have to come more times to help my sister with her cupcakes." It should be: "I guess you have to come more times to help my sister with her cupcakes."

Overall Enjoyment

12/15

I really like stories written in 3rd person point of view, it helps me sympathize with the emotions of the characters better. THe story was well-written, and it did not confuse me. Baking is almost always a scene where a couple gets all 'lovey dovey', as they say, so it did not really give me more thrills. The cutesy stuffs were somehow cliche, but I appreciate how you made it turn to your own way. Next time, try to make the scene different. Overall though, it was very good.

Bonus

10/10

The part where Suho goes: protective-older-brother-mode-on on Lay kind of cracked me up. It's funny how you mad ehis character like that and how his remarks sent me smiling. You should do more of that, probably write a rom-com type of story on your next work!

Reviewer's Comments

Total: 87/100

` Be careful with punctuations. Proper punctuations are important because once it gets used improperly, it sends a different message to the audience.

`Have others you can trust to read your work. Not your subscribers, most likely your friend/s is/are advisable. Let them read your work and ask them what they think is off or wrong or what they think is the best part. Correct the wrong and improve the best.

There, I'm done! If you have any doubts about my review, please do not hesitate to ask me about it. Please do not bash. Read the rules. I hope my review improves your work, because everyone is gifted with a wonderful talent for writing! Do not be dishearted by some criticism, because criticism even HELPS you improve and make you better! Thank you for asking me to review your work.~ :)

xoxo Lucille