darling, you'll be okay.

yixing/jongdae

605 words

warning: mentions of self-harm & a suicidal character

Jongdae is broken & he's starting to give up. Yixing is there to help him
breathe at least one more day.

inspiration: [ x ]

Nothing hurts Yixing more than coming home to see a drunk Jongdae with half a bottle of alcohol in his hand, a blade in the other, and tears streaming rapidly down his face.

“J-Jongdae!” Yixing hurriedly makes his way to him, taking the blade away, and throwing it god knows where before the younger relapses again. He wraps his arms around the younger boy, embracing him tighter than ever before. Choking out a sob, Jongdae is completely defenseless, he’s weak, and broken to the point where he barely has any strength left to even hug Yixing back.

“Hyung-” Jongdae tries to speak, but his sobs make it impossible, and he breaks down again. He’s breathing, taking in huge gasps of air, yet his lungs are burning, and inhaling oxygen into his intoxicated body is becoming difficult.

“Shh, shh, it’s okay, Jongdae. It’ll be okay.” Yixing can almost hear his own heart break when Jongdae’s muffled, and strangled sobs only continue to grow louder into Yixing’s chest. By this time, there’s a million questions running through Yixing’s busy mind, many that are left unanswered. Asking any questions isn’t an option, while holding him seems like exactly the right thing to do. There’s tears in the corner of Yixing’s eyes, threatening to fall, but he blinks them back, for staying strong for Jongdae is something he has to learn to do when the broken boy can’t even stay strong for himself.

“I-I can’t do this anymore, Hyung! I c-can’t do th-this!” Jongdae is hysterical now, he breaks out of his embrace, and he’s searching for the blade, his hands scattering all over the floor frantically. One cut. One cut is all he needs to relieve himself. One cut is all he’s asking for.

“No, no, Jongdae! No!” Yixing is quick enough to take ahold of Jongdae’s wrist; Jongdae struggles to get out of the older’s grip, but he’s drained, barely any energy left in his body, and he collapses in Yixing’s arms again, breathing heavily. His sobs begin to fade as Yixing begins rubbing soothing circles on his back, whispering it’s okay, and shhh, I’m here into his ears.

They stay like this for a while, Jongdae breathing slowly and calmly into the crook of Yixing’s neck, some whimpers still escaping his lips, and Yixing holding him, the tears he held in for so long trickling down his cheeks in the empty silence of the cold room.

“If I were you... I’d put that away,” The silence is broken at the sound of Yixing’s singing, his voice cracking the slightest bit when he feels more tears blurring his vision. It’s Jongdae’s favorite song. “See, you’re just wasted, and thinking ‘bout the past again,” Yixing inhales a breath of air, and looks down at the broken boy, staring into his eyes surrounded by dark circles, and smeared eyeliner. “Darling, you’ll be okay...”

By the time Yixing finishes the song, Jongdae has fallen into a deep slumber. His breathing is steady, and Yixing can’t help but to stare at him with such love and sadness in his eyes. His pale skin is an unhealthy color now, his lips are chapped, the cuts on his wrists are scarring, and the dark circles surrounding his eyes are darker than ever. It pains Yixing to see him like this more than anything in the world. He doesn’t know how much longer he’ll have him by his side because he can slowly feel Jongdae slipping away from him, and it scares him. It scares him a lot because a day without Jongdae would be like an eternity without air.

Author's Note:

Good god, forgive me for this depressing piece of word vomit. I've been really into Pierce the Veil lately, and I was listening to Hold On 'Till May & i was inspired by it. It's a great song, really. And I guess i also wrote this to let anyone out there struggling with self-harm or suicidal thoughts that you'll be okay. Everything will be alright. And by me saying that, it doesn't mean it'll happen right now. Maybe it'll take time. And I'm not sure when you'll be okay, but eventually you will be. Everything will be just fine in the end. And if it isn't, then it isn't the end. Stay strong~ <3

Anyway, I hope you guys liked this. Please don't forget to comment, your guys' comments always encourage me to write more & they just make me so happy ^^ I love you all so much, and thank you for taking the time to read this.

Have a wonderful day & don't forget to smile~ It's good for your soul c: