Junhong hasn’t slept a lot last night and it’s a miracle he’s even slept at all, tossing left and right with worries throbbing in his head.
He spent hours yesterday trying to figure out why he dared to kiss the elder and why he did it in the first place.
The latter wasn’t all that hard to pin point though.
He’s grown to like the elder rapper, like him more than he’d ever planned to and even though Junhong isn't sure how exactly his kind of like is defined he's sure it's far more than the admiration he's had for Jepp Blackman.
Bang Yongguk is so much more than Jepp has ever been and Junhong isn't quiet sure he could explain the whys and hows if anyone asked.
It's in the way Yongguk smiles and how he's quiet and unsure sometimes and then bursts with energy and pride just a second later.
Junhong likes the soft glint in his eyes, the baritone sound of his voice and his scent that is a mixture of different fragrances, shampoo and antiperspirant, maybe a hint of cologne and something that seems to simply linger on Yongguk's skin, his very own scent.

There's not much Junhong is certain of but one thing he knows, his like now is much stronger and deeper than he's ever expected it to be.
Not knowing what their shared display of affection meant to the elder or where it would lead to has his mind in a mess though.
He knows he's forced himself on Yongguk when he kissed him but he never forced him into the second kiss and even though he's felt Yongguk's hand on the small of his back, his fingers dancing over his skin, he's not sure what exactly made the elder do it.
Maybe it was noting but a “heat in the moment” thing, a simple reaction to Junhong's actions.
He hopes it's not just than that but not knowing is unnerving.
 

The clock states 7am when Junhong crawls out of bed to get ready because he can’t just lie around anymore letting his thoughts drift through all the scenarios that form in his mind.
He doesn't want to picture Yongguk sending him home, he doesn't want to think of invisible distance or awkward silence hanging in the air so he takes a shower and lets the warm steam wash away the fears.
 

Despite all the outcomes his mind has pictured for him everything is pretty normal when Yongguk finally comes to pick him up at 10 on the dot.
There's not a sight of aversion, no distance.
He's all gummy smiles and brotherly pats on the back again and Junhong is about to question the kiss even happened because Yongguk is just as casual and friendly as he's been before.
Junhong is not sure what to make of the oddly normal atmosphere, it's a good thing Yongguk is not mad at him, it's not such a good thing that Junhong still doesn't know where they stand.

They leave the hotel together after Junhong has grabbed his backpack and when they step out onto the street Yongguk turns to look at him.
Junhong digs his hands into the pocket of his hoodie; he's swaying forth and back on his heels and tries to hide his face beneath the fabric of his hood.

"Have you had breakfast yet?" The elder asks and Junhong shakes his head, he didn't feel like eating anything this morning, the mere thought made him nauseous.
"Alright then I'll take you. Come on."
Yongguk walks ahead gesturing for him to follow and Junhong just stumbles after the man a little awkwardly, eyes drilling into the space in between the elder’s shoulder blades.
He can still feel the other’s plush lips against his own and mere memory sends tingles down his spine.

Yongguk leads the way to a small place that serves American Breakfast and Junhong has to admit he's looking forward to it because he's never had a breakfast like that in his life.

After all there's not much difference to how they move around each other despite his apprehension.
It's when they slide into the booth and Yongguk's sits down next to him, close enough for their shoulders to touch that Junhong notices the very minimal change in the air around them.
The vague touch isn't much and if it were Jongup he wouldn't even think too much into it but the seat is big enough for both of them and maybe even a third person and that little connection and the warmth of Yongguk's body next to his are reassuring.
 

The waitress comes over to them to take their order and Yongguk turns to look at him.
 

"Do you want anything special?" he asks while Junhong still skims the menu.
He shakes his head because honestly everything sounds pretty amazing and it's hard to decide.

"Breakfast for two?" The elder questions and leans in to Junhong's personal space to point at a special menu for two and Junhong's cheeks instantly flare with a soft red color.
His insides tingle in a surprisingly excited manner as Yongguk's scent invades his nostrils, the elder's body leaning so close that he's pressing into his side.
The waitress chuckles lightly at his face and Yongguk seems confused for a second before he notices Junhong's burning cheeks and his eye's grow wide for the fraction of a second.
He shifts back to his side of the booth and turns the menu for the girl to see.
"We'll go with this!" He says and the girl nods before she turns on her heels and sways back behind the counter.
Junhong waits for the ground to open up a swallow him as a whole but it doesn't.
His heart beats too fast, his palms are oddly sweaty and Junhong feels stupid when he's the only one who obviously thinks about last night.
Yongguk's deep baritone chuckle fills his ears and the sound does nothing to stop the heat from burning on his face.
"It's the best they have." He rapper states still with the hint of a smile on his lips and Junhong nods, not able to face the other properly.

An awkward silence sneaks into the air surrounding them and Junhong knows he needs to say something to keep the embarrassment from suffocating him.
Before gets the chance to figure out anything casual to utter Yongguk speaks up.

"Are you excited about recording?"
Junhong blinks and then he remembers that it's why he's actually there, he's not supposed to feel weird things and think confusing thoughts, he's supposed to feature on Jepp Blackman's mixtape and that's all he should be thinking about.
"That would be an understatement." Junhong admits with a weak smile and Yongguk offers him the signature gummy smile that makes Junhong's heart flutter.
 

The studio for once is dark and quiet when they reach it, all lights are off, the only sound is the buzz of the fridge from the corner and Junhong knits his brows.

The question lingers at the tip of his tongue but Yongguk answers before Junhong even voices his thoughts.
“Himchan won’t be coming over today because of work and the vocal couple called this morning excusing themselves because they are hung over.” He explains as he switches on the lights and drops the leftovers of their breakfast onto the kitchen counter.
“Hung over? How?” Junhong asks and Yongguk laughs.
“They always get hung over when they go to karaoke.”
Junhong thinks about it for a second before he snorts and bits his lip to not grin like a fool.
“Battling over who’s the better vocalist?” Junhong assumes and Yongguk grins.
“Wow they are obvious, aren’t they?”
Junhong laughs and Yongguk keeps smiling.
His eyes linger on the rappers form as the silence comes back and with it the uneasy feeling in his stomach from this morning.
He needs to take a big inhale of air because it's too quiet, too awkward being all alone with Yongguk right now.
A couple days ago he would have been excited to spent time with Yongguk and have the opportunity to talk and work with just the two of them, he's really wanted more moments like that but now he's not so sure about it anymore.
He kind of wishes for Himchan's presence and his energetic persona that could probably calm the anxiety now slowly building in his stomach, he'd even enjoy the vocals constant arguments and little fights as a mean of distraction but he's alone and nobody's coming for his rescue.
It's only him and Bang Yongguk and the memories flooding his mind when he looks at the spot the two of them occupied yesterday, his body pressed against Yongguk's and lips moving against lips like it meant something.
The elder seems oblivious to the situation though, behaving like the moment was erased from his memory and only when Junhong feels Yongguk casting a quick glance in his direction he wonders if maybe he thinks about it too.

Yongguk shifts through the studio quickly and Junhong keeps watching as he takes notebook after notebook from one corner too the other, places them somewhere, forgets where he placed them and searches for them again, on and on, turning the lights in the records booth on and turning them off again and for a moment Junhong thinks it's odd.
After a got 30 minutes Yongguk finally turns to him and smiles, just a little more forced then before.
“Ready?” He asks and Junhong blinks and his head.
“To fix some lyrics.” Yongguk says and Junhong nods.
 

Yongguk hands him one of the million notebooks and flips the page to the one they've been working on before.
One of the lines is half written and Junhong can barely remember what Yongguk had tried to note the moment before Junhong's hormones took over his body.
His palms turn sweaty as he reads through the lyrics again and concentration is far off because all he can remember is the press of Yongguk's lips against his and the memory of his pants suddenly feeling way too tight for him.
He swallows but Yongguk just smiles at him and it looks a little awkward when his lips crook at the edges.

It's incredible how quickly the two of them find back into the working process.
After that one line that has Junhong's ears flair they settle back to scribbling and discussing, crossing out words here and there and filling the blanks in anew.
 

The song, as odd as it seems after yesterday, is about taking chances, about pursuing what you want and chasing after your dreams.
Junhong can relate to it more than to any other song he's heard of the mixtape as they note down the changes and Yongguk finally circles a couple of lines that will form Junhong's part in the track.

- I'm standing on the sideline watching
My windpipe is tight, the crowd is loud

The shadow of a person when the spotlight goes on
Like split reality
There's another me in the lights

I'm just a spectator

Gotta move, gotta chose
Make a decision fast
Time’s running in an hourglass
Reality is what you make it -

He reads through the lines as Yongguk quietly hums the rhythm of the song deeming the words fit for it.
“I think we'll leave it at this.” The rapper says and Junhong looks up from the paper to send a small smile towards Yongguk.
 

While Yongguk sets up for recording, Junhong simply slumps into the couch, he's tired from lack of sleep and his bones feel heavy from the constant tension in his muscles.
He can't seem to shake off the slightly on edge feeling that lingers in his body because he's still not sure what to make of the situation.
In moments it's like they are back to normal, like everything is just the way it was before and then within seconds Junhong finds his heart raging inside his ribcage because Yongguk is just a tad closer, leans in just a little more, voices his words just a tad softer and Junhong feels dizzy.

Junhong doesn't notice when he drifts of into a shallow sleep because the thoughts still drum against his scull and when he wakes a mere couple of minutes later he thinks it's to the brush of fingertips against his forehead but when his eyes snap open Yongguk stands to his right with his hands stuck into his hoodies pockets.

“Morning again.” The rapper says and Junhong blinks at him, wipes his lips because he feels like there's drool at the corners and it's gross.
Yongguk hands him a glass of water and Junhong takes it gratefully with a little mumbled -Thanks-

“We can start when you're ready.” The rapper says and Junhong nods without meeting his eyes.
They shuffle into the booth and Junhong removes his socks just like he'd seen Yongguk do before.
The carpet feels nice against the soles of his feet but Junhong is jittery.
His heart is racing, his palms are sweaty and maybe his hands shake just a little when he places the headphones onto his ears and gives Yongguk a thumbs up.

The first time Junhong tries he's missing his cue, the second time he stumbles over his words and the shaking in his limps only grows worse.
Junhong wishes he knew how to make it stop but there's more than just the recording that makes a mental mess out of him.
He can't seem to concentrated and he feels sorry for Yongguk because he's being ridiculous right now.

“Again!” Yongguk growls into the mic for the fifth time in a row and Junhong can feel his windpipe tighten.
It’s like he finally understands the extent of Himchan’s statement when he called the elder rapper a perfectionist.
He’s rather harsh and bold now that the actual recording takes place and even though it makes Junhong feel like he’s set back into place it also fuels his need to meet the elder’s expectation.

He takes a deep breath and quickly runs through the lyrics in his mind once more before lifting his hand to signal he's ready.
The instrumental drifts through the headphones hitting his eardrums and the carpet beneath his feet feels soft and warm as he curls his toes into it waiting for his cue.
There's nothing but the music around him as he pushes everything else into the far corner of his mind.
His hands ball to fists at his sides and he his chapped lips before leaning into the mic.
This time when he opens his mouth the words fly out easily, the feeling is there, he can sense the rhythm and flow running through his veins and there's nothing left besides him and the track and the words he's forming for the world to hear.
Yongguk cuts off the instrumental when he's done and Junhong almost expects to hear another -again- but there's nothing but silence meeting his ears.
He blinks a little not aware of having closed his eyes and when he opens them to look through the window for feedback he finds Yongguk sitting behind the mixer, a big gummy smile plastered to his face that makes Junhong's stomach flip and his head turn light.
There's no need for Yongguk to say anything, Junhong can tell by the look on his face that he's done well and he can feel the happiness and pride bubble up in his chest.

The day passes way too quickly for Junhong's liking.
It's like the moment he finally feels at ease again the day has already ended and Junhong wishes he could just add a couple extra hours to it.
Yongguk allowed him to listen to the finished tracks and that's what the two of them did for the rest of the day, simply sitting in the studio with hot chocolate and coffee, listening to what will once be Jepp Blackman's “Out on the streets” mixtape.

The sun is already setting when Yongguk asks if he wants to go back to the hotel and even though Junhong wants to say -No- he nods his head and drowns the last sip from his cup.
It's still odd to stay alone with Yongguk, especially since the elder's thoughts seem to be off and somewhere else.
There's not as much conversation going on as it was before and Junhong thinks it's better not to stretch his luck.
 

They reach the hotel and when Junhong jumps out of the old civic with his backpack tossed over one shoulder he doesn't expect Yongguk to follow him but when he turns around he's there, slamming the car door shut and sending him a small smile that seems more shy than any other before.

They walk up to Junhong's room and when Yongguk slips in behind him Junhong can hear the drum-drum of his own heart resonating in his ears.

Yongguk just stands lost in the middle of the hotel room, looking like he wants so say something, maybe voice the thoughts that kept him occupied for the last couple of hours.
He doesn't say anything though, only rubs the back of his neck and stares at the carpet and Junhong thinks he's never seen the elder so unsure and almost shy.

“I...” Yongguk starts but breaks off his sentence again.
Junhong just looks at him, his heart raging and bottom lip caught between his teeth again.
“It was fun today.” Yongguk says then and Junhong feels like it's not what the elder wants to say, it's not quiet what he wants to hear either but he hums in respond.

There's thick tension in the air and Junhong knows they are close to the edge of something, like they are right at a border they might or might not cross.

He scans Yongguk's face for signs, something to make sure that Yongguk's heart beats just as hard as his own but it's hard to tell.

“I better get going.” Yongguk says a little quietly, maybe a tad reluctantly and Junhong can only nod though he wants to ask him to stay.

Yongguk is already at the door when he suddenly halts and turns back around to meet Junhong's deep brown orbs watching him.
Junhong feels the palms of his hands turning sweaty as the elder's eyes dart forth and back from his own and over the features of his face.
He can feel the gaze more than he actually sees it when Yongguk's eyes travel from his cheeks to his nose, study the little scar on his lip and then travel back to meet his eyes with a look of uncertainty and hesitation.
Junhong keeps the other's gaze and his head is spinning when Yongguk steps away from the door again and towards him.
They are merely a couple of centimeters apart and Junhong unconsciously his bottom lip between his teeth while his heart hammers in his chest.
He doesn't know what to make of the moment but he can feel the sparks of something dancing along his arms, over his shoulders and down to his toes.
Junhong swallows as slender fingers come up to rest in the nape of his neck, tenderly playing with the short stands of hair and caressing his skin with their feather light touch.
His heart is beating in his throat and anticipation crawls though his veins as the rapper leans into his personal space.
Junhong watches as the elder's eyelids slide shut, lashes grazing over soft skin before his own sight gets lost as he mimics the other's action.

The press of Yongguk's lips against his for the third time is different, more hesitant and shy than before.
It's a tentative brush of lips against lips until Junhong raises his hands and clenches his fingers into the fabric of Yongguk's hoodie.

His mouth falls open to the gently brush of Yongguk's tongue over his bottom lip and the kiss deepens but not to the point where their teeth clash and lips bruise.
There's nothing sloppy or hectically about the way they mold together and the roll of their tongues against each other's is all sensual, just a slow exploration of each other's taste and feeling.

Junhong feels grounded when Yongguk's thumb starts rubbing circles onto his skin and his left hand comes to rest on his hip pulling him just a tad closer.

The picture of Jongup's shock frozen face forms in his head when he imagines his friend knowing about this specific moment of his trip to Seoul but it dissolves into nothingness when Yongguk's lips detach form his mouth and travel in feather light brushes over his jawline.

He feels like his body gives in under the sensation of Yongguk's lips on his skin.
His head is all fuzzy, palms sweaty, legs shaking and the only thing he's able to register is Yongguk's presence and the close proximity of their bodies.

Junhong stumbles backwards, guiding Yongguk along with him fully intended to get the two of them onto the bed despite the message it might bring across because he needs to lay down or his legs might give in.
They eventually make it to the soft cushions and the younger allows his legs to turn into jelly as soon as he feels his calves hitting the bed frame.

Junhong doesn't mind when the elder’s body drapes over his like it's where it belongs to be.

He lays on his back as Yongguk hovers over him scattering kisses along the line of his neck and the small patch of skin that is not covered by the fabric of his t-shirt.
He can't deny that he loves the feeling and the prickling sensation that spreads though his body and piles in the pit of his stomach.

"This was not part of the plan..." Yongguk mumbles as he pecks Junhong's lips.
"Wasn't part of mine either." The younger admits in a daze and wraps his arms tightly around the other's shoulders.

There's a short moment where they just lay like that with their chests pressing against one another's and their hearts bumping against the bones within their chests.
Junhong doesn't need to question anything anymore when Yongguk takes his hand and slides his long fingers in between his own.
His thumb draws small circles over the back of his hand before he raises it up to affectionately brush his lips against each knuckle.

Yongguk lowers himself until they both lie down with their limbs entangled and Junhong snuggles closer to the other's slim body.
He feels the uneven beat of his heart under his skin and he certainly feels the other’s building pressing against his thigh but this time he's not uncomfortable with it.

"I may like you a lot." the older rapper murmurs into the crock of his neck and it's hard to believe those words coming from a person he's idolized for years.
"I know I like you..." Junhong replies truthfully and lifts Yongguk's head to kiss the corner of his mouth that is curved upwards in a soft smile.

He shifts a little underneath the elder's body until their groins press together and a gasp rips from his throat when he feels them brush against each other.
He unconsciously rolls his hips up once more and his ears burn up when his own choked moan is accompanied by Yongguk's low groan.
Junhong is about to lift his hips off the mattress once more when Yongguk's hands come to still his movement.

The boy’s eyes flutter open and he looks back at the elder with embarrassment written all over his face in a red tint.
His heart starts hammering against his chest and he holds his breath to the fear of having done something stupid.
His eyes flicker back and forth trying to read something inside the other's gaze but he can't make out what's on the elder's mind.

A smile is tugging at the corners of Yongguk's lips but it does little to ease Junhong's mind.

"Not now..." Yongguk murmurs and dips his head down until their noses brush.

"But I thought that..." Junhong starts but cuts himself off because he's not sure what he wants to say, that he thought it's what Yongguk wanted? or that he thinks he might want it too if it was with Yongguk?
Junhong isn't sure.

The elder rapper shakes his head and carefully brushes a couple strands off his forehead.
There's a gentle smile playing on his lips when he bends down to peck Junhong's lips once more.

"I don't think we're ready for this so just let me hold you a little more for now, ok?"
Junhong stares at the other's eyes as the words sink in.
Those dark brown orbs look back at him with so much warmth and devotion that it feels like he's going to melt under the intensity of it.
He nods slowly and Yongguk smiles, little crinkles forming around his gentle eyes.

The elder shifts a little and wraps the boy's form up in his arms until Junhong's head rests on his chest.
He can hear the quiet throbbing of the elder’s heart through the cotton and skin and it's soothing and maybe the most beautiful sound he's hear up till this day.

Yongguk's hand runs over his back in a circular motion and Junhong decides that he'd like to stay like this for the rest of his trip and probably for a while after as well.