When He Left
As She Left
June 26 2013
My eyes slowly flutter open and there he is right beside me, his angelic face as smooth as silk, and his perfect lips that are mine, and only mine. I chuckle and his eyes open
"Oh there you are." Onew smiles and caresses my cheek.
I smile back at him,"So what did you want for breakfast today?"
He sits straight up in bed and shakes his head,"I'm going to be making breakfast today."
I try to conceal my laughter because he's not that great of a cook. Almost everything he tries to cook is either burnt, undercooked or microwaved. When I say microwaved I mean as in instant ramens or microwaveable dinners. Regardless of all of that, I still enjoy his cooking because it's a passion of his that he refuses to give up on.
"So, what would YOU like for breakfast?" he smiles in excitement. I begin to think but I don't want him to do anything to hard but then again, he'll take on whatever comes his way.
I smile and say,"How abo-"
"Aniyo" He suddenly says and I tilt my head.
"You better not say cereal." he points at me and puts on his serious face. "because, EVERYONE can make cereal. Even I can make cereal."
"I know you can make cereal, silly~" I smile and he smiles back, "I was going to say that you should make some waffles! With some scrambled eggs and coffee."
He looks at me and nods his head, "Alright. I'll see what I can do~." He gives me a peck on the lips before jumping out of bed to prepare the meal.
I lay back down on the bed and smile. He's too kind to me, he's always been too kind. I watch him getting out the eggs and some mix to begin making the waffles. I wonder how he fell for a ditz like me. I smile to myself and get out of bed, walking into the bathroom. I certainly hope he doesn't get too frustrated with the meal I'm making him do today. I sigh and turn on the shower, putting my hand in to see if the water is warm.
"EEEeee~ TOO hot!" I pull my hand back out and I hear knocking on the bathroom door.
"Hey! Are you okay?"
"Ah ne! The water was just a little bit too hot." I smile and I can tell he's smiling as well.
"Alright, I just," his voice starts to get further away as he's walking back to the kitchen,"wanted to make sure you were okay."
I hop into the shower and make sure to smell amazing for Onew because he's always smelling good and I'm not quite sure how he's doing it. I turn off the water and hop out, putting on my hello kitty towel. I smell the air and it surprisingly smells great. Uwah, He's doing such a great job I'm so proud of him I smile and happily put on my favorite shirt, pants, and socks. I walk out of the shower and see Onew sitting at the dinner table with a grin spread across his face.
"Ah what happened in there? Did you fall into the toilet?" He laughs and I stick my tongue out at him.
"Aniyo, I was just doing what I normally do." He looks confused.
"What do you normally do?" I walk over to the table and take my seat across from his.
"Do I have to go into details?" I laugh and he shakes his head.
He looks at me up and down and he smirks. I look at my clothes and back up at him.
"What is it?"
"Aniyo, it was nothing." He smiles and point to the food, "Try some before it gets even colder."
I smile and pick up my fork looking at how well he prepared it. The waffles look amazing and the eggs aren't actually burnt! I laugh and take a bite out of the waffles. Onew's eyes focus on my face as I begin to chew.
"Hm. . ." My face is expressionless as I go to take a bite out of the eggs. Onew is beginning to get worried
"I knew I should've added chicken!" he puts his head on the table and I just burst out into laughter. He looks up confused
"Aniyo~ This is really good! Whether or not it has chicken in it." I smile and he lets out a breath of relief.
"I'm glad you like it. You gave me all the time I needed to make it." He smiles and starts to eat it as well.
I look up at him and he says softly, "Happy Birthday ____."
June 20 2014
Play ► Sunny Hill - Pray
I woke up this morning expecting to Onew's face by my side but he wasn't there. For the past few months he's been leaving the house early and I don't know where he's been going. Sometimes I don't see him for days in a row and whenever I do get the chance to see him he doesn't speak at all. He doesn't smile, he just looks down at the ground and lays down on the bed. I'm worried and I wish he would say something, anything to me that would let me know if he's doing okay or not. I hope he knows that I'll always be here for him regardless of what he thinks.
June 21 2014
It's almost midnight as he walks into the house throwing his jacket onto the ground
"Onew!" He pushes right past me as sweat rushes down his face
"Onew! What's happening to you?"
He doesn't listen to a word I say and he locks himself inside the bathroom. I slowly walk up to the bathroom door, putting my ear against it trying to hear him. Suddenly I hear soft cries.
I whisper softly to him putting my back against the door, "Onew. . .You'd tell me if anything was wrong. . .wouldn't you?"
The cries go away and I hear the door knob turn. I get off of the door and stand in front of it so that he can't move away from me when it opens.
"____. . .Why don't you just . . . leave? I don't understand why you keep putting up with my actions. . ."
"Onew . . ." the door slowly opens and half of his face is clouded in light while the other is in dark. His eyes are closed as he walks out of the bathroom closing the door behind him.
"I'll be back in five days . . ." he puts on his shoes, "Can you wait until then?" he opens the door and stands in the doorframe waiting for me to answer.
No . . . Please stay
I hesitate to answer, "Ah . . . . Ne . . . I can wait . . ."
And with that, he closes the door and I'm left inside a house. Although it is filled with numerous memories, it feels so empty without him by my side . . .
June 25 2014
It's almost time for him to come back. These past few days, it's hard to describe. It's like . . . Not being able to breath. It's like being held underwater to the point where you're about to pass out. But . . . then you're breathing air again for a few moments then you're stuck back underneath.
Onew's P.O.V.
June 20 2014
Play ► DBSK - Holding Back the Tears
I remember. I remember last year on your birthday, when we were happy and I had made you breakfast. One that you could actually eat. I'm not that great of a cook but your always willing to try anything that I make. Your always smiling at me and telling me, "You can do it!" with the brightest smile that I've ever seen. Or at least that's what I thought when I fell in love with you. Last year, the day after your birthday, I went to work and one of my friends came up to me, knowing that I loved you, and confessed to me.
June 27 2013
"I'm sorry. . .But you know that I have someone waiting for me when I get home."
She still pleaded, "Is there any way that I can change your mind?"
"I've made up my mind and there isn't a way that I can love you!"
The whole restaurant went quiet and I looked away from her, typing in the order that she had made
"Will this be all?"
"No. . .This won't be all. . ." She took out her wallet and the amount of money to pay for her latte.
I held onto the money she held out and tried to pull away but her grip was tight, "Just know that I won't stop pursuing you Onew." she let go and I nearly fell back, "Remember this. . .I will MAKE you forget her. . . "
She walked away, with her drink, out the front doors and everyone was still staring at me. Taemin walked over to me and whispered, "Why don't you go and take over washing dishes in the back room for a bit." he smiled uncomfortably and looked around.
I whispered back, "Thanks."
I rushed into the backroom and immediately started to wash the dishes. I knew that what she had said
I will MAKE you forget her
wasn't true. But I didn't know if I still believed in myself during the next few months.
June 21 2014
I didn't go back to our house last night because I wasn't too sure what to tell you. She, as in Kim Ah Young, has actually been doing this sort of thing for the past year and I've been avoiding the house a lot because I'm too busy dealing with Ah Young to actually think about you. Up till now I've just wanted to run away. To run away from everything but every once in a while, I remember you, your smile, and I know I need to stay. Ah Young is constantly following me and I don't need her to know where you are. I just get a bad feeling everytime I am actually able to see you even though I should be fortunate to be by your side. I'm not smiling because I'm worried that I won't get to see you, I'm not happy with you because Ah Young is constantly at my side. Her voice rings in my head when I hear yours and I just have to get away.
It's almost midnight and I'm running to our house because I miss you and I don't want her to see me here. I come into the house throwing my jacket onto the floor. You call for my name but I ignore it because I've heard it said that way so many times. I push past you as I've done to Ah Young because she always wants my attention. I hear you say my name and I can't take it, I go into the bathroom and lock myself inside. I think of everything we've done so far together and I don't want to throw it all away. I hear you put your head onto the door and I laugh a little at your childish action. My laughter turns into a cry and I try to stifle the noise by burying my face into a towel I take off of the wall.
I hear your soft voice instead of Ah Young's, "Onew. . .You'd tell me if anything was wrong. . .wouldn't you?"
I stop crying and stand up, removing the towel from my face, seeing that it was your towel. I know I've done you wrong so many times this past year. I just want you to be happy somewhere else. Even though I want you to be happy right next to me, I fear that I won't always be able to make you smile. I turn the knob and slowly open the door, with my eyes closed, scared if I see Ah Young instead of your beautiful face.
"____. . .Why don't you just . . . leave? I don't understand why you keep putting up with my actions. . ." I say this but it's all for your own good. Please understand. I'm sorry that I haven't told you anything. You remain quiet and with my eyes still closed I walk over to the door and begin to put on my shoes. I've remembered this house inside out and there's no way I can get lost, but I've somehow become lost in OUR memories.
"I'll be back in five days . . . Can you wait until then?" It's your birthday and I wouldn't want to miss it.
Please . . . Ask me to stay . . .
"Ah . . . . Ne . . . I can wait . . ." I hear the hesitation in your voice and tears begin to flow down my cheeks.
I close the door and silence fills my ears as I open eyes. Why doesn't she cry? I sit down against the front door and wait for you to come and find me but, after a few hours go by I know you aren't going to search for me. You're going to do what I asked and I wished you hadn't. I try to cry myself to sleep but I end up staying awake because inside of me, a part of my heart believes that you're actually going to find me outside. If you were to find me, I'd want to be awake for you, awake to see you, to hear your voice again.
I watched the sun rise from the front door and got up from my sitting position. I brushed myself off and started to walk away from our house, wiping the left over tears dripping from my eyes . . .
June 25 2014
Although it's only been a few nights that I last seen you, I can't help but feel as though I haven't seen you in years. It's almost midnight once again, and I'm coming for you, I'm sorry that you had to wait for me. It must've been torturous for you. I don't want to put you through that again . . .
June 26 2014 - You
Play ► Kim Jin Ho - Do You Know
It's 12:00 a.m., I hear a knock at the door and I know it's him, it has to be him. I get up from my bed slowly and walk towards the door. I contemplate about his reaction and I'm scared. He's been so off these past few months that I don't even know if he loves me anymore. Maybe he found someone else. Someone more deserving of his kindness. I open the door and there he is. He's standing in front of me staring directly into my eyes.
Why won't you smile?
He closes his eyes and walks in, taking his shoes off. I close the door after him and walk over to the table we sat at a year ago.
"You know . . . I . . . " I don't say anything past that hoping he would understand that I missed him.
He comes over to me and I see a tear rolling down his cheek as it hits my hand.
Why are you crying? Please smile.
He caresses my cheek and it brings back warmth to my heart, knowing that he hasn't changed at all. He still loves me.
"____ . . . I hope that you will forgive me . . . These past few months . . ." He says his words softly but they are loud and clear.
I begin to smile and he seems hurt.
"What's wrong Onew?" he backs up from me and his eyes are filled with tears just wanting to come out, "Why are you hiding from me? What can't you tell me?"
"It's . . . It's just that . . . " his eyes go wide as he looks at me, "I can't," his voice is a thought in the air, "I can't be with you anymore. . ." His words sound forced and I refuse to believe him
"I know you don't mean that . . ." before I knew it I was in tears, "I know you're not being serious. . ."
He covers his face with his hands, "There was someone else . . . Someone else the whole time. . ."
Please tell me you're lieing . . . Tell me it will be okay!
I fall to my knees as he stands above me. I can feel his tears, each and every one of them. They represent our memories, and now they're all falling, they're falling where all memories go. I want to believe that he's lieing
"Onew. . .Stop lieing to me. . ." I'm hysterical and the tears won't stop flowing.
"___ . . . I regret it. . .I regret everything!" He begins to tear down pictures of us that were on the wall.
"ONEW!" I scream to him but it's not getting through to him.
Please hold me, I need your touch
I remain on the floor, helpless and lifeless as I watch him destroy the memories we made
"ONEW! ONEW!" I gain the energy to stand up and I walk up to him, touching his arm softly. His body is tense as he looks around the house.
" ____, why do you stay by my side?" He stares off into the distance and I don't know how he was turned to this
"Why do you want to be here? Why do you try to comfort me at my lowest times? Especially now. . ."
I pulled on his arm so that he would face me, "I would think you would know the answer to all of your questions!"
I shake my head, "But you obviously can't see it for yourself." He still isn't looking at me even though I need him to come back to me.
"Why do I stay by your side? Because you've always been by my side. Why do I want to be here? Because I found YOU. I found a reason to be here. Why do I try to comfort you at your lowest times? Because I hate to see you in such a horrible state. Why do I do all of these things? Because . . . I love you. "
I enfold myself around his body and I can feel his arms slowly envelope me into a tight hug.
As soon as he gave me the hug, he let me go.
"Why do you want to leave me so badly!? I thought you loved me."
He looked at you with sorrow filling his eyes, "It's because . . . I love you too . . . And if I continued to love you like this. . .You would'nt be getting what you deserve. . ."
And with that he left through the front door. . .
June 26 2042
Play ► Xia Junsu - Though I Already Know
When He Left that day I didn't know that it would be the last day I was going to see him. I hold regrets in my heart now but I don't know if I'll ever understand his reasons. Since then, I've found someone and they give me the love that I need but, I still miss Onew. I miss his angelic face as smooth as silk, and his perfect lips that were mine but, now they belong to someone else.
My husband came back home to me today and brought the mail with him as well. I smiled as we celebrated my birthday in high spirits with the kids and ourselves. When I recieved a letter I was a bit surprised but then I seen that it was, it was . . . It was from Onew. I didn't tell my husband because, it was a touchy topic for him and for me as well. I hid the letter in the book that I was reading until everyone fell asleep. I went to the basement and opened the letter.
To _____
From Onew
June 26 2014
I know that you are confused about why I was disappearing and why I was gone for days on end. I'm telling you to not hold it against yourself. It's not your fault, nothing is your fault, I love you. Don't ever forget that. . .Remember just a year ago when I made you my first well-cooked meal? Hehe I was pretty surprised at myself but I'm glad that you were the first one to taste it. Just thinking about it makes me want you more and more as each second goes by. The only sad thing about our love is that I can't see you anymore. Knowing this fact, it hurts my heart and I'm sorry to have put you through that as well. The only reason I left you was because . . . The day after your birthday in 2013, Kim Ah Young approached me and threatened me each day. She was purely jealous that you had me and that she didn't. She was going to hurt you and I didn't want her to find you. I was careful about which days I came back to the house and I wanted to tell you but I never knew how you would react. I didn't want you to leave me and I didn't want to leave you. She bombarded me with everything stupid trick she had. Sometimes I completely lost sight of where I was and what I was doing in my life. My heart would remind me of you and I had the strength to continue going against Ah Young. But as time went by, it was almost your birthday and I still couldn't get Ah Young off of me. I made an agreement with her that I regret with every living bone in my body. I asked her one day that if I stopped loving you, and started to love her, would she leave you alone? She said yes and I had every right to say no to myself but, I did bring up the question and I hate myself for saying 'Yes' as my answer. I want you to forgive me but if you don't, I can understand. Even I wouldn't forgive me. . .
I want to ask you. . .Can you live without me? Without regrets? Because knowing your love, I'll probably spend the rest of my life, searching for you. I'm sure you will have found someone already unless you are waiting for me. But that's my dream and not all dreams are bound to come true. If you have found someone, be sure to give them the love that you gave to me. If you reach a troublesome time in your life, just remember me and know that you can get past anything life throws at you. I will continue to love you because you're the only one that I've ever loved.
You're one and only
Onew <3
When I finished reading the letter everything made sense and I ran upstairs to the first floor and stopped at the front door. Would he be here? I slowly opened the door and he was there, his gorgeous brown eyes staring right into mine.
"Do you forgive me?"
I stared at him for the longest time and I gave in, I wrapped my arms around him
"Yes. . .I forgive you. . ."
I could hear his heart and I felt like I was at home. . .
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