“Ah..” Still laying on my bed, my eyes started to feel heavy, and soon my mind was consumed with darkness.. 

(Flashback)

My mom was tucking me in and she kissed me on the forehead, “Mama, when is baba coming home?” She came by me and hugged me tightly, “What’s wrong mama?” She ended the hug and then looked at me, her eyes had sadness in them, “To be perfectly honest with you, baby.. I wish baba would never come home..”  I cocked my head and held her hand, “Why mama, don’t you love baba?” She sighed and smiled but even though she did, I could tell that she was hiding something behind that fake smile. “Mama loves him, but she just can’t deal with the pain anymore.” “It’s okay mama, everything will be alright because I love you and I won’t ever hurt you.” She tightened the hug and I felt something wet drop down onto my shoulder, “I love you, I’m sorry.” She let go of me and I smiled at her and she did the same to me. “Goodnight, I’ll see you in the morning, baba is home.” She closed the door and locked it. I could hear the sounds of my father walking into the house, slamming the door and my mom soon arguing with him. The yelling didn’t last long though because it soon turned into screams. Once my dad came home, my mom would always cry and be beaten. My mom screams lasts the whole night, it’s impossible to sleep. But when it ended my dad came into my room, “Tao, baba is home.” I didn’t get a minute of sleep. “I know.” He sat down on my bed and pulled me up, “Baba got you some presents.” I smiled and hugged him, “Here,” When I opened the package, all I could see was boxes and glass bottles. “What are these?” He smiled and opened the box and took out a stick. He took out something out of his pocket and lit the stick, “It’s something your baba does, don’t you want to be like baba?” I smiled and nodded, he laughed and handed me the stick. “It’s called a cigarette, it may taste bad at first, but soon it’ll be something you can’t live without everyday.” I took the cigarette from his hand and put the non lit part in my mouth and inhaled. As soon as I did that I coughed a lot and when I did blood mixed with a black substance came out, “Don’t worry, it may taste bad now, but you’ll love it later. Oh and you need this if you want to light it up. It’s a lighter.” He gave me the cigarettes and a lighter, he smiled and patted my shoulder. “You’re going to become a very nice and strong man when you grow up, because you’re going to be just like baba. You’re going to be strong, commanding and brave.” I smiled and hugged him really tight, “I love you baba..” 

(End)

I started to open my eyes slowly and when I opened my eyes fully, I got up and went to my desk. I opened drawer and took out a pack of cigarettes. “I don’t want to be like you anymore baba, but you’re right. Now I can’t live without having poison being spread through my body.” I took out a cigarette and lighted it up, I put the tip in my mouth and started to inhale. “Ah..” I could feel the sensation of the menthol being passed through my body and into my lungs, even though it made it hard for me to breathe, I enjoyed the sensation it gave through my body, it makes me feel relaxed. I grabbed my pack of cigarettes and lighter and walked out of my room, I grabbed my bag and made my way to school. When I arrived I noticed Sehun standing outside of the school gates sketching something, I walked over to him and when he noticed me he smiled and quickly put away his sketchbook. “You’re finally at school! I came earlier but I just realized that school doesn’t start for another hour and a half.” He came over to me and tried to hug me but I moved away right before he actually could. “You shouldn’t hug me, I smell bad.” He laughed and came even closer to me and took a deep breath. “You’re right, you smell like you smoke.” That’s because I do. I sighed and pushed him away, I walked passed him and hurried to my next class, Why is he talking to me? Why did he wait for me? I don’t want to trust him, because I know I won’t be able to enjoy it that long because soon, everything is going to end. When I arrived to my classroom, I sat down and took out a notebook and pencil. I sighed and stared out of the window. Sehun wasn’t by the school gates anymore, the door suddenly opened and when I looked to see who it was it was Sehun, when he saw me he glared at me and shook his head, “Why did you have to leave me. I waited there for you, the least you could do is stay with me.” He sat down on his desk and took out his supplies, “I didn’t ask you to wait for me, why did you wait anyways? It’s not like we’re friends.” I sighed and looked at him, his face was sad and his eyes usually warm turned cold. He sighed and shook his head, “Sometimes being by yourself all the time is bad. Don’t you get lonely? I just thought that having one friend would make things better.” “You think that I’m lonely? I’m not lonely! I don’t trust anyone, I don’t like anyone! They all end up leaving me later in my life, and then they forget me as if I wasn’t even in their life in the first place! I’m glad I don’t have anyone or anything to keep me company because I can only trust myself!” “So something bad happened in your past, and you think that living in it is going to make things better? All you’re doing is making it worse because you’re not opening yourself up to anyone and keeping things in, you’re not doing anything to make it better. You think just because someone hurt you in the past that someone is going to come right into your life and ruin it more but not everyone is like that, I’m not like that and I can assure you that I’m not going to hurt you because I consider you as my friend.” “I don’t consider you as my friend, you should stop trying to get close because if I don’t get hurt, I can assure you that you will be the one getting hurt.” Sehun stopped talking and soon after that the atmosphere around the both of us became dark, I casually looked at Sehun to see that he was still sketching, he glanced up at me and I looked away from him. I sighed and stood up, grabbed my bag and walked out of the classroom. When I walked out of the school gates I sighed and laughed. “I’m so pathetic, you’re pathetic Tao. You actually have someone willing to become your friend and you scold them for it..” I sighed and took out a cigarette. “Pathetic..” I took out my lighter and lit the cigarette, putting it my mouth I started to walk to the nearest park. When I arrived there I went to the place farthest away from the people that were there. I sat down and grabbed the cigarette from my mouth and blew smoke out from my nose and pushed up the sleeves of my jacket. “Since I have no one to discipline me..” I rubbed the lit part of the cigarette on my bare skin and rubbed it in. “Ah..” I threw the cigarette angrily on the grass and laid back.. My phone started to ring and it was from an unknown number, I answered it, “Where are you?” “Who is this?” “It’s Sehun.” “How did you get my number?” “I asked the teacher.” “I’m at home, why do you need me, didn’t you get the message earlier? I don’t need you to be my friend, I’m perfectly fine on my own.” The line disconnected and I through my phone and stood up to see Sehun standing right in front of me, “You shouldn’t lie, it’s bad.” He sat down next to me, and I sighed heavily. I started to get irritated, I want him to go away,  I want him to stop bothering me and just let me die without having anything making me want to live. “Why do you have to follow me! We’re not friends, why can’t you just leave me alone?” He looked at me and smiled, I grunted and shook my head, “Don’t you understand? You can’t be my friend..” He put his hand on my shoulder but I smacked it away, “You don’t have to put up a wall you know? I’m not going to hurt you, I promise.” I glared at him and he smiled, I sighed and looked away from him. “Why do you want to be close to me? There’s nothing worth knowing about.” “I want to know everything about you, I want you to trust me.” “Why?” “Because everyone deserves one person they can trust in their life, and I want to be the person you can trust in your life.”