Something like together forever doesn’t seem real to me. I don’t believe in forever; forever scares me. Being with someone, holding them, loving them forever just doesn’t seem real to me, because in this world forever is just a word people use to describe a long time. And a long time frightens me; can I last forever with my loved one? Am I strong enough to hold that love for that long? Can I survive with someone for that long? Why would I survive with someone that long? Won’t I get hurt? Won’t I be scared? When the moment I want to last forever with someone comes, will he accept me? Will I be loved just as much as I love? Will I get hurt? Will my heart be damaged unbearably if forever isn’t forever? Will my heart break into millions of tiny shards and disappear with the wind? Will my love last forever? When you’re young, you don’t know any of these answers. They just come to you with time, but the questions just keep coming. They come like lightning and stay, unmoving, waiting to be answered. But… what if the answer doesn’t come? What if I stay with the regret that that one special answer I needed won’t be received? Not by me… what if the answer is right in front of me but I refuse to accept the fact that it’s there? What if the answer is that I don’t need love because I won’t receive any? Will I accept it and just move on, without doing anything about it? I know I won’t just stay still, but what will I do? The questions come so fast, yet wait so long to be answered. Love isn’t just something to be played with; it’s something real and unbearable; something that breaks you over and over again. For love you need to be broken, torn, shredded and at last burned to 1,300 degrees before becoming strong; so strong it can’t break. You need to endure and be truthful, but what if I’m not like that? What if I ignore all the breaking, tearing and shredding needed to achieve this love? A love that is so forbidden that I don’t want to notice the signs that lay in front of me. A smile, a wink, a small gesture can turn all this love into something new, into something bearable.   But what if I’m meant to hurt? What if God had set up a terrible obstacle that I needed to overcome to achieve this love? And what if I ignored the obstacle and just moved on, leaving me clueless on what to do next? I don’t want to go through this; it’s not something I planned for. This one-sided love that I never even fought for, I don’t want to fight for it. I want it to come to me surely and honest, this pure love of mine. Only then will I fight for this love, this love that I didn’t fight for before because I didn’t know if it was worth it or not. Will my loved one look at me with love filled eyes? Will I be rejected? These questions that I can’t answer are questions that are probably the hardest to find answers to.

And so I’ll wait, with a broken yet strong heart, for you to come and save me. Free me of these unbearable questions.