Alternate Title: First Impressions

Genre: High School!AU, Romance, Fluff, Crack, (Questionable) Comedy

Pairing: Kris/Chanyeol, minor Jongin/Kyungsoo, minor minor Luhan/Sehun

Rating: PG-13

Warning: Involves a bit of language in dialogue form and pent-up frustration from the princess

Length: 4,284 words of crack

Summary: The new transfer student from Korea grates on Kris's nerves with his too bright smile, horrible English skills, and a handsomeness rivaling his own.

Park Chanyeol has quite the knack with first impressions. His extraordinary ability successfully repels human interaction soon afterwards, but sometimes, it doesn’t cause all things to tumble downhill.

Take Jongin for example, his soon-to-be best friend who prefers to be called Kai for undisclosed reasons.

Their first meeting takes place on his first day of transferring into Beijing International All-Boys School. He had been a tiny bit paranoid about moving into a new school, flailing about every so often and garnering strange but amused looks from passersby. His mind formulated impossible situations during the early hours of a sleepless morning such as students pelting him with random vegetables during his introduction in the homeroom, spoken in carefully practiced Mandarin, one that would result in bruises and him foaming at the mouth and sinking onto the floor dramatically. He whimpers pathetically at the recollection of uncomfortable (and irrational) fantasies and walks in quick, agitated strides towards his destination when his path is stopped short at the corner by a collision with a boy that reeked of sweat (but very toned muscles he admitted).

Being the taller of the two, Chanyeol topples forward - and by the law of physics, the sweaty boy falls backwards - and voila, their first impression is set with sweaty boy on his back, elbows propped on the ground and colored red from the impact and legs arched in upside down V's similar to a woman giving birth, and Chanyeol’s face all in the glory of the other’s crotch. He shoots up, greatly distressed and mentally jumping off a bridge, and apologizes profusely with awkward half bows since he didn’t want to trip over air and greet the shorter’s crotch again. He has a tendency to do that; tripping over air, not burying his head in a guy's crotch.

“Well then. Hello to you too.” Chanyeol kind of runs away after seeing Kai’s smirk and suggestive eyebrows.

They meet again that day in homeroom, the only seat available being conveniently placed next to the I-didn’t-really-meet-you-but-your-crotch-instead-and-it’s-the-most-embarrassing-thing-ever boy. After getting over the initial awkwardness, which mostly involved Chanyeol fidgeting uncomfortably while Kai sent him inappropriate looks, they begin to converse like normal teenage boys who did not meet by face-to-crotch contact, him being especially glad that Kai was a Korean who transferred to the school in his first year.

But that’s not what was important. The key fact is that they became friends - Chanyeol learned to ignore Kai’s insistent hormonal attacks on him - and that Kai is the basis for Chanyeol's rollercoaster life at the school.

----

“You’re really good with first impressions, you know that?” Kai snickers at him one afternoon during lunch break. He facepalms and emits a high-pitched whine, adding in some thrashing of his legs for good measure. “I did warn my friends about you, but I guess I didn’t do you justice.” He bursts out laughing when Chanyeol breaks out in desperate sobs.

Take this morning for example.

It turns out that Kai has more friends than expected for a guy as dirty as him, both in mind and body - he’s a dancer and doesn’t like to wash up too often. And quite amazingly, Chanyeol manages to imprint a memorable first impression in each and every one of the nine friends Kai has, all in the expanse of an hour and a half.

He falls asleep during the English period of his homeroom, dreaming of picking a mushroom in a forest and munching on it. But the mushroom is moving, twisting and squirming in his grasp, so much that he has to use two hands to hold it tightly. A distant thunderclap turns his attention towards the sky. There isn’t so much as a hint of dark clouds in the sky, or lightning. Strange. When he turns back to look at the food he discovered, it was gone! Horrified, he jolts from his sleep with a dramatic wailing of “Mushroom!”

“Teacher, his spit is all over my hair,” The boy sitting in front of him mutters annoyedly. Chanyeol looks up at the wavy black locks and then to the teacher standing by his desk, ruler on the table. Oh. So the thunder was...He whirls his head back to face the victim of his drool.

“Oh...Um...I dreamt that I was eating a mushroom you see...I was grabbing it and....Uh...I didn’t know...And...” He mumbles incoherently and ransacks his backpack for a tissue or a handkerchief, just something to wipe his saliva off of the boy’s hair.

“Here.” He turns to the voice on the right. Ah, an angel was smiling at him. He extends his arm to take the handkerchief offered, a little too quickly. Oh, he miscalculates the distance of his arm to the other’s desk, promptly smacking the face of the boy beside him.

He throws his head back despairingly, and before he had the chance to apologize, his head crashes into the one of the boy behind him, whose head was innocently down and too close to danger zone Chanyeol when taking his notes.

Before the teacher can prohibit him from ever moving and give him lifetime detention, Kai speaks up in fluent Mandarin, “It’s only his first day so I think you can give him a break.”

Five minutes or so passed before Chanyeol magically makes his pencil fly out of hand, and the tip stabs the boy sitting to the left of him on the arm before clattering to the ground harmlessly.

At snack break, Kai introduces him to the victims as Baekhyun, mushroom boy, Luhan, handkerchief boy, Yixing, notes boy, and Kyungsoo, pencil boy. He notes that his friend was especially vexed when he mentioned Kyungsoo’s injury.

The next few accidents involved the remaining five being unintentionally assaulted by geometric objects: Xiumin the senior with a soccer ball to his crotch, Sehun the freshman took a tennis ball to his head - they weren’t playing tennis by the way, Suho the junior with his spherical eos lip balm smashed into his face when Chanyeol fully body slammed him - lack of balance he called it, Tao the freshman with his own cylindrical wushu stick struck onto the crown of his head because “Hey, I want to try spinning the stick and stuff!” from Chanyeol, and Jongdae the sophomore had his finger stapled that ended in a bloody mess that no one wanted to clean up (“Want to try putting your finger under this stapler?” “Why?” “Just for fun!” “Okay!”). This wasn’t Chanyeol’s fault really, just a result from putting two idiots together, but nonetheless, it left a deep impression on him. Once Kai explained to all of them that it was just the giant boy’s nature, being a walking hazard, they (begrudgingly) agreed to make amends with Chanyeol (and not kill him).

Needless to say, Kai’s friends stayed a safe foot away from him after their first meeting.

----

“You’re a horrible person, Kai,” Jongdae chuckles as he watches Chanyeol walk into the senior’s classroom, approaching a certain Canadian with tousled bleached blonde hair and a menacing aura, his eyes closed and white earphones plugged in.

“I don’t think this is right, Jongin...” Kyungsoo speaks up quietly, gently touching his arm. Kai looks momentarily swayed, his hand going up to remove Kyungsoo’s hand and lingering a second more than necessary, but simply smiled.

“I’m all too curious about how this will play out,” Luhan sighs contentedly and watched on as he inhaled some popcorn, a daily snack of his freshly popped each morning (in the microwave).

“Oh god, he’s going to get killed...” Yixing shakes his head and turns away with eyes squeezed shut. “Kris is going to murder him...I just know it.”

Chanyeol stops in front of the blonde’s desk, smiling innocently and thrumming his fingers on the wooden surface. Kris looks up, raising a quizzical eyebrow and pulls an earphone out. “Can I help----”

“ you.” Chanyeol speaks in perfect English and beams, eyes too wide and mouth too full of teeth.

Kris is visibly shaken and rightfully taken aback. “Excuse me?” He says lowly, incredulous at the nerve of this stranger.

“ you.” He repeats cheerfully, even bouncing on the soles of his feet.

“What did you say?” Kris stood up from his seat, palms flat against the desk, and leans closer to Chanyeol threateningly. The stranger is a few centimeters short of his height but much taller than he expected.

“...you?” He speaks with hesitation this time, finally sensing that something was wrong. His face twists into an expression of confusion and uncertainty (one that Kris would never admit that he found adorable), and he takes a step back. The single backtracking did nothing to prevent Kris’s fist from connecting with the side of his mouth.

“Oh ...” Kai figures that he should have intervened earlier and jumps in between the two belatedly. “Kris, calm down. He means no harm.”

“... you...?”

“Chanyeol, now is not the time to say hello,” Kai exhales deeply and places a hand on Kris’s chest, just in case he decides to jump at Chanyeol again.

“Hello? Kai, what kind of sick joke is this?” Kris rubs his temples tiredly and eases himself into his seat.

“Well...Um...I kind of told Chanyeol, the guy with the frog eyes and Cheshire cat smile here, that ‘ you’ meant hello in English...He’s Korean...” He adds as if that was a helpful hint to explain Chanyeol’s bizarre behavior, “And he’s actually really interested in America and Canada and stuff, even though he had never even heard a word of English. He's kind of clueless about the language. So...I decided to teach him some English. At least his pronunciation is perfect.” He smiles nervously. “He was ecstatic when I told him that there was a Canadian person at this school, and you’re the only Canadian person I know.”

“So what you’re saying is I punched an innocent person all because of your little prank here,” Kris's voice is low and his tone slow, the type that is not to be trifled with.

“W-Well...It’s not a prank since Chanyeol’s my friend...” Kai stutters nervously, knowing well not to mess with Kris’s evil mode.

“You know what...” The blonde sighs and takes Chanyeol by the arm, “I’ll deal with you later, Kai. For now...” He ignores the cat calls made by Kai’s friends, the group that is also unfortunately his friends, as he pulls Chanyeol out of the classroom and to the nurse’s office.

----

Kris clears his throat noisily and busies his sight on sticking a band-aid on the right side of Chanyeol’s mouth. “Stop bouncing in your seat so I can do this quickly.” He commands softly in Korean and the bouncing ceased. He receives wide-eyed amazement but decides to focus his attention elsewhere. “So, we didn’t get off to a good start but that doesn’t mean we can’t start over. My name’s Wu Yifan, but others, as in Kai and his friends, call me by my English name Kris.”

Chanyeol barely contains his excitement, settling for stomping his feet on the ground as a way to relieve the feeling since Kris told him to not bounce in his seat. “I thought you were Canadian...You know Korean?!”

“I know a few languages...English, Korean, Mandarin, Cantonese,” He shrugs off the awe, not wanting to brag.

“Oh, that’s so cool!” Chanyeol laughs, his left eye twitching as he did so. “I always wanted to learn multiple languages!” He nods and sticks out a hand. “Since we’re starting over, you?” He grins toothily while confidently speaking the phrase in English.

The urge to punch him did not arise this time. Instead, Kris feels true amusement and cracks a smile, which soon turns into uncontrolled laughter. “You...really...I don’t know what I’m going to do with you...” He pants out in between fits of laughter. “Are you really that clueless about what that means?” He asks with a smirk as he regains his composure.

“Hello...?” Chanyeol juts out his lips and tilts his head to the side curiously.

Kris clicks his tongue and slung an arm around the shorter’s shoulder. “You shouldn’t have hung out with Kai first. Let’s go to class and I’ll teach you some proper English phrases on the way.”

----

“Is this puppy love?” Luhan snickers as he examines the note that Kris pulled out of his locker. “What did you do to him in the nurse’s office?” He nudges Kris’s ribs as he hands back the note. The paper displays barely legible chicken scratch of “Your kute” finished off with a “Luv, Chanyeol” in English, poorly written but looking to be of excruciating effort to form.

Kris folds the paper and stuffs it in his pocket, leering irritatedly at Luhan and replies shortly. “Nothing.”

“No need to be so sensitive, princess,” Luhan scoffs and sticks a tongue out at the taller. “What got you so touchy anyways? I thought you were supposed to like this, getting a confession and all? Chanyeol is pretty cute after all.” He nods appreciatively, earning a roll of the eyes from the blonde.

“Oh shut up and say that to Sehun. You’re a senior already and pathetically crushing on some freshman.” Kris shoves Luhan to the side and stalked off. He had a premonition that his words were going to come back and bite him where it hurts.

He appreciates Chanyeol’s feelings; he really did. The only thing is...Kris is a slight grammar Nazi. He diverts the blush fighting its way into his cheeks and directs his attention on the incorrect usage of ‘your’ and his dreadful spelling of 'cute' and 'love.’ It wouldn’t come as a surprise to him if it was Kai who taught him the words; the guy had a C in English.

“Oh look, he upgraded to text speak.” Luhan comments as he peeks at another note from Kris’s locker the next day. ‘Meet me @ gate b4 school over 2day’ is scrawled in the same ugly handwriting on the paper; and who could forget ‘Luv, Chanyeol.’ “With a smiley face too. That’s just adorable.” He points out the drawn emoticon. It reminds Kris of the same enthusiastic grin ever-present on Chanyeol’s face. And the fact that he secretly loves that smile, but that’s just a minor detail.

Kris isn't a mushy person or a cute one, god forbid it, and his rowdy group of friends can clearly justify the statement with shivers and gags (“I’ll be scarred for life if he was...” Jongdae would reply). He didn’t like flowers or mangas or any of that girly nonsense. Sweet confections make him sick to no end as well (he carries multiple paper bags in his backpack on Valentine’s Day just in case his so-called “friends” decide to force-feed him chocolate and then he’ll throw up; or not, he can just regurgitate the sweets on them). Then why is it that he stomached going for ice cream and cakes and shopping for romance mangas and rose bouquets for Chanyeol - apparently, the boy had a for cheesy comics and smelling pollen-dusted flowers. There’s just something in that brilliant toothy smile of his, spilling out rays of sunshine from his pearly whites for goodness sake, that jumbles Kris’s head and the word ‘no’ is gone from his vocabulary.

His face didn’t offer much help either. Despite Chanyeol’s occasionally depicted “creeper face,” he is frustratingly handsome as he is optimistic (and boy, was he optimistic). Blame Kris for being a narcissist but he feels his pride being stomped on whenever girls squeals over Chanyeol instead of him, although it’s more likely over the both of them since they’re always together. He is, dare say, the second most handsome in their group of friends; Kris is unconditionally first. Luhan, Jongdae, Kai, and Baekhyun might fight for second place though.

Then there are these flutterings in his stomach. It’s stupid and unseemly and definitely not fit for a man, but Kris gets these damn butterflies whenever Chanyeol is around. He's painfully aware of what that might mean and swears on his grave to never tell any of his "friends." Kris is a manly man who does not deal with butterflies in his stomach.

“Ooh, looks like he’ll confess.” Luhan laughs heartily and clapped Kris on the back, effectively snapping him out of his thoughts. “Better do the same, lover boy.” He didn't tell anyone, not about the butterflies or his obsession with Chanyeol's smile. Conclusion: Luhan must be a wizard.

And therefore, Luhan walks to the nurse's office while clutching his stomach seconds after.

Kris watches on with a satisfied expression and dusts his hands on his jeans.

----

“Kris! Over here!” Chanyeol jumps up and down in his spot excitedly and waved his arms in the air frantically when he spots the Canadian man from a distance away. His gangly limbs strikes an unfortunate student walking by on the face, and Kris chuckles to himself as the boy had to yet again apologize to someone for injuring him. Oh, the memories.

He quickens his strides, nodding at Chanyeol to acknowledge his presence and to partially prevent the boy from creating his own apocalypse by just standing there. "Sorry for making you wait for so long. I had some...business to deal with." Kris shrugs and flashes a smile of feigned innocence when the three Stooges - Luhan, Jongdae, and Kai - glare at him as they limp past the gate.

----
 

Jongdae jutted out his upper and lower lips and made obscene kissing sounds at Kris as he sat down at their lunch table, full with the twelve of them and stupidly named EXO since Kai insisted that they’re “so ing EXOtic.” He wasn’t in the mood for Jongdae’s antics and the mashed potatoes on his plate looked like a lump of uncooked starch. The younger swiped a portion of his lumpy unappetizing lunch and smeared it on his lips, all while emitting noises that belonged in gay .

“What is it now?” Kris sighed and turned to Kyungsoo exasperatedly, the sole reason being the wide-eyed boy was the only sane one in the group, save for Lay but he’s always too spaced out to talk to.

“Well, they were talking about their first kiss and then the conversation suddenly turned to who at this table would you want to kiss if he was a girl...” Kyungsoo began slowly. Kris didn’t miss the creeping blush in his cheeks and continued listening with a mildly interested expression. “Baekhyun said himself since he was prettier than a girl, Tao said no one because everyone here is disgusting, Jongin said...um...me,” That explained the boy’s colored cheeks, “and then Luhan suddenly cornered Chanyeol and asked who he would like to kiss...His face literally burned up and he mumbled he wanted to kiss you, adding in 'if Kris-hyung was a girl' really quickly after that. So now Jongdae’s being a jerk and teasing Chanyeol.”

Kris directed his glare at Jongdae, who innocently looked in another direction and played with the food on his own plate. “For your information Jongdae, if Chanyeol was a girl, I would like to kiss him too.” The words spewed out of his mouth before he understood what he had said.

So, through certain events that involved whistling and more catcalls, kicking Jongdae in the shin and jabbing Kai in the stomach with his elbow (Luhan backed away fearfully before Kris could inflict pain on him), Kris fought the blush from his cheeks as he desperately strived to ignore Chanyeol’s own burning cheeks.

Minutes before school ended, the trio firmly comprehended what it meant to not mess with Kris or his-not-so-secret-crush Chanyeol. It would be safe to say that the three wouldn’t be doing any vigorous exercise for a while.

----

“So what did you want to meet me for?” Kris smiles at Chanyeol, tampering down his feelings of excitement at what might be a confession. Denying his pathetic crush is of no use now and only serves as a further frustration to himself. Gauging Chanyeol’s reactions to him though, he is terribly ecstatic about the fact(?) that his feelings might be the same also. Now, all he had to do is wait.

“Oh, I wanted to ask if you’d like to go for ice cream with me today.” The innocent, too wide grin is back and so are the stupid butterflies.

“Of course I will---Wait what...” He deadpans and re-adjusts his expression, “I mean...Why didn’t you just ask me like how you usually do...”

“Oh, that? Luhan-hyung said that you might like asking through a note better,” He shrugs and adorns a cute little pout on his lips and all is forgiven. As for Luhan... 

Kris makes a mental note to eviscerate Luhan after school tomorrow.

----

It is a strange situation, the two of them sitting opposite each other in an awfully pink ice cream shop, decorated with tasteful flowers and swirls on all four walls. There is a white frilled tablecloth with heart designs on every square foot, and Kris regrets ordering his ice cream in a wine glass, having to look down at the stupid hearts smiling at him every time he scoops up a spoon of ice cream. Chanyeol is frantically at his dripping chocolate mint in a waffle cone, the green already staining the horrid white cloth. He shoots Kris occasional, poorly concealed glances, and a smile breaks out on his lips whenever he peeks at the blonde spooning his Rocky Road in a rather violent manner. Kris isn’t oblivious but says nothing.

It is a misleading situation, the two of them sitting opposite each other exchanging glances and secretive smiles. Chanyeol playfully steals Kris’s spoon and takes a bite of his ice cream, and Kris bites at Chanyeol’s cone as revenge. It is quite a misleading situation, because they are not enjoying an ice cream date together and Kris is not thinking of how much he wants to that smidge of green from the corner of Chanyeol’s lips. But they are, and Kris is thinking about Chanyeol’s lips. .

It isn’t him who makes the first move however. Kris digs up an almond from his glass, only to hear his spoon clatter onto the table uselessly when Chanyeol sweeps in and kisses him on the lips briefly. The sudden warmth lingers on his mouth and creeps up to his cheeks. He stares dumbly at the offender before uttering an equally stupid “What?”

“There was ice cream on your lips...” Chanyeol stutters out and goes red in the face, from the base of his neck to the tips of his ears.

‘There’s ice cream on your lips too,’ Kris wants to retort but his vocal chords are blocked from the shock of it all. He really didn’t expect Chanyeol to be the one making his move first.

Chanyeol bites his lips (his goddamn lips that are tempting Kris to be specific) and fidgets in his seat. When Kris goes mute for more minutes later, Chanyeol stands up abruptly and prepares to run out of the shop in embarrassment.

Kris has the mind to pull Chanyeol back down for another kiss.

“Kisseu.” Chanyeol enunciates in his horrible English when Kris pulls away, Korean accent fully expressed.

“No, kiss.” Kris fixes and plants another one on Chanyeol, on his lower lip before parting.

“Kisseu...” Chanyeol tries.

“No, kiss.” Kris says exasperatedly and pouts a little, his lips touching Chanyeol’s again and tongue swiping against Chanyeol’s lower lip.

“Kisseu...?”

“I don’t think you’re really trying here.” Kris frowns and takes Chanyeol by the arm, pulling him out of the shop. They have a full-blown make-out session underneath the shade of a nearby tree while Kris tries to fix Chanyeol’s pronunciation and Chanyeol butchers more English words.

The chocolate mint ice cream in a cone is left headfirst on the stained frilly tablecloth.

----

“You’re really good with first impressions, you know that?” Kai snickers at him one afternoon during lunch break. The whole EXO crew joins them on the rooftop of the school, a cliche scene from a Japanese school drama.

“Ah, yes, the memories...” Luhan grimaces and punches Chanyeol in the arm. With force.

Jongdae cries out “You stapled my finger!” and fakes a hook to Chanyeol’s temple.

"You injured my head," Yixing and Tao pout simultaneously and playfully land punches on Chanyeol's arm. The boy yelps when Tao throws him an extra powerful blow, only to be met with the retort of "Just be glad that I don't have my wushu stick right now." Tao plus wushu stick do not seem to hold a bright future for Chanyeol so he keeps silent.

Xiumin sobs silently as he recalls his manhood's momentary flash of blinding pain, adding in a bitter "You injured my jewels" and doesn’t even have the heart to hurt Chanyeol.

“Guys, it’s not Chanyeol’s fault he’s a danger hazard,” Kyungsoo smiles at him sympathetically and pats his shoulder, but his mind is thinking 'Part of it it at least...' as he gingerly fingers the circular indent in his arm.

“The guy ing drooled on my hair. Drooled.” Baekhyun grumbles and lands a high-kick to Chanyeol’s face, which is caught by Kris in mid-air, leaving Baekhyun to flail pathetically and fall on Suho who is fortunately there.

Kris glares at the group, more specifically at the three Stooges, and waves a threatening fist. “I will personally injure every single one of you if you touch Chanyeol.”

“You can’t hurt me! I practically paved the way for your relationship!” Kai whines and crosses his arms childishly.

“Thanks. I really appreciated Chanyeol greeting me with ‘ you.’ “ Kris replies sarcastically, rolling his eyes while at it.

“But admittedly, it began your little crush right?” Sehun supplies. Kris didn’t, and couldn’t, say anything to that.

“By the way, the other day, I was at this newly opened ice cream shop and heard the workers talking about two tall males in the shop, one a blonde and the other with chestnut hair. They said the two were having an ice cream date or something and then suddenly started making out.” Luhan looks pointedly at Kris. “Do you know anything about that?”

It is almost painful to watch Luhan wail and clutch at his crotch as Kris grabs a fork and chases him around.

________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

90% crack, 1% questionable comedy, 4% fluff, and 5% romance

I apologize for the horrible quality of this fic... I kind of forgot the idea for it so I just winged it...

Reviewed by ❤ Hershe Review Shop ❤ (90)