Quietly, he was watching her – Jaelle. Quietly, he was wishing she would have kept the story for herself… ‘cause having to remember was like sticking a spear through a beating heart and expect the human body to survive despite the blood loss. And yet there he was, still alive, still breathing, watching the sleeping girl with his head full of whirlpools of thoughts, guilt filled thoughts, dangerous thoughts.

“It’s not fair, you know?” Chanyeol whispered, caressing Jaelle’s forehead and gently pushing away strands of hair. “How come I get to meet you once again, but I don’t get a second chance? I might have screwed things over the first time, but now… can’t you look at me like before?”

Deeply lost in sleep, Jaelle sighed heavily, as if a weight was hanging on her chest, prevailing her from inhaling the needed oxygen.

“Christopher,” she called from the edge of an unknown realm, her lips trembling.

The name that had escaped her lips made Chanyeol’s heart sting as if she had poured acid on it.

“I guess not,” he retreated his hand with a bitter smile. “Is this my punishment? Is this what I have to bear for what I did to you? Cruel…”

He then realized that he had been waiting and searching for her all his life. He searched for resemblance in all the faces surrounding him, pieces of her in all the girl he met. But he had been too weak and too shallow to discover her.

“Chanyeol, buddy, are you alright?” Chanyeol was startled at the hand that suddenly squeezed his shoulder in the silence of the van. “How is she?” Lay stepped inside the vehicle, pulling the door closed behind him and using his right hand, checked the girl’s temperature.

“Will she be alright?” Chanyeol whispered.

“Will you be alright?” Lay replied, his kind eyes wondering on his best friend’s pale face with genuine concern.

“What do you mean?” The younger tried to laugh it away. “It’s not me the one who was shot, you know?”

“That’s not what I meant to say and you know it very well, Chan,” Lay tilted his head. “It looks like you have a lot on your mind. You know I’m your friend, right? I’m a listening ear whenever you need one, Chan.”

“You wouldn’t be my friend if you’d knew my story,” Chanyeol could only shake his head and refuse the kind offer. “You’d hate me, despise me and eventually you’d leave my side. They all did that, none remained by my side despite their glorious promises. I don’t want to lose my best friend.”

“Chanyeol, you disappoint me, you know? I thought you knew that I’d stand by you no matter what. No matter what you did or what you’re hiding from the world, I am willing to listen without judging. ‘Cause you’re my best friend, the only one that accepted me as Lay, the only one that never asked questions even though I must have looked strange even in your eyes,” Lay spoke, his voice proving to be ointment for Chanyeol’s open and bleeding wound.

The promise somehow put to rest Chanyeol’s tormented mind. But even so, it was like walking on thin string with no safety net underneath just in case he’d fall.

“Very well,” Chanyeol straightened his back, staring ahead of him, at the darkness that was peeking in through the windows of the van, “I will tell you even though I’m sure you’ll end up deserting me afterwards.”

“Chanyeol, I would ne –”

“I’m wanted for murder.”

☾ ♅ ☽

The silence that set inside the car was so dense that one could have yelled in there and the sound would have been muted right before escaping the throat. Lay’s eyes widened in a matter of seconds, making Chanyeol smile bitterly.

“At least you didn’t look down or away,” he said, making sure Jaelle’s body was covered by the checkered blanket. “I will tell you my story because you insisted and because you’re my friend, I’ll give you the opportunity to leave my side.”

“Chanyeol –”

“Shut up and listen. Don’t make promises that you can’t keep, ok? I’m offering you a way out after I finish telling you my story, the story of the Park Chanyeol I wish I’d be able to bury and never hear of him again,” Chanyeol intertwined his fingers and looked at them as if his whole world was depending on his slightly grown nails. “I am one for the most well known heirs of S