YOUR POV

You woke up alone again. The sun not yet shining through your window you looked at the clock by you bed and saw that it was only 4:30. What woke you up? Then you felt it, your phone was vibrating again. This time you reached for it and aw his name on the screen.

“Hi baby” you answered sheepishly, you still had the sleepy voice, but he loved hearing you like that.

“Hey” he responded. He sounded upset. It worried you. “I have some news for you”

“Yes?” You questioned him, it didn't sound like very good news by the tone in his voice.

“Our schedule got changed, and now we won’t be home for another few days.” he sounded like he was going to cry, and then you remembered why. Your anniversary was in two days. He was supposed to be home for it.

“oh.” you didn’t really know what to say and you felt your chest tighten at the thought of him missing your anniversary.

“I’m really sorry babe, I wish I could change it but you know our company, I will make it up to you when I get back. I love you so much.” You could tell he was crying and yet you couldn’t speak, you couldn’t even tell him that you love him too. He continued, “But I have to go, we have filming in an hour or so. I really do love you, I’ll call again when I can” He hung up and you couldn’t stop the tears from falling as you thought about how much you missed him in your bed.  Your heart ached, and it felt like someone had reached in and was squeezing your heart until it burst. Is this what it feels like to have your heart break you wondered?

You knew this would happen though. It was bound to happen when you dated an idol. But it didn’t hurt any less knowing it before. All you wanted to do was celebrate your first year with the love of your life. It was the longest relationship either of you had ever had but it sometimes felt like it wasn’t feeling all this pain and disappointment all the time. For the first time you doubted the relationship you ha and you actually thought maybe life would be with someone who wanted the same things as you.

He was an Idol. You couldn’t talk about settling down or kids or marriage or any of that. You couldn’t ask him to quit his job for a family. All of your friends were already married and you knew your family worried about you since you had not settled yet. You began to wonder maybe dating a celebrity was a mistake. And maybe you couldn’t deal with the hurt anymore. Slowly through the tears and heart ache you managed to fall back asleep.

You woke up to the sun in your eyes, but not feeling any better. You couldn’t stop think about whether or not you should continue to be with him. You still loved him to death but more times than not you were alone. It wasn’t really a relationship rather than an arrangement that you would be sitting here waiting for him to always come back. But you always stayed because you loved him so much, and you knew that leaving him just because you were lonely while he was away because you were lonely would crush him. He would blame himself; you didn’t want that to happen.

You grabbed your phone and made a few phone calls. Soon you found yourself packing a bag and heading to the airport.