The party was just as bad as i remember it to be or maybe even worse ..every man’s eyes were on me ..it didn’t matter if the man was straight or gay or whatever they were just staring at me and I was starting to get tired of smiling and acting as if I was flattered by their looks and words ..

Im pretty I know that no need to stare at my like that for me to know it damn it ..

I was getting tired of it and thinking that maybe a lecture by the manger is way easier than handling this when a man leaned closer to me and said:

“you have to get used to it pretty it is the price for being an angel among us mortals “

I turned around intending on smiling and getting away from the creep when I noticed that he was actually a handsome young man …I don’t remember seeing him before …

And just like that my big mouth answered without giving my brain the time to process what I should actually answer:

“you are not so bad looking either and call me pretty one more time and find out how deep your foot can actually reach inside your “

The man smiled and said:

“they didn’t lie when they said you had a rude big mouth .. I was starting to question that seeing how long you managed to keep your manners but seems like I was your last straw “

I tsked and said :

“pretty much “

He smiled at me and I said:

“though I don’t mind keeping you registered in mind under ‘the handsome last straw bastard’ it wouldn’t hurt to actually have a name to go with the nickname “

He smiled a toothy smile and said:

“takashi iruka “

“Japanese “

“yup ..i am the translator of Mr. nagakaw “

“oh~ the golden tooth ~”

“nice~”

“thanks”

We laughed and I figured he is not such a bad company for the night ….though despite myself I couldn’t stop my eyes from searching and locking on yunho from time to time …

Helpless …truly I think I am helpless …

After spending an hour nicknaming everyone in the party iruka looked at me and said:

“you are good at this ..way better than I am I have to admit it “

“I have an active imagination “

He smiled and said:

“yes I can see that …umm want to join me for a drink on the balcony?”

“im an underage teen “

He smirked and said:

“I never thought you are the kind who plays by the rules “

“get the drinks and follow me “

And with that I walked to the balcony …it was a nice night and the view was amazing …

Being alone there I couldn’t help but wonder why I was there …I was having a good time but really all I wanted was to stand by yunho and hear him talk to those erted old men like the pro he is …I wanted to stand there proudly by his side as his band member and look out for him like a caring lover ..

But no …I shook my head …why am I such an idiot …I need this …I need to stop sticking to him ..i need to give him a chance to get used to a world where I am not always there …I need to get used to a world where he wont always be there …

Even after all those years I couldn’t get used to that so how can I now ?....

I felt like crying really but then its for his sake that I am doing this and as long as he is happy then everything is good …even if I suffer ..even if my heart breaks to a thousand piece …my yunnie has to be happy ….

“here you go”

I took the drink from him and looked up at the sky …he let out a loud sigh and said:

“ nice view”

I nodded and he said:

“im talking about you”

I smirked and said:

“I know”

He bit his lip and said :

“can I kiss you jaejoong?”

Kiss me ?...yes please do ….

“I never thought of you as someone who would actually ask “

He smiled and leaned closer to me only for us to hear someone clearing his throat …I turned around fully expecting to find yunho’s angry face in my view only to find a scowling yoochun standing by the balcony’s doors ….

“yes yoochun?”

“the manger said to come get you we are leaving “

Leaving?? We are not supposed to leave for hours !!!

“why?”

“yunho seems to be sick”

When I heard that my heart stopped ,  I pushed my drink in iruka’s hands and ran back into the party searching for yunho when yoochun pulled me by the arm to where they were …

When I saw yunho leaning on junsu’s shoulder and looking down my heart started beating fast and my hands became cold …

“what’s …wrong with him?”

The manager said:

“I don’t know …he said his stomach hurts and he threw up three times”

I panicked and said:

“we should take him to the hospital!!”

Yunho lifted his head and said in a weak voice:

“no need for that … I think i caught a cold …I just need to go home and rest please”

I nodded and pulled him to rest on my shoulder instead of junsu’s then said to the manger:

“lets go already!!!”

The manger frowned at me and said:

“you go down to the car before me I have to go apologize for our early departure “

I nodded fast and helped yunho out while urging the guys to move faster …

When we got into the car I made yunho sit down slowly and said:

“how are you feeling yunnie ? you really don’t need to go to the hospital? Maybe we should just go and check anyway …oh god what is taking that ing manger so long? We rea-“

“what were you doing with that man on the balcony?”

I stopped talking and looked at yunho to find him glaring at me …the hell!!!

“huh?”

“DON’T HUH ME !! WHAT WERE YOU DOING WITH HIM THERE?”

Junsu looked as confused as I was and said:

“hyung are you feeling ok?”

Yunho looked at him and said:

“do I look sick to you ? I just did that so we can get out of that damn party!!”

I felt a vein popping on my forehead …what the hell got into yunho?? He is never like that no matter how bad the situation is he would always stick to it and work as hard as he could to keep our image in its best ….what’s wrong with him !!! …I  said:

“and why is that jung yunho ?”

Yunho glared at me and said:

“I asked you a question”

I was about to snap at him for being such a child and for scaring the hell out of us …OF ME!! when my mind actually caught up with mouth and said to it hold it …he wanted out of the party and he is mad because I was with a hot man in the balcony ? jealous ? …

I smiled unconsciously but then …

No no you idiot stop being such a fool and focus …why is he jealous? Why is he acting like this? More importantly think your answer thoroughly …what did you want him to think?…remember the ing plan !!!

“he was hot and I wanted to make out with him …now do you mind answering my question?”

“WHAT??”

Changmin said:

“guys the manger is heading this way”

I sighed and sat on the seat next to yunho pulling his head harshly to lay on my shoulder and when yunho tried to pull away I said:

“ for you but you are stuck like this for now….it is your own fault anyway ,now be a good boy and act your role well or else all of our asses are going to be punished with yours “

The manger opened the van’s door and sat in the driver seat then looked back at us and said:

“how is he ?”

I faked worry and said:

“please drive us home fast I think he has a fever …he seems to have caught a bad flu “

The manger turned around murmuring :

“just what we need before a concert”

*******************************

After the manager made sure that yunho was fine and ordered us all to go to sleep early that night he left the apartment not failing to remind me that I am the oldest and I should take care of the guys for him to which I nodded my understanding ….

The moment he left though I stormed to the bedroom and slammed the door open then glared at the laying down yunho and said:

“what the hell was that??”

Yunho threw the covers off him, sat up and said:

“that’s my line!! “

Junsu cleared his throat and said:

“jaejoong hyung yunho hyung please calm down and lets talk about this in a calm logical way”

I looked at junsu and in that minute I remembered just how innocent and fragile he was back in that time so I calmed myself and said:

“I will go make us some tea …yunho while I do that please organize your thoughts and calm yourself enough for us to understand the reason behind our leader acting that way and when you are done with that please follow me to the living room …the rest of you guys can either sleep or join us in the living room “

While I was making the tea I heard the chair behind me being pulled and someone sitting there on the kitchen table …I turned around and my eyes met yoochun’s curious eyes …

“you were not joking…I saw you two nearly kissing”

“I never said I was joking“

“so you are gay?”

“yes”

I poured the tea in cups and turned around facing yoochun then said:

“you knew I was gay though “

“I did ?”

“didn’t you ? I mean you did mention my jealousy earlier today”

Yoochun laughed and said:

“actually I was thinking more on the lines of a biual seeing you did have a girlfriend before”

“oh come on I was young and scared and I wanted to prove to myself that I didn’t dig but in the end her behavior mixed with what my guts knew long ago made  me know I was gay 100%”

“I am biual”

My eyes widened and I said:

“huh??”

Yoochun laughed and said:

“I am biual …I like girls and boys”

I pulled the chair next to him to sit on it and said:

“when did you know that?”

Yoochun leaned his head on his open palm and said:

“few month ago”

“how?”

“I fell for you”

My mouth fell open and yoochun smiled saying:

“hyung close your mouth you would catch a fly in it …possibly even my tongue”

I snapped my mouth shut then said:

“I know I look like a girl sometimes and maybe that confused you and –“

“save it hyung …I saw your in the bathroom and I wanted to it or be ed by it “

I looked at him and he was confident and seemed like if he gave a lot of thought into this whole thing …was it like that too before ? was I too blinded by yunho that I didn’t notice yoochun’s feelings for me ? more like was I actually always whining to him and sharing with him my love life secrets while he wanted me ? ….

And suddenly it was all clear to me why yoochun was the one who kept trying to get me to move on from yunho and why he was the happiest one of us about leaving sm and most importantly why he stopped hanging around me unless it was for business ever since I started singing those song for yunho and acting that way on stage ….

It was so obvious and I was so blinded …

“hyung we are already in the living room”

I looked up at changmin and nodded carrying the tray infront of me and saying to yoochun:

“follow me we will talk about this later”

*******************

 “so what happened yunho?”

Yunho looked at me and said:

“I was watching you through the party and I noticed how uncomfortable you were with the way everyone acted around you adding to that few of those men were eyeing junsu in a way I didn’t like not to mention the way they talked to me and when I heard few men making some real nasty comments about us I felt like it was the end of my rope and I faked being ill”

“but you are never like that …you are our leader yunho the one who would push us and push himself to handle those comments and looks to be able to stand as high as we can …you are the most professional person I have ever met and I would have never expected you to act in that way over something like that “

Yunho looked down then said:

“maybe it had to do with the …accident you had”

Accident?....oh..ohhh~~…

“yunho we agreed not to mention it again and not to be effected by it “

“I am a human too jaejoong and I do get effected when I see my friend in danger and yes I couldn’t help but get scared what one of those men might do to you or to one of my band members so yeah I am sorry for not being the pro you thought I am “

I couldn’t help it …I just couldn’t stop myself and just in a minute I was there hugging yunho and saying to him how sorry I was and that I understand …

Yunho was stiff in my arms for a while then he hugged me back and I felt like dying wouldn’t be such a bad thing if I got to do so in those warm protective arms….after a while though he pushed me away glaring at me and said:

“how about you explaining yourself now jaejoong?”

I looked at him puzzled then it hit me …the plan you idiot the plan …

I walked back to my seat and said:

“there is nothing to explain really …iruka was a nice man and I had some good time with him and then he asked me to join him on the balcony which I agreed to then he asked to kiss me and I agreed “

“agreed?? Jaejoong he is a guy!!”

“you think I am blind?? Ofcourse I know he is a guy …BECAUSE he was a guy I agreed to kissing him!!”

Yunho pointed at me and said:

“you ,..you are ..you are a “

I sighed and said :

“yes yunho I am gay “

Junsu gasped and stood up looking at me like I just ate his mother or something then said:

“but …but you had a girlfriend !!”

Changmin here surprised me by saying:

“that was either for show or to make sure who he is …it was too obvious”

Yunho looked at changmin and said:

“you knew??!!!”

“I am surprised you didn’t hyung …it is so clear that jaejoong hyung is gay “

Junsu stepped back few steps and said:

“I wont acknowledge that …hyung you have to think about this logically ..you cant just go against god and nature like that …you don’t have to do this please hyung”

I remember this conversation ..when the three found out about me and yunho junsu said the same words to us …to me in particular cause to him it seemed I was the one leading his leader …

Suddenly I felt so lonely …last time yunho stuck with me and we faced junsu together but this time …this time I am all alone in this …

My eyes stole a quick glance at yunho and he was playing with his cup …his way of staying out of it I guess …

“hyung please~”

I looked up to meet junsu’s pleading eyes and felt like crying …alone ..totally alone …again…

“I am biual”

My eyes widened and I stared at yoochun who looked at the rest with daring eyes then repeated :

“I am biual …and I am in love with jaejoong hyung”

Yoochun then looked at me and said:

“hyung would you go out with me ?”

Junsu ran back to the bedroom and slammed the door shut behind him while changmin bit his lip and looked down and yunho glared at yoochun …

Oh fabulous …just ing fabulous ….