I let my index fingers rub my temples while I looked down at the song I had just written. It wasn’t because it was bad, not at all. Actually I’d say it was one of the best songs I’ve ever written.

It was a love song. It hadn’t been hard to write, as every single word was heartfelt. The problem? I knew just who I had had in mind when the words landed on the paper. Even the small drawings in the edges of the paper showed it. It was all small Keys.

In some time Key, also known as Kim Kibum, had been the only thing on my mind. Everything would’ve been a lot easier if it had just been a girl instead of him, but every time I let my thoughts wander, thoughts about him came. His feline-like eyes, his lips, the all-around feminine features, his voice..  Just him!

To be completely honest it had scared me a lot at first. In the beginning, I hadn’t had a clue about how I should handle the new feelings. I had tried to shove them away and turn my thoughts to girls instead, but it never worked.

I was now starting to accept my feelings for him, but it was still hard. I read my lyric one more time. My frustrations were easy to see through the text. Difficult and forbidden love. Keys which had to be locked up. I don’t think it could be more obvious. But there wasn’t anything to do about it.

I always wrote songs when I had to get a grip on myself. It helped me to gather my thoughts so I could understand them better.

I heard the door open and my head snapped up. It were Key and Minho.

“You’re writing again, hyung? You’ve done that a lot recently, haven’t you?” Key asked when the door was closed behind them.

”I suppose,” I answered as I shrug my shoulders and avoided eye contact.

Before I could prevent it, Key snatched my notebook and read what I had written. Minho looked at it over Keys shoulder. I knew that there were no chances to get it back before they were done, so instead I watched their reactions carefully.

”Omo Jjong, this is really good,” Key exclaimed with excitement, and I let out the silent breath I had held in without knowing. It was good that the other boy hadn’t seen the truth behind the words.

Minho was different though. His thoughtful gaze switched between looking at me and looking at Key. Finally it stopped at me. I was sure he had figured it out.

“Sure, really deep and heartfelt,” the tall boy said after a moment of silence. I coughed nervously.    

”Thank you very much.”

Key smiled and went out of the room, while Minho just stood there and waited to we were alone. I tried to prepare for what was about to happen, whatever it was.

Again there was an awkward silence, before Minho spoke up.

“You should tell him. You know that, right?”

I sighed. Deep down, I knew that he was right.

”I just don’t want to ruin anything. There is almost no chance that he will like me back and even if he did, it would never work out.” After that, Minho looked at me with a skeptic glance.

“No, not if you look at it that way, hyung. Haven’t you seen the way he looks at you?” With that, the other boy also disappeared out of the door. 

I considered his words. What did he mean exactly? I really didn’t have a chance, right? Key didn’t look at me in a special way, did he? No, that couldn’t be true. I had to be realistic. No matter how much I wished that Minhos words were the truth, it couldn’t be real. But I could at least be glad that he didn’t intend to tell Key about it.

The next weeks weren’t much better. The others had also read the song after Key had praised it. They liked it too, but it was only Minho who had guessed my inspiration.

Key didn’t know what every little, innocent touch did to me. He didn’t know that his gaze melted me or that he was in my thoughts all the time.

Minho had come with subtle allusions, but he hadn’t talked about it directly since our first conversation. Otherwise, everything went on as normal. But this situation wasn’t what you could call normal, was it?

I was still mad at myself for the feelings. ‘It’s just wrong’ a voice kept repeating inside my head. I knew what most people would say about it, and I was afraid of what would happen if everyone gets to know my secret.

There had also been good moments in the past weeks though. When we performed at a concert, Key had back hugged me. That had gotten all the fans to scream and cheer out loud and me to do the same, just on the inside instead. 

I had also gone shopping with him. I hate shopping, but to be alone with him for hours while having a reason to look at him, when he asked about my opinion of the clothes, had made it all worth it.

The best of all had been after that, when we had found a little cute café. We had both got a drink and just sat there and talked for a long time. ‘Almost like a date’ I had thought a lot of times.

It was already dark outside and I sat alone with Key. It happened more and more, I had noticed. Today we all had a free schedule and Taemin, Minho and Onew had leaved, so Key had talked me into watching a movie together. We ended up choosing Titanic. Or actually it was more like; Key chose Titanic and looked at me with the puppy eyes he knew I couldn’t resist no matter what. It hadn’t really made me stronger, when he lit up in the cutest way ever when I said yes.

I kind of hoped that the others came home soon, but I didn’t think that would happen. It wasn’t often we got a day and night off, so I was pretty sure they were going to use every second they had to do something they couldn’t normally.

I sat down at the couch, while Key put the film on. The room was only lit up by a single lamp, which gave everything a soft glow. I sighed. I knew that this was going to be difficult.

When the movie was put on and started, Key came over to the couch and sat beside me. Too close for my liking, but he didn’t seem to mind it. His eyes were glued to the screen. I couldn’t stop a smile from forming at my lips. No matter how many times he saw that movie, he was still just as interested the next time.

This time, however, it didn’t take much time before he started to look really tired. He had fallen back against the couch and he had a hard time holding his eyes open. I grabbed his shoulder and shook it gently to get his attention.

“Key, you look very tired, don’t you think it’s time to go to bed?”

“No, I have to finish watching the movie first!” he exclaimed, and turned back to the screen.

After some time I could feel weight on my shoulder and looked down to find the source. It was Key who slowly had slid down, so his head now was resting at my shoulder. His eyes were closed and his slow breathing told me, that he was deep asleep. He looked so sweet and peaceful. I put my arm around him so it was more comfortable for the both of us and decided to just sit there a little more.

When the film was over, I let my gaze follow his beautiful facial features. I couldn’t get myself to wake him up, so I put my arms under him and lifted him up like a bride. When I came into our bedroom, I placed him down at Onews bed. Onew was with one of his friends so he wouldn’t miss it, and it was impossible for me to get Key in his own top bunk bed without waking him up.

I ed his shirt, got it off and then removed his socks. I placed the cover over him and looked at him with a sigh. I sat at the bedside and let my hand caress his cheek.

”I wish you knew how much you mean to me, Key. You’re on my mind all the time. I don’t know what to do, because you probably don’t feel the same for me.” I talked, though I knew that he wouldn’t hear my confession. It was just nice finally saying it out loud. In that moment, I realized something very important.

“I love you,” I whispered quietly before I stood up to go to my own bed. I only managed to turn away before something grabbed my wrist. I quickly turned back around and saw that Key had opened his eyes and now sat instead of lying down.

My first reaction was surprise. The next was panic. How long had he been awake? What if he had heard everything I had just said? I tried desperately to find an excuse, but I ended up just talking, without even thinking about what I was saying.

 “Key, just forget what I said a moment ago, because I’m sure you don’t feel the same-“ he interrupted me with a ‘Jonghyun’, but I continued anyway.

“And I wouldn’t ruin our friendship-“

“Jjong!”

”So I didn’t say anything before and I didn’t think that you were awake, so-” I couldn’t continue my explanation. He interrupted me again, but this time with a pair of lips on my own. First I was shocked, but after I came to my senses, I kissed him back. It wasn’t a long or deep kiss, but a kiss filled with love. When we slowly pulled away, our gaze met each other.

”If you still have any doubts, I feel the same for you,” he said with teasing eyes that also mirrored my own feeling. Love. My lips tucked itself into a smile and I leaned closer to him again to get a kiss more. Then he pulled me down to lie beside him. After some silence, he began to talk. “It was a really great song by the way.”

I looked confused at him, before I remembered the song and blushed.

“So you have known this all along?” I said softly.

“I head you and Minhos talk. I just wanted to see how long it would take you to tell me about it yourself,” he answered and smirked to me. I gave him a playful shove.

”That wasn’t very nice, Key. Do you know how I’ve had it all this time?” I asked, half in fun, half in seriousness. He just smiled a pretty smile.

“But you have me now, right? Maybe it’s time to go to bed and get some sleep.” With that, he stood up and went to his own bed. I did the same, and soon we were in each our top bunk in the dark room.

”Key?” I said, in nothing more than a whisper.

“Yes?”

“Goodnight,” I said. When he answered with a ‘goodnight.. Yeobo’ I could hear the smile in his voice.

After that, I fell asleep, happier than I had been in a long time.