Here we go~

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“Junsu… It’s safe to say you have gone mad.” Jaejoong said softly to his fellow TVXQ member Junsu who has confessed to him, over the trillionth time, his little love for Park Yoochun, another member of TVXQ.

“But hyung… What do I do… I can’t help it! I know it’s love! My mind is going crazy! Every time I hear his name or even think about him I can’t breathe, I feel uneasy and I have the sudden urge to want to see him! And he comes back tomorrow!!!” Junsu said and began flailing his arms and yelling at his hyung as they were only inches apart, sitting on the couch.

“Ya! Is it necessary to scream at my ear? May I remind you that you are only an inch away from me?! And why are you so close?! Can you back off?! I need my space Junsu!” Jaejoong yelled back and finally decided to stand up and leave Junsu to sulk by himself.

What do I do? I want to tell him so bad but what if what I feel for him isn’t really true? I’ve told everyone my feelings, all of them have said I was in love with him. I’ve told everyone I loved him but I can’t even muster up the courage to tell him. If I keep it inside I feel like I want to stab myself with a knife because of the urge I keep. I hate this feeling so much! I just want this to go away! But I want it to stay!

Junsu kept thinking to himself as he sat there on the couch thinking how and what he’s going to say to Yoochun once he confesses. He has settled to confess about it once he comes back. It has been 3 months since Yoochun left the group for a little vacation back in ia to meet both his parents. The group has missed him so much and has decided to throw him a small get together at their house. Junsu has anticipated for this moment because he wanted to confess to him everything so badly. It was eating him alive.

-

December 12

2:33 p.m.

Incheon Airport

“AHHHHH!!!!!!!! MICKY YOOCHUN SARANGHAE!!!!”

Fan girls screaming everywhere. Incheon Airport was filled with everything red as Cassiopeia showed their love for Micky Yoochun as he came back from ia. Even the Cassiopeians who don’t really get to see him everyday missed him already. 3 months, Yoochun spent 3 precious months with his family back in ia, at one point he didn’t even want to leave but he loved his fans and his fellow TVXQ members.

As Yoochun came out of the airport with his luggage he waved and smiled to all his fans. His hair hidden under a beanie and his eyes covered by huge sunglasses. Jaejoong, Yunho, Changmin and Junsu as well as their stylist and their manager hyung were outside waiting to welcome him back. Yoochun reached to them and hugged each and every one of them. Yoochun smiled brightly as he was about to hug his best friend Junsu, his couple mate.

Junsu smiled a goofy smile, one that made him look as if he was nervous but was really just the way he smiled. Yoochun pulled him into a hug and Junsu’s heart began to race fast. The feeling of finally being able to feel Yoochun’s warmness once again was there and he was so thrilled. And now, he felt completely nervous as to how he was going to confess to his best friend.

“Let’s go, it’s too noisy here.” their manager hyung, Manager Lee said as he gestured the boys to enter the van. The driver took Yoochun’s things and placed it in the back. Manager Lee and Stylist Noona Minsu were pushing the boys to enter the van that they didn’t have time to wave back at their fans. The driver got into the driver’s seat and struggled to get the van out on the open as they were fleeting away from fans who were hovering the fan and banging at its windows and doors.

When they escaped from all of that. They made a couple of stops at some bakeries to find some delicious cakes for what they’ve prepared. They arrive back at their home and prepare everything. Yoochun settles his things inside and Junsu decides to follow him to their shared room.

“I bet you’ve been feeling lonely because you lost a roommate huh?” Yoochun said as he continued to unpack his things. Yoochun and Junsu were roommates while Changmin shared a room with Yunho and Jaejoong preferred to share a room by himself ever since their manager got married and moved out. Their Minsu noona on the other hand only lived a couple of blocks away and would arrive every morning to wake up the boys. She was somewhat the mother figure.

“Kind of.” Junsu replied with a wide smile. He watched as Yoochun unpacked his things. He felt so much happiness inside of him seeing Yoochun. Finally, he was there, he wasn’t on some kind of picture or anything but his whole self was there. Alive and breathing.

“I have a huge announcement to make, but because you’re my best friend, I’ll tell you ahead of everyone else.” Yoochun said as he pulled Junsu in slowly and closed the door behind the dolphin boy. Yoochun gestured Junsu to sit down on edge of his bed and for some reason Junsu felt nervous. He kept thinking that Yoochun would confess to him. But he was definitely in for a killer.

“I have a girlfriend.” Yoochun said and with those words Junsu’s whole world sank.

I have a girlfriend

It kept repeating in his head like a last song syndrome or something. Junsu gulped down and he couldn’t believe what he heard. His heart was completely shattered and his world was coming to its end. He wanted to run out and cry but he couldn’t do that because then Yoochun would get curious and he wouldn’t have a clear explanation to why he did that. Junsu had a shocked look on his face, his mouth slightly open and Yoochun chuckled at the way his best friend looked.

“Promise me you won’t tell them alright? I want to be the one to tell everyone. I plan to tell them today anyway and then I’ll settle in on telling Cassiopeia about it.” Yoochun said and he walked outside. Junsu was left in their room and finally his expression changes into deep sadness. His mouth still slightly open but his facial expression completely changed. He was hurt. He was hurt bad and now he doesn’t know how he’s going to deal with it.

Junsu got out and he saw the happiness written on everyone’s face. Changmin was trying to get his hands on the food while Jaejoong was nagging him and prying the boy out of the kitchen to restrain him from eating before the party began. Minsu noona was busy trying to blow up a couple of red balloons with Yunho and Manager Lee while Yoochun kept laughing along with them. All of them were happy except Junsu.

Junsu walked in the kitchen and grabbed a glass of water and finished it all up and placed it on the counter, not letting go of it. Jaejoong noticed the way Junsu seemed and he stopped moving and Changmin followed Jaejoong’s action.

“Ya, Junsu ah, Gwaenchanh-a? (Are you alright?)” Jaejoong asked but no reply. Junsu left the kitchen in a rush and left the house as well without the rest knowing except for Jaejoong and Changmin. Junsu stormed out. It was a cold day and he wasn’t in the mood for the party. He went into his little place in the park and cried to himself.

He didn’t even realize himself crying until the tears began to drop down on the grass that he was staring at. Junsu’s creaking dolphin voice was heard as he cried. Nobody was around to comfort him. His best friend wasn’t around to comfort him. For God’s sake the man was someone he truly loved and now he realizes it completely and the fact that he had a girlfriend just crushed him.

Of course, he realized, Yoochun was a softy. He could catch any girl with the way he is. And who was he kidding? Himself obviously. Yoochun is a man and so was he. A man and another man was never meant to be. It was always a man and a woman and Junsu knew that one day Yoochun would get a girl and he’d be the loser sitting in the corner of the classroom sulking to himself as the popular kids have all the fun.

Junsu knew that even if he confesses to Yoochun and tries his best, he’d lose to Yoochun’s girlfriend. Why? Because she was a girl! She had curves, Junsu only had an S line shape for a body. She had s, Junsu just has a flat chest and it will remain that way. And most importantly, she has a female’s reproductive system, meaning she could give birth. Junsu has a male’s reproductive system, which meant he can’t get pregnant but he could get a girl pregnant.

Junsu just wanted to kill himself. Too bad he didn’t have a razor. He was willing to give his life up. His world ended anyway. His true happiness was falling. He enjoyed those 3 months that Yocohun was away. Because he was feeling thrilled over his little crush that turned into love for Yoochun. His anticipation for his arrival and the fact that he never knew that Yoochun had a girlfriend and which gave him so many hopes to start something with him.

Stupid.

He felt stupid indeed. How was Junsu even to imagine such? He was fooling himself completely, he should’ve understood this from the beginning but he just wasn’t listening to himself and he was beginning to hurt himself even more. If only his conscience was talking to him, telling him how pathetic he was then maybe none of this would’ve happened right?

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Ouch TT__TT the pain~

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