Have you ever thought about a boy without you wanting to think of him? The thoughts about him just flood your mind and you can’t stop yourself of thinking about him, about his smile, his eyes, the way he talks, the way he looks at you and you start imagining different scenarios of you and him going out, talking, dating, getting along with each other and stuff. I am sure that there isn’t a girl that hasn’t gone through this. The wanting and even craving to see that someone again and look at him all you want or talk to him, because just a simple a simple “hi” is more than you want, because just a glimpse is more than enough.

In this ever-changing world where technology has become a big part of our lives and we communicate with each other trough computers, true friends have become even rarer. If you are lucky enough to have one or two real friends then you shouldn’t let go of them, because they will always support you and accept you the way you are, they will make you smile when you cry, they will help you stand up when you fall and they will be the wall that you need to lean on and rest from the cruel world. True friends are one of the most important people in a person’s life. A true friend is never to be forgotten. A true friend is never to be stabbed in the back and doesn’t deserve to be betrayed…

But what if that is the wish of your heart?

What if your heart is craving to do so?

Why?

Because both of your hearts are beating for the same heart…

Because both of you have the same feelings for the same boy…

How can you tell her that you like the boy that she also likes? How can you tell her after she had told you her feelings for him? How can you speak those words when you know exactly how she feels? How? Are you strong enough to keep quiet? Are you strong enough not to talk to him? Not to think of him? Not to want him? Can you do that? Can you not be selfish in this world where every single person puts himself before the rest? Can you tell your heart to love someone else in the name of your friendship?

What will you chose? TO be the best friend and be supportive of her feelings or will you be selfish and try your luck? Will you listen to your heart and talk with him? Will you go out with him? Maybe even try to go on a date with him? Will you throw away your friendship with a person you have known for years just for the sake of you being loved? Is your love that strong or do you like him that much because you know you can’t have him?

And what if you choose to stay away? To keep your friendship. What then? Your mind will torture you; your heart will beat with sorrow every time you think of him… every time you see them a strong pain will pierce your heart… But can you do it? Can you keep it a secret from everyone else? Can you hide your feelings so deep inside you that you will never be able to show them? Or will you shiver and look away every time you see him, because you are scared that your feelings will be written all over your face? Are you strong enough to hide what you feel? Are you strong enough to be a good friend?

What will you do? Will you listen to your heart and fight for his love? Or will you listen to your mind and you will keep your friendship? Which is more valuable? The person you have gone through a lot and had always been with by your side? Or is it the person that your heart is craving for, the one that will fill that big black hole in your heart, the one that will make you feel whole…

There is an old saying that boys come and go, but friends are always there for you…

But can you not think of him?

Can you not want him?

Can you never speak his name?

I can...

I will try and not think of him…

I will try and to not want him…

I will try to never speak his name…

But before I throw my heart into despair and sadness and before I condemn myself to sadness I want to share my thoughts with you… who are suffering like me… with you stranger who does not know me and who is wishing to hear me… I want at least you to hear what I have to say…

“The first time I saw you, I wondered what type of person you are. What do you like and what do you love. What do you dislike and what you hate. And after a while when I saw you again and you smiled, even though that smile was not for me, my world changed and you became the center of my existence. I wanted to see your smile again and to hear your voice, to tell you how I feel and how my heart is beating for you, but I chose to be a friend I shall not tell you this. Instead, I shall tell you that I will never see you, I will never talk with you, I will never love you… I will never speak your name again…”

And even if I look fine on the outside, even if I smile and never speak his name, you will know that this is a mask that will never fall. And inside my heart is crying for his love, it is bleeding because of the pain. I will never cry for his smile, I will never cry for his love and I will never speak his name out loud, but inside I am crying for his smile, I am crying for his love and his name is all I can hear as my heart is yelling… Taemin… Taemin…